The Lost Saint
Page 62
“No,” I said. “Don’t say that. Don’t blame yourself. I did this, not you. I didn’t stop training when you asked me to.…” My lips trembled, and I couldn’t speak anymore. I’d already cried a good amount, but another wave of sobs ripped through me.
“What do you mean? What have you been doing? What happened to your arm? And why the hell …?” He paused, as if dampening his temper. “Why weren’t you wearing your moonstone?”
A million lies flashed through my mind—a million excuses I could tell Daniel for why I wasn’t wearing my moonstone, my fail-safe. But what was the point of lying anymore?
“I took it off to conceal my identity. I confronted a member of that gang of invisible thieves—they’re called the Shadow Kings. I killed him. He was a demon, and I staked him through the heart.”
I heard Daniel take in a sharp breath.
“But really, the reason I took off my moonstone was because I wanted to prove that I didn’t need it.” I shook my head. “But I was wrong.”
Gabriel had been right about me.
I was losing myself like the rest of them.
I’d let the wolf inside my head, inside my heart, and it had tried to take me over. Tried to make me harm the person I loved the most. I wasn’t stronger. I wasn’t better. I wasn’t different.
The mattress shifted as Daniel stood up. I could hear his footsteps as he paced beside the bed. He stopped a few inches away from me and then went back to pacing. This time he stopped when he was on the opposite side of the room. “Help me understand what you’re saying. You went after the gang alone? Why would you do that?”
“Because I wanted to find Jude. I wanted to make my family whole again. Going after the gang was the only way I knew how to find him. But you wouldn’t help me. Not you or Gabriel or my father. So I found someone who would. I didn’t do this alone. I found someone who believed in me.”
“What do you mean you found someone? Who is this person, Grace?”
“His name is Nathan Talbot, and he’s a demon hunter—a Hound of Heaven. I met him at The Depot when I went there with April. He saved us from some trouble.… But he’s been training me. Teaching me the things that you couldn’t.”
“Why didn’t you tell me about this?”
I shook my head. “Because of how you’ve been acting lately—and demanding that I be normal. And because I knew it would upset you. I knew you’d be worried. I was afraid you’d try to stop—”
“Damn right, I’m worried!” Daniel shouted. “You’re keeping secrets from me. Secrets that are more deadly than you could even imagine.” He slammed his hand against the wall. “You meet some mysterious guy who claims he can train you. How did he even know what you are? How do you know he’s not the one Jude was trying to warn you about? The person who’s after us? Do you have any idea how stupid you’ve been?”
“Stop it!” I jumped up from the bed and faced him. “Talbot isn’t after me. We’ve been alone together a dozen times. If he wanted to hurt me, he would have by now. He doesn’t want to kill me; he wants to help me. He believes that I can be a hero like you used to.”
Daniel leaned against the wall, both his fists grabbing the ends of his shaggy hair. “So this is my fault. I couldn’t give you what you wanted, so you went looking for it somewhere else.”
“Don’t say that, Daniel … I love you.”
“But you don’t trust me.” He let go of his hair and dropped his hands at his sides. “You trust a total stranger more than you do me.”
“You’re the one who doesn’t trust me. What have you been doing for the last week and a half? Katie? Mishka? Drinking at bars? Or something else I can’t even imagine? At least Talbot doesn’t lie to me!”
Daniel looked right into my eyes. “Tell me something, Grace. Is there something between you and this Talbot person? Something more than just training?”
“No,” I whispered, but then the image of Talbot trying to kiss me flashed through my mind, the way it felt when his lips brushed my cheek.
A look of guilt must have crossed my face, because Daniel dropped his gaze and he put a hand to his forehead. His whole body shuddered like he was holding back a rush of sorrow, and he slumped against the wall.
“No, Daniel. No.”
I wanted to rush over to him and throw my arms around his shoulders, but I was afraid he’d just push me away. Any connection I shared with Talbot, whatever bond drew me to him, I realized now that it was skinny and hollow compared to how I felt about Daniel. Nothing compared to how the thought of causing Daniel this pain made me feel.
“It’s not like that at all. He tried to kiss me. I told him not to, but he still tried.”
“What?” Daniel shot straight up and grabbed his motorcycle keys off the table next to him. “Take me to him. Where is he?”
“No, Daniel. What on earth would that accomplish? It’s still not what you think.”
“Take me to that bas—”
“So you can do what? He’s Urbat. There’s nothing you could do.”
“I’m capable of doing more damage than you think.”
“Daniel, please,” I said, trying to calm him down. “Talbot is my friend and my mentor. That’s all.”
“No, Grace. That’s not all. If this guy is the one who told you to take off your moonstone, then he isn’t who he claims to be. He should know you’re not strong enough without it.”
His words stung, but only because they were true. “Well, you don’t have to worry about it anymore. I thought I could become a Hound of Heaven. I thought I could take on the Shadow Kings and find Jude. But all I’ve accomplished is hurting you. You’re right. I’m not strong enough. I’ve failed.”
And Gabriel’s right, too.
Falling is inevitable.
Daniel sighed. He held the keys dangling from his hand. His shirt hung open from where I’d torn it, and I watched his perfect chest heave as he breathed.
And that was when I noticed it: his perfect, unmarked chest.
“Daniel,” I said, taking another step toward him, trying to get a better look. “What happened to the gashes on your chest?”
