The Rocker That Holds Me
Page 13
“Nik!” I couldn’t hold on any longer. “Fuck, Nik!”
“Baby!” His back arched as he emptied deep inside of me.
I fell against his heaving chest, trying to catch my breath. His arms tightened around my back and he kissed my shoulder. “Amazing.” He mumbled half asleep. I smiled against his sweat soaked chest in total agreement.
By the time I caught my breath Nik was asleep. Hating to leave, but knowing I couldn’t stay I climbed off of him. He mumbled something unintelligible as he rolled away from me. I quickly dressed and left him.
The next day when he acted like my same old Nik I knew he hadn’t remembered anything. And while part of me died a little inside, a bigger part was relieved. I couldn’t handle it if he suddenly started treating me differently because of a spontaneous moment where I was too weak.
Chapter 9
Now as I sit in a hospital gown, staring at the man I love after screaming at him that he was the father of my child I can’t help the shame that consumes me. I took advantage of someone I love, the only man who could ever own me so completely. Tears pour down my face and I can’t help the small sob that escapes me.
All of the rage seems to evaporate from Nik. He goes slack in Drake’s arms, causing the big man to almost drop him. “What?” He whispered.
“You, Nik.” I sobbed. “You are the father.”
“No…I…” He shook his head. “No…”
My heart broke a little more because I knew that he would never have been my lover if he hadn’t been drunk; if he hadn’t thought that I was someone else. God, I’m a despicable person. No better than some rapist taking advantage of a drugged up girl. I took his will to say ‘no’. And I knew that Nik would have screamed ‘no’ at me if he had known that I was the one he was having sex with that night.
I scrubbed at my face, hating my tears. “Yes, Nik.”
“It was a dream. I dreamed that.” He jerked away from Drake, pushed Jesse out of his way and fell on his knees beside of me. “Right?”
Refusing to meet his eyes I shook my head. “I’m sorry, Nik. I’m sorry I took advantage of you. Please…please don’t hate me.” The last came out a broken whisper.
All around me the room was so quiet that I thought maybe the others had left us and I just hadn’t noticed. But when Jesse started snickering and the brothers soon joined I knew that I hadn’t gotten lucky. I turned my coldest glare on them. “This is NOT funny! I practically raped him.”
Now it was Nik who was snickering and I gaped at him, unable to understand how this was in the least bit humorous. When he saw how upset I truly was he stopped laughing at me and shook his head. “Come on, Em. There is no way that you took advantage of me. And it isn’t rape when it’s consensual, baby.”
“You didn’t know it was me. You thought that I was one of those slut groupies.” More tears started to pour down my face.
His eyes narrowed on me. “The fuck you say! I might have been drunk, but I knew who you were, Emmie. I’ve been dreaming about it for a lot longer than I should. That’s why when I woke up the next morning I just thought it was a dream. A wet dream, sure; but still just a dream.”
The other guys made a noise and Jesse gave Nik a pointed glare. “Too much info, dude. Too much info. We don’t need to know that shit.”
His words left me in shock. Deep in my heart I felt the walls I had built around it crumble a little. Nik had known it was me. That night, that beautiful night that had been haunting me for months was him making love to me—not one of the countless sluts! I couldn’t form words, my mouth and brain didn’t know how to cooperate at the moment. So I just sat there in that hospital bed and stared wide eyed down at the father of my child.
“Emmie…”
The door opening cut off whatever he had been about to say. A nurse came in pushing a wheelchair in front of her. She did not look happy. From the permanent frown lines around her lips and eyes I figured this woman had rarely laughed in her fifty odd years of life. “Well, since all the shouting has stopped I thought it was safe to come in without fear of loss of limb. Do you need help dressing Miss Jameson?”
I shook my head and she turned her hard eyes on my guys. “I suggest pulling your car around to the main entrance so that we can get the young lady home.”
Shane grimaced. “I’ll go hail a cab.”
I gave him a watery smile. “Thanks.”
The nurse, I dubbed her Grumpy because she reminded me of the dwarf off of Snow White with her gray hair and short stature, shooed the others out of the room. “She needs to get dressed. I don’t care what you are to her, she is not changing clothes with you lot in here.”
Nik glared at the little old woman and I knew that he would have possibly snarled at the woman so I took his hand and gave it a small squeeze. “It’s okay. I’ll be out in a few minutes.”
Jesse put his hand on Nik’s shoulder. “Let’s go, man. There is plenty of time to talk later. She isn’t going anywhere.”
Shoulders tense Nik followed Drake out the door with Jesse right behind him. At the door Jesse stopped and glanced back at me. “We’ll be right out here. Okay?”
I nodded and waited until the door was closed behind them before reaching for the clothes that I had worn the night before. They were folded neatly in the little dresser that was also a bedside table by the uncomfortable little bed. The nurse helped me because I was still a little shaky on my legs. “You need lots of rest, dear.” The harshness in Grumpy’s voice was gone now.
“I’m leaving for vacation today. I plan on doing nothing more than laying on the beach in the warm sun.”
The nurse nodded. “Just not too much sun. That’s not good for the baby.”
I stumbled, realizing that I had no clue what was good or not for my baby. Fresh tears pricked at my eyes. I didn’t want to hurt my baby girl in any way, ever. After the childhood I had had where my mother was a monster to me I vowed to make sure that my child only knew love and devotion. I pulled the picture the tech had given me the night before out of my jeans pocket where I hide it so the guys wouldn’t see and smoothed the edges of the picture.
“There are countless web sites that you can visit to find out the dos and don’ts of pregnancy at every stage.” The nurse suggested as she helped me into the wheelchair. Somehow she managed to hold the door open and wheel me through without any mishap.
