The Rising
Page 75
He nodded. I reached over and hugged him, whether he wanted it or not.
By evening I was feeling a little overwhelmed, and told my parents I was taking a walk. I hadn’t gone very far before I heard footsteps behind me and caught a familiar scent. I turned, smiling, to see Rafe.
“Hey, you,” I said. “Getting away from it all, too.”
“Coming to talk to you, actually.”
I kept smiling, hoping he’d smile back, but he just kept walking toward me, face unreadable.
He was going to ask for answers. Had I thought about everything? Did I know what I felt for Daniel? Was I still “with” him or was that over now? It wasn’t over. I only had to look at him to know it wasn’t over. But how did I say “We’re still good,” when I couldn’t answer those other questions?
“I never did thank you,” I said, desperately trying to deflect the coming questions, “for playing decoy back in Salmon Creek.”
He shrugged. “It was the right move. Until I start shifting, Daniel’s got better defensive powers. And I know, no matter what happens, he’ll watch out for you.”
I moved toward him. “He’s not the only one. I seem to recall you dropped from a helicopter for me.”
“True. But the difference?” He closed the gap between us. “Daniel would have jumped from the helicopter for you. And you’d jump for him.”
“I—”
He put his fingers to my lips. “I’m not asking you to deny it or say you’d do the same for me. You’ve known him all your life. I’m still the rookie here. Which is why I’m going to make this decision for you.” He moved his fingers down. “I think we could have something. Really have something. But I also think, now that you know about Daniel, you’re going to wonder, and you can’t wonder if you’re supposed to be with me. You’re not that kind of girl. So I’m ending it.”
“No. Please. I—”
His fingers moved back to my lips. “Let me reword that. I’m stepping back. I’m still going to try to convince you I’m the guy you want. But I’m not going to do it by luring you into the woods for a make-out session. No more of that. Not until you’ve decided. From now on, I’m your friend, same as Daniel.” He paused, then lowered his gaze to mine. “And I hope—really hope—that no matter what you decide, I’ll keep on being your friend. Whatever happens, I don’t want to lose you, Maya.”
I put my arms around him. “You won’t.”
Once again, Rafe had done the right thing. The noble thing. Just as he’d let go of my hands to keep from pulling me out of the helicopter with him. Just like he had given himself up so we could get away.
A few weeks ago, I’d accused Rafe of a complete lack of regard for others, when he’d chased the girls of Salmon Creek to find out who was the skin-walker. I’d been wrong. Big surprise. He wasn’t afraid to make the hard choices—even the life-threatening choices—for others. Breaking up with me wasn’t exactly on the same scale, but it was still a tough choice, and I wasn’t sure I could have made it.
So, if I knew it was right, why did it hurt so much? Because I cared for him. Maybe even loved him. If it was love, why was it so complicated? Shouldn’t I just be able to look at Rafe and Daniel, turn to one, and say, “It’s you. I want you.” Was I being fickle? Or was I being selfish?
I wouldn’t be selfish. I wouldn’t string them along. Until I got my brain—and my heart—straightened out, it would be as Rafe said. Friendship. With both. And if they both found someone else while I was making up my mind? Well, that was the chance I took. Rafe was right—I couldn’t be with one of them if I was still looking at the other, thinking “Maybe . . .”
“Maya?”
Daniel’s voice drifted through the trees. I got up quickly from the stump where I’d been sitting and wiped my eyes as he appeared.
“Are you crying?” He stepped closer. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.” I paused. “Yes, something. Rafe and I . . . We ended it. He ended it, I mean.” I took a deep breath. “He decided this wasn’t really a good time, with everything going on. It’s stressing us out and we’re arguing and . . . we just need to step back.”
“I’m sorry.”
He sounded like he meant it. When I looked into his eyes, I saw that he did. Fresh tears welled up and I brushed them away.
“He’s right,” I said. “It hurts, but he is right. It happened so fast. Too fast. It just . . . got complicated. We need to slow down and get to know each other better.”
He nodded. “Okay, well . . . I’d leave you alone, but I suspect you’d rather be distracted.”
I managed a smile. “You know me well.”
He looked around. “We have a whole forest to explore.”
My smile widened a little. “We do.”
“I overheard your dad saying they need to stake out a place for your house. Away from the town, since he’ll be in charge of the forest again. You guys will pick a place and your mom will design the house again. Kenjii will come tomorrow and . . . Did I hear Fitz is coming, too?”
I nodded. “The people at the wildlife rehab center think that’s best. Apparently, although he treats us like his personal servants, he’s lonely there, and they don’t see any hope of reintroducing him to the wild.”
“He’s used to you guys. This might not be his forest, but he’ll make it his. And so will you.”
I looked around. It was nothing like the temperate rain forest at home. It looked different. Smelled different. Even sounded different. But when I closed my eyes, I could feel the draw of it, just like in Salmon Creek. Daniel was right. It would be my forest someday.
“What do you say we start looking for a building spot?” he said.
“Dad will want to pick one.”
“Right. And do you really think if you say ‘I want my home here,’ he’ll ignore you? Face it, Maya—you’re spoiled.”
I smiled.
“So come on,” he said, backing up. “Lets go find the perfect spot.”
“We aren’t supposed to go out of shouting distance.”
