The Queen of All that Lives
Page 77
He just smiles at me, those white, white teeth looking even brighter against his olive complexion. Out here, in the open sun, my skin pressed to his, I notice just how much his body dwarfs mine.
Once, that realization would’ve made me uneasy. Now it makes me feel safe in a very innate way.
That terrible sensation takes root in my stomach again, partly guilt, but partly something else. It tastes a lot like desperation. Like this man, who has outlived everyone else, will leave me soon.
My heart begins to race, and I wonder if, for the first time in my life, I could be a coward and back out of the promise I made to this world. He gave up a continent, I would give up the world. All for him.
But I can’t. I can’t. It’s not in my nature, and unlike the king, I’m not sure I’m capable of really changing.
Montes carries me to the edge of the boat, completely unaware I’m having an existential crisis right now.
He pauses to stare down at me, his gaze latching onto my lips. Right when I think he’s going to lean in, he steps off the edge.
For the merest moment, we’re falling, and then together we hit the water.
It’s cold enough that I almost gasp the ocean into my lungs. And the sensation of liquid running all over my naked skin. It feels … strange and exquisite. I kick away from Montes and come up for air.
The king surfaces a moment later, slicking his hair back. He flashes me a grin. “Welcome to the Aegean. You are now officially swimming in Homer’s wine dark sea.”
I give him a strange look. I know of Homer, but I don’t get the reference.
His eyes soften just a smidge. “When the war is over, I will show you other things that you have missed.”
When the war is over. Not if.
“You believe we can end it,” I say, treading water. He’s never admitted this before. I assumed he thought it was a lost cause, especially now that he traded away Australia.
“Let’s not talk about war for one afternoon,” he says.
I can respect that. He’s given me the outdoors, I can give him this.
I move my hand through the water, watching light dance along it.
There’s a fullness in my heart, like it might burst. With happiness, I realize. It’s all so unbearably wonderful. The sea, the sun, the man staring intensely at me.
“I wish this could last forever,” I say, tasting sea salt on my lips as I speak. It’s far too wonderful, which means it won’t.
I know it won’t.
It can. Montes doesn’t say it, but it’s all there in his eyes.
He swims over and pulls me against him, cradling my body in his arms. And it isn’t lewd, or sexy, or erotic.
It’s romantic. Intimate.
I see the sunset in the king’s eyes, those old eyes that look so young when they gaze at me.
My gaze drops to his neck. I touch the pulse point that throbs to the beat of his heart, trailing a finger over the dark skin there.
“Never have I been so afraid,” I admit softly. I can still see the moment; it plays on repeat in my mind. The moment I nearly lost him.
I’m still so, so afraid.
Montes swallows, his face growing serious. “I know the feeling.”
He did. Had the Sleeper not existed, the king and I wouldn’t be in each other’s arms; we’d be six feet under.
As the water laps at us, I shake off the morbid mood. “Sorry—I didn’t mean to lead the conversation right back to war.”
He presses his thumb against my mouth. “Nire bihotza, to hear you feared for my life … I want to know that.”
Slowly, I nod.
Montes’s thumb begins stroking my lower lip, his brows still puckered.
The sun loves the king. It makes his dark eyes glow amber and his skin brighten. A lock of his wet hair slides over his eye.
This man is mine.
I brush the lock of hair away from his face, allowing my fingers to trail over his features. There’s nothing out here but us, the sun, the sea, and the sky.
“This might be the happiest moment of my life,” I admit. It isn’t grand, and it shouldn’t be particularly memorable—nudity aside—but … but perhaps that’s why I enjoy it so much.
It is beautifully normal.
Montes brushes the backs of his fingers against my cheekbone. “I’m certain it’s mine.”
I raise my eyebrows. “Out of all of them?”
“Out of all of them.”
I play with another wet strand of his hair, and he closes his eyes for a second, like he just wants to revel in the feel of it.
“Why?” I ask.
He opens his eyes. “Because for once it’s not a memory, and it has you in it.”
Chapter 46
Serenity
Doctors have been and will be one of the things I hate most passionately. Especially royal ones.
I’m not very good at hiding my distaste. I know the royal physician can sense it as she inspects me for injury.
Back in the WUN, doctors often meant death. And when it comes to the king’s medics, they’ve been known to turn traitor.
But it isn’t all bad. The appointment is the perfect excuse to look into an issue that I’ve been meaning to for some time.
The king holds my hand from the chair he sits in, but make no mistake, this isn’t some shining example of his devotion. The bastard is making sure I don’t bolt for the door at the soonest possible moment.
