The Outliers
Page 29
“Wait,” she said, tugging on Finn’s shirt. “Take a seat.”
Finn reluctantly sat and I did the same. “Is someone going to tell me what’s going on?”
“Sawyer, doesn’t quite remember when the last time aunt flow came to town, but she doesn’t think it was this month,” she said. “Or since she’s been in Outskirts.”
I winced.
Finn’s entire demeanor became stone.
I cringed and waited for him to pull his hands from mine, but he didn’t. “Why didn’t you say something?” He asked gently, giving my hands a squeeze.
I felt my face reddening. “I didn’t know. I didn’t think it was possible. I feel so stupid.”
“Why?” Finn stroked my hair. When I went to put my head down again he wouldn’t let me. “Look at me, Say.” Finn was smiling, laughing at my wanting to hide my face from him. “Why do you feel stupid? Come on. Look at me.”
I slowly looked up. Our eyes met. “I just thought I wasn’t feeling good.” I pressed my lips together and paused. “And I didn’t think it was a possibility because...I thought…” I spit the last words out like rapid fire. The fastest sentence I’d ever spoken in my life. “I thought you had to be married to get pregnant.” Even I had to laugh this time. “See? I’m stupid. And therefore, I find myself to be very embarrassed right now.”
“Hey,” Finn said, his voice taking on an angry tone. “You’re not stupid and I don’t want to hear you ever say that about yourself again.” His nostrils flared. He pulled me from my chair onto his lap.
“Josh, can you do us a favor? Can you go to the general store and…”?
“Already on it,” Josh called from the front door where her purse was already slung around her shoulder. “Be right back,” she called and then she was gone.
“I don’t really know what to say,” I confessed. “But it would explain why these shorts don’t fit anymore.” I looked down to my unhooked button.
Finn smiled. “We’ll get you some new ones.” His smile dropped as he snaked his hand up my thigh. He made his way to my stomach where he pushed the material of my t-shirt up and placed a hand on my belly. “I hope you’re in there,” he whispered.
My heart fluttered in my chest like it grew wings and was trying to escape. That’s when I realized. I hoped there was someone in there too. A little person that Finn and I created together.
“I am sorry though that I was so naive. I should have known more than I did.”
Finn growled. “No. You don’t get to be sorry. This was entirely my fault because I DO know better. I do know how all this works. I could have used a condom. Told you about pills. But I didn’t.”
“Why? Did you forget?” I asked.
Finn shook his head. “No, I didn’t forget, Say. I’ve never forgotten since the day I lost my virginity at sixteen. Not one single time.”
“I don’t understand.”
“We belong together, Say. The idea of you pregnant with my kid is...everything. If I’d have known you weren’t aware of what could happen, I would have talked to you about it. That’s on me. But I still don’t regret it. Not one bit.”
“So, what you’re saying, is that this is all your fault?” I asked, looking up into his handsome face. I reached out and cupped his face in my hand, his stubble scratching the inside of my palm.
Finn laughed and held me tighter. “No. This is nobody’s fault. I don’t want either of us to think of it that way. If we’re having a baby it’s something to celebrate. This is fate. This is us.”
I exhaled and relaxed against Finn who kissed my forehead. “I love you,” I said.
Finn murmured against my hair and his words shot straight through to my very core. “Fiercely. Possessively. Crazily. Always.”
Josh came back in record time with a bag of several different brands of pregnancy tests before getting a call about a stranded vehicle and having to leave.
Finn stayed in the bar while I was in the bathroom, carefully following the instructions on the back of each box.
When I came out of the bathroom Finn set the timer on the stove for three minutes. He pulled me against him and whispered reassurances against my forehead as we waited. When the timer dinged he looked down at me. “Do you want me to check?”
I nodded. He was in the bathroom for longer than it would take to glance down and count the lines.
“And?” I called out.
Finally, after what seemed like eons, Finn emerged with a huge smile on his beautiful face. Tears in his blue eyes. He stalked over to me and lifted me up in the air. “Baby?” he asked, planting kissing across my eyelids and down my cheeks.
“Yeah?” I asked, breathlessly.
Finn’s smile grew even wider. He looked deeply into my eyes and whispered, “We’re having a baby.”
“We are?” The happiness warmed my body from the inside out. I was tingling all over.
Finn and I had created life.
Together.
Chapter 19
Sawyer
There is something about impending motherhood that creates a shift within you. A shift toward the future. It also brings out the most protective parts of you. I spent every waking moment thinking of how best to protect this baby.
I’d gone to the doctor with Finn shortly after I’d taken all the tests. The doctor confirmed I was more than two and a half months along which means I’d probably gotten pregnant immediately after Finn and I had gotten together. If I’d have found out any later it would have been my belly that would have tipped me off. It was like the second we found out I was pregnant it popped out like the baby got word we knew and it was okay to show people now.
Which reminded me of the other thing is something else impending motherhood changes.
It takes your current patience level and shreds it.
I was on edge like never before.
I was in the library trying to write to ease my mind, but only two words came to me. Protect. Defend.
I wasn't a real poet by any means, but even I knew that two or three words still wasn't enough to string together something that made any sense.
