The Promise
Page 47
My stomach dropped, my heart squeezed, and I leaned into him to hiss, “Stop bein’ awesome.”
He threw his head back and laughed, showing me he didn’t intend to stop being awesome because he looked good and sounded good doing it.
When he was down to chuckling, his hand darted across the table and closed around mine. Twisting, he forced his fingers to lace through mine and rested our hands on the table.
Once he’d accomplished that, he looked into my eyes and stated, “Been waitin’ years for this, baby. Thanks for makin’ it worth the wait.”
“You’re still bein’ awesome,” I informed him.
“Yeah, and it’s cute as f**k that annoys you.”
“Now you’re bein’ awesome and insane,” I shared.
His head cocked slightly to the side. “A man likes what he likes. I’m a man who likes you and your attitude.”
“Whatever,” I muttered, even though I liked that he liked that and I liked it a lot.
“What makes you happy?” he asked suddenly, and I felt my body jolt at the question, not just because it was sudden, but because it was unexpectedly weighty.
“What?”
“What makes you happy? What do you want outta life?”
“I…” I started, then changed what I was going to say. “Why do you ask?”
“’Cause I wanna know if it’s in me to give it to you.”
God.
Benny.
“Ben,” I whispered.
“I want kids. Three, four. Boys and girls, but however they come, doesn’t matter to me,” he put out there. “That’s it. I’m good at the restaurant. Comfortable with the money I got in the bank. I get the kids, eventually gotta buy a bigger house. And told you the woman I wanted. So there it is. That’s what I want outta life. That’s what would make me happy.”
He gave me that. No coaxing, no bullshit, no games, no holding shit back, waiting to see where I was and if I fit.
What he wanted was simple.
And beautiful.
When I said nothing, he pushed, “You want kids?”
“Yeah,” I replied.
“How many?”
“Don’t really care, but more than one.”
His fingers tightened in mine for a moment before he went on, “You like your work?”
“Yeah.”
“Wanna keep it or be a stay-at-home mom?”
“I don’t know. I figure I’ll know when the first kid comes.”
“Yeah,” he said.
“Do you want your kids’ ma to be stay-at-home?” I asked.
“Want her to be happy,” he answered. “So don’t give a f**k just as long as she gets that. Whatever way it turns out, we’ll deal.”
More awesome.
“I’m moving to Indianapolis, Benny,” I blurted, my hand tensing in his. “I have to. I—”
His hand gave mine a light jerk. “That’s not the next minute, baby.”
I shut my mouth.
“That’s on your mind, I’ll say this,” he went on. “You want that prize, you gotta work for it. And if there are obstacles in your way, you deal with them when you hit them. You find a way. We wanna work at this, we’ll find a way.”
It was a big obstacle to face.
In light of that, it was also the perfect thing to say.
“Okay,” I said softly.
His thumb moved, stroking the side of my hand, and he asked, “You good with our talk earlier?”
“Mostly,” I answered.
“Which part are you not good with?”
“All the parts that are still awkward and uncomfortable,” I told him, meaning the whole of it.
His head cocked to the side again. “Vinnie bring you here?”
I shook my head.
“I brought Connie here.”
My breath stuttered and I stared into his eyes.
“You have a past, I have a past,” Benny stated. “You loved a man. I had a woman who meant something to me. That was then, Frankie, this is now. It’s just that your man was my brother. We can make that an issue or we can decide to let it go.”
“It’s easy for you to let it go?” I asked.
“No, but not because he had you. Not because you were in my life in a different way and I had to watch you love him and lose him. Because he didn’t do right by you and that pisses me off. That said, I figure that’ll eventually fade too.”
“You wanted to go out with me in high school,” I noted, not even knowing why I did it, but Ben must have known because his thumb stopped stroking and his fingers got tight in mine again.
“Loved my brother, thought you were the shit, you were with him, didn’t let my mind go there. Last couple of weeks, I let my mind go there. I held no jealousy at the time. That doesn’t mean when it started with you two it wasn’t a blow because I f**ked that up back in the day. You were around and available and I didn’t do shit for years about it and Vinnie got in there because I was dickin’ around. But when you were with him, that went away because it had to. Bottom line now, it brings me no joy you lost what you lost when you lost him. That doesn’t change the fact that I’m glad I got my shot. I could feel guilt about that, but that’s not on either of us. That’s on Vinnie. And in the end, it’s just the way it is.”
“But you said you were thinkin’ of makin’ a move on me when I was with Vinnie,” I pointed out.
He nodded once. “Could have guilt about that too, but that isn’t on me either. He made his choices and he was my brother, but I knew you deserved better. It got to the point where shit was not right with you two and it wasn’t gonna get better. So it got to the point where I started to realize I wanted to give it to you.”
I looked away, but his hand shaking mine made me look back and he kept going.
“You were not with Vinnie but some other ass**le who didn’t do right by you, I woulda done the same thing. I woulda moved in. Some might say that would be a dick move, brother or not, but I don’t give a f**k. I would not have any guilt about that either. It’s the same f**kin’ thing, except that ass**le happened to be my brother. Take Vinnie out of the equation, Frankie, and you end up with a man who treats you right. That is not wrong. You could spit fire or talk at me for a year and you wouldn’t convince me it was.”
“Do your parents understand what this is?” I asked in a voice that was barely a whisper.
