The Rocker That Holds Me
Page 15
Poor Shane was at a loss. I heard footsteps rushing into the kitchen. Jesse’s angry voice demanded to know what was going on and then his strong arms wrapped around me. “Em? What’s wrong honey?”
But I couldn’t answer him so I just buried my face in his neck and continued to sob. I hadn’t cried for my mom when she had died. At the time I had been so relieved. She was a monster of the worst kind. I was subjected to beatings on a regular basis. Growing up in a trailer were there were always half empty liquor bottles laying around with crack pipes and heroin needles, it was a wonder that I had turned out half normal.
“She wants some grits.” I heard Shane telling Jesse. “With bacon and cheese like her mom used to make.”
“Well go get her some damned grits and bacon, Shane!” Jesse yelled, exasperated. He lifted me and then sat and put me on his lap. I heard Shane scrambling around then slamming the back door as he raced out.
“Emmie, it’s okay. We will get you your grits, sweetheart.” He was rocking me now, his voice the one he used for hurt little things.
I shook my head. “It won’t be the same. It won’t taste the same. She made it so good. I loved those grits. They were my favorite.”
“Oh, Emmie.” He blew out a frustrated sigh. “Honey, she was barely coherent ninety five percent of the time. Why are you even thinking about her now?”
“I don’t know.” I sobbed harder. “She was evil and I shouldn’t let her invade my mind. But…she was my mom, Jesse.” My nose was running and without thinking I wiped it on his shoulder as he continued to rock my shaking body. “All I can think about is how much I want a bowl of her bacon and cheese grits.”
“Okay, sweetheart. I swear we will get you some, and I will slave over the damned things until they taste just the way you want them…Just please stop crying. You’re tearing me apart.” There was the slightest quiver in his voice and I raised my head to see that his big brown eyes were damp.
My sobbing stopped. I didn’t realize that my pain was his pain too. “S-s-sorry.”
“Is this part of those pregnancy hormones that I heard about?” He asked running a hand over his bald head. “Cause if it is I don’t think I will survive this shit long.”
A laugh escaped me. “I guess so…I never think about my mom. This is so messed up.” I didn’t like it. Hated that I had spent even a second crying over that evil bitch. Grimacing I wiped my eyes with the backs of my hands and noticed that Jesse’s shirt was soaked with tears and snot. “Oh. Sorry about your shirt.”
He pulled it over his head and used it to dry my face. “It’s only a shirt, honey. There, now that’s better. My pretty Emmie is back again.” He pressed a kiss to my forehead and moved so that I was again sitting on my own and he was standing. “I need coffee.”
Jesse went about making a huge pot of potent coffee. The smell filled the whole house and soon Drake was stumbling into the kitchen, half blind with sleep as he poured himself a cup of Jesse’s special blend. The stuff was so thick that it was like swallowing Jell-O. I only ever drank it once. My stomach had cramped for hours and I felt like I was on speed. Never touched the stuff again!
Nik was just joining us, a pair of sleep pants hanging off his lean hips, when Shane came in with two shopping bags. He seemed more out of breath now than after his run. “I bought all the grits they had, Em. One of each type. I didn’t know if we had cheese or what kind you wanted. So I got several different kinds. And I hope that’s enough bacon.”
I threw my arms around him, not caring that he was still drenched in sweat. “Thanks, Shane.” He had completely gone overboard but he was so sweet, getting me what I wanted because I had been so upset.
He kissed my cheek. “Anything as long as you are happy, sweetheart.”
“What’s that about grits?” Nik asked, adding sugar to his mug of coffee. “I’m starving.”
“Em wants some bacon and cheese grits.” Jesse said as he opened a pack of bacon and tossed it into a pan on the stove. “So Em is getting bacon and cheese grits.” He winked at me as he started putting the rest of the groceries away. “Just the way her momma made.”
Chapter 11
With my belly full of Jesse’s grit, which had turned out pretty spectacular even if they hadn’t tasted like my mother’s, I decided to spend the rest of the morning laying down by the beach. We had about a quarter mile of private beach and I took advantage.
Drake carried a lounger down for me while I took an umbrella so that I didn’t get too much sun exposure. With a book in my hand and a bottle of cold water in my drink holder I was set. I had picked up the book What To Expect When Expecting the day before at the airport but hadn’t gotten far past the first few pages.
To say I was terrified about the baby was a minor understatement. But I was dealing with it. At least I was feeling better today than I had in what felt like forever. My nausea had seemed to calm down and even though I was tired I felt more rested.
The guys left me alone for a while. Drake had mumbled something about going back to bed after he had so kindly carried the heavy lounger down for me. I was glad for the time on my own, something I rarely got. It felt good to stretch out, with the warm sun on me and not having to worry about my guys.
Around noon I tossed my book on the lounger and stood. I felt like I was starving and the thought of a grilled cheese sandwich with tomato and bacon sounded heavenly. As I entered the house from the side door that lead into the living room I found Shane and Nik watching Sports Center on the ninety inch flat screen against the far wall.
“You guys hungry?” I asked as I passed the sectional on my way to the bathroom. I needed to pee like…Well like a pregnant woman! My bladder felt like it was the size of a watermelon it was so full.
“I could eat.” Shane told me. “What ya making?”
“Sandwiches.” I called, rushing into the bathroom. When I sat down it felt so good to relieve myself that I actually moaned.
After I washed my hands I went straight to the kitchen and started frying more bacon. I guess that was going to be my go to crave food, but I was okay with that. Bacon is awesome! I made a platter of sandwiches. BLTs, grilled cheese, turkey clubs. I was shoving a bacon strip in my mouth when Nik walked in.
