The Rockers' Babies
Page 60
He slammed the door to my office and pulled the blinds closed to the window that looked out into the corridor. When he turned back to face me my heart was still beating like I had run a marathon. Wearing only a pair of basketball shorts, a faded old T-shirt, and running shoes that were tattered but his favorite to run on the beach in he was still the sexiest man I had ever seen in my life. The old Boston Red Sox baseball cap turned backward just made my fingers itch to push it off his head and run my fingers through his short dark hair.
“Why would you say something like that?” he demanded, jumping right into the heart of the matter. “Scratch that. Why would you even think that? Damn it, Harper, haven’t we moved on from shit like this?”
“It just sounded like you were having second thoughts,” I told him, still seated because I was in such awe of the god-like creature I got to call my husband. Seeing the anger and the hurt in his eyes made me regret even thinking that he didn’t want us to try for a child of our own.
“That wasn’t it at all. Look, baby. You are obviously having a hard time and this is just the beginning. I don’t want you to hurt like this. I don’t want you to be so unlike yourself and miserable…” He raised his hands to cut me off when I started to argue. “Don’t you fucking dare lie to me, woman. I want you to be healthy. You mean more to me than anything in the world, and that includes us having a kid. Do you hear me?” He stalked toward me, his eyes smoldering with a combination of frustration and love that had me squirming in my chair for something I wasn’t going to get anytime soon the way this freaking period was going. “Harper? Do you understand me? You healthy is more important.”
Dumbly I nodded, unable to find my voice with my throat all choked up with a mixture of emotional tears and need for the sex god just inches away from me now. He put his hands flat on the desk and leaned forward until his nose was touching mine. “Are we done driving each other crazy today, beautiful? Because I’d rather be kissing you than arguing with you.”
I pressed my lips to his, letting that be my answer.
Shane
For the second time in a week I sat with Harper in her doctor’s office, waiting for the results of the tests the woman had done the last time we had been in here. Blood work, ultrasound, and a few other things that I hadn’t been allowed in the room to witness and Harper hadn’t explained to me. I was a nervous wreck and had been since the last time I had sat here and the doctor had said that Harper could have something that was called PCOS or something far, far worse… cancer.
I hadn’t known what PCOS was so I had googled the shit out of it the moment we had gotten home the other night. Once I knew what we were dealing with I had been praying for the PCOS. Polycystic ovary syndrome caused a hormone imbalance that could produce ovarian cysts, the heavy period that Harper was still having even now—or no period at all in some cases, as well as any number of other changes that she had been showing signs of over the last two weeks of this hellish period.
The cancer possibility? Yeah, I hadn’t let myself think about that much because the few times I actually had I had gone to a very bad place.
Cancer was some scary shit and I wasn’t going to be able to handle anything in life if that fucker tried to take away my girl.
Harper sat beside me in a chair that, while only a few inches away from my own, felt way too far away for my comfort. She was holding my hand, having been my rock from the moment the doctor had told us what she suspected was going on with Harper. It should have been the other way around. I should have been the one who looked like I could conquer the world and everything else that looked like a threat to the person who meant more to me than life. I should have been the one who had held her the night we had gotten home from the first appointment while she cried silent tears.
Instead it had been her, looking strong and determined while I stood shaking in my running shoes. It was she who held me while I cried. Because I couldn’t fucking handle even the thought of losing her.
Emmie was worried about me, but I couldn’t talk to her about this yet. Harper had asked me not to tell anyone, including Emmie until we knew what we were dealing with. Everyone was still recovering from the stress of the twins, who were still in the hospital, and Lucy’s kidnapping. It had made this whole thing even harder for me, not being able to talk to my brother or even Emmie. Em knew that there was something wrong, was calling me almost every hour. I hadn’t taken any of her calls and kept in contact only through texts because I knew I would have broken down and let it all out.
As soon as we were done here I would call her, I promised myself. If this shit turned out to be bad then I was going to need Em as much as I was going to need Harper to hold onto.
The doctor finally pulled Harper’s test results up on her iPad and nodded her graying head. “It’s exactly what I suspected, Harper,” the woman said, and I was sure I was going to vomit. Fuck… “PCOS is treatable and you were doing really well on the birth control pills. I think you should start back on those and we can see if that will get you back to normal.”
Relief washed over me. Harper squeezed my hand, shooting me that beautiful smile. “That’s good news.”
The doctor shrugged. “It is treatable, but you had mentioned a few weeks ago that the two of you wanted to try and have a child…” The doctor looked sympathetic and her voice became gentle as if she were about to deliver bad news. My gut clenched again because I felt Harper’s hand start to tremble. “…But your PCOS is so severe that I don’t think that will ever be a possibility.”
“But she’s okay, right?” I asked, needing to make one hundred percent sure. Nothing else really mattered. Who the fuck needed kids? I had all I wanted right beside me. “She’s going to be all right?”
The older woman gave me a small smile. “Your wife is going to be fine, Mr. Stevenson. The inability to have a child…” her gaze went back to Harper who now had her head bowed, “…well that can take its own toll.” She stood. “I’m going to give you two some privacy. Take your time.”
