The Rocker That Needs Me
Page 10
I threw my arms around his neck and kissed his cheek. “Thanks for the car, Drake. I love it! Will you come with me while I test drive it?”
Just like that I was forgiven. He didn’t even scold me when I got out on the highway and pushed the Audi to its limits. At one point I glanced over at him and he had the biggest grin on his face. When he smiled like that, his eyes glowed with pure unadulterated joy, and it took my breath away.
The following weekend all hell broke loose. Jesse took Layla to a party at a friend’s Drake stayed home with me, and we made popcorn and watched a couple of movies. When I asked about their friend Tom and realized that Tom was Tommy Kirkman, I went a little ballistic.
“No!” I jumped up, already reaching for my keys. Lucy was asleep in the bedroom. I couldn’t leave her alone. “Fuck!”
“Angel, what’s the matter?” Drake demanded, concerned. No wonder, I was acting crazy.
“I have to get to Layla!” I had to get her the hell away from Tommy Kirkman. My sister was going to need me. “Can you stay with Lucy?”
Drake grabbed my arms, stopping me from running out the door. “What is the matter, Lana?”
Lana. He never called me Lana anymore. It was always Angel. I was his angel and that was the way I wanted it to stay. “Tommy Kirkman?” He nodded his head. “He’s Layla’s dad.”
That was all he needed to know for the moment. He called Nik and told him to come over to stay with Lucy, and then he was dragging me to the Audi and pushing me into the passenger seat. Within minutes we were headed toward Beverly Hills. Then he was demanding answers. “Why didn’t you tell me Tommy was Layla’s father?”
“Because we don’t talk about our dads. They are touchy subjects that neither one of us are willing to bring up. I had no idea that your friend Tom was Tommy.” It was a nightmare that the guy that Drake had told me was the guy that had taken him and the band under his wing was the dirt bag that had fathered my sister.
“Who is your father, Angel?” Drake suddenly asked.
I closed my eyes. Sadly enough, Tommy Kirkman was just as bad as my own father. “I don’t want to talk about it, Drake.” I whispered.
“Angel…”
“He isn’t important,” I told him. “He didn’t want me and I don’t want him! Please, just don’t make me talk about him.”
Drake was quiet the rest of the drive into the Hills.
The rest of that night was crazy. Layla left the party with me and Drake, leaving Jesse behind. I was sure that Layla was going to pack us up and move. I could feel the tension building in Drake with each passing minute. A long while later, Jesse showed up beat all to hell. He had a bruised kidney, and the band ended up taking another week off from going into the studio.
Emmie scared us all the following Monday. Her water broke a week before her scheduled C-section, and she had to have an emergency C-section. Layla texted me from the hospital, and I left school to pick up Lucy. By the time I got there, the baby was already making herself known to the world!
I watched while the guys passed the little bundle of pink sweetness around. It was freaky to see all those big men with the tiny baby in their arms. They all stared down at her in wonder, and I could actually see their hearts getting tied to her. When Drake held her for the first time, I had to keep from crying. He was so careful with her, so lost in the moment of holding his little niece.
I had a mad moment of insanity and actually imagined him holding our baby like that one day. But I was only dreaming. No way was that going to happen. Drake made it clear and more clear every day that we were only friends.
Chapter 4
Drake
The addiction that I had for Lana and the peace she brought me escalated. Before I realized it was happening, I was spending every spare second with her. Sometimes I would have dinner with her and her sisters, or I would take her into the city and we would have a night out. At one point she even talked me into karaoke. Lana might look like an angel, but she didn’t have the voice of one. I laughed until she punched me in the stomach when she sang Girls Just Wanna Have Fun.
The night of Tom’s party was a bad night for me. Tom had been like a father figure to all of us, and that night I got to see just what kind of scumbag he really was. On top of that, I was terrified when I realized that Layla might leave. I didn’t know if I could handle it if she took Lana away and I couldn’t see her every day. To say I was relieved when she and Jesse made up was an understatement if I ever heard one.
Everyone was trying to prepare themselves for Emmie’s C-section. The doctor asked all of us to come in and sat us down to explain what to expect the morning of the delivery. I thought I was ready. Really I did…
When she went into labor early and had to have an emergency C-section, I realized that no amount of planning would make me ready to see the fear in Emmie’s eyes as the doctor prepped her for surgery. I just wanted to hold her until it was all over, but only Nik was allowed in the OR with her. Layla offered us all some comfort, rubbing my back as we waited for Nik to come out and tell us that Emmie was okay. It was soothing, but I wanted Lana there.
My angel didn’t get to the hospital until it was almost time to see Emmie and the baby. When I saw her walking into the waiting room with Lucy beside her it felt like a weight had been lifted from my chest and I could breathe again. After tossing a greeting out to everyone, she sat down in the uncomfortable plastic chair next to me.
“Congratulations. You’re an uncle!”
I laughed and pulled her close, brushing a kiss over her cheek. “I guess I am.”
Holding Mia for the first time was a thrill in its own way. She was so tiny and I was terrified of dropping her. Lana showed me how to hold her head, and I had a moment of insanity and refused to even acknowledge the thought as soon as it flashed through my mind. When I saw her with that pink bundle in her arms, smiling down at my niece, I couldn’t hide from it any more.
What would it be like to hold our child?
That was never going to happen! Lana was my friend, my best friend. When she had babies, I wasn’t going to be their daddy…
That thought just made me pissed, and I left the hospital earlier than the others. I got lost in a bottle of Jack when I got home and stayed in my room for the rest of the night. I didn’t want to think about Lana’s future, especially if it included a husband and kids. That night as I fell into my nightmares, they were different. Instead of the past they were the future. I woke up in a pile of sweat just as Lana was walking down the aisle to some faceless prick.
