The Outliers
Page 26
In my heart.
Finn stepped aside so I could kneel next to my mother, but that wasn’t close enough for her. She reached over and tugged on my arm. “Come here,” she said, pulling me down onto her lap. She lifted my feet over the edge of her wheelchair and cradled me like a baby. I lost it. Sobbing into my mother’s white blouse as she brushed the hair back from my forehead. I sobbed out my job. My frustration. My confusion. My love. She whispered to me how much she loved me as I gave her all the tears I’d been holding back my entire life.
After I’d settled down I stayed there on my mother’s lap and together we watched Critter’s chest rise and fall with the help of the machines.
“I’ll let you two have some time alone,” Finn said, excusing himself.
My mother stopped him before he could get to the door. “Are you the young man my daughter is so desperately in love with?” The question made my insides smile. It was the same way I felt visiting Finn’s parents. Like, this was the way things should’ve been all along. With just a few words my mother was telling me she was not just my mother again, but the mother she’d always wanted to be.
I felt stronger because of her. I wanted to BE stronger because of her.
Finn smiled. He appeared completely unaffected by her comment while even my insides were blushing.
“Yes, ma’am. That would be me.” Finn said. “It’s nice to officially meet you, ma’am. Although, I guess we’ve met before. It’s been a lot of years.”
My mother nodded. “It has been a lot of years. You’ve grown a bit since the last time I’ve saw you,” my mother teased, but her voice remained sad and heavy.
“Just a little, I suppose.”
I crawled off my mother and took a chair next to her. She linked her hand with mine like she’d done it a million times. I looked down at where our hands were connected and I still couldn’t believe it was all real. “You used to steal her sunflowers,” I said to Finn, recalling what my mother had told me during our first conversation.
“He sure did,” she confirmed.
“I guess all of my secrets are out now,” Finn said, rocking back on his heels.
“Critter is very happy that you and Sawyer found each other,” my mother said, looking between Finn and Critter.
He was?
Finn’s smile was a sad one. “That’s nice to hear. The last conversation we had about me and Sawyer ended with him telling me that he was gonna…well, we don’t need to get into it here let’s just say it ends with me in parts.”
“He threatened you?” I asked, both shocked and secretly elated that Critter was so protective over me when he’d known Finn his entire life and had only met me a few months before.
“Of course,” Finn said, leaning against the wall. “That’s what good fathers do to protect their daughters. I’d expect nothing less than the threat of an ass-kicking every other week at the very least.”
My mother looked over to Critter. “He’ll live to threaten another day. Because just like you, Finn, I have faith that he is going to pull through. I can feel it.” She placed her hand over her chest.
Finn excused himself again to the cafeteria where he told me he was going to get me some food whether I liked it or not.
“Two-decades and this still isn’t over yet,” my mother sighed. “But it needs to be over. It needs to end now.” There was a determination in her eyes when she said out loud the thoughts I’d been thinking all along.
My mother continued and I found myself nodding along to everything she was saying. I grew angrier and angrier with each sentence she spoke. “After all these years one man has still found a way to terrorize this family, despite all he’s already put us through. It’s still not enough. Keeping me against my will wasn’t enough. Threatening my family wasn’t good enough. Poisoning my husband…” she paused and composed herself. “It’s the final straw. I’m tired of standing by and doing nothing. He’s not going to stop. It will never be enough.” Her voice trailed off. “It will never be enough until we’re all dead.”
“And yet there doesn’t seem to be a single thing we can do about it.” I said, my frustrations bubbling up to the surface all over again.
“Or maybe, there is,” she whispered, the corner of her lip turning upward in a half smile. She took a deep breath and suddenly stood up from her wheelchair. I leapt up, half-expecting to have to catch her if she fell. But she didn’t fall. She straightened her shoulders and walked over to Critter’s beside like a queen ready to take care of the kingdom while the King was temporarily unable. She lifted his hand into hers and kissed it before covering it with her other hand.
This was a woman whose will, who’s very being had been burnt to ashes and yet here she was, ready to fight for her family. The determination radiating off her was almost tangible. I felt proud. I felt my own resolve to fight build from within me all over again.
For the first time in a long time I had a feeling that everything was okay. I guess you could even say that I had faith. And just maybe it was because of that faith that a deep voice bellowed from the bed behind me.
“What in the hell is all the fuss about?”
Chapter 17
Finn
I came into the room to find Critter awake and alert. He looked between Caroline and Sawyer then back again. He smiled, his moustache turning upward.
“Now I told you not to make a fuss,” he groaned, adjusting his position on the bed, trying to sit up higher.
Sawyer leaned down and wrapped her arms around Critter. Her shoulders shook with her joy, making my own heart skip a few beats and the tears pick the back of my eyes.
I may have grown up surrounded by these people, but to find out that Sawyer was related to Critter was probably the best news I’d ever heard, despite his threats toward me.
Because now it wasn’t just my family. It was OUR family.
“Hey mama. Hey kiddo,” Critter, wrapping one arm around Sawyer and the other Caroline.
“It’s so beautiful, man.”
I looked over to Miller who was sobbing at the sight. Tears streaming down his face. Strings of saliva connecting his teeth.
I laughed because I couldn’t NOT laugh.