Frustrated with writing I gave up.
Finn reluctantly sat and I did the same. “Is someone going to tell me what’s going on?”
“Sawyer, doesn’t quite remember when the last time aunt flow came to town, but she doesn’t think it was this month,” she said. “Or since she’s been in Outskirts.”
I winced.
Finn’s entire demeanor became stone.
I cringed and waited for him to pull his hands from mine, but he didn’t. “Why didn’t you say something?” He asked gently, giving my hands a squeeze.
I felt my face reddening. “I didn’t know. I didn’t think it was possible. I feel so stupid.”
“Why?” Finn stroked my hair. When I went to put my head down again he wouldn’t let me. “Look at me, Say.” Finn was smiling, laughing at my wanting to hide my face from him. “Why do you feel stupid? Come on. Look at me.”
I slowly looked up. Our eyes met. “I just thought I wasn’t feeling good.” I pressed my lips together and paused. “And I didn’t think it was a possibility because...I thought…” I spit the last words out like rapid fire. The fastest sentence I’d ever spoken in my life. “I thought you had to be married to get pregnant.” Even I had to laugh this time. “See? I’m stupid. And therefore, I find myself to be very embarrassed right now.”
“Hey,” Finn said, his voice taking on an angry tone. “You’re not stupid and I don’t want to hear you ever say that about yourself again.” His nostrils flared. He pulled me from my chair onto his lap.
“Josh, can you do us a favor? Can you go to the general store and…”?
“Already on it,” Josh called from the front door where her purse was already slung around her shoulder. “Be right back,” she called and then she was gone.
“I don’t really know what to say,” I confessed. “But it would explain why these shorts don’t fit anymore.” I looked down to my unhooked button.
Finn smiled. “We’ll get you some new ones.” His smile dropped as he snaked his hand up my thigh. He made his way to my stomach where he pushed the material of my t-shirt up and placed a hand on my belly. “I hope you’re in there,” he whispered.
My heart fluttered in my chest like it grew wings and was trying to escape. That’s when I realized. I hoped there was someone in there too. A little person that Finn and I created together.
“I am sorry though that I was so naive. I should have known more than I did.”
Finn growled. “No. You don’t get to be sorry. This was entirely my fault because I DO know better. I do know how all this works. I could have used a condom. Told you about pills. But I didn’t.”
“Why? Did you forget?” I asked.
Finn shook his head. “No, I didn’t forget, Say. I’ve never forgotten since the day I lost my virginity at sixteen. Not one single time.”
“I don’t understand.”
“We belong together, Say. The idea of you pregnant with my kid is...everything. If I’d have known you weren’t aware of what could happen, I would have talked to you about it. That’s on me. But I still don’t regret it. Not one bit.”
“So, what you’re saying, is that this is all your fault?” I asked, looking up into his handsome face. I reached out and cupped his face in my hand, his stubble scratching the inside of my palm.
Finn laughed and held me tighter. “No. This is nobody’s fault. I don’t want either of us to think of it that way. If we’re having a baby it’s something to celebrate. This is fate. This is us.”
I exhaled and relaxed against Finn who kissed my forehead. “I love you,” I said.
Finn murmured against my hair and his words shot straight through to my very core. “Fiercely. Possessively. Crazily. Always.”
Josh came back in record time with a bag of several different brands of pregnancy tests before getting a call about a stranded vehicle and having to leave.
Finn stayed in the bar while I was in the bathroom, carefully following the instructions on the back of each box.
When I came out of the bathroom Finn set the timer on the stove for three minutes. He pulled me against him and whispered reassurances against my forehead as we waited. When the timer dinged he looked down at me. “Do you want me to check?”
I nodded. He was in the bathroom for longer than it would take to glance down and count the lines.
“And?” I called out.
Finally, after what seemed like eons, Finn emerged with a huge smile on his beautiful face. Tears in his blue eyes. He stalked over to me and lifted me up in the air. “Baby?” he asked, planting kissing across my eyelids and down my cheeks.
“Yeah?” I asked, breathlessly.
Finn’s smile grew even wider. He looked deeply into my eyes and whispered, “We’re having a baby.”
“We are?” The happiness warmed my body from the inside out. I was tingling all over.
Finn and I had created life.
Together.
Chapter 19
Sawyer
There is something about impending motherhood that creates a shift within you. A shift toward the future. It also brings out the most protective parts of you. I spent every waking moment thinking of how best to protect this baby.
I’d gone to the doctor with Finn shortly after I’d taken all the tests. The doctor confirmed I was more than two and a half months along which means I’d probably gotten pregnant immediately after Finn and I had gotten together. If I’d have found out any later it would have been my belly that would have tipped me off. It was like the second we found out I was pregnant it popped out like the baby got word we knew and it was okay to show people now.
Which reminded me of the other thing is something else impending motherhood changes.
It takes your current patience level and shreds it.
I was on edge like never before.
I was in the library trying to write to ease my mind, but only two words came to me. Protect. Defend.
I wasn't a real poet by any means, but even I knew that two or three words still wasn't enough to string together something that made any sense.
Frustrated with writing I gave up.