“Yes,” he answered in a voice that was not.
He threw his head back and laughed, showing me he didn’t intend to stop being awesome because he looked good and sounded good doing it.
When he was down to chuckling, his hand darted across the table and closed around mine. Twisting, he forced his fingers to lace through mine and rested our hands on the table.
Once he’d accomplished that, he looked into my eyes and stated, “Been waitin’ years for this, baby. Thanks for makin’ it worth the wait.”
“You’re still bein’ awesome,” I informed him.
“Yeah, and it’s cute as f**k that annoys you.”
“Now you’re bein’ awesome and insane,” I shared.
His head cocked slightly to the side. “A man likes what he likes. I’m a man who likes you and your attitude.”
“Whatever,” I muttered, even though I liked that he liked that and I liked it a lot.
“What makes you happy?” he asked suddenly, and I felt my body jolt at the question, not just because it was sudden, but because it was unexpectedly weighty.
“What?”
“What makes you happy? What do you want outta life?”
“I…” I started, then changed what I was going to say. “Why do you ask?”
“’Cause I wanna know if it’s in me to give it to you.”
God.
Benny.
“Ben,” I whispered.
“I want kids. Three, four. Boys and girls, but however they come, doesn’t matter to me,” he put out there. “That’s it. I’m good at the restaurant. Comfortable with the money I got in the bank. I get the kids, eventually gotta buy a bigger house. And told you the woman I wanted. So there it is. That’s what I want outta life. That’s what would make me happy.”
He gave me that. No coaxing, no bullshit, no games, no holding shit back, waiting to see where I was and if I fit.
What he wanted was simple.
And beautiful.
When I said nothing, he pushed, “You want kids?”
“Yeah,” I replied.
“How many?”
“Don’t really care, but more than one.”
His fingers tightened in mine for a moment before he went on, “You like your work?”
“Yeah.”
“Wanna keep it or be a stay-at-home mom?”
“I don’t know. I figure I’ll know when the first kid comes.”
“Yeah,” he said.
“Do you want your kids’ ma to be stay-at-home?” I asked.
“Want her to be happy,” he answered. “So don’t give a f**k just as long as she gets that. Whatever way it turns out, we’ll deal.”
More awesome.
“I’m moving to Indianapolis, Benny,” I blurted, my hand tensing in his. “I have to. I—”
His hand gave mine a light jerk. “That’s not the next minute, baby.”
I shut my mouth.
“That’s on your mind, I’ll say this,” he went on. “You want that prize, you gotta work for it. And if there are obstacles in your way, you deal with them when you hit them. You find a way. We wanna work at this, we’ll find a way.”
It was a big obstacle to face.
In light of that, it was also the perfect thing to say.
“Okay,” I said softly.
His thumb moved, stroking the side of my hand, and he asked, “You good with our talk earlier?”
“Mostly,” I answered.
“Which part are you not good with?”
“All the parts that are still awkward and uncomfortable,” I told him, meaning the whole of it.
His head cocked to the side again. “Vinnie bring you here?”
I shook my head.
“I brought Connie here.”
My breath stuttered and I stared into his eyes.
“You have a past, I have a past,” Benny stated. “You loved a man. I had a woman who meant something to me. That was then, Frankie, this is now. It’s just that your man was my brother. We can make that an issue or we can decide to let it go.”
“It’s easy for you to let it go?” I asked.
“No, but not because he had you. Not because you were in my life in a different way and I had to watch you love him and lose him. Because he didn’t do right by you and that pisses me off. That said, I figure that’ll eventually fade too.”
“You wanted to go out with me in high school,” I noted, not even knowing why I did it, but Ben must have known because his thumb stopped stroking and his fingers got tight in mine again.
“Loved my brother, thought you were the shit, you were with him, didn’t let my mind go there. Last couple of weeks, I let my mind go there. I held no jealousy at the time. That doesn’t mean when it started with you two it wasn’t a blow because I f**ked that up back in the day. You were around and available and I didn’t do shit for years about it and Vinnie got in there because I was dickin’ around. But when you were with him, that went away because it had to. Bottom line now, it brings me no joy you lost what you lost when you lost him. That doesn’t change the fact that I’m glad I got my shot. I could feel guilt about that, but that’s not on either of us. That’s on Vinnie. And in the end, it’s just the way it is.”
“But you said you were thinkin’ of makin’ a move on me when I was with Vinnie,” I pointed out.
He nodded once. “Could have guilt about that too, but that isn’t on me either. He made his choices and he was my brother, but I knew you deserved better. It got to the point where shit was not right with you two and it wasn’t gonna get better. So it got to the point where I started to realize I wanted to give it to you.”
I looked away, but his hand shaking mine made me look back and he kept going.
“You were not with Vinnie but some other ass**le who didn’t do right by you, I woulda done the same thing. I woulda moved in. Some might say that would be a dick move, brother or not, but I don’t give a f**k. I would not have any guilt about that either. It’s the same f**kin’ thing, except that ass**le happened to be my brother. Take Vinnie out of the equation, Frankie, and you end up with a man who treats you right. That is not wrong. You could spit fire or talk at me for a year and you wouldn’t convince me it was.”
“Do your parents understand what this is?” I asked in a voice that was barely a whisper.
“Yes,” he answered in a voice that was not.
