The Shadow Reader

Page 53

“It would save lives,” Atroth adds.
Is the saving lives part an afterthought? For Radath, I’m almost certain it is. The king? I don’t know.
“They kept me blindfolded.” The words make my head pound. Whose side am I on? I could help the Court. I could give Atroth my imprinted necklace. I glance at Kyol, needing some kind of reassurance, but his face reveals nothing. I wish I could talk to him alone, wish I could go back to when I had no doubts about him or the Court.
Radath lets out a breath that’s almost a growl. “She’s useless. We shouldn’t have made the trade.”
“Not useless, Radath,” Atroth says calmly. “It may take some time for her to remember everything. She’s traumatized. Look at her neck.” It takes everything in me not to touch the scar on the side of my throat. “Her time with the rebels was not pleasant.”
“They threatened her,” Radath agrees. “One has to wonder why they kept her alive to begin with. What secrets did she tell them?”
Kyol meets the lord general’s eyes. “She’s strong. She’d never betray us.”
I stare down at the water rippling in my glass, afraid my expression reveals too much, afraid they somehow know I’ve understood everything they’ve said. Kyol believes in me. That should account for something. But do I still believe in him?
“Naito would know where to find them.”
Silence, then Kyol, still as emotionless as ever, says, “She doesn’t know he’s dead.”
I’m lucky the shock sinks in slowly. I have time to control my expression, to dig my fingers into my knees and order my lungs to continue drawing in air. I understood Raen’s words, but I didn’t believe them, not until now. Naito’s dead. Kyol killed him. Kyol killed him.
God, I’ve been a fool, a despicable, wretched fool. Aren told me I was stubborn to a fault, and he was right. I let my love for Kyol blind me. I let him use me.
Aren. I call his name in my head as if he can hear me. I should have stayed with him, should have given him the Sidhe Tol.
“McKenzie?” Kyol says beside me.
“What?” I force myself to choke out. I can’t freak out, not yet.
“You remember nothing else?”
I still can’t read anything in his expression. Did he ever have feelings for me or was Lena right? He secured my loyalty with a kiss?
“No,” I say, my voice more in control this time. “That’s everything.”
“She’s holding something back,” Radath says. I don’t dare meet the lord general’s eyes.
“If she knew anything useful,” Kyol says. “She would tell us.”
The diamond necklace burns a hole in my pocket.
“You’re wrong, Taltrayn. You have until dusk to discover what she’s hiding.”
“And how would you like me to pry out what she doesn’t know, Lord General?”
Radath smiles. “Use your imagination. The girl’s in love with you. Beat her, bed her, I don’t care, but do what you must to make her cooperate.”
TWENTY
I HAVE TO keep my face impassive, unreadable. It’s easier than I expect because I’m dead inside. I can’t feel anything but a cold, jagged iceberg surrounding my heart.
“McKenzie,” Kyol says as soon as we exit the king’s hall. “What’s wrong?”
I don’t answer, just keep putting one foot in front of the other. I thought I learned what a broken heart felt like when I thought Kyol died trying to protect me from the rebels. That pain had been cutting and deep, but at least I felt something then.
Numb, I turn toward the sculpture garden.
“No.” Kyol ushers me the opposite direction. “This way.”
He’s taking me to his quarters, I realize. I should run, but where am I supposed to go? I’m trapped in the Realm unless a fae fissures me back to my world. I’ll even need a fae to fissure me to Aren.
I stare straight ahead. I fell for the bad guy. It’s such a typical, stupid, girly thing to do. But then, I was sixteen when I met Kyol. Maybe he was part of my teenage rebellion. I was too young, too naïve, to see past his manipulations.
God, I’ve been so wrong about him. He’s not honorable; he’s conniving. Every smile, every touch, every look of concern he’s ever given me, it’s all a lie. A lie, damn it! And everything Aren’s told me is true.
We climb a staircase. This isn’t all my fault. Kyol’s the real asshole here. I may have spent the last decade reading shadows for the Court, but I can undo all the help I’ve given them in three short syllables. I’m going to find Aren. I’m going to give him the location of the Sidhe Tol.
By the time we reach Kyol’s room, I’m not numb anymore. I’m pissed.
He gently closes the door. “McKenzie, talk to me.”
I shouldn’t say anything. I should pretend everything is okay, but something inside me snaps.
“Talk to you?” I snarl as I turn on him. “Why don’t you talk to me, Kyol? Why don’t you try telling me the truth?”
His silver eyes widen in surprise. He actually staggers back a step. “What are you talking about?”
“Everything,” I say. “But why don’t we start with Naito? You promised he was fine.”
Confusion wrinkles his brow. “He is fine.”
“Bullshit.”
“I swear it.”
I ignore his lie. “Maybe we should talk about something else? Like how you’re going to convince me to cooperate? It’s going to take a hell of a lot more than a kiss to manipulate me this time. You’ll have to rape me because I won’t sleep with you. Not willingly.” I slam my hands into his chest.
Comprehension finally dawns on his face. “You understood.”
“Damn right, I did.”
“Everything?” He braces a hand against the wall. “You understood everything.”
He looks so wounded. A part of me wants to reach out and comfort him, but no. It’s only part of his act.
I hang on to my anger. “I gave up my life for you, Kyol. I haven’t talked to my family in years because they think I’m insane. And they’re right. I was crazy to ever listen to you. I should have a real job now. I should have graduated four years ago. I should be married or at least have had a boyfriend. But no, I never gave anyone a chance because they couldn’t measure up to you. I didn’t think they compared, but every one of them—every one!—was a better man than you.”
I pace the room. “I thought Atroth’s decree kept us apart. Ridiculous. Did I make you sick every time you touched me? Did you have to hold your breath when we kissed? Did you!”
He shakes his head. “No, McKenzie, it’s not like that. I—”
“You knew Aren was a front, didn’t you? Sethan had to hide behind him because you’d go after his family if you knew he was leading the rebels. That’s what you’re doing in Haeth now, isn’t it?”
“McKenzie, we weren’t sure. Please.” He takes a step toward me.
“Stay back!”
He winces, but drops his hand to his sword. I freeze, realizing how easy it would be for him to kill me with that blade. Humans mean nothing to him. We’re only tools.