As soon as the door closed behind the doctor I pulled Harper into my lap. I was shaking with relief, but she was motionless. Her head leaned against my chest and she just sat like that for a long moment while I ran my hands up and down her spine. “I feel… empty,” she whispered as the first sob racked her and shot me straight in the heart. “Why do I feel so empty?”
“Why would you say something like that?” he demanded, jumping right into the heart of the matter. “Scratch that. Why would you even think that? Damn it, Harper, haven’t we moved on from shit like this?”
“It just sounded like you were having second thoughts,” I told him, still seated because I was in such awe of the god-like creature I got to call my husband. Seeing the anger and the hurt in his eyes made me regret even thinking that he didn’t want us to try for a child of our own.
“That wasn’t it at all. Look, baby. You are obviously having a hard time and this is just the beginning. I don’t want you to hurt like this. I don’t want you to be so unlike yourself and miserable…” He raised his hands to cut me off when I started to argue. “Don’t you fucking dare lie to me, woman. I want you to be healthy. You mean more to me than anything in the world, and that includes us having a kid. Do you hear me?” He stalked toward me, his eyes smoldering with a combination of frustration and love that had me squirming in my chair for something I wasn’t going to get anytime soon the way this freaking period was going. “Harper? Do you understand me? You healthy is more important.”
Dumbly I nodded, unable to find my voice with my throat all choked up with a mixture of emotional tears and need for the sex god just inches away from me now. He put his hands flat on the desk and leaned forward until his nose was touching mine. “Are we done driving each other crazy today, beautiful? Because I’d rather be kissing you than arguing with you.”
I pressed my lips to his, letting that be my answer.
Shane
For the second time in a week I sat with Harper in her doctor’s office, waiting for the results of the tests the woman had done the last time we had been in here. Blood work, ultrasound, and a few other things that I hadn’t been allowed in the room to witness and Harper hadn’t explained to me. I was a nervous wreck and had been since the last time I had sat here and the doctor had said that Harper could have something that was called PCOS or something far, far worse… cancer.
I hadn’t known what PCOS was so I had googled the shit out of it the moment we had gotten home the other night. Once I knew what we were dealing with I had been praying for the PCOS. Polycystic ovary syndrome caused a hormone imbalance that could produce ovarian cysts, the heavy period that Harper was still having even now—or no period at all in some cases, as well as any number of other changes that she had been showing signs of over the last two weeks of this hellish period.
The cancer possibility? Yeah, I hadn’t let myself think about that much because the few times I actually had I had gone to a very bad place.
Cancer was some scary shit and I wasn’t going to be able to handle anything in life if that fucker tried to take away my girl.
Harper sat beside me in a chair that, while only a few inches away from my own, felt way too far away for my comfort. She was holding my hand, having been my rock from the moment the doctor had told us what she suspected was going on with Harper. It should have been the other way around. I should have been the one who looked like I could conquer the world and everything else that looked like a threat to the person who meant more to me than life. I should have been the one who had held her the night we had gotten home from the first appointment while she cried silent tears.
Instead it had been her, looking strong and determined while I stood shaking in my running shoes. It was she who held me while I cried. Because I couldn’t fucking handle even the thought of losing her.
Emmie was worried about me, but I couldn’t talk to her about this yet. Harper had asked me not to tell anyone, including Emmie until we knew what we were dealing with. Everyone was still recovering from the stress of the twins, who were still in the hospital, and Lucy’s kidnapping. It had made this whole thing even harder for me, not being able to talk to my brother or even Emmie. Em knew that there was something wrong, was calling me almost every hour. I hadn’t taken any of her calls and kept in contact only through texts because I knew I would have broken down and let it all out.
As soon as we were done here I would call her, I promised myself. If this shit turned out to be bad then I was going to need Em as much as I was going to need Harper to hold onto.
The doctor finally pulled Harper’s test results up on her iPad and nodded her graying head. “It’s exactly what I suspected, Harper,” the woman said, and I was sure I was going to vomit. Fuck… “PCOS is treatable and you were doing really well on the birth control pills. I think you should start back on those and we can see if that will get you back to normal.”
Relief washed over me. Harper squeezed my hand, shooting me that beautiful smile. “That’s good news.”
The doctor shrugged. “It is treatable, but you had mentioned a few weeks ago that the two of you wanted to try and have a child…” The doctor looked sympathetic and her voice became gentle as if she were about to deliver bad news. My gut clenched again because I felt Harper’s hand start to tremble. “…But your PCOS is so severe that I don’t think that will ever be a possibility.”
“But she’s okay, right?” I asked, needing to make one hundred percent sure. Nothing else really mattered. Who the fuck needed kids? I had all I wanted right beside me. “She’s going to be all right?”
The older woman gave me a small smile. “Your wife is going to be fine, Mr. Stevenson. The inability to have a child…” her gaze went back to Harper who now had her head bowed, “…well that can take its own toll.” She stood. “I’m going to give you two some privacy. Take your time.”
As soon as the door closed behind the doctor I pulled Harper into my lap. I was shaking with relief, but she was motionless. Her head leaned against my chest and she just sat like that for a long moment while I ran my hands up and down her spine. “I feel… empty,” she whispered as the first sob racked her and shot me straight in the heart. “Why do I feel so empty?”
