The Savage Grace
Page 93
And we were the last ones standing.
Chapter Thirty-eight
WAKE
THREE DAYS LATER
I sat on the porch swing, staring out at the orange sky that painted a perfect backdrop to the walnut tree where Jude, Daniel, and I had spent so much of our childhood playing up in its branches. I took in deep gulps of early evening air. It was cold and icy in my lungs, but the sharp pain with each breath felt somewhat invigorating.
Like I was actually waking up for the first time in three days.
What had happened in the many hours that followed the end of the ceremony had pretty much been a blur. I’d been exhausted, mentally fighting off the fatigue that tried to overtake my body after having poured so much of my power into Jude in order cure him. But there’d been no time for rest. So many things needed to be done, so many decisions needed to be made, and so many people now looked toward Daniel and me as the ones to make them.
The Elders had wanted to give Jude a warrior’s send-off—burn his body like they did with the five Etlu guardians we’d lost to the Shadow Kings during the ceremony. But I refused, knowing Mom would want Jude to have a proper human funeral. Which had left us to deal with the legal ramifications of his death—to explain what had happened to him in a way the sheriff and the rest of the town could accept. It was Daniel who’d come up with the solution. Jude’s body had still held a terrible gash in his side, where he’d taken a blow from Caleb’s claws.
“Jude died in a wolf attack,” Daniel had said. “We went wolf hunting, looking to win the ten-thousand-dollar bounty. But the wolf attacked us, and Jude, in the process of saving my life, grappled with the wolf, killing it, but was fatally injured by his own weapon. We’ll bring Jude’s body, along with one of the smallest of the wolf carcasses, to the sheriff as proof. Everyone will know that he died to save my life. Everyone should know that.”
The sheriff had bought the story. The mayor declared Jude a town hero for saving us all from the terrible wolf and awarded our family the prize money. Dad donated it to the homeless shelter in Jude’s name. And because of Jude’s sacrifice, the whole town had turned out for tonight’s memorial. I’d been obliged to retell the lie of how Jude had died over and over again in front of the crowd of mingling neighbors, parishioners, and the occasional superhuman werewolf, all here to pay their respects to Jude.
Today we should have been hosting Jude’s nineteenth birthday party; instead, we were hosting his wake.
I’d come outside to escape for a few minutes. I’d retold the lie so many times I had almost started to believe that false story myself. But I didn’t want to forget the truth. I wanted the pain of it, mixed with the icy stabbing of the night’s air, to keep me feeling alive and awake.
Two things I knew Jude wasn’t anymore.
Part of me had hoped that he’d rise again, like Daniel had when I’d cured him last year. But really, deep down, I’d known he wouldn’t. Killing Jude hadn’t been an ultimate sacrifice the way it had been for Daniel, because I’d known when I plunged that spear into Jude’s heart that I wasn’t sacrificing my soul to save him. What I’d done for Jude had freed his soul, but it wasn’t enough to restore his life.
And I wondered if it was better this way.
Or at least if it was what Jude had wanted.
The words he’d mouthed to me just before I tried to heal him—the words he’d been too weak actually to say out loud, still echoed in my head, even though they’d made no sound. “Let me go,” he’d tried to say, with desperate pleading in his eyes. “Let me go. It’s easier.…”
Jude hadn’t been able to imagine a future for himself.
And perhaps dying a martyr—sacrificing himself for Daniel and me—had been the easiest way out he could see.…
I shook my head. Jude had died a hero as far as everyone was concerned. His last words I’d keep to myself. No one else ever needed to know.
I heard the creak of wooden porch steps and realized I wasn’t alone. I looked up and saw someone standing there wearing a black sheath dress and bright coral-pink tights. She held a small, brightly wrapped package in her hands. I blinked several times, wondering if I really was awake after all.
“Hey,” Katie Summers said.
“Hey,” I said back.
“I know I didn’t know your brother, but I wanted to stop by and tell you that I’m sorry for your loss.”
I nodded. “Thanks.” I wiped at the tears pooling in the corners of my eyes.
“I heard what he did for Daniel …,” she started to say.
“Yeah. Wolf attack.” I sighed, knowing she’d probably want to hear the false account from an “eyewitness” just like everyone else.
Katie shook her head. “No. I know what really happened. So don’t worry, you don’t need to lie to me.”
I raised my eyebrows.
“Slade told me. And I know what you all did for me at that awful party. I’m afraid Slade and Brent didn’t do the best job convincing me that I’d drunk some funky Kool-Aid.” She smiled a little. “So thanks, you know, for helping to save my life. You’re pretty cool, you know that?”
I gave a little laugh.
She tapped the present she held with her coral-pink-painted fingernails. I could tell the design on the wrapping paper was hand drawn, and it reminded me of the get-well present she’d wanted me to give Daniel last week. The one that was still tucked in my backpack upstairs. Had she really brought another present for my boyfriend to my brother’s funeral?
“Um, this is for Slade,” she said about the package. I realized then that the brightly colored drawings on the paper were the same design as the flamed tattoos that inked Slade’s arms. “It’s a stopwatch.”
“A stopwatch. For Slade?”
She blushed a bit. “Did he tell you he’s thinking about trying out for the fire department again?”
I shook my head. He hadn’t said anything to me, but I wasn’t surprised. Slade had seemed like a completely different person ever since he brought Baby James out of the fire. Like a man who’d found a reason to live again.
“I thought I could help him train,” she said. “The stopwatch is so we can make sure he doesn’t do the drills too fast, if you know what I mean.”
