The Lost Saint
Page 52
“I’m fine,” I said. I didn’t know why, but my voice was barely louder than a whisper.
“Nobody is ever as fine as they say they are.” Gabriel dropped his hand from my shoulder and stepped back a few paces.
“Well, I am.” I felt even shakier than before. I didn’t like the idea of his judging me again without knowing me. He’d already made up his mind that I couldn’t learn how to use my powers without falling to the wolf, like Jude and him.
“Tell me, Grace, how were you feeling when you thrust that dagger into Daniel’s heart?”
The question came out of nowhere, but he sounded so matter-of-fact, like a psychiatrist analyzing a patient lying on a couch, that it left me stunned for a moment.
“I don’t know what you mean,” I said.
“Were you afraid? Were you angry? What were you hoping to accomplish?”
Is he going to pull out a notebook and start jotting down my answers?
“Why do you want to know?” I asked.
“My pack is quite fascinated with you. Do you realize what a commodity you are to them? A young girl who can save an Urbat’s soul. They want me to find out how you did it. But I’m more interested in why.”
“Because I love Daniel. And I’d promised him I’d save him.” It was the only promise I’d ever been able to keep.
Gabriel just stood there, staring at me, as if expecting me to explain more.
“I thought the wolf would take me over for killing him—but saving his soul was more important than anything. I was scared, but only that I wouldn’t be able to save him in time. I didn’t care what happened to me as long as his soul was preserved.”
“Hmm.” Gabriel sighed. His forehead creased. Any hint of his ancient smile fell into a frown. He seemed disappointed by my answer. Or maybe it was more that he’d known all along what I was going to say, but he didn’t have the first clue what to do with the information. “True love. Few people are capable of that.”
“I guess so.” I tapped my heel against the hardwood floor. “I think I’m going to go now.” I really didn’t want to be analyzed anymore.
Gabriel stretched his arms out in one of the poses I’d seen him do before. “You should join me in my exercises. I sense much agitation in you.”
“Okay, Master Yoda,” I mumbled.
Gabriel gave me a quizzical look.
I rolled my eyes. “Never mind.” Seriously, does nobody else watch movies anymore?
“It would be good for you to relax. Meditate. Pray. You are letting the wolf have too much control over your emotions. Do you think in your current state you’d be capable of showing the same restraint and love you did the night you saved Daniel?”
“Of course.” I looked away from his face, definitely feeling agitated now. He had no business prying into my life—into my head—like this.
“I have my doubts,” Gabriel said.
“Whatever. You made up your mind about me the day we met. I’m not going to stand here and try to prove you wrong. I’m not your patient, or your subject, or whatever to be analyzed. Why don’t you just go home?”
I turned to walk out.
“I’m here because I care about you.”
No he doesn’t, that voice said in my head. I used to think of it as foreign, but now it felt comforting. Gabriel is never going to believe you’re capable of becoming a true Hound of Heaven—not in the way Talbot believes you can.
I was almost through the door when Gabriel called after me. “Remember, Grace. If you let anger into your heart, it will push out your ability to love.”
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
Dances with Wolves
SUNDAY EVENING
Daniel didn’t call me back, but several hours later he sent a text:
Sorry. Can’t talk now. Will call you tonight.
Whatever, I texted back. The longer the hours had stretched without hearing from him, the more I didn’t want to talk to him. Or so I told myself.
I’m sorry! Okay? Can’t explain now. Call you later.
I held my phone for a moment, wondering what to say back. Here I was trying to act normal for him when he was still keeping something from me. It made me feel angry—and like a hypocrite of the worst kind. But most of all, it just made me feel empty. I opened my drawer and was about to drop my phone in when it started ringing in my hand. I answered without looking at the display, expecting it to be Daniel calling, even though he claimed he couldn’t.
“Hey, kid. You ready for some real action?” Talbot asked.
A rush of excitement swept my empty feeling away. “Depends on what you have in mind.”
“Staking out The Depot. I’ve got it on good authority that a couple of the Shadow Kings will be there tonight. I think we should follow them and see if they lead us anywhere interesting.”
My heart swelled with excitement at the idea, only to deflate two seconds later. “Tonight? I can’t. My mom’s on the warpath. I told her I had to write a report to get out of hot gluing any more handmade price tags for that festival I told you about. You should have seen the blisters I had to heal on my fingers. I think I’m stuck in my room all night—”
“You mean to tell me that I haven’t taught you enough stealth yet to be able to sneak out of your own house?” Talbot asked. “Maybe you aren’t ready for a real mission after all.”
“No … I can do it. I just don’t know that I should.”
“This is just another part of the superhero gig, Grace. Most crime happens after curfew. If you want to find Jude, then you have to start letting go of the inhibitions that are holding you back.”
I stroked my moonstone necklace with my fingers. “I do want to find Jude.”
“Good. Meet me outside the club at ten o’clock. That should give us enough time to get into position before anyone of importance shows up.”
“But—”
“I want you here with me, Grace.”
At least somebody does. “Okay. I’ll meet you there.”
“Great.” I could hear the smile in his voice. “Oh, and Grace?”
“Yeah?”
“Don’t wear those vinyl pants again. We’re trying not to stand out.”
THAT NIGHT
At eight forty-five p.m., I went downstairs and got a glass of water, slipped my keys to the Corolla off the kitchen counter, and tucked them in my pocket, all the while making a big deal out of how tired I was, and how I should go to bed early because I had a big test in the morning. Dad snored in his recliner in the family room with a book leaned against his chest, but I said good night to my mom. She barely even acknowledged me over the stack of homemade price tags she’d crafted out of scrapbook paper for the Halloween fund-raiser. I trudged back up to my room, yawning the entire way just for good measure.