Finn stepped aside so I could kneel next to my mother, but that wasn’t close enough for her. She reached over and tugged on my arm. “Come here,” she said, pulling me down onto her lap. She lifted my feet over the edge of her wheelchair and cradled me like a baby. I lost it. Sobbing into my mother’s white blouse as she brushed the hair back from my forehead. I sobbed out my job. My frustration. My confusion. My love. She whispered to me how much she loved me as I gave her all the tears I’d been holding back my entire life.
After I’d settled down I stayed there on my mother’s lap and together we watched Critter’s chest rise and fall with the help of the machines.
“I’ll let you two have some time alone,” Finn said, excusing himself.
My mother stopped him before he could get to the door. “Are you the young man my daughter is so desperately in love with?” The question made my insides smile. It was the same way I felt visiting Finn’s parents. Like, this was the way things should’ve been all along. With just a few words my mother was telling me she was not just my mother again, but the mother she’d always wanted to be.
I felt stronger because of her. I wanted to BE stronger because of her.
Finn smiled. He appeared completely unaffected by her comment while even my insides were blushing.
“Yes, ma’am. That would be me.” Finn said. “It’s nice to officially meet you, ma’am. Although, I guess we’ve met before. It’s been a lot of years.”
My mother nodded. “It has been a lot of years. You’ve grown a bit since the last time I’ve saw you,” my mother teased, but her voice remained sad and heavy.
“Just a little, I suppose.”
I crawled off my mother and took a chair next to her. She linked her hand with mine like she’d done it a million times. I looked down at where our hands were connected and I still couldn’t believe it was all real. “You used to steal her sunflowers,” I said to Finn, recalling what my mother had told me during our first conversation.
“He sure did,” she confirmed.
“I guess all of my secrets are out now,” Finn said, rocking back on his heels.
“Critter is very happy that you and Sawyer found each other,” my mother said, looking between Finn and Critter.
He was?
Finn’s smile was a sad one. “That’s nice to hear. The last conversation we had about me and Sawyer ended with him telling me that he was gonna…well, we don’t need to get into it here let’s just say it ends with me in parts.”
“He threatened you?” I asked, both shocked and secretly elated that Critter was so protective over me when he’d known Finn his entire life and had only met me a few months before.
“Of course,” Finn said, leaning against the wall. “That’s what good fathers do to protect their daughters. I’d expect nothing less than the threat of an ass-kicking every other week at the very least.”
My mother looked over to Critter. “He’ll live to threaten another day. Because just like you, Finn, I have faith that he is going to pull through. I can feel it.” She placed her hand over her chest.
Finn excused himself again to the cafeteria where he told me he was going to get me some food whether I liked it or not.
“Two-decades and this still isn’t over yet,” my mother sighed. “But it needs to be over. It needs to end now.” There was a determination in her eyes when she said out loud the thoughts I’d been thinking all along.
My mother continued and I found myself nodding along to everything she was saying. I grew angrier and angrier with each sentence she spoke. “After all these years one man has still found a way to terrorize this family, despite all he’s already put us through. It’s still not enough. Keeping me against my will wasn’t enough. Threatening my family wasn’t good enough. Poisoning my husband…” she paused and composed herself. “It’s the final straw. I’m tired of standing by and doing nothing. He’s not going to stop. It will never be enough.” Her voice trailed off. “It will never be enough until we’re all dead.”
“And yet there doesn’t seem to be a single thing we can do about it.” I said, my frustrations bubbling up to the surface all over again.
“Or maybe, there is,” she whispered, the corner of her lip turning upward in a half smile. She took a deep breath and suddenly stood up from her wheelchair. I leapt up, half-expecting to have to catch her if she fell. But she didn’t fall. She straightened her shoulders and walked over to Critter’s beside like a queen ready to take care of the kingdom while the King was temporarily unable. She lifted his hand into hers and kissed it before covering it with her other hand.
This was a woman whose will, who’s very being had been burnt to ashes and yet here she was, ready to fight for her family. The determination radiating off her was almost tangible. I felt proud. I felt my own resolve to fight build from within me all over again.
For the first time in a long time I had a feeling that everything was okay. I guess you could even say that I had faith. And just maybe it was because of that faith that a deep voice bellowed from the bed behind me.
“What in the hell is all the fuss about?”
Chapter 17
Finn
I came into the room to find Critter awake and alert. He looked between Caroline and Sawyer then back again. He smiled, his moustache turning upward.
“Now I told you not to make a fuss,” he groaned, adjusting his position on the bed, trying to sit up higher.
Sawyer leaned down and wrapped her arms around Critter. Her shoulders shook with her joy, making my own heart skip a few beats and the tears pick the back of my eyes.
I may have grown up surrounded by these people, but to find out that Sawyer was related to Critter was probably the best news I’d ever heard, despite his threats toward me.
Because now it wasn’t just my family. It was OUR family.
“Hey mama. Hey kiddo,” Critter, wrapping one arm around Sawyer and the other Caroline.
“It’s so beautiful, man.”
I looked over to Miller who was sobbing at the sight. Tears streaming down his face. Strings of saliva connecting his teeth.
I laughed because I couldn’t NOT laugh.