Just like that I was forgiven. He didn’t even scold me when I got out on the highway and pushed the Audi to its limits. At one point I glanced over at him and he had the biggest grin on his face. When he smiled like that, his eyes glowed with pure unadulterated joy, and it took my breath away.
The following weekend all hell broke loose. Jesse took Layla to a party at a friend’s Drake stayed home with me, and we made popcorn and watched a couple of movies. When I asked about their friend Tom and realized that Tom was Tommy Kirkman, I went a little ballistic.
“No!” I jumped up, already reaching for my keys. Lucy was asleep in the bedroom. I couldn’t leave her alone. “Fuck!”
“Angel, what’s the matter?” Drake demanded, concerned. No wonder, I was acting crazy.
“I have to get to Layla!” I had to get her the hell away from Tommy Kirkman. My sister was going to need me. “Can you stay with Lucy?”
Drake grabbed my arms, stopping me from running out the door. “What is the matter, Lana?”
Lana. He never called me Lana anymore. It was always Angel. I was his angel and that was the way I wanted it to stay. “Tommy Kirkman?” He nodded his head. “He’s Layla’s dad.”
That was all he needed to know for the moment. He called Nik and told him to come over to stay with Lucy, and then he was dragging me to the Audi and pushing me into the passenger seat. Within minutes we were headed toward Beverly Hills. Then he was demanding answers. “Why didn’t you tell me Tommy was Layla’s father?”
“Because we don’t talk about our dads. They are touchy subjects that neither one of us are willing to bring up. I had no idea that your friend Tom was Tommy.” It was a nightmare that the guy that Drake had told me was the guy that had taken him and the band under his wing was the dirt bag that had fathered my sister.
“Who is your father, Angel?” Drake suddenly asked.
I closed my eyes. Sadly enough, Tommy Kirkman was just as bad as my own father. “I don’t want to talk about it, Drake.” I whispered.
“Angel…”
“He isn’t important,” I told him. “He didn’t want me and I don’t want him! Please, just don’t make me talk about him.”
Drake was quiet the rest of the drive into the Hills.
The rest of that night was crazy. Layla left the party with me and Drake, leaving Jesse behind. I was sure that Layla was going to pack us up and move. I could feel the tension building in Drake with each passing minute. A long while later, Jesse showed up beat all to hell. He had a bruised kidney, and the band ended up taking another week off from going into the studio.
Emmie scared us all the following Monday. Her water broke a week before her scheduled C-section, and she had to have an emergency C-section. Layla texted me from the hospital, and I left school to pick up Lucy. By the time I got there, the baby was already making herself known to the world!
I watched while the guys passed the little bundle of pink sweetness around. It was freaky to see all those big men with the tiny baby in their arms. They all stared down at her in wonder, and I could actually see their hearts getting tied to her. When Drake held her for the first time, I had to keep from crying. He was so careful with her, so lost in the moment of holding his little niece.
I had a mad moment of insanity and actually imagined him holding our baby like that one day. But I was only dreaming. No way was that going to happen. Drake made it clear and more clear every day that we were only friends.
Chapter 4
Drake
The addiction that I had for Lana and the peace she brought me escalated. Before I realized it was happening, I was spending every spare second with her. Sometimes I would have dinner with her and her sisters, or I would take her into the city and we would have a night out. At one point she even talked me into karaoke. Lana might look like an angel, but she didn’t have the voice of one. I laughed until she punched me in the stomach when she sang Girls Just Wanna Have Fun.
The night of Tom’s party was a bad night for me. Tom had been like a father figure to all of us, and that night I got to see just what kind of scumbag he really was. On top of that, I was terrified when I realized that Layla might leave. I didn’t know if I could handle it if she took Lana away and I couldn’t see her every day. To say I was relieved when she and Jesse made up was an understatement if I ever heard one.
Everyone was trying to prepare themselves for Emmie’s C-section. The doctor asked all of us to come in and sat us down to explain what to expect the morning of the delivery. I thought I was ready. Really I did…
When she went into labor early and had to have an emergency C-section, I realized that no amount of planning would make me ready to see the fear in Emmie’s eyes as the doctor prepped her for surgery. I just wanted to hold her until it was all over, but only Nik was allowed in the OR with her. Layla offered us all some comfort, rubbing my back as we waited for Nik to come out and tell us that Emmie was okay. It was soothing, but I wanted Lana there.
My angel didn’t get to the hospital until it was almost time to see Emmie and the baby. When I saw her walking into the waiting room with Lucy beside her it felt like a weight had been lifted from my chest and I could breathe again. After tossing a greeting out to everyone, she sat down in the uncomfortable plastic chair next to me.
“Congratulations. You’re an uncle!”
I laughed and pulled her close, brushing a kiss over her cheek. “I guess I am.”
Holding Mia for the first time was a thrill in its own way. She was so tiny and I was terrified of dropping her. Lana showed me how to hold her head, and I had a moment of insanity and refused to even acknowledge the thought as soon as it flashed through my mind. When I saw her with that pink bundle in her arms, smiling down at my niece, I couldn’t hide from it any more.
What would it be like to hold our child?
That was never going to happen! Lana was my friend, my best friend. When she had babies, I wasn’t going to be their daddy…
That thought just made me pissed, and I left the hospital earlier than the others. I got lost in a bottle of Jack when I got home and stayed in my room for the rest of the night. I didn’t want to think about Lana’s future, especially if it included a husband and kids. That night as I fell into my nightmares, they were different. Instead of the past they were the future. I woke up in a pile of sweat just as Lana was walking down the aisle to some faceless prick.