Daniel looked down at his sternum, then hurriedly pulled his torn shirt closed to hide his collarbone, where the three gashes had been only a few minutes ago—the ones I’d given him during my frenzy. “It’s nothing,” he mumbled, and tried to turn away.
“What do you mean? What have you been doing? What happened to your arm? And why the hell …?” He paused, as if dampening his temper. “Why weren’t you wearing your moonstone?”
A million lies flashed through my mind—a million excuses I could tell Daniel for why I wasn’t wearing my moonstone, my fail-safe. But what was the point of lying anymore?
“I took it off to conceal my identity. I confronted a member of that gang of invisible thieves—they’re called the Shadow Kings. I killed him. He was a demon, and I staked him through the heart.”
I heard Daniel take in a sharp breath.
“But really, the reason I took off my moonstone was because I wanted to prove that I didn’t need it.” I shook my head. “But I was wrong.”
Gabriel had been right about me.
I was losing myself like the rest of them.
I’d let the wolf inside my head, inside my heart, and it had tried to take me over. Tried to make me harm the person I loved the most. I wasn’t stronger. I wasn’t better. I wasn’t different.
The mattress shifted as Daniel stood up. I could hear his footsteps as he paced beside the bed. He stopped a few inches away from me and then went back to pacing. This time he stopped when he was on the opposite side of the room. “Help me understand what you’re saying. You went after the gang alone? Why would you do that?”
“Because I wanted to find Jude. I wanted to make my family whole again. Going after the gang was the only way I knew how to find him. But you wouldn’t help me. Not you or Gabriel or my father. So I found someone who would. I didn’t do this alone. I found someone who believed in me.”
“What do you mean you found someone? Who is this person, Grace?”
“His name is Nathan Talbot, and he’s a demon hunter—a Hound of Heaven. I met him at The Depot when I went there with April. He saved us from some trouble.… But he’s been training me. Teaching me the things that you couldn’t.”
“Why didn’t you tell me about this?”
I shook my head. “Because of how you’ve been acting lately—and demanding that I be normal. And because I knew it would upset you. I knew you’d be worried. I was afraid you’d try to stop—”
“Damn right, I’m worried!” Daniel shouted. “You’re keeping secrets from me. Secrets that are more deadly than you could even imagine.” He slammed his hand against the wall. “You meet some mysterious guy who claims he can train you. How did he even know what you are? How do you know he’s not the one Jude was trying to warn you about? The person who’s after us? Do you have any idea how stupid you’ve been?”
“Stop it!” I jumped up from the bed and faced him. “Talbot isn’t after me. We’ve been alone together a dozen times. If he wanted to hurt me, he would have by now. He doesn’t want to kill me; he wants to help me. He believes that I can be a hero like you used to.”
Daniel leaned against the wall, both his fists grabbing the ends of his shaggy hair. “So this is my fault. I couldn’t give you what you wanted, so you went looking for it somewhere else.”
“Don’t say that, Daniel … I love you.”
“But you don’t trust me.” He let go of his hair and dropped his hands at his sides. “You trust a total stranger more than you do me.”
“You’re the one who doesn’t trust me. What have you been doing for the last week and a half? Katie? Mishka? Drinking at bars? Or something else I can’t even imagine? At least Talbot doesn’t lie to me!”
Daniel looked right into my eyes. “Tell me something, Grace. Is there something between you and this Talbot person? Something more than just training?”
“No,” I whispered, but then the image of Talbot trying to kiss me flashed through my mind, the way it felt when his lips brushed my cheek.
A look of guilt must have crossed my face, because Daniel dropped his gaze and he put a hand to his forehead. His whole body shuddered like he was holding back a rush of sorrow, and he slumped against the wall.
“No, Daniel. No.”
I wanted to rush over to him and throw my arms around his shoulders, but I was afraid he’d just push me away. Any connection I shared with Talbot, whatever bond drew me to him, I realized now that it was skinny and hollow compared to how I felt about Daniel. Nothing compared to how the thought of causing Daniel this pain made me feel.
“It’s not like that at all. He tried to kiss me. I told him not to, but he still tried.”
“What?” Daniel shot straight up and grabbed his motorcycle keys off the table next to him. “Take me to him. Where is he?”
“No, Daniel. What on earth would that accomplish? It’s still not what you think.”
“Take me to that bas—”
“So you can do what? He’s Urbat. There’s nothing you could do.”
“I’m capable of doing more damage than you think.”
“Daniel, please,” I said, trying to calm him down. “Talbot is my friend and my mentor. That’s all.”
“No, Grace. That’s not all. If this guy is the one who told you to take off your moonstone, then he isn’t who he claims to be. He should know you’re not strong enough without it.”
His words stung, but only because they were true. “Well, you don’t have to worry about it anymore. I thought I could become a Hound of Heaven. I thought I could take on the Shadow Kings and find Jude. But all I’ve accomplished is hurting you. You’re right. I’m not strong enough. I’ve failed.”
And Gabriel’s right, too.
Falling is inevitable.
Daniel sighed. He held the keys dangling from his hand. His shirt hung open from where I’d torn it, and I watched his perfect chest heave as he breathed.
And that was when I noticed it: his perfect, unmarked chest.
“Daniel,” I said, taking another step toward him, trying to get a better look. “What happened to the gashes on your chest?”
Daniel looked down at his sternum, then hurriedly pulled his torn shirt closed to hide his collarbone, where the three gashes had been only a few minutes ago—the ones I’d given him during my frenzy. “It’s nothing,” he mumbled, and tried to turn away.
