The Silent Waters
Page 23
My inhales were heavy and my grip on my novel was slipping, as my now panicked stare met his nervous eyes.
I’d never danced. I didn’t know how.
I’d only read about dancing, and proms, and two people becoming one in each other’s arms.
“You don’t have to. Sorry.” He cleared his throat and looked back at the window. He muttered the word “stupid”, and I could tell he was internally beating himself up.
I placed my book against the windowsill and nodded.
He must’ve been watching me out of the corner of his eye, because his smile stretched without turning my way. “Yeah?” he asked.
Yeah.
I ran my fingers through my messy hair and goose bumps formed on my skin. My long white maxi dress didn’t look anything like Cheryl’s and nothing like Stacey’s. I wore no makeup and had few curves to my ghostly pale body, but Brooks didn’t seem to care. He always looked at me and made me feel like I was enough, no matter what.
He turned my way and smiled.
“Can I have your wrist?” he asked.
I held it out, and he opened the box with Cheryl’s corsage then slipped it on my arm.
“Just for now, you know, to make it seem more real.”
He pulled out his iPod from his pocket and flipped through his music before landing on the song of his choice. He handed one earbud to me, and he took the other, then he pressed play and placed the iPod in the front pocket of his slacks. I raised an eyebrow, unsure of the song playing.
“It’s something I wrote and played acoustic a while back. It’s just instrumentals. No one has heard the lyrics or anything, but I guess you can hear them now. Because, I wrote them for you.”
Swoon.
I loved it already.
He walked over to me and held his hands out. I stepped forward, and he wrapped his arms around my lower back, then my arms fell around his neck as he pulled me closer. His skin smelled like shaving cream and honey—my new favorite scent. If it was a dream, I swore I’d never wake. As we swayed, he pulled me closer. And as he pulled me closer, he began to sing.
She lies against my chest as her raindrops begin to fall
She feels so weak, floating aimlessly, slamming against the walls
Praying for a moment where she won’t begin to drown
Her heart’s been begging for an answer to the silent hurts her soul keeps bound.
An ache formed in my chest as I listened to his voice. His lips lingered over mine, his words falling against me. I felt the small breaths he exhaled into me and felt his shaky fingers against my spine. I felt his soul, my body pressed against his, my eyes staring at his singing lips. Brooks…
I’ll be your anchor
I’ll hold you still throughout the night
I’ll be your steadiness
during the dark and lonely tides
I’ll hold you close, I’ll be your light, I’ll promise you’ll be all right
I’ll be your anchor
And we’ll get through this fight
He drove me crazy. His hold, his touch, his voice, his words. Everything about his soul lit me on fire, and I was proud to burn beside him.
She tries each day to escape the flooding of her mind
She loses hope when darkness locks her in a bind
She slips away from me and I try to hold on tight
I promise it will all be over by daylight
I’ll be your anchor
I’ll hold you still throughout the night
I’ll be your steadiness
during the dark and lonely tides
I’ll hold you close, I’ll be your light, I’ll promise you’ll be all right
I’ll be your anchor
And we’ll get through this fight
I’ll hold you close, I’ll be your light, I’ll promise you’ll be all right
I’ll hold you close, I’ll be your light, baby, we’ll be all right
I’ll be your anchor
And we’ll get through this night
“Maggie,” he whispered against me, our lips not yet touching. Our bodies shook against one another and he laughed. “You’re shaking.”
So are you.
He smiled as if he’d read my mind, and I tried my best to read his.
“You’re my best friend, Magnet, but…” His lips grew closer, and I swore I felt them brush against my own. His fingers massaged into my back in circles, and I melted each time a circle was complete. “What if she was right? What if Lacey was onto something? What if there is something more than friendship between us?” His grip on my lower back got tighter, pulling me closer. Our lips brushed together again, and my stomach knotted.
“Step back, and I’ll step back, too,” he told me. I moved in closer, placing my hands against his chest, feeling his heartbeat. His stare fell to my lips, and his trembles became my own. “Tell me not to kiss you, Maggie. Step back, and I won’t kiss you.”
I stayed still.
Of course I stayed still.
I stayed and waited, and died, and waited.
When he found his place, when his lips glided against mine, my brain went dizzy and I came back to life.
His lips pressed against mine, gently at first, and everything inside me became a part of him. His fingers wrapped around my back and he pulled me in closer, pushing his lips harder against mine, and for the first time in a long time, I felt it.
Happy.
Is it real?
Am I allowed this?
Am I allowed to be happy?
The last time I’d been kissed was by the same boy who wrapped his arms around me, who held me as if I were a promise of a dream he didn’t know he had.
This kiss was different than all those years ago. This time we didn’t count the seconds, but I did count the breaths he stole from me.
One…
Two…
Twenty-five…
This time the kiss felt so real, so perfect, so much like forever.
This time is forever.
“Maggie, have you seen—”
Brooks broke his hold on me and jumped backward, turning his back to the person at the door. The headphone in my ear was snatched out, making me stumble forward.
My eyes flew to Mama standing there, shocked. “Cheryl’s red lipstick,” she finished her sentence. An awkward silence rose, and Mama narrowed her eyes as Brooks straightened out his tie. “Brooks, I think Cheryl is waiting downstairs for photos.”
“Right, of course. Thanks, Mrs. Riley. Let me just get…” He walked over to me and took the corsage from my arm, then just like that, forever was over. “I’ll-uh-I’ll see you later, Maggie.” He hurried past Mama, keeping his head down from embarrassment.