“Nobody is ever as fine as they say they are.” Gabriel dropped his hand from my shoulder and stepped back a few paces.
“Well, I am.” I felt even shakier than before. I didn’t like the idea of his judging me again without knowing me. He’d already made up his mind that I couldn’t learn how to use my powers without falling to the wolf, like Jude and him.
“Tell me, Grace, how were you feeling when you thrust that dagger into Daniel’s heart?”
The question came out of nowhere, but he sounded so matter-of-fact, like a psychiatrist analyzing a patient lying on a couch, that it left me stunned for a moment.
“I don’t know what you mean,” I said.
“Were you afraid? Were you angry? What were you hoping to accomplish?”
Is he going to pull out a notebook and start jotting down my answers?
“Why do you want to know?” I asked.
“My pack is quite fascinated with you. Do you realize what a commodity you are to them? A young girl who can save an Urbat’s soul. They want me to find out how you did it. But I’m more interested in why.”
“Because I love Daniel. And I’d promised him I’d save him.” It was the only promise I’d ever been able to keep.
Gabriel just stood there, staring at me, as if expecting me to explain more.
“I thought the wolf would take me over for killing him—but saving his soul was more important than anything. I was scared, but only that I wouldn’t be able to save him in time. I didn’t care what happened to me as long as his soul was preserved.”
“Hmm.” Gabriel sighed. His forehead creased. Any hint of his ancient smile fell into a frown. He seemed disappointed by my answer. Or maybe it was more that he’d known all along what I was going to say, but he didn’t have the first clue what to do with the information. “True love. Few people are capable of that.”
“I guess so.” I tapped my heel against the hardwood floor. “I think I’m going to go now.” I really didn’t want to be analyzed anymore.
Gabriel stretched his arms out in one of the poses I’d seen him do before. “You should join me in my exercises. I sense much agitation in you.”
“Okay, Master Yoda,” I mumbled.
Gabriel gave me a quizzical look.
I rolled my eyes. “Never mind.” Seriously, does nobody else watch movies anymore?
“It would be good for you to relax. Meditate. Pray. You are letting the wolf have too much control over your emotions. Do you think in your current state you’d be capable of showing the same restraint and love you did the night you saved Daniel?”
“Of course.” I looked away from his face, definitely feeling agitated now. He had no business prying into my life—into my head—like this.
“I have my doubts,” Gabriel said.
“Whatever. You made up your mind about me the day we met. I’m not going to stand here and try to prove you wrong. I’m not your patient, or your subject, or whatever to be analyzed. Why don’t you just go home?”
I turned to walk out.
“I’m here because I care about you.”
No he doesn’t, that voice said in my head. I used to think of it as foreign, but now it felt comforting. Gabriel is never going to believe you’re capable of becoming a true Hound of Heaven—not in the way Talbot believes you can.
I was almost through the door when Gabriel called after me. “Remember, Grace. If you let anger into your heart, it will push out your ability to love.”
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
Dances with Wolves
SUNDAY EVENING
Daniel didn’t call me back, but several hours later he sent a text:
Sorry. Can’t talk now. Will call you tonight.
Whatever, I texted back. The longer the hours had stretched without hearing from him, the more I didn’t want to talk to him. Or so I told myself.
I’m sorry! Okay? Can’t explain now. Call you later.
I held my phone for a moment, wondering what to say back. Here I was trying to act normal for him when he was still keeping something from me. It made me feel angry—and like a hypocrite of the worst kind. But most of all, it just made me feel empty. I opened my drawer and was about to drop my phone in when it started ringing in my hand. I answered without looking at the display, expecting it to be Daniel calling, even though he claimed he couldn’t.
“Hey, kid. You ready for some real action?” Talbot asked.
A rush of excitement swept my empty feeling away. “Depends on what you have in mind.”
“Staking out The Depot. I’ve got it on good authority that a couple of the Shadow Kings will be there tonight. I think we should follow them and see if they lead us anywhere interesting.”
My heart swelled with excitement at the idea, only to deflate two seconds later. “Tonight? I can’t. My mom’s on the warpath. I told her I had to write a report to get out of hot gluing any more handmade price tags for that festival I told you about. You should have seen the blisters I had to heal on my fingers. I think I’m stuck in my room all night—”
“You mean to tell me that I haven’t taught you enough stealth yet to be able to sneak out of your own house?” Talbot asked. “Maybe you aren’t ready for a real mission after all.”
“No … I can do it. I just don’t know that I should.”
“This is just another part of the superhero gig, Grace. Most crime happens after curfew. If you want to find Jude, then you have to start letting go of the inhibitions that are holding you back.”
I stroked my moonstone necklace with my fingers. “I do want to find Jude.”
“Good. Meet me outside the club at ten o’clock. That should give us enough time to get into position before anyone of importance shows up.”
“But—”
“I want you here with me, Grace.”
At least somebody does. “Okay. I’ll meet you there.”
“Great.” I could hear the smile in his voice. “Oh, and Grace?”
“Yeah?”
“Don’t wear those vinyl pants again. We’re trying not to stand out.”
THAT NIGHT
At eight forty-five p.m., I went downstairs and got a glass of water, slipped my keys to the Corolla off the kitchen counter, and tucked them in my pocket, all the while making a big deal out of how tired I was, and how I should go to bed early because I had a big test in the morning. Dad snored in his recliner in the family room with a book leaned against his chest, but I said good night to my mom. She barely even acknowledged me over the stack of homemade price tags she’d crafted out of scrapbook paper for the Halloween fund-raiser. I trudged back up to my room, yawning the entire way just for good measure.
