The Outliers
Page 13
"Yes, but I want to know everything. What makes you YOU. Good or bad it made you who you are and I, for one, love who you are."
"You do?" I asked, although he'd already told me I never grew tired of hearing it. With Finn, I felt warm from the inside out. My entire being reacted to him from my nose to my toes. From my heart to my soul.
"I do. I love you. Fiercely. Possessively. Crazily. Always."
"That was beautiful."
"You're beautiful," he said, leaning in to kiss my shoulder. He continued to trace every little freckle and mole on my body.
"You know, if you keep tracing them all then we are going to be here for a while," I pointed out.
His dimple appeared with his smile. "I'm counting on it. Now. Talk."
I thought for a moment. I felt vulnerable opening up to him. I’d left out most of the details about my life although he knew the short version. It was almost as if I were keeping it to myself because it was my cross to bear and I didn’t want to burden anyone else with it.
"I guess it was like living in a different universe. One where every day was the same. We didn't celebrate holidays or birthdays. I didn't understand if it was my house that was different because of my father's strictness and temper or if every family in the church was that way. Every day we lived the same lie over and over again. The lie that the church was about family. Family above all others. The most important thing in the world next to God himself. And who knows, maybe in other houses, in other families, they were different behind closed doors. Loving. Kind. Maybe they let the women eat at the same table or look them in the eye."
Finn's tracing paused then started again.
I continued. "Maybe their daughters could speak without having the man of the house's permission first. Maybe they didn't use physical force to discipline the poor dim-witted females whose only purpose in life was to have and raise the babies and serve their husbands."
I shuttered.
"That must have been rough."
"I grew numb to it after a while. It was the only life I knew. There were days that I'd sit in my room and feel guilty for wanting to leave. For wanting a different life. I thought it was selfish and that by not putting others before myself I was the biggest sinner of them all. And now I know how brave and selfless she was. Maybe I was the biggest sinner after all."
Finn laid down next to me facing sideways with his head on the pillow and his hand on my waist. "But you did put others before yourself. You stayed, didn't you? For your mom? She stayed for you and you stayed for her. She wasn't the only brave one. You were both brave. For one another."
"You think so?"
"Say, we're all selfish in some way. It's human nature. I'm selfish because I claimed you before you had a chance to experience this world and find someone better. Think about it this way. If I wasn't the selfish prick I am, we wouldn't even be together." He cupped my face in his hand. "But it doesn't matter. Because I'm never letting you go."
Finn climbed over me, trailing kisses down my body past my belly button then lower and lower still. The entire time between kisses and nips he repeated his earlier words.
"I love you. Fiercely. Possessively. Crazily. Always."
Chapter 8
Sawyer
"Don't go anywhere alone. Promise me," Finn said with his hand possessively draped over my leg. There was nothing about his demeanor to suggested he was joking and I had a feeling he wasn't going to let me out of the car until I agreed.
"I won't," I said, not wanting to make him worry. “I promise.”
Finn leaned over to me and pressed a kiss to my temple. "Thank you.”
I blushed. "I'm going upstairs to Josh's apartment and then she is going to take me to the library." I got out of the car and shut the door.
"I’ll pick you up. That gives me time to get everything ready for our trip," Finn said, casually tossing out the idea I'd never heard him speak of before while backing up the car.
"What trip?" I called out over the sound of his roaring engine and the tires rolling over rock and gravel.
"What?" he yelled back, cupping his ear and smiling from ear to ear. “I can’t hear you?”
"What trip?" I yelled louder.
He put the truck in drive and flashed me a wink before taking off.
"Oh shit," Josh called out, I spun to find her leaning over the third story balcony of her apartment building. I figured she was there because Finn wouldn't have driven off otherwise. “Sounds like Finn’s up to no good.”
It had been a few days since I last spoke to Josh. Although Finn had filled her in on all that was going on, I felt like there was a gap in my life that needed to be filled by a few minutes in her company.
"Why is your face doing that weird thing where you don't blink. Are your eyeballs gonna fall out? 'Cause a warning would be nice. Or...shit. Are you gonna have a stroke because I don't think my renter’s insurance covers that, so if you are I recommend stepping outside of the building first." Josh said playfully even though her look of concern was genuine. She opened the door and stepped aside to let me in. I handed her the bag containing the soup from the bakery she'd asked me to pick up on the way.
"I don't think so?" I said but it came out as a question. I set my bag down on her counter and
"With all the shit you've had going on? I wouldn't be surprised. How you holding up?"
"I'm...okay. It's hard to be happy about my mom being alive and Critter being my dad when I don't know if my mom is going to be okay yet and if the threat of Richard is still out there." I said, staring down at the counter. "It will always be out there."
"Not always. We're gonna put our heads together and think of something. I'm going to spin my wheels until the rubber falls off thinking of any way I can help." She pushed my chin up with her hand. "Now chin-up, buttercup."
Josh came over and embraced me in a tight hug. She smelled like coconut lotion and her skin was warm like she'd been sitting outside. "I'm here if you need me. Always." She reminded me, searching my eyes for understanding.