I’d never danced. I didn’t know how.
I’d only read about dancing, and proms, and two people becoming one in each other’s arms.
“You don’t have to. Sorry.” He cleared his throat and looked back at the window. He muttered the word “stupid”, and I could tell he was internally beating himself up.
I placed my book against the windowsill and nodded.
He must’ve been watching me out of the corner of his eye, because his smile stretched without turning my way. “Yeah?” he asked.
Yeah.
I ran my fingers through my messy hair and goose bumps formed on my skin. My long white maxi dress didn’t look anything like Cheryl’s and nothing like Stacey’s. I wore no makeup and had few curves to my ghostly pale body, but Brooks didn’t seem to care. He always looked at me and made me feel like I was enough, no matter what.
He turned my way and smiled.
“Can I have your wrist?” he asked.
I held it out, and he opened the box with Cheryl’s corsage then slipped it on my arm.
“Just for now, you know, to make it seem more real.”
He pulled out his iPod from his pocket and flipped through his music before landing on the song of his choice. He handed one earbud to me, and he took the other, then he pressed play and placed the iPod in the front pocket of his slacks. I raised an eyebrow, unsure of the song playing.
“It’s something I wrote and played acoustic a while back. It’s just instrumentals. No one has heard the lyrics or anything, but I guess you can hear them now. Because, I wrote them for you.”
Swoon.
I loved it already.
He walked over to me and held his hands out. I stepped forward, and he wrapped his arms around my lower back, then my arms fell around his neck as he pulled me closer. His skin smelled like shaving cream and honey—my new favorite scent. If it was a dream, I swore I’d never wake. As we swayed, he pulled me closer. And as he pulled me closer, he began to sing.
She lies against my chest as her raindrops begin to fall
She feels so weak, floating aimlessly, slamming against the walls
Praying for a moment where she won’t begin to drown
Her heart’s been begging for an answer to the silent hurts her soul keeps bound.
An ache formed in my chest as I listened to his voice. His lips lingered over mine, his words falling against me. I felt the small breaths he exhaled into me and felt his shaky fingers against my spine. I felt his soul, my body pressed against his, my eyes staring at his singing lips. Brooks…
I’ll be your anchor
I’ll hold you still throughout the night
I’ll be your steadiness
during the dark and lonely tides
I’ll hold you close, I’ll be your light, I’ll promise you’ll be all right
I’ll be your anchor
And we’ll get through this fight
He drove me crazy. His hold, his touch, his voice, his words. Everything about his soul lit me on fire, and I was proud to burn beside him.
She tries each day to escape the flooding of her mind
She loses hope when darkness locks her in a bind
She slips away from me and I try to hold on tight
I promise it will all be over by daylight
I’ll be your anchor
I’ll hold you still throughout the night
I’ll be your steadiness
during the dark and lonely tides
I’ll hold you close, I’ll be your light, I’ll promise you’ll be all right
I’ll be your anchor
And we’ll get through this fight
I’ll hold you close, I’ll be your light, I’ll promise you’ll be all right
I’ll hold you close, I’ll be your light, baby, we’ll be all right
I’ll be your anchor
And we’ll get through this night
“Maggie,” he whispered against me, our lips not yet touching. Our bodies shook against one another and he laughed. “You’re shaking.”
So are you.
He smiled as if he’d read my mind, and I tried my best to read his.
“You’re my best friend, Magnet, but…” His lips grew closer, and I swore I felt them brush against my own. His fingers massaged into my back in circles, and I melted each time a circle was complete. “What if she was right? What if Lacey was onto something? What if there is something more than friendship between us?” His grip on my lower back got tighter, pulling me closer. Our lips brushed together again, and my stomach knotted.
“Step back, and I’ll step back, too,” he told me. I moved in closer, placing my hands against his chest, feeling his heartbeat. His stare fell to my lips, and his trembles became my own. “Tell me not to kiss you, Maggie. Step back, and I won’t kiss you.”
I stayed still.
Of course I stayed still.
I stayed and waited, and died, and waited.
When he found his place, when his lips glided against mine, my brain went dizzy and I came back to life.
His lips pressed against mine, gently at first, and everything inside me became a part of him. His fingers wrapped around my back and he pulled me in closer, pushing his lips harder against mine, and for the first time in a long time, I felt it.
Happy.
Is it real?
Am I allowed this?
Am I allowed to be happy?
The last time I’d been kissed was by the same boy who wrapped his arms around me, who held me as if I were a promise of a dream he didn’t know he had.
This kiss was different than all those years ago. This time we didn’t count the seconds, but I did count the breaths he stole from me.
One…
Two…
Twenty-five…
This time the kiss felt so real, so perfect, so much like forever.
This time is forever.
“Maggie, have you seen—”
Brooks broke his hold on me and jumped backward, turning his back to the person at the door. The headphone in my ear was snatched out, making me stumble forward.
My eyes flew to Mama standing there, shocked. “Cheryl’s red lipstick,” she finished her sentence. An awkward silence rose, and Mama narrowed her eyes as Brooks straightened out his tie. “Brooks, I think Cheryl is waiting downstairs for photos.”
“Right, of course. Thanks, Mrs. Riley. Let me just get…” He walked over to me and took the corsage from my arm, then just like that, forever was over. “I’ll-uh-I’ll see you later, Maggie.” He hurried past Mama, keeping his head down from embarrassment.