“Baby!” His back arched as he emptied deep inside of me.
I fell against his heaving chest, trying to catch my breath. His arms tightened around my back and he kissed my shoulder. “Amazing.” He mumbled half asleep. I smiled against his sweat soaked chest in total agreement.
By the time I caught my breath Nik was asleep. Hating to leave, but knowing I couldn’t stay I climbed off of him. He mumbled something unintelligible as he rolled away from me. I quickly dressed and left him.
The next day when he acted like my same old Nik I knew he hadn’t remembered anything. And while part of me died a little inside, a bigger part was relieved. I couldn’t handle it if he suddenly started treating me differently because of a spontaneous moment where I was too weak.
Chapter 9
Now as I sit in a hospital gown, staring at the man I love after screaming at him that he was the father of my child I can’t help the shame that consumes me. I took advantage of someone I love, the only man who could ever own me so completely. Tears pour down my face and I can’t help the small sob that escapes me.
All of the rage seems to evaporate from Nik. He goes slack in Drake’s arms, causing the big man to almost drop him. “What?” He whispered.
“You, Nik.” I sobbed. “You are the father.”
“No…I…” He shook his head. “No…”
My heart broke a little more because I knew that he would never have been my lover if he hadn’t been drunk; if he hadn’t thought that I was someone else. God, I’m a despicable person. No better than some rapist taking advantage of a drugged up girl. I took his will to say ‘no’. And I knew that Nik would have screamed ‘no’ at me if he had known that I was the one he was having sex with that night.
I scrubbed at my face, hating my tears. “Yes, Nik.”
“It was a dream. I dreamed that.” He jerked away from Drake, pushed Jesse out of his way and fell on his knees beside of me. “Right?”
Refusing to meet his eyes I shook my head. “I’m sorry, Nik. I’m sorry I took advantage of you. Please…please don’t hate me.” The last came out a broken whisper.
All around me the room was so quiet that I thought maybe the others had left us and I just hadn’t noticed. But when Jesse started snickering and the brothers soon joined I knew that I hadn’t gotten lucky. I turned my coldest glare on them. “This is NOT funny! I practically raped him.”
Now it was Nik who was snickering and I gaped at him, unable to understand how this was in the least bit humorous. When he saw how upset I truly was he stopped laughing at me and shook his head. “Come on, Em. There is no way that you took advantage of me. And it isn’t rape when it’s consensual, baby.”
“You didn’t know it was me. You thought that I was one of those slut groupies.” More tears started to pour down my face.
His eyes narrowed on me. “The fuck you say! I might have been drunk, but I knew who you were, Emmie. I’ve been dreaming about it for a lot longer than I should. That’s why when I woke up the next morning I just thought it was a dream. A wet dream, sure; but still just a dream.”
The other guys made a noise and Jesse gave Nik a pointed glare. “Too much info, dude. Too much info. We don’t need to know that shit.”
His words left me in shock. Deep in my heart I felt the walls I had built around it crumble a little. Nik had known it was me. That night, that beautiful night that had been haunting me for months was him making love to me—not one of the countless sluts! I couldn’t form words, my mouth and brain didn’t know how to cooperate at the moment. So I just sat there in that hospital bed and stared wide eyed down at the father of my child.
“Emmie…”
The door opening cut off whatever he had been about to say. A nurse came in pushing a wheelchair in front of her. She did not look happy. From the permanent frown lines around her lips and eyes I figured this woman had rarely laughed in her fifty odd years of life. “Well, since all the shouting has stopped I thought it was safe to come in without fear of loss of limb. Do you need help dressing Miss Jameson?”
I shook my head and she turned her hard eyes on my guys. “I suggest pulling your car around to the main entrance so that we can get the young lady home.”
Shane grimaced. “I’ll go hail a cab.”
I gave him a watery smile. “Thanks.”
The nurse, I dubbed her Grumpy because she reminded me of the dwarf off of Snow White with her gray hair and short stature, shooed the others out of the room. “She needs to get dressed. I don’t care what you are to her, she is not changing clothes with you lot in here.”
Nik glared at the little old woman and I knew that he would have possibly snarled at the woman so I took his hand and gave it a small squeeze. “It’s okay. I’ll be out in a few minutes.”
Jesse put his hand on Nik’s shoulder. “Let’s go, man. There is plenty of time to talk later. She isn’t going anywhere.”
Shoulders tense Nik followed Drake out the door with Jesse right behind him. At the door Jesse stopped and glanced back at me. “We’ll be right out here. Okay?”
I nodded and waited until the door was closed behind them before reaching for the clothes that I had worn the night before. They were folded neatly in the little dresser that was also a bedside table by the uncomfortable little bed. The nurse helped me because I was still a little shaky on my legs. “You need lots of rest, dear.” The harshness in Grumpy’s voice was gone now.
“I’m leaving for vacation today. I plan on doing nothing more than laying on the beach in the warm sun.”
The nurse nodded. “Just not too much sun. That’s not good for the baby.”
I stumbled, realizing that I had no clue what was good or not for my baby. Fresh tears pricked at my eyes. I didn’t want to hurt my baby girl in any way, ever. After the childhood I had had where my mother was a monster to me I vowed to make sure that my child only knew love and devotion. I pulled the picture the tech had given me the night before out of my jeans pocket where I hide it so the guys wouldn’t see and smoothed the edges of the picture.
“There are countless web sites that you can visit to find out the dos and don’ts of pregnancy at every stage.” The nurse suggested as she helped me into the wheelchair. Somehow she managed to hold the door open and wheel me through without any mishap.