“So if we did, that would be wrong. Irresponsible. Immature.”
By evening I was feeling a little overwhelmed, and told my parents I was taking a walk. I hadn’t gone very far before I heard footsteps behind me and caught a familiar scent. I turned, smiling, to see Rafe.
“Hey, you,” I said. “Getting away from it all, too.”
“Coming to talk to you, actually.”
I kept smiling, hoping he’d smile back, but he just kept walking toward me, face unreadable.
He was going to ask for answers. Had I thought about everything? Did I know what I felt for Daniel? Was I still “with” him or was that over now? It wasn’t over. I only had to look at him to know it wasn’t over. But how did I say “We’re still good,” when I couldn’t answer those other questions?
“I never did thank you,” I said, desperately trying to deflect the coming questions, “for playing decoy back in Salmon Creek.”
He shrugged. “It was the right move. Until I start shifting, Daniel’s got better defensive powers. And I know, no matter what happens, he’ll watch out for you.”
I moved toward him. “He’s not the only one. I seem to recall you dropped from a helicopter for me.”
“True. But the difference?” He closed the gap between us. “Daniel would have jumped from the helicopter for you. And you’d jump for him.”
“I—”
He put his fingers to my lips. “I’m not asking you to deny it or say you’d do the same for me. You’ve known him all your life. I’m still the rookie here. Which is why I’m going to make this decision for you.” He moved his fingers down. “I think we could have something. Really have something. But I also think, now that you know about Daniel, you’re going to wonder, and you can’t wonder if you’re supposed to be with me. You’re not that kind of girl. So I’m ending it.”
“No. Please. I—”
His fingers moved back to my lips. “Let me reword that. I’m stepping back. I’m still going to try to convince you I’m the guy you want. But I’m not going to do it by luring you into the woods for a make-out session. No more of that. Not until you’ve decided. From now on, I’m your friend, same as Daniel.” He paused, then lowered his gaze to mine. “And I hope—really hope—that no matter what you decide, I’ll keep on being your friend. Whatever happens, I don’t want to lose you, Maya.”
I put my arms around him. “You won’t.”
Once again, Rafe had done the right thing. The noble thing. Just as he’d let go of my hands to keep from pulling me out of the helicopter with him. Just like he had given himself up so we could get away.
A few weeks ago, I’d accused Rafe of a complete lack of regard for others, when he’d chased the girls of Salmon Creek to find out who was the skin-walker. I’d been wrong. Big surprise. He wasn’t afraid to make the hard choices—even the life-threatening choices—for others. Breaking up with me wasn’t exactly on the same scale, but it was still a tough choice, and I wasn’t sure I could have made it.
So, if I knew it was right, why did it hurt so much? Because I cared for him. Maybe even loved him. If it was love, why was it so complicated? Shouldn’t I just be able to look at Rafe and Daniel, turn to one, and say, “It’s you. I want you.” Was I being fickle? Or was I being selfish?
I wouldn’t be selfish. I wouldn’t string them along. Until I got my brain—and my heart—straightened out, it would be as Rafe said. Friendship. With both. And if they both found someone else while I was making up my mind? Well, that was the chance I took. Rafe was right—I couldn’t be with one of them if I was still looking at the other, thinking “Maybe . . .”
“Maya?”
Daniel’s voice drifted through the trees. I got up quickly from the stump where I’d been sitting and wiped my eyes as he appeared.
“Are you crying?” He stepped closer. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.” I paused. “Yes, something. Rafe and I . . . We ended it. He ended it, I mean.” I took a deep breath. “He decided this wasn’t really a good time, with everything going on. It’s stressing us out and we’re arguing and . . . we just need to step back.”
“I’m sorry.”
He sounded like he meant it. When I looked into his eyes, I saw that he did. Fresh tears welled up and I brushed them away.
“He’s right,” I said. “It hurts, but he is right. It happened so fast. Too fast. It just . . . got complicated. We need to slow down and get to know each other better.”
He nodded. “Okay, well . . . I’d leave you alone, but I suspect you’d rather be distracted.”
I managed a smile. “You know me well.”
He looked around. “We have a whole forest to explore.”
My smile widened a little. “We do.”
“I overheard your dad saying they need to stake out a place for your house. Away from the town, since he’ll be in charge of the forest again. You guys will pick a place and your mom will design the house again. Kenjii will come tomorrow and . . . Did I hear Fitz is coming, too?”
I nodded. “The people at the wildlife rehab center think that’s best. Apparently, although he treats us like his personal servants, he’s lonely there, and they don’t see any hope of reintroducing him to the wild.”
“He’s used to you guys. This might not be his forest, but he’ll make it his. And so will you.”
I looked around. It was nothing like the temperate rain forest at home. It looked different. Smelled different. Even sounded different. But when I closed my eyes, I could feel the draw of it, just like in Salmon Creek. Daniel was right. It would be my forest someday.
“What do you say we start looking for a building spot?” he said.
“Dad will want to pick one.”
“Right. And do you really think if you say ‘I want my home here,’ he’ll ignore you? Face it, Maya—you’re spoiled.”
I smiled.
“So come on,” he said, backing up. “Lets go find the perfect spot.”
“We aren’t supposed to go out of shouting distance.”
“So if we did, that would be wrong. Irresponsible. Immature.”
