The Outliers
Page 35
“Not a thing.”
“Good, because this is where I take over Professor Hollis,” Miller showed up wearing a matching lab coat and plastic rimmed glasses. He took the remote from Finn and they exchanged long hard handshakes and pseudo stern looks.
“I didn’t even hear you come in!” I said to Miller as Finn joined me on the floor.
He buffed his nails on his coat. “I mean. Most people don’t. I AM a distant relative to Batman. Which brings me to our next subject.” He clicked the remote and the screen showed dozens of illustrations of men and women all dressed in tight fitting costumes and masks. I recognized some of them and others I didn’t. “Superheroes and all the ways they are incredibly awesome,” Miller said.
I laughed through the entire next hour where Miller’s lessons ranged from ‘Why Nickelback music doesn’t suck all that bad’, and ‘Why Bruce Willis should be nominated for Sainthood.’
I leaned against Finn and laughed as Miller went off and tangent after tangent. While he gave his lesson Josh, Critter, Wilfredo, and even my mother had arrived with coolers and other supplies in hand. When my mother grew tired Critter led her to the back room where he’d set up a cot for her to rest on.
“And the very last lesson plan I have for you today folks is…” Miller clicked the remote and a bird and a bee appeared on the screen. “The birds and the bees. Now when a man and woman love each other very much they,” he made a sign with his hands. His index finger poking in and out of a hole he created with his other hand. I laughed when I finally got what he was indicating. I laughed so hard my sides started to hurt. “They do that. And then, the man’s baby seed lassoes the woman’s baby egg-thing and BOOM. That’s how babies are made and if you’re really really lucky and you find the right person?” Miller grinned at Josh. “They’ll even make you a sandwich after.”
“Boooooo!” Josh and Wilfredo shouted, throwing candy wrappers at Miller who ducked and dodged the assault.
“Detention for you both!” Miller shouted.
Critter, who was seated at a table nearby was rolling his eyes but he was smiling. “Did you skip that day in school, son?”
Miller shrugged. “Actually, I received an attendance award in high school.”
“That wasn’t an attendance award,” Finn laughed. “That was a warning to your parents that if you skipped any more school you’d be expelled because you’d missed more classes than any other student.”
“And? What part of that doesn’t scream attendance award?” Miller grabbed a beer and Josh rolled her eyes.
“You just wait until your boobs are fat and your belly is all round with my baby.” He murmured pulling her in for a kiss.
“My luck I’d just be puking my guts out and feeling like shit for nine months,” Josh said, pushing him away.
“I bet you’d look hot doing all that puking.” Miller wagged his eyebrows.
“You’re gross,” Josh chided, but she didn’t push him away this time when he went in and kissed her on the tip of her nose.
“Speaking of feeling ill,” I said, holding my stomach as the smell of whatever candy Josh had just unwrapped was about to cause my lunch to come back up. I read that an occasional sickness was common but this was a lot more than occasional. It looked
“Are you okay?” Finn asked, growing concern written on his face. “This little one giving you a hard time?”
“I’m fine. Just a little he or she probably has really long legs like his father.”
“I wish I could knock someone up,” Wilfredo said on a sigh, leaning in so far into one of the coolers that his head disappeared.
“Uh, you can knock someone up. You’re a dude. Presumably a dude with a dick,” Miller argued
“Yeah, but unless gay sex suddenly requires the pill then it’s never gonna happen. At least not in the biblical sense. Because although these creatures are phenomenal and fierce and I want to be them.” He pointed to us, rolling his index finger in a small circle and grimacing. “What they got going on below the belt scares the ever-loving shit out of me.”
Miller stared at Josh and slowly nodded. “You and me both, man.” He shook his head. “You and me both.”
“Thank you for all of this,” I said, placing a kiss to Finn’s lips.
“Thank you,” Finn said. My heart fluttered.
“For what? I didn’t do anything.” I chuckled.
Finn placed his hand on my belly. “You’re doing everything.”
“What do you mean you only packed three cases of beer. It’s a hurricane! I don’t think I can ever forgive you!” Miller yelled at Wilfredo who remained calm produced a bottle of vodka from his backpack.
“Shots?” Wilfredo asked, shaking the bottle.
Miller snatched it from his hands. “Forgiven.”
“Don’t forget I owe you an ass kicking for knocking on my daughter,” Critter said, narrowing his eyes at Finn.
“Oh, I didn’t forget,” Finn said. “I’d expect nothing less.”
Critter nodded. “Good. We’re on the same page then.”
Sometimes, I didn’t know whether they were joking or not. But I thought it best to stay out of it, and let them do whatever it is they needed to do to prove how manly they are to one another.
“I’m going to go check on my mother,” I said. Finn helped me to a standing position.
“I think I might want to try my chances with the hurricane,” Josh muttered as I went by.
I slowly opened the door to the back storage area and went inside, shutting it behind me so that Miller’s loud voice wouldn’t wake my mother if she was sleeping. I tiptoed toward the cot only to find it empty.
I quickly scanned the rest of the room and I didn’t see her. Something felt off, like there was a shift in the air I couldn’t explain. It felt thicker. Heavier.
“Mother?” I looked into the dark corner where I was keeping some books that needed to be shipped off to have the spines repaired. I saw movement. “There you are,” I exhaled in relief. “You scared me. What are you doing back there? All the newer books are on the shelves in the main room. Anything in particular that you’re looking for?” I knelt to tie my shoelace which I’d just notice had come undone when I heard footsteps.