I nodded and looked away before the tears came. I'd had enough of those for quite some time and I knew that once I opened the faucet it would be hard to shut it down again.
"You do?" I asked, although he'd already told me I never grew tired of hearing it. With Finn, I felt warm from the inside out. My entire being reacted to him from my nose to my toes. From my heart to my soul.
"I do. I love you. Fiercely. Possessively. Crazily. Always."
"That was beautiful."
"You're beautiful," he said, leaning in to kiss my shoulder. He continued to trace every little freckle and mole on my body.
"You know, if you keep tracing them all then we are going to be here for a while," I pointed out.
His dimple appeared with his smile. "I'm counting on it. Now. Talk."
I thought for a moment. I felt vulnerable opening up to him. I’d left out most of the details about my life although he knew the short version. It was almost as if I were keeping it to myself because it was my cross to bear and I didn’t want to burden anyone else with it.
"I guess it was like living in a different universe. One where every day was the same. We didn't celebrate holidays or birthdays. I didn't understand if it was my house that was different because of my father's strictness and temper or if every family in the church was that way. Every day we lived the same lie over and over again. The lie that the church was about family. Family above all others. The most important thing in the world next to God himself. And who knows, maybe in other houses, in other families, they were different behind closed doors. Loving. Kind. Maybe they let the women eat at the same table or look them in the eye."
Finn's tracing paused then started again.
I continued. "Maybe their daughters could speak without having the man of the house's permission first. Maybe they didn't use physical force to discipline the poor dim-witted females whose only purpose in life was to have and raise the babies and serve their husbands."
I shuttered.
"That must have been rough."
"I grew numb to it after a while. It was the only life I knew. There were days that I'd sit in my room and feel guilty for wanting to leave. For wanting a different life. I thought it was selfish and that by not putting others before myself I was the biggest sinner of them all. And now I know how brave and selfless she was. Maybe I was the biggest sinner after all."
Finn laid down next to me facing sideways with his head on the pillow and his hand on my waist. "But you did put others before yourself. You stayed, didn't you? For your mom? She stayed for you and you stayed for her. She wasn't the only brave one. You were both brave. For one another."
"You think so?"
"Say, we're all selfish in some way. It's human nature. I'm selfish because I claimed you before you had a chance to experience this world and find someone better. Think about it this way. If I wasn't the selfish prick I am, we wouldn't even be together." He cupped my face in his hand. "But it doesn't matter. Because I'm never letting you go."
Finn climbed over me, trailing kisses down my body past my belly button then lower and lower still. The entire time between kisses and nips he repeated his earlier words.
"I love you. Fiercely. Possessively. Crazily. Always."
Chapter 8
Sawyer
"Don't go anywhere alone. Promise me," Finn said with his hand possessively draped over my leg. There was nothing about his demeanor to suggested he was joking and I had a feeling he wasn't going to let me out of the car until I agreed.
"I won't," I said, not wanting to make him worry. “I promise.”
Finn leaned over to me and pressed a kiss to my temple. "Thank you.”
I blushed. "I'm going upstairs to Josh's apartment and then she is going to take me to the library." I got out of the car and shut the door.
"I’ll pick you up. That gives me time to get everything ready for our trip," Finn said, casually tossing out the idea I'd never heard him speak of before while backing up the car.
"What trip?" I called out over the sound of his roaring engine and the tires rolling over rock and gravel.
"What?" he yelled back, cupping his ear and smiling from ear to ear. “I can’t hear you?”
"What trip?" I yelled louder.
He put the truck in drive and flashed me a wink before taking off.
"Oh shit," Josh called out, I spun to find her leaning over the third story balcony of her apartment building. I figured she was there because Finn wouldn't have driven off otherwise. “Sounds like Finn’s up to no good.”
It had been a few days since I last spoke to Josh. Although Finn had filled her in on all that was going on, I felt like there was a gap in my life that needed to be filled by a few minutes in her company.
"Why is your face doing that weird thing where you don't blink. Are your eyeballs gonna fall out? 'Cause a warning would be nice. Or...shit. Are you gonna have a stroke because I don't think my renter’s insurance covers that, so if you are I recommend stepping outside of the building first." Josh said playfully even though her look of concern was genuine. She opened the door and stepped aside to let me in. I handed her the bag containing the soup from the bakery she'd asked me to pick up on the way.
"I don't think so?" I said but it came out as a question. I set my bag down on her counter and
"With all the shit you've had going on? I wouldn't be surprised. How you holding up?"
"I'm...okay. It's hard to be happy about my mom being alive and Critter being my dad when I don't know if my mom is going to be okay yet and if the threat of Richard is still out there." I said, staring down at the counter. "It will always be out there."
"Not always. We're gonna put our heads together and think of something. I'm going to spin my wheels until the rubber falls off thinking of any way I can help." She pushed my chin up with her hand. "Now chin-up, buttercup."
Josh came over and embraced me in a tight hug. She smelled like coconut lotion and her skin was warm like she'd been sitting outside. "I'm here if you need me. Always." She reminded me, searching my eyes for understanding.
I nodded and looked away before the tears came. I'd had enough of those for quite some time and I knew that once I opened the faucet it would be hard to shut it down again.
