The Lonely Hearts Club
Page 38
I started swaying to the music and closed my eyes. I sang along to the lyrics about hopelessness, yearning, and being foolish about love. Basically, everything I was feeling at that moment.
I was a complete hypocrite. Even though I had kept telling everybody that this wasn't a date, a big part of me had wanted it to be. I realized that now.
This felt right. Ryan had never been anything but kind to me. He was a good person.
But I'd thought the same thing about Nate. Nate was nice to me, he was a good person. And then he lied and broke my heart.
I'd made a promise to myself to never let that happen again.
Big Dumb Idiot
That's what Nate had called himself.
I didn't want to be a Big Dumb Idiot, too.
As much as I wanted to fool myself into thinking that things would be different with Ryan, they wouldn't. I wasn't going to fall for it. I knew better.
As the song ended, I knew what I had to do. it had to end -- the flirting, the longing, everything. it wasn't just about what I wanted, it was about what was best for the group, my friends.
Face the music, Penny. You've got to hide your love away. You can't just hide your feelings. You have to destroy them. Kill them before they kill you.
The lights went up and Ryan looked at me excitedly, "that was awesome, . . although don't tell your parents I said that, okay?"
I gave him a quick smile then started to exit the aisle. I remained quiet for most of our way home, only answering Ryan's Beatles questions. As he turned the corner to my house, I knew I needed a quick exit strategy, one that would guarantee that there wouldn't be a second date. And knowing me, it wasn't going to be graceful.
He pulled into the driveway. "I'm really glad you came out with me tonight, Penny. I had a great time."
I jumped out of the car before he had a chance to shut off the engine, I turned around with the door open and saw a stunned Ryan. "Yeah, thanks. 'Bye!' I said. I slammed the door and ran up to the front door, trying desperately to get in before I burst into tears.
I am doing the right thing.
That's what I was going to keep telling myself
Chapter twenty five
"SO HOW'D LAST NIGHT GO?" Tracy asked when I got into the car the next morning.
Horrible,
"the concert was good. ..." I replied as I started to dig through my bag, not sure what I was looking for.
"Yeah, so did Ryan hit on you?"
I stared at Tracy like she had lost her mind.
"Hey, I wouldn't blame a guy for trying. You're a hottie!"
I ignored her and continued to go through my bag.
"Oh, Pen, I'm just teasing you. Ryan is a cool guy. if there is one guy that I'd break the rules for, it would be him."
My bag fell on the floor.
"Crap! Sorry!" I started to pick up my books and pens.
"Are you okay?"
No, not at all Yep.
Diane was waiting for us by the front doors.
"Hey, Penny, how was last night?" "Fine"..
Diane seemed confused. "it was fine?"
I started to dig in my bag as we walked. "Oh, it was fun, the band was great. Of course, they didn't play all the songs I was hoping to hear, but it's the Beatles, after all, and they do have a lot of classics. Did you know that they have more number one singles than any other artist in history?"
Tracy just shook her head. Clearly she was used to me just spouting out random Beatles facts. Diane started to say something, and I found that I couldn't stop talking about Beatles history. Tracy headed to her locker, but Diane continued following me.
"Penny." She put her hand on my arm, probably trying to steady my nerves. "Is there something you want to talk --"
"Oh, I forgot something. Gotta go!" I headed in the opposite direction of my locker and my first class. Anywhere would've been better than having a conversation about Ryan with Diane. it was going to be a long day.
"Do you mind making the incision? My hand is killing me." Tyson kept flexing his right hand and wincing.
"Sure." I grabbed the scalpel from him. "What did you do?"
"Oh, I've just been over rehearsing, I guess." He looked a little worried.
"Big gig coming up?"
"You could call it that." He looked down at the floor. When I didn't respond, he looked back up at me. "I have an audition."
But he already had a band. I guess he wanted to move on to bigger and better things.
"What's the audition for?"
"Juilliard." He looked back down.
"Juilliard? the Juilliard?" My voice started to rise. "the music school?"
Tyson's face instantly turned red as he nodded. He looked around, hoping nobody had heard me. "Yeah, I guess I've been practicing too much. I just really want to nail it."
I was in shock. Juilliard was probably the most prestigious music school in the country,
"What are you playing?" this was fascinating. Every time I thought I had him figured out, he totally surprised me.
Just like Ryan, who turned out to be a wonderful surprise.
But then my voice of reason kicked in. Nate surprised you, too. And that started out wonderful, didn't it?
"Well, first I'm playing Beethoven's Sonata in C Minor, and then I'm doing an original composition on the guitar."