“Good, because this is where I take over Professor Hollis,” Miller showed up wearing a matching lab coat and plastic rimmed glasses. He took the remote from Finn and they exchanged long hard handshakes and pseudo stern looks.
“I didn’t even hear you come in!” I said to Miller as Finn joined me on the floor.
He buffed his nails on his coat. “I mean. Most people don’t. I AM a distant relative to Batman. Which brings me to our next subject.” He clicked the remote and the screen showed dozens of illustrations of men and women all dressed in tight fitting costumes and masks. I recognized some of them and others I didn’t. “Superheroes and all the ways they are incredibly awesome,” Miller said.
I laughed through the entire next hour where Miller’s lessons ranged from ‘Why Nickelback music doesn’t suck all that bad’, and ‘Why Bruce Willis should be nominated for Sainthood.’
I leaned against Finn and laughed as Miller went off and tangent after tangent. While he gave his lesson Josh, Critter, Wilfredo, and even my mother had arrived with coolers and other supplies in hand. When my mother grew tired Critter led her to the back room where he’d set up a cot for her to rest on.
“And the very last lesson plan I have for you today folks is…” Miller clicked the remote and a bird and a bee appeared on the screen. “The birds and the bees. Now when a man and woman love each other very much they,” he made a sign with his hands. His index finger poking in and out of a hole he created with his other hand. I laughed when I finally got what he was indicating. I laughed so hard my sides started to hurt. “They do that. And then, the man’s baby seed lassoes the woman’s baby egg-thing and BOOM. That’s how babies are made and if you’re really really lucky and you find the right person?” Miller grinned at Josh. “They’ll even make you a sandwich after.”
“Boooooo!” Josh and Wilfredo shouted, throwing candy wrappers at Miller who ducked and dodged the assault.
“Detention for you both!” Miller shouted.
Critter, who was seated at a table nearby was rolling his eyes but he was smiling. “Did you skip that day in school, son?”
Miller shrugged. “Actually, I received an attendance award in high school.”
“That wasn’t an attendance award,” Finn laughed. “That was a warning to your parents that if you skipped any more school you’d be expelled because you’d missed more classes than any other student.”
“And? What part of that doesn’t scream attendance award?” Miller grabbed a beer and Josh rolled her eyes.
“You just wait until your boobs are fat and your belly is all round with my baby.” He murmured pulling her in for a kiss.
“My luck I’d just be puking my guts out and feeling like shit for nine months,” Josh said, pushing him away.
“I bet you’d look hot doing all that puking.” Miller wagged his eyebrows.
“You’re gross,” Josh chided, but she didn’t push him away this time when he went in and kissed her on the tip of her nose.
“Speaking of feeling ill,” I said, holding my stomach as the smell of whatever candy Josh had just unwrapped was about to cause my lunch to come back up. I read that an occasional sickness was common but this was a lot more than occasional. It looked
“Are you okay?” Finn asked, growing concern written on his face. “This little one giving you a hard time?”
“I’m fine. Just a little he or she probably has really long legs like his father.”
“I wish I could knock someone up,” Wilfredo said on a sigh, leaning in so far into one of the coolers that his head disappeared.
“Uh, you can knock someone up. You’re a dude. Presumably a dude with a dick,” Miller argued
“Yeah, but unless gay sex suddenly requires the pill then it’s never gonna happen. At least not in the biblical sense. Because although these creatures are phenomenal and fierce and I want to be them.” He pointed to us, rolling his index finger in a small circle and grimacing. “What they got going on below the belt scares the ever-loving shit out of me.”
Miller stared at Josh and slowly nodded. “You and me both, man.” He shook his head. “You and me both.”
“Thank you for all of this,” I said, placing a kiss to Finn’s lips.
“Thank you,” Finn said. My heart fluttered.
“For what? I didn’t do anything.” I chuckled.
Finn placed his hand on my belly. “You’re doing everything.”
“What do you mean you only packed three cases of beer. It’s a hurricane! I don’t think I can ever forgive you!” Miller yelled at Wilfredo who remained calm produced a bottle of vodka from his backpack.
“Shots?” Wilfredo asked, shaking the bottle.
Miller snatched it from his hands. “Forgiven.”
“Don’t forget I owe you an ass kicking for knocking on my daughter,” Critter said, narrowing his eyes at Finn.
“Oh, I didn’t forget,” Finn said. “I’d expect nothing less.”
Critter nodded. “Good. We’re on the same page then.”
Sometimes, I didn’t know whether they were joking or not. But I thought it best to stay out of it, and let them do whatever it is they needed to do to prove how manly they are to one another.
“I’m going to go check on my mother,” I said. Finn helped me to a standing position.
“I think I might want to try my chances with the hurricane,” Josh muttered as I went by.
I slowly opened the door to the back storage area and went inside, shutting it behind me so that Miller’s loud voice wouldn’t wake my mother if she was sleeping. I tiptoed toward the cot only to find it empty.
I quickly scanned the rest of the room and I didn’t see her. Something felt off, like there was a shift in the air I couldn’t explain. It felt thicker. Heavier.
“Mother?” I looked into the dark corner where I was keeping some books that needed to be shipped off to have the spines repaired. I saw movement. “There you are,” I exhaled in relief. “You scared me. What are you doing back there? All the newer books are on the shelves in the main room. Anything in particular that you’re looking for?” I knelt to tie my shoelace which I’d just notice had come undone when I heard footsteps.
