The Rosie Effect
Page 33
I had changed my view on social formulas. I now realised that they were actually an advantage for people who found human interaction difficult.
Very well, thank you. How are you?
Fine. Eugenie’s keeping me on my toes, but otherwise good.
We should use audio—more efficient.
This is fine, Claudia typed.
Talking is superior. I can speak faster than I can type.
Let’s stay with text.
How is the weather in Melbourne?
I’m in Sydney. With a friend. A new friend.
You already have vast numbers of friends. Surely you don’t need any more.
This one is special.
Formalities had taken us off track. It was time to get to the point.
You and Gene should get back together.
I appreciate your concern, Don, but it’s a bit late.
Incorrect. You’ve only been apart a short time. You have a vast investment in the relationship. Eugenie and Carl. Gene’s infidelity is irrational; trivial to correct compared with the cost of divorce, marital disruption, potentially finding new partners.
I continued in this vein. One of the advantages of text is that the other person cannot interrupt, and my argument quickly filled several windows. In the meantime a message arrived from Claudia, thanks to the asynchronous capabilities of Skype.
Thanks Don. I really do appreciate your concern. But I have to go. How are you and Rosie?
Fine. Do you want to talk to Gene? I think you should.
Don, I don’t want to be harsh, but I’m a clinical psychologist and you’re not an expert on interpersonal relations. Maybe leave this one to me.
Not harsh. I have a successful marriage and yours has failed. Hence my approach is prima facie more effective.
It was approximately twenty seconds before Claudia’s response came through—the connection was obviously slow.
Maybe. I appreciate you trying. But I have to go. And don’t take your successful marriage for granted.
Claudia’s icon turned orange before I could text a standard goodbye message.
I was not taking my marriage for granted. After a further week of incubating the Lydia Problem, I decided that I could present it to Rosie as an opportunity to receive advice on our parenting. I attempted to introduce the idea over dinner, which of course included Gene, but as I was unable to disclose information about the Playground Incident, my intentions were misinterpreted. Rosie thought my mention of parenting responsibilities was a reference to her taking leave from the medical program.
‘If I was a male student having a baby, we wouldn’t even be having this discussion.’
‘The situation is biologically different,’ I said. ‘For the male, the birth process has minimal impact; he could be working or watching baseball concurrently.’
‘He better not be. Technically, I only need a few days off. You take a week off if you have a sniffle.’
‘To prevent the spread of disease.’
‘Yeah, yeah, I know, but it doesn’t change the argument. I just need to find out how much time I can take without having to defer the whole year.’
Gene offered a more compelling, if disturbing, analysis. ‘Rightly or wrongly, if a male student didn’t take time off, the assumption would be that his partner was doing the child care. Are you thinking of Don taking time off?’
‘No, of course I’m not expecting Don to stay home with the baby…’
I had not envisaged baby care, but I had not envisaged much at all about life after Bud’s birth. It seemed that Rosie’s assessment of my abilities as a father was consistent with Lydia’s.
She must have seen my expression. ‘Sorry, Don. I’m just being realistic. I don’t think either of us are thinking of you being the main carer. I told you—I’ll take the baby with me.’
‘It seems unlikely that it would be permitted. Have you spoken to the counsellor?’
‘Not yet.’
I had raised Rosie’s idea of taking Bud to work with the Dean, and he had stated unambiguously that it would not be possible. But again, he recommended not citing the authoritative source of advice.
Rosie addressed Gene. ‘Don can’t take time off anyway. We need an income. Which is why I want to finish this program. So I can have a job and not be dependent on someone else.’
‘Don’s not someone else. He’s your partner. That’s how marriage works.’
‘You would know.’ Rosie, having complimented Gene on his knowledge, then inexplicably apologised. ‘Sorry, I didn’t mean that. I just don’t have time to think about it right now.’
It was a good opportunity to raise the Lydia issue.
‘Maybe you need some expert advice.’
‘Stefan’s been helping me,’ Rosie said.
‘With parenthood information?’
‘No, not with parenthood advice. Don, I’ve got about fifty problems in my life at the moment, and none of them is how to look after a baby that’s eight months away.’
‘Thirty-two weeks. Which is closer to seven months. We should prepare in advance. Have an assessment of our suitability as parents. An external audit.’
Rosie laughed. ‘Bit late now.’
Gene also laughed. ‘I think Don is being characteristically methodical. We can’t expect him to take on a new project without research, right Don?’
‘Correct. It would probably require only a short interview. I’ll schedule a date.’
‘I’ve got no problems with you having a talk to someone,’ said Rosie. ‘It’s great that you’re thinking about it. But I can look after myself.’
Very well, thank you. How are you?
Fine. Eugenie’s keeping me on my toes, but otherwise good.
We should use audio—more efficient.
This is fine, Claudia typed.
Talking is superior. I can speak faster than I can type.
Let’s stay with text.
How is the weather in Melbourne?
I’m in Sydney. With a friend. A new friend.
You already have vast numbers of friends. Surely you don’t need any more.
This one is special.
Formalities had taken us off track. It was time to get to the point.
You and Gene should get back together.
I appreciate your concern, Don, but it’s a bit late.
Incorrect. You’ve only been apart a short time. You have a vast investment in the relationship. Eugenie and Carl. Gene’s infidelity is irrational; trivial to correct compared with the cost of divorce, marital disruption, potentially finding new partners.
I continued in this vein. One of the advantages of text is that the other person cannot interrupt, and my argument quickly filled several windows. In the meantime a message arrived from Claudia, thanks to the asynchronous capabilities of Skype.
Thanks Don. I really do appreciate your concern. But I have to go. How are you and Rosie?
Fine. Do you want to talk to Gene? I think you should.
Don, I don’t want to be harsh, but I’m a clinical psychologist and you’re not an expert on interpersonal relations. Maybe leave this one to me.
Not harsh. I have a successful marriage and yours has failed. Hence my approach is prima facie more effective.
It was approximately twenty seconds before Claudia’s response came through—the connection was obviously slow.
Maybe. I appreciate you trying. But I have to go. And don’t take your successful marriage for granted.
Claudia’s icon turned orange before I could text a standard goodbye message.
I was not taking my marriage for granted. After a further week of incubating the Lydia Problem, I decided that I could present it to Rosie as an opportunity to receive advice on our parenting. I attempted to introduce the idea over dinner, which of course included Gene, but as I was unable to disclose information about the Playground Incident, my intentions were misinterpreted. Rosie thought my mention of parenting responsibilities was a reference to her taking leave from the medical program.
‘If I was a male student having a baby, we wouldn’t even be having this discussion.’
‘The situation is biologically different,’ I said. ‘For the male, the birth process has minimal impact; he could be working or watching baseball concurrently.’
‘He better not be. Technically, I only need a few days off. You take a week off if you have a sniffle.’
‘To prevent the spread of disease.’
‘Yeah, yeah, I know, but it doesn’t change the argument. I just need to find out how much time I can take without having to defer the whole year.’
Gene offered a more compelling, if disturbing, analysis. ‘Rightly or wrongly, if a male student didn’t take time off, the assumption would be that his partner was doing the child care. Are you thinking of Don taking time off?’
‘No, of course I’m not expecting Don to stay home with the baby…’
I had not envisaged baby care, but I had not envisaged much at all about life after Bud’s birth. It seemed that Rosie’s assessment of my abilities as a father was consistent with Lydia’s.
She must have seen my expression. ‘Sorry, Don. I’m just being realistic. I don’t think either of us are thinking of you being the main carer. I told you—I’ll take the baby with me.’
‘It seems unlikely that it would be permitted. Have you spoken to the counsellor?’
‘Not yet.’
I had raised Rosie’s idea of taking Bud to work with the Dean, and he had stated unambiguously that it would not be possible. But again, he recommended not citing the authoritative source of advice.
Rosie addressed Gene. ‘Don can’t take time off anyway. We need an income. Which is why I want to finish this program. So I can have a job and not be dependent on someone else.’
‘Don’s not someone else. He’s your partner. That’s how marriage works.’
‘You would know.’ Rosie, having complimented Gene on his knowledge, then inexplicably apologised. ‘Sorry, I didn’t mean that. I just don’t have time to think about it right now.’
It was a good opportunity to raise the Lydia issue.
‘Maybe you need some expert advice.’
‘Stefan’s been helping me,’ Rosie said.
‘With parenthood information?’
‘No, not with parenthood advice. Don, I’ve got about fifty problems in my life at the moment, and none of them is how to look after a baby that’s eight months away.’
‘Thirty-two weeks. Which is closer to seven months. We should prepare in advance. Have an assessment of our suitability as parents. An external audit.’
Rosie laughed. ‘Bit late now.’
Gene also laughed. ‘I think Don is being characteristically methodical. We can’t expect him to take on a new project without research, right Don?’
‘Correct. It would probably require only a short interview. I’ll schedule a date.’
‘I’ve got no problems with you having a talk to someone,’ said Rosie. ‘It’s great that you’re thinking about it. But I can look after myself.’
