The Rockers' Babies
Page 33
Pain that had nothing to do with his withdrawals crossed his face. “It was when I moved on from the weed to the harder shit, yeah. I’d already lost everyone else that meant anything to me, Dee. Marissa was all I had left and it looked like I was going to lose her too. I couldn’t deal with it so I found a way out.”
I swallowed hard, knowing that if I lost Linc or Harper who were my life lines, I would be messed up too. Reaching out I pushed a few locks of sweat damp hair from his brow. “So… Now that she’s healthy and full of life, why don’t you stop?”
His laugh was weak, full of self-mockery. “You would think it would be that easy, huh? Well it fucking isn’t.”
“Don’t you realize that you’re going to lose everything you love if you don’t get clean once and for all, Liam? If you keep destroying yourself like this, no one is going to be around when you finally fall.”
“I’ve already lost everything.” His jaw clenched shut and he leaned his head back against the seat, glaring off into space.
“What do you mean?” I couldn’t stop myself from asking.
“I got out of rehab about eight months ago and I decided to take a chance. Tell this girl that I was really into her and all that shit… But then I started using again and she found out. I’ve lost her.”
“You couldn’t get her back if you got clean again? Proved to her that you’re for real this time?” I reached for his ice cold hand, giving him a little squeeze. “Isn’t this girl important enough to try and fight for?”
He didn’t answer. Just closed his eyes and didn’t open them again until our flight was called. The next few hours as we flew toward New York he seemed lost in thought and I didn’t want to disturb him. It was obvious he didn’t feel well. When the plane hit turbulence he threw up in the little bag that the flight attendant had given him.
When we touched down I was sure that we were going to go our own way, but he stopped me before I could step outside and hail a cab. “I want to get clean, Dallas. I want to get better.”
“Okay.” I nodded. “I can help you with that.”
I knew a really good rehab upstate. It wasn’t like the ones I was sure he was used to. Where they sat you down and cuddled you and made you talk about your feelings. There was group therapy and one-on-one time with the doctors, but the place was run like military boot camp. Liam needed some tough love, not some pansy paid to hold his hand. I made the call to the administrator as we took a cab from the airport. I had made friends with the guy’s daughter in RN school and she owed me a favor, which her daddy was going to come through on.
I stayed with Liam through most of the day. Watched as they gave him his room, told him who his sponsor was, and produced a whole new wardrobe of green fatigues and a white T-shirt for him. Liam told me that all the other times he had gone into rehab it had been someone else’s decision, which I had guessed at. An addict had to be personally ready to get better before he could actually start recovering fully. He also told me that I was the first person to stay with him on his first day.
“They usually just drop me off and head off to get back to their lives. Not even Marissa would come with me. Wroth wouldn’t allow it.” His gaze wouldn’t meet mine and my heart ached all over again for him. “Thanks for being here with me, Dee.”
I hadn’t been able to keep from hugging him, even though I wasn’t comfortable with hugs and affectionate contact. I wrapped my arms around him tight, offering him something I was convinced he had lost over the years despite his bandmates always being around. I offered him my friendship and he took it with a desperation that was heart wrenching. His arms came around me, not squeezing me as tight as I was sure he could have been able to if he weren’t so ill from the detoxing.
“I’ll be back on Sunday,” I promised him. Sundays were family visitation days.
He nodded. “Okay… Can you tell my sister?” he had asked after a small hesitation. “Tell her I’m okay?”
“I’ll get her number from Natalie,” I had assured him, and kissed his cheek before leaving him in his room.
From there I had gone straight home, which brought me to now and the need to sleep because I had a twelve-hour shift at the hospital the next day but was unable to turn off my brain.
Damn, I needed a vacation after the weekend I had just had.
My phone made a buzzing noise and I glanced over at where I had plugged it into the charger a few minutes ago. It had died around lunch time, but I hadn’t really noticed. Other than make the call to get Liam into the rehab, I hadn’t used it at all. No one would worry about me. Linc and Natalie were still in LA until later in the week and if my mother happened to call it wasn’t likely that I would speak to her. Harper was probably in a passion-induced coma on her honeymoon right now so she wasn’t going to check up on me any time soon.
With a grunt I picked the phone up. My message box said I had twelve voice mails and the number thirty was on my text app. When I opened them and saw the first one was from Axton I hit delete on them all without even reading one. My voicemails went into the trash without bothering to listen.
I was done with Axton Cage.
Chapter 14
Drake
Why is it that when things get rough, that’s when I feel the urge to drink the most?
Honestly, I still have times when I want to reach for a bottle. Angel might be my life line, but she doesn’t completely stop the cravings. My love for her, and the knowledge of how shitty my life would be without her, was what kept me from reaching for the alcohol though.
I probably should have found a meeting close by, but I couldn’t leave Angel and Jesse or the rest of my family. They would have understood, but I wouldn’t have. My sister-in-law was lying unconscious in a hospital bed in ICU. Even though we knew the cause for her reaction to the anesthesia—an electrolyte deficiency—she was still not waking up.
It was tearing Jesse apart and with Angel pregnant and looking exhausted, I couldn’t help but put myself in his shoes. How would I handle it if Lana was where Layla was right now? Would I be able to cope? Or would I be in a bar somewhere? I liked to think it was the former rather than the latter, but I honestly couldn’t say for sure. Of course we had gone through something just as scary when Angel had lost our first baby, but this thing with Layla was twice as terrifying.
