The Rosie Effect
Page 35
‘Oh my God, Don.’ She laughed, but I detected nervousness. ‘You’re kidding me. I’m just saying that—I know you’re not. Oh my God. I don’t think I could be Rosie.’
‘Morally or in terms of competence?’
‘Oh, you know me. Totally immoral.’ This was not my impression of Sonia, but was consistent with Gene’s view of her profession. ‘Rosie and I are so different.’
‘Correct. But Lydia hasn’t met Rosie. She doesn’t even know she’s Australian. Just that she’s a medical student with no friends.’
‘No friends? What about Dave and me?’
‘She only sees you because of me. Most of her interaction is with her study group. Occasionally she sees Judy Esler. She’s primarily interested in intellectual conversation.’
‘I’ll have to catch up on my reading. You want a coffee?’
We were at Dave and Sonia’s apartment. It was a Sunday, but Rosie had gone into university in violation of the ‘weekend free time’ rule and Dave was also working. Sonia claimed that her Italian heritage required regular espresso coffee, and had a high-quality machine. Coffee was an excellent idea, but not the first priority.
‘After we resolve the impersonation question.’
‘After I have my coffee.’
When Sonia returned with my double espresso and her pregnancy-compatible decaffeinated cappuccino, she appeared to have prepared a speech.
‘All right, Don, it’s just one session, no more?’
I nodded.
‘And no forms to fill in or anything, nothing to sign?’
‘I don’t think so.’ Nothing was certain, but as Lydia was officially assessing me as a paedophile, it seemed unlikely that she would report anything about Rosie or the parenthood aspect. Sonia was probably right in characterising her behaviour as ‘way out of line’.
‘All right. I’m going to do this for you, for two reasons. The main one is because you’ve been so great to Dave. I know he’d be insolvent without the cash he gets from George the Drummer. I know that.’
Dave definitely did not know that Sonia knew that. Dave was extremely concerned to ensure that Sonia was unaware of his business problems. Which was a ridiculous expectation, considering Sonia’s profession.
Sonia finished her coffee. ‘But I don’t want you to tell Dave,’ she said.
‘Why not?’
‘He’s got enough on his mind. You know Dave, he’s a worrier.’
This was true. The motivation for the deception was to avoid causing stress to Rosie. It would be a terrible outcome if the solution caused stress to Dave, leading to a heart attack or stroke, which he was already susceptible to because of his weight. But secrets were accumulating. I am extremely poor at deception. I promised Sonia that I would do my best, but that my best was likely to be significantly below the average human ability to lie. I was in need of Gene’s skills, but his skills were a result of his personality which I was not in need of.
‘What’s the second reason?’ I asked.
‘To put that bitch back in her box,’ said Sonia. She was laughing.
Rosie was putting flowers into our two vases and the wine decanter when I arrived home. She was wearing shorts and a sleeveless t-shirt. Her shape was not visibly different from its normal state of perfect.
‘I need a break from study,’ she said. ‘You were right about things getting out of perspective.’
‘Excellent idea,’ I said. ‘You need to minimise stress.’
‘How is Sonia doing?’ said Rosie.
‘Sonia is doing extremely well. Dave is nervous about becoming a father. As is normal for men.’
Rosie laughed. ‘Hey, I’ve been thinking. About what you said last week about us getting some counselling. I was probably a bit defensive. Maybe it would be a good idea. If you feel you need it.’
‘No, no, I was only thinking of you. I’m feeling highly confident. Excited.’
‘Okay. Well, I’m okay too. Let me know if you change your mind.’
Eight days earlier, I would have accepted Rosie’s offer. But now the Sonia approach seemed a better solution. There would be less stress for Rosie, less risk of the process being derailed by her becoming confrontational and less danger that she might be exposed to a negative assessment of my readiness for fatherhood.
I arranged to meet Sonia at her place of work on the Upper East Side in the hope that I might be able to combine the pre-interview briefing with learning about advances in reproductive technology. But ‘place of work’ translated into ‘nearby coffee shop’.
‘I don’t work anywhere near the labs. I only met Dave because I thought his company had overcharged us.’
‘Had they?’
‘No, Dave screwed up the paperwork. But he was so honest about it, I bought him a coffee. Here.’
‘Leading to sex after only two dates.’
‘Dave told you that?’
‘It’s incorrect?’
‘Completely untrue. We didn’t sleep together until we were married.’
‘Dave lied?’ Incredible. Dave was scrupulously honest.
Sonia laughed. ‘No, I lied. You couldn’t tell?’
I shook my head. ‘I’m extremely gullible.’ Fooling Lydia, who was probably accustomed to dealing with welfare cheats, alimony avoiders and accountants within her own organisation, would be more difficult.
‘Morally or in terms of competence?’
‘Oh, you know me. Totally immoral.’ This was not my impression of Sonia, but was consistent with Gene’s view of her profession. ‘Rosie and I are so different.’
‘Correct. But Lydia hasn’t met Rosie. She doesn’t even know she’s Australian. Just that she’s a medical student with no friends.’
‘No friends? What about Dave and me?’
‘She only sees you because of me. Most of her interaction is with her study group. Occasionally she sees Judy Esler. She’s primarily interested in intellectual conversation.’
‘I’ll have to catch up on my reading. You want a coffee?’
We were at Dave and Sonia’s apartment. It was a Sunday, but Rosie had gone into university in violation of the ‘weekend free time’ rule and Dave was also working. Sonia claimed that her Italian heritage required regular espresso coffee, and had a high-quality machine. Coffee was an excellent idea, but not the first priority.
‘After we resolve the impersonation question.’
‘After I have my coffee.’
When Sonia returned with my double espresso and her pregnancy-compatible decaffeinated cappuccino, she appeared to have prepared a speech.
‘All right, Don, it’s just one session, no more?’
I nodded.
‘And no forms to fill in or anything, nothing to sign?’
‘I don’t think so.’ Nothing was certain, but as Lydia was officially assessing me as a paedophile, it seemed unlikely that she would report anything about Rosie or the parenthood aspect. Sonia was probably right in characterising her behaviour as ‘way out of line’.
‘All right. I’m going to do this for you, for two reasons. The main one is because you’ve been so great to Dave. I know he’d be insolvent without the cash he gets from George the Drummer. I know that.’
Dave definitely did not know that Sonia knew that. Dave was extremely concerned to ensure that Sonia was unaware of his business problems. Which was a ridiculous expectation, considering Sonia’s profession.
Sonia finished her coffee. ‘But I don’t want you to tell Dave,’ she said.
‘Why not?’
‘He’s got enough on his mind. You know Dave, he’s a worrier.’
This was true. The motivation for the deception was to avoid causing stress to Rosie. It would be a terrible outcome if the solution caused stress to Dave, leading to a heart attack or stroke, which he was already susceptible to because of his weight. But secrets were accumulating. I am extremely poor at deception. I promised Sonia that I would do my best, but that my best was likely to be significantly below the average human ability to lie. I was in need of Gene’s skills, but his skills were a result of his personality which I was not in need of.
‘What’s the second reason?’ I asked.
‘To put that bitch back in her box,’ said Sonia. She was laughing.
Rosie was putting flowers into our two vases and the wine decanter when I arrived home. She was wearing shorts and a sleeveless t-shirt. Her shape was not visibly different from its normal state of perfect.
‘I need a break from study,’ she said. ‘You were right about things getting out of perspective.’
‘Excellent idea,’ I said. ‘You need to minimise stress.’
‘How is Sonia doing?’ said Rosie.
‘Sonia is doing extremely well. Dave is nervous about becoming a father. As is normal for men.’
Rosie laughed. ‘Hey, I’ve been thinking. About what you said last week about us getting some counselling. I was probably a bit defensive. Maybe it would be a good idea. If you feel you need it.’
‘No, no, I was only thinking of you. I’m feeling highly confident. Excited.’
‘Okay. Well, I’m okay too. Let me know if you change your mind.’
Eight days earlier, I would have accepted Rosie’s offer. But now the Sonia approach seemed a better solution. There would be less stress for Rosie, less risk of the process being derailed by her becoming confrontational and less danger that she might be exposed to a negative assessment of my readiness for fatherhood.
I arranged to meet Sonia at her place of work on the Upper East Side in the hope that I might be able to combine the pre-interview briefing with learning about advances in reproductive technology. But ‘place of work’ translated into ‘nearby coffee shop’.
‘I don’t work anywhere near the labs. I only met Dave because I thought his company had overcharged us.’
‘Had they?’
‘No, Dave screwed up the paperwork. But he was so honest about it, I bought him a coffee. Here.’
‘Leading to sex after only two dates.’
‘Dave told you that?’
‘It’s incorrect?’
‘Completely untrue. We didn’t sleep together until we were married.’
‘Dave lied?’ Incredible. Dave was scrupulously honest.
Sonia laughed. ‘No, I lied. You couldn’t tell?’
I shook my head. ‘I’m extremely gullible.’ Fooling Lydia, who was probably accustomed to dealing with welfare cheats, alimony avoiders and accountants within her own organisation, would be more difficult.