“God, it smells good in here.” He pulled a beer from the fridge and popped the top off. “That ocean air makes a man hungry.”
But I couldn’t answer him so I just buried my face in his neck and continued to sob. I hadn’t cried for my mom when she had died. At the time I had been so relieved. She was a monster of the worst kind. I was subjected to beatings on a regular basis. Growing up in a trailer were there were always half empty liquor bottles laying around with crack pipes and heroin needles, it was a wonder that I had turned out half normal.
“She wants some grits.” I heard Shane telling Jesse. “With bacon and cheese like her mom used to make.”
“Well go get her some damned grits and bacon, Shane!” Jesse yelled, exasperated. He lifted me and then sat and put me on his lap. I heard Shane scrambling around then slamming the back door as he raced out.
“Emmie, it’s okay. We will get you your grits, sweetheart.” He was rocking me now, his voice the one he used for hurt little things.
I shook my head. “It won’t be the same. It won’t taste the same. She made it so good. I loved those grits. They were my favorite.”
“Oh, Emmie.” He blew out a frustrated sigh. “Honey, she was barely coherent ninety five percent of the time. Why are you even thinking about her now?”
“I don’t know.” I sobbed harder. “She was evil and I shouldn’t let her invade my mind. But…she was my mom, Jesse.” My nose was running and without thinking I wiped it on his shoulder as he continued to rock my shaking body. “All I can think about is how much I want a bowl of her bacon and cheese grits.”
“Okay, sweetheart. I swear we will get you some, and I will slave over the damned things until they taste just the way you want them…Just please stop crying. You’re tearing me apart.” There was the slightest quiver in his voice and I raised my head to see that his big brown eyes were damp.
My sobbing stopped. I didn’t realize that my pain was his pain too. “S-s-sorry.”
“Is this part of those pregnancy hormones that I heard about?” He asked running a hand over his bald head. “Cause if it is I don’t think I will survive this shit long.”
A laugh escaped me. “I guess so…I never think about my mom. This is so messed up.” I didn’t like it. Hated that I had spent even a second crying over that evil bitch. Grimacing I wiped my eyes with the backs of my hands and noticed that Jesse’s shirt was soaked with tears and snot. “Oh. Sorry about your shirt.”
He pulled it over his head and used it to dry my face. “It’s only a shirt, honey. There, now that’s better. My pretty Emmie is back again.” He pressed a kiss to my forehead and moved so that I was again sitting on my own and he was standing. “I need coffee.”
Jesse went about making a huge pot of potent coffee. The smell filled the whole house and soon Drake was stumbling into the kitchen, half blind with sleep as he poured himself a cup of Jesse’s special blend. The stuff was so thick that it was like swallowing Jell-O. I only ever drank it once. My stomach had cramped for hours and I felt like I was on speed. Never touched the stuff again!
Nik was just joining us, a pair of sleep pants hanging off his lean hips, when Shane came in with two shopping bags. He seemed more out of breath now than after his run. “I bought all the grits they had, Em. One of each type. I didn’t know if we had cheese or what kind you wanted. So I got several different kinds. And I hope that’s enough bacon.”
I threw my arms around him, not caring that he was still drenched in sweat. “Thanks, Shane.” He had completely gone overboard but he was so sweet, getting me what I wanted because I had been so upset.
He kissed my cheek. “Anything as long as you are happy, sweetheart.”
“What’s that about grits?” Nik asked, adding sugar to his mug of coffee. “I’m starving.”
“Em wants some bacon and cheese grits.” Jesse said as he opened a pack of bacon and tossed it into a pan on the stove. “So Em is getting bacon and cheese grits.” He winked at me as he started putting the rest of the groceries away. “Just the way her momma made.”
Chapter 11
With my belly full of Jesse’s grit, which had turned out pretty spectacular even if they hadn’t tasted like my mother’s, I decided to spend the rest of the morning laying down by the beach. We had about a quarter mile of private beach and I took advantage.
Drake carried a lounger down for me while I took an umbrella so that I didn’t get too much sun exposure. With a book in my hand and a bottle of cold water in my drink holder I was set. I had picked up the book What To Expect When Expecting the day before at the airport but hadn’t gotten far past the first few pages.
To say I was terrified about the baby was a minor understatement. But I was dealing with it. At least I was feeling better today than I had in what felt like forever. My nausea had seemed to calm down and even though I was tired I felt more rested.
The guys left me alone for a while. Drake had mumbled something about going back to bed after he had so kindly carried the heavy lounger down for me. I was glad for the time on my own, something I rarely got. It felt good to stretch out, with the warm sun on me and not having to worry about my guys.
Around noon I tossed my book on the lounger and stood. I felt like I was starving and the thought of a grilled cheese sandwich with tomato and bacon sounded heavenly. As I entered the house from the side door that lead into the living room I found Shane and Nik watching Sports Center on the ninety inch flat screen against the far wall.
“You guys hungry?” I asked as I passed the sectional on my way to the bathroom. I needed to pee like…Well like a pregnant woman! My bladder felt like it was the size of a watermelon it was so full.
“I could eat.” Shane told me. “What ya making?”
“Sandwiches.” I called, rushing into the bathroom. When I sat down it felt so good to relieve myself that I actually moaned.
After I washed my hands I went straight to the kitchen and started frying more bacon. I guess that was going to be my go to crave food, but I was okay with that. Bacon is awesome! I made a platter of sandwiches. BLTs, grilled cheese, turkey clubs. I was shoving a bacon strip in my mouth when Nik walked in.
“God, it smells good in here.” He pulled a beer from the fridge and popped the top off. “That ocean air makes a man hungry.”