At the moment, Jesse was upstairs helping with the feeding of the twins. Emmie was with him, so Lana had wanted to sit with her sister during ICU visiting hours. I couldn’t understand why we weren’t allowed back with her at all times, but the rules were the rules in ICU and not even Em had been able to make them bend them for us.
I swallowed hard, knowing that if I lost Linc or Harper who were my life lines, I would be messed up too. Reaching out I pushed a few locks of sweat damp hair from his brow. “So… Now that she’s healthy and full of life, why don’t you stop?”
His laugh was weak, full of self-mockery. “You would think it would be that easy, huh? Well it fucking isn’t.”
“Don’t you realize that you’re going to lose everything you love if you don’t get clean once and for all, Liam? If you keep destroying yourself like this, no one is going to be around when you finally fall.”
“I’ve already lost everything.” His jaw clenched shut and he leaned his head back against the seat, glaring off into space.
“What do you mean?” I couldn’t stop myself from asking.
“I got out of rehab about eight months ago and I decided to take a chance. Tell this girl that I was really into her and all that shit… But then I started using again and she found out. I’ve lost her.”
“You couldn’t get her back if you got clean again? Proved to her that you’re for real this time?” I reached for his ice cold hand, giving him a little squeeze. “Isn’t this girl important enough to try and fight for?”
He didn’t answer. Just closed his eyes and didn’t open them again until our flight was called. The next few hours as we flew toward New York he seemed lost in thought and I didn’t want to disturb him. It was obvious he didn’t feel well. When the plane hit turbulence he threw up in the little bag that the flight attendant had given him.
When we touched down I was sure that we were going to go our own way, but he stopped me before I could step outside and hail a cab. “I want to get clean, Dallas. I want to get better.”
“Okay.” I nodded. “I can help you with that.”
I knew a really good rehab upstate. It wasn’t like the ones I was sure he was used to. Where they sat you down and cuddled you and made you talk about your feelings. There was group therapy and one-on-one time with the doctors, but the place was run like military boot camp. Liam needed some tough love, not some pansy paid to hold his hand. I made the call to the administrator as we took a cab from the airport. I had made friends with the guy’s daughter in RN school and she owed me a favor, which her daddy was going to come through on.
I stayed with Liam through most of the day. Watched as they gave him his room, told him who his sponsor was, and produced a whole new wardrobe of green fatigues and a white T-shirt for him. Liam told me that all the other times he had gone into rehab it had been someone else’s decision, which I had guessed at. An addict had to be personally ready to get better before he could actually start recovering fully. He also told me that I was the first person to stay with him on his first day.
“They usually just drop me off and head off to get back to their lives. Not even Marissa would come with me. Wroth wouldn’t allow it.” His gaze wouldn’t meet mine and my heart ached all over again for him. “Thanks for being here with me, Dee.”
I hadn’t been able to keep from hugging him, even though I wasn’t comfortable with hugs and affectionate contact. I wrapped my arms around him tight, offering him something I was convinced he had lost over the years despite his bandmates always being around. I offered him my friendship and he took it with a desperation that was heart wrenching. His arms came around me, not squeezing me as tight as I was sure he could have been able to if he weren’t so ill from the detoxing.
“I’ll be back on Sunday,” I promised him. Sundays were family visitation days.
He nodded. “Okay… Can you tell my sister?” he had asked after a small hesitation. “Tell her I’m okay?”
“I’ll get her number from Natalie,” I had assured him, and kissed his cheek before leaving him in his room.
From there I had gone straight home, which brought me to now and the need to sleep because I had a twelve-hour shift at the hospital the next day but was unable to turn off my brain.
Damn, I needed a vacation after the weekend I had just had.
My phone made a buzzing noise and I glanced over at where I had plugged it into the charger a few minutes ago. It had died around lunch time, but I hadn’t really noticed. Other than make the call to get Liam into the rehab, I hadn’t used it at all. No one would worry about me. Linc and Natalie were still in LA until later in the week and if my mother happened to call it wasn’t likely that I would speak to her. Harper was probably in a passion-induced coma on her honeymoon right now so she wasn’t going to check up on me any time soon.
With a grunt I picked the phone up. My message box said I had twelve voice mails and the number thirty was on my text app. When I opened them and saw the first one was from Axton I hit delete on them all without even reading one. My voicemails went into the trash without bothering to listen.
I was done with Axton Cage.
Chapter 14
Drake
Why is it that when things get rough, that’s when I feel the urge to drink the most?
Honestly, I still have times when I want to reach for a bottle. Angel might be my life line, but she doesn’t completely stop the cravings. My love for her, and the knowledge of how shitty my life would be without her, was what kept me from reaching for the alcohol though.
I probably should have found a meeting close by, but I couldn’t leave Angel and Jesse or the rest of my family. They would have understood, but I wouldn’t have. My sister-in-law was lying unconscious in a hospital bed in ICU. Even though we knew the cause for her reaction to the anesthesia—an electrolyte deficiency—she was still not waking up.
It was tearing Jesse apart and with Angel pregnant and looking exhausted, I couldn’t help but put myself in his shoes. How would I handle it if Lana was where Layla was right now? Would I be able to cope? Or would I be in a bar somewhere? I liked to think it was the former rather than the latter, but I honestly couldn’t say for sure. Of course we had gone through something just as scary when Angel had lost our first baby, but this thing with Layla was twice as terrifying.
At the moment, Jesse was upstairs helping with the feeding of the twins. Emmie was with him, so Lana had wanted to sit with her sister during ICU visiting hours. I couldn’t understand why we weren’t allowed back with her at all times, but the rules were the rules in ICU and not even Em had been able to make them bend them for us.