The doctor straightens. “Your Majesty, everything looks good.”
I’m not surprised.
Once, that realization would’ve made me uneasy. Now it makes me feel safe in a very innate way.
That terrible sensation takes root in my stomach again, partly guilt, but partly something else. It tastes a lot like desperation. Like this man, who has outlived everyone else, will leave me soon.
My heart begins to race, and I wonder if, for the first time in my life, I could be a coward and back out of the promise I made to this world. He gave up a continent, I would give up the world. All for him.
But I can’t. I can’t. It’s not in my nature, and unlike the king, I’m not sure I’m capable of really changing.
Montes carries me to the edge of the boat, completely unaware I’m having an existential crisis right now.
He pauses to stare down at me, his gaze latching onto my lips. Right when I think he’s going to lean in, he steps off the edge.
For the merest moment, we’re falling, and then together we hit the water.
It’s cold enough that I almost gasp the ocean into my lungs. And the sensation of liquid running all over my naked skin. It feels … strange and exquisite. I kick away from Montes and come up for air.
The king surfaces a moment later, slicking his hair back. He flashes me a grin. “Welcome to the Aegean. You are now officially swimming in Homer’s wine dark sea.”
I give him a strange look. I know of Homer, but I don’t get the reference.
His eyes soften just a smidge. “When the war is over, I will show you other things that you have missed.”
When the war is over. Not if.
“You believe we can end it,” I say, treading water. He’s never admitted this before. I assumed he thought it was a lost cause, especially now that he traded away Australia.
“Let’s not talk about war for one afternoon,” he says.
I can respect that. He’s given me the outdoors, I can give him this.
I move my hand through the water, watching light dance along it.
There’s a fullness in my heart, like it might burst. With happiness, I realize. It’s all so unbearably wonderful. The sea, the sun, the man staring intensely at me.
“I wish this could last forever,” I say, tasting sea salt on my lips as I speak. It’s far too wonderful, which means it won’t.
I know it won’t.
It can. Montes doesn’t say it, but it’s all there in his eyes.
He swims over and pulls me against him, cradling my body in his arms. And it isn’t lewd, or sexy, or erotic.
It’s romantic. Intimate.
I see the sunset in the king’s eyes, those old eyes that look so young when they gaze at me.
My gaze drops to his neck. I touch the pulse point that throbs to the beat of his heart, trailing a finger over the dark skin there.
“Never have I been so afraid,” I admit softly. I can still see the moment; it plays on repeat in my mind. The moment I nearly lost him.
I’m still so, so afraid.
Montes swallows, his face growing serious. “I know the feeling.”
He did. Had the Sleeper not existed, the king and I wouldn’t be in each other’s arms; we’d be six feet under.
As the water laps at us, I shake off the morbid mood. “Sorry—I didn’t mean to lead the conversation right back to war.”
He presses his thumb against my mouth. “Nire bihotza, to hear you feared for my life … I want to know that.”
Slowly, I nod.
Montes’s thumb begins stroking my lower lip, his brows still puckered.
The sun loves the king. It makes his dark eyes glow amber and his skin brighten. A lock of his wet hair slides over his eye.
This man is mine.
I brush the lock of hair away from his face, allowing my fingers to trail over his features. There’s nothing out here but us, the sun, the sea, and the sky.
“This might be the happiest moment of my life,” I admit. It isn’t grand, and it shouldn’t be particularly memorable—nudity aside—but … but perhaps that’s why I enjoy it so much.
It is beautifully normal.
Montes brushes the backs of his fingers against my cheekbone. “I’m certain it’s mine.”
I raise my eyebrows. “Out of all of them?”
“Out of all of them.”
I play with another wet strand of his hair, and he closes his eyes for a second, like he just wants to revel in the feel of it.
“Why?” I ask.
He opens his eyes. “Because for once it’s not a memory, and it has you in it.”
Chapter 46
Serenity
Doctors have been and will be one of the things I hate most passionately. Especially royal ones.
I’m not very good at hiding my distaste. I know the royal physician can sense it as she inspects me for injury.
Back in the WUN, doctors often meant death. And when it comes to the king’s medics, they’ve been known to turn traitor.
But it isn’t all bad. The appointment is the perfect excuse to look into an issue that I’ve been meaning to for some time.
The king holds my hand from the chair he sits in, but make no mistake, this isn’t some shining example of his devotion. The bastard is making sure I don’t bolt for the door at the soonest possible moment.
The doctor straightens. “Your Majesty, everything looks good.”
I’m not surprised.