"You play the piano?"
He nodded. "Since I was four."
I just shook my head in pure awe.
I was a complete hypocrite. Even though I had kept telling everybody that this wasn't a date, a big part of me had wanted it to be. I realized that now.
This felt right. Ryan had never been anything but kind to me. He was a good person.
But I'd thought the same thing about Nate. Nate was nice to me, he was a good person. And then he lied and broke my heart.
I'd made a promise to myself to never let that happen again.
Big Dumb Idiot
That's what Nate had called himself.
I didn't want to be a Big Dumb Idiot, too.
As much as I wanted to fool myself into thinking that things would be different with Ryan, they wouldn't. I wasn't going to fall for it. I knew better.
As the song ended, I knew what I had to do. it had to end -- the flirting, the longing, everything. it wasn't just about what I wanted, it was about what was best for the group, my friends.
Face the music, Penny. You've got to hide your love away. You can't just hide your feelings. You have to destroy them. Kill them before they kill you.
The lights went up and Ryan looked at me excitedly, "that was awesome, . . although don't tell your parents I said that, okay?"
I gave him a quick smile then started to exit the aisle. I remained quiet for most of our way home, only answering Ryan's Beatles questions. As he turned the corner to my house, I knew I needed a quick exit strategy, one that would guarantee that there wouldn't be a second date. And knowing me, it wasn't going to be graceful.
He pulled into the driveway. "I'm really glad you came out with me tonight, Penny. I had a great time."
I jumped out of the car before he had a chance to shut off the engine, I turned around with the door open and saw a stunned Ryan. "Yeah, thanks. 'Bye!' I said. I slammed the door and ran up to the front door, trying desperately to get in before I burst into tears.
I am doing the right thing.
That's what I was going to keep telling myself
Chapter twenty five
"SO HOW'D LAST NIGHT GO?" Tracy asked when I got into the car the next morning.
Horrible,
"the concert was good. ..." I replied as I started to dig through my bag, not sure what I was looking for.
"Yeah, so did Ryan hit on you?"
I stared at Tracy like she had lost her mind.
"Hey, I wouldn't blame a guy for trying. You're a hottie!"
I ignored her and continued to go through my bag.
"Oh, Pen, I'm just teasing you. Ryan is a cool guy. if there is one guy that I'd break the rules for, it would be him."
My bag fell on the floor.
"Crap! Sorry!" I started to pick up my books and pens.
"Are you okay?"
No, not at all Yep.
Diane was waiting for us by the front doors.
"Hey, Penny, how was last night?" "Fine"..
Diane seemed confused. "it was fine?"
I started to dig in my bag as we walked. "Oh, it was fun, the band was great. Of course, they didn't play all the songs I was hoping to hear, but it's the Beatles, after all, and they do have a lot of classics. Did you know that they have more number one singles than any other artist in history?"
Tracy just shook her head. Clearly she was used to me just spouting out random Beatles facts. Diane started to say something, and I found that I couldn't stop talking about Beatles history. Tracy headed to her locker, but Diane continued following me.
"Penny." She put her hand on my arm, probably trying to steady my nerves. "Is there something you want to talk --"
"Oh, I forgot something. Gotta go!" I headed in the opposite direction of my locker and my first class. Anywhere would've been better than having a conversation about Ryan with Diane. it was going to be a long day.
"Do you mind making the incision? My hand is killing me." Tyson kept flexing his right hand and wincing.
"Sure." I grabbed the scalpel from him. "What did you do?"
"Oh, I've just been over rehearsing, I guess." He looked a little worried.
"Big gig coming up?"
"You could call it that." He looked down at the floor. When I didn't respond, he looked back up at me. "I have an audition."
But he already had a band. I guess he wanted to move on to bigger and better things.
"What's the audition for?"
"Juilliard." He looked back down.
"Juilliard? the Juilliard?" My voice started to rise. "the music school?"
Tyson's face instantly turned red as he nodded. He looked around, hoping nobody had heard me. "Yeah, I guess I've been practicing too much. I just really want to nail it."
I was in shock. Juilliard was probably the most prestigious music school in the country,
"What are you playing?" this was fascinating. Every time I thought I had him figured out, he totally surprised me.
Just like Ryan, who turned out to be a wonderful surprise.
But then my voice of reason kicked in. Nate surprised you, too. And that started out wonderful, didn't it?
"Well, first I'm playing Beethoven's Sonata in C Minor, and then I'm doing an original composition on the guitar."
"You play the piano?"
He nodded. "Since I was four."
I just shook my head in pure awe.
