The Pledge
Page 36
My face was pressed against his chest; I could hear his heart thrumming beneath the thick wool of his jacket. I could feel the warmth of his body straining toward me, the way mine yearned to be near him. And the spicy scent of him, as I breathed it in, made me light-headed. I craved more. So, so much more.
My resolve slipped, and then crumbled. I took harbor within his arms.
“And if I’d known you were going to be here, I’d have come just to see you.” Max’s voice rumbled beneath my ear. Then he spoke again, in a language that should have been foreign to me. “All I want is to keep you safe, Charlie. It’s all I’ve ever wanted.”
Just like that it was over, the brief and idyllic moment in which I’d come so close to letting down my guard. I stiffened before I could even respond, wishing he hadn’t just said that.
Not in that way.
I shoved away from him, untangling myself from his arms.
When I glared at him, I could see that he knew what he’d done, that he understood where he’d gone wrong. He should have spoken in Englaise.
“Charlie, I’m sorry.”
But I was already disappearing into the crowd, and this time he didn’t come after me.
Even though a part of me still wanted him to.
Brooklynn was breathless by the time she found me, and even though I was no longer in the mood for her jubilance, she brought it with her anyway. She was intoxicated off both attention and drink. It was her perfect high.
She reached for my hand, drawing me from the spot where I’d been hiding, among the trees that stood along the river’s edge. What the foliage didn’t conceal, the darkness had taken care of, keeping me out of sight.
But Brook had been determined, and I’d heard her calling my name long before she’d discovered me there, tucked into the dark space where I could sulk in silence.
“I just met the most amazing guy. You’ve got to come meet him. Trust me, Charlie, you’re gonna love him!” Her hands over mine didn’t feel comforting or strong the way Max’s had. Her skin felt warm and soft, but her fingers dug insistently into mine.
I took a few steps but only because she was pulling me, and I stumbled onto the path. “If he’s so great, why don’t you hang out with him? You don’t need me.”
Brooklynn grinned, her eyebrow raised. “Because he has a friend. A really cute friend.” She pulled again and dragged me another couple of steps. “Come on, you don’t want to miss this.”
I shook my head, digging in my heels. “I’m not in the mood to meet anyone. Not tonight, Brook.”
She let go of me and put her hands on her hips. Her posture was defiant, her brown eyes glittering. “Why not? Because of your little soldier boy?”
I stared at her, not sure I understood her meaning.
She shrugged. “Yeah, that’s right; I saw the two of you. So what, Charlie? I also saw that he didn’t come after you. Why waste your time sitting here alone and letting him ruin all your fun?”
I might have hated Brooklynn at that moment, or as close to it as I ever had before.
She’d watched me argue with Max and had let me wander away by myself, knowing I was upset. She was more worried about getting back to some guy she’d just met than she was that I might have needed her.
But there was something else, too, something about the way she’d said “soldier boy,” her voice dripping with venom.
Was Brook jealous?
I thought about that afternoon at the school, when Max hadn’t paid attention to her, even after she’d tried her best to make him notice her. Brooklynn wasn’t used to being ignored.
And she certainly wasn’t used to being ignored for me.
Suddenly I wondered if that was why she liked having me around—if it made her feel better knowing that men would almost always notice her before they would me. I wondered if that was why Aron couldn’t come with us, if it was because he had seen through her outward appearance and had decided that he liked me better.
Yet, still, I guess I really wasn’t mad at Brook. I wasn’t even envious that when we returned to the rally so she could introduce me to the guys she wanted me to meet, their eyes would be on her and not on me.
I should be, I supposed. I should be angry and hurt and petty, the way she was.
Instead I just felt sorry for her.
Max was still there. I couldn’t see him, but I knew he was nearby. I could feel his presence as surely as I could feel my own.
I played along with Brooklynn, pretending to have fun, if only for Max’s benefit, to let him know that I didn’t care if he thought I should leave.
I met Brook’s friends, and she was right, the boy she’d met—the one with the messy hair who she’d been dancing with before—seemed very nice. His friend, Paris, was cute too. Plus, they were Vendors. They wore the simple fabrics, in shades of brown and gray, that were familiar to me. And with them I wouldn’t have to pretend not to understand their words, no matter which language they spoke in. These were the kind of people I should be keeping company with.
But I wasn’t wrong when I’d guessed that both of them would spend the evening watching Brooklynn. Even Paris, who did his best to make me feel at ease, couldn’t keep his eyes off her entirely.
It didn’t really matter, though; I didn’t want to be there with him, either. Every fiber of my body str Bght Aody str ained to locate Max’s presence among the revelers, until I felt anxious and tense. Still, I laughed at the boy’s jokes and took the second drink he offered me, ignoring the fact that my head was already starting to spin.
My resolve slipped, and then crumbled. I took harbor within his arms.
“And if I’d known you were going to be here, I’d have come just to see you.” Max’s voice rumbled beneath my ear. Then he spoke again, in a language that should have been foreign to me. “All I want is to keep you safe, Charlie. It’s all I’ve ever wanted.”
Just like that it was over, the brief and idyllic moment in which I’d come so close to letting down my guard. I stiffened before I could even respond, wishing he hadn’t just said that.
Not in that way.
I shoved away from him, untangling myself from his arms.
When I glared at him, I could see that he knew what he’d done, that he understood where he’d gone wrong. He should have spoken in Englaise.
“Charlie, I’m sorry.”
But I was already disappearing into the crowd, and this time he didn’t come after me.
Even though a part of me still wanted him to.
Brooklynn was breathless by the time she found me, and even though I was no longer in the mood for her jubilance, she brought it with her anyway. She was intoxicated off both attention and drink. It was her perfect high.
She reached for my hand, drawing me from the spot where I’d been hiding, among the trees that stood along the river’s edge. What the foliage didn’t conceal, the darkness had taken care of, keeping me out of sight.
But Brook had been determined, and I’d heard her calling my name long before she’d discovered me there, tucked into the dark space where I could sulk in silence.
“I just met the most amazing guy. You’ve got to come meet him. Trust me, Charlie, you’re gonna love him!” Her hands over mine didn’t feel comforting or strong the way Max’s had. Her skin felt warm and soft, but her fingers dug insistently into mine.
I took a few steps but only because she was pulling me, and I stumbled onto the path. “If he’s so great, why don’t you hang out with him? You don’t need me.”
Brooklynn grinned, her eyebrow raised. “Because he has a friend. A really cute friend.” She pulled again and dragged me another couple of steps. “Come on, you don’t want to miss this.”
I shook my head, digging in my heels. “I’m not in the mood to meet anyone. Not tonight, Brook.”
She let go of me and put her hands on her hips. Her posture was defiant, her brown eyes glittering. “Why not? Because of your little soldier boy?”
I stared at her, not sure I understood her meaning.
She shrugged. “Yeah, that’s right; I saw the two of you. So what, Charlie? I also saw that he didn’t come after you. Why waste your time sitting here alone and letting him ruin all your fun?”
I might have hated Brooklynn at that moment, or as close to it as I ever had before.
She’d watched me argue with Max and had let me wander away by myself, knowing I was upset. She was more worried about getting back to some guy she’d just met than she was that I might have needed her.
But there was something else, too, something about the way she’d said “soldier boy,” her voice dripping with venom.
Was Brook jealous?
I thought about that afternoon at the school, when Max hadn’t paid attention to her, even after she’d tried her best to make him notice her. Brooklynn wasn’t used to being ignored.
And she certainly wasn’t used to being ignored for me.
Suddenly I wondered if that was why she liked having me around—if it made her feel better knowing that men would almost always notice her before they would me. I wondered if that was why Aron couldn’t come with us, if it was because he had seen through her outward appearance and had decided that he liked me better.
Yet, still, I guess I really wasn’t mad at Brook. I wasn’t even envious that when we returned to the rally so she could introduce me to the guys she wanted me to meet, their eyes would be on her and not on me.
I should be, I supposed. I should be angry and hurt and petty, the way she was.
Instead I just felt sorry for her.
Max was still there. I couldn’t see him, but I knew he was nearby. I could feel his presence as surely as I could feel my own.
I played along with Brooklynn, pretending to have fun, if only for Max’s benefit, to let him know that I didn’t care if he thought I should leave.
I met Brook’s friends, and she was right, the boy she’d met—the one with the messy hair who she’d been dancing with before—seemed very nice. His friend, Paris, was cute too. Plus, they were Vendors. They wore the simple fabrics, in shades of brown and gray, that were familiar to me. And with them I wouldn’t have to pretend not to understand their words, no matter which language they spoke in. These were the kind of people I should be keeping company with.
But I wasn’t wrong when I’d guessed that both of them would spend the evening watching Brooklynn. Even Paris, who did his best to make me feel at ease, couldn’t keep his eyes off her entirely.
It didn’t really matter, though; I didn’t want to be there with him, either. Every fiber of my body str Bght Aody str ained to locate Max’s presence among the revelers, until I felt anxious and tense. Still, I laughed at the boy’s jokes and took the second drink he offered me, ignoring the fact that my head was already starting to spin.