I smiled and nodded.
Chapter Thirty-eight
WAKE
THREE DAYS LATER
I sat on the porch swing, staring out at the orange sky that painted a perfect backdrop to the walnut tree where Jude, Daniel, and I had spent so much of our childhood playing up in its branches. I took in deep gulps of early evening air. It was cold and icy in my lungs, but the sharp pain with each breath felt somewhat invigorating.
Like I was actually waking up for the first time in three days.
What had happened in the many hours that followed the end of the ceremony had pretty much been a blur. I’d been exhausted, mentally fighting off the fatigue that tried to overtake my body after having poured so much of my power into Jude in order cure him. But there’d been no time for rest. So many things needed to be done, so many decisions needed to be made, and so many people now looked toward Daniel and me as the ones to make them.
The Elders had wanted to give Jude a warrior’s send-off—burn his body like they did with the five Etlu guardians we’d lost to the Shadow Kings during the ceremony. But I refused, knowing Mom would want Jude to have a proper human funeral. Which had left us to deal with the legal ramifications of his death—to explain what had happened to him in a way the sheriff and the rest of the town could accept. It was Daniel who’d come up with the solution. Jude’s body had still held a terrible gash in his side, where he’d taken a blow from Caleb’s claws.
“Jude died in a wolf attack,” Daniel had said. “We went wolf hunting, looking to win the ten-thousand-dollar bounty. But the wolf attacked us, and Jude, in the process of saving my life, grappled with the wolf, killing it, but was fatally injured by his own weapon. We’ll bring Jude’s body, along with one of the smallest of the wolf carcasses, to the sheriff as proof. Everyone will know that he died to save my life. Everyone should know that.”
The sheriff had bought the story. The mayor declared Jude a town hero for saving us all from the terrible wolf and awarded our family the prize money. Dad donated it to the homeless shelter in Jude’s name. And because of Jude’s sacrifice, the whole town had turned out for tonight’s memorial. I’d been obliged to retell the lie of how Jude had died over and over again in front of the crowd of mingling neighbors, parishioners, and the occasional superhuman werewolf, all here to pay their respects to Jude.
Today we should have been hosting Jude’s nineteenth birthday party; instead, we were hosting his wake.
I’d come outside to escape for a few minutes. I’d retold the lie so many times I had almost started to believe that false story myself. But I didn’t want to forget the truth. I wanted the pain of it, mixed with the icy stabbing of the night’s air, to keep me feeling alive and awake.
Two things I knew Jude wasn’t anymore.
Part of me had hoped that he’d rise again, like Daniel had when I’d cured him last year. But really, deep down, I’d known he wouldn’t. Killing Jude hadn’t been an ultimate sacrifice the way it had been for Daniel, because I’d known when I plunged that spear into Jude’s heart that I wasn’t sacrificing my soul to save him. What I’d done for Jude had freed his soul, but it wasn’t enough to restore his life.
And I wondered if it was better this way.
Or at least if it was what Jude had wanted.
The words he’d mouthed to me just before I tried to heal him—the words he’d been too weak actually to say out loud, still echoed in my head, even though they’d made no sound. “Let me go,” he’d tried to say, with desperate pleading in his eyes. “Let me go. It’s easier.…”
Jude hadn’t been able to imagine a future for himself.
And perhaps dying a martyr—sacrificing himself for Daniel and me—had been the easiest way out he could see.…
I shook my head. Jude had died a hero as far as everyone was concerned. His last words I’d keep to myself. No one else ever needed to know.
I heard the creak of wooden porch steps and realized I wasn’t alone. I looked up and saw someone standing there wearing a black sheath dress and bright coral-pink tights. She held a small, brightly wrapped package in her hands. I blinked several times, wondering if I really was awake after all.
“Hey,” Katie Summers said.
“Hey,” I said back.
“I know I didn’t know your brother, but I wanted to stop by and tell you that I’m sorry for your loss.”
I nodded. “Thanks.” I wiped at the tears pooling in the corners of my eyes.
“I heard what he did for Daniel …,” she started to say.
“Yeah. Wolf attack.” I sighed, knowing she’d probably want to hear the false account from an “eyewitness” just like everyone else.
Katie shook her head. “No. I know what really happened. So don’t worry, you don’t need to lie to me.”
I raised my eyebrows.
“Slade told me. And I know what you all did for me at that awful party. I’m afraid Slade and Brent didn’t do the best job convincing me that I’d drunk some funky Kool-Aid.” She smiled a little. “So thanks, you know, for helping to save my life. You’re pretty cool, you know that?”
I gave a little laugh.
She tapped the present she held with her coral-pink-painted fingernails. I could tell the design on the wrapping paper was hand drawn, and it reminded me of the get-well present she’d wanted me to give Daniel last week. The one that was still tucked in my backpack upstairs. Had she really brought another present for my boyfriend to my brother’s funeral?
“Um, this is for Slade,” she said about the package. I realized then that the brightly colored drawings on the paper were the same design as the flamed tattoos that inked Slade’s arms. “It’s a stopwatch.”
“A stopwatch. For Slade?”
She blushed a bit. “Did he tell you he’s thinking about trying out for the fire department again?”
I shook my head. He hadn’t said anything to me, but I wasn’t surprised. Slade had seemed like a completely different person ever since he brought Baby James out of the fire. Like a man who’d found a reason to live again.
“I thought I could help him train,” she said. “The stopwatch is so we can make sure he doesn’t do the drills too fast, if you know what I mean.”
I smiled and nodded.
