The Silent Waters
Page 70
When Daddy arrived, he was confused to see Brooks and me there, but pleased. We all sat down to dinner, and Mama was too nervous to look at Daddy, and he hardly glanced over at her. Cheryl did most of the talking, which was something she was good at doing.
“Maggie May, can you pass me the egg rolls?” Daddy asked.
Mama looked up at me and nodded once.
I cleared my throat, picked up the egg rolls, and held them out in his direction. “Here you go, Daddy.”
“Thank you, sweet—” His words faltered. He looked up at me, his eyes locking with mine. Disbelief filled his tone. “No.”
I nodded and knocked on the table twice. “Yes.”
“Oh…oh my…” His hands flew to his chest as tears began to fall. He took off his glasses then covered his mouth with his hands. As his tears fell, more rolled down Mama’s cheeks. Daddy stood up, and I followed his stance. He walked over to me and combed my hair behind my ears. He rested his hands against my cheeks, the same way Mama had. “Say something else.” He laughed nervously. “Anything, really. Say anything, say everything, say the word nothing. Anything. Just say something else.”
I placed my hands against his face, holding his as he held mine, and I whispered the words I’d always wished to say to the first man who ever loved me with his all. “The world keeps spinning because your heartbeats exist.”
My family sat talking late into the night, laughing, crying, and making me say every single word in the dictionary. We Skyped with Calvin, who was in New York for business, and when he saw Brooks smiling, and he saw me speaking, he too began to cry. There were so many moments throughout the night where Mama and Daddy laughed at the same moments and fell apart together, too, yet they didn’t speak to each other. Even though I noticed the trembles in their lips, the stolen glances that they took, the love that still lived in their hearts.
“Well,” Daddy said around one in the morning. “I better get going.”
He stood up, and I glanced over at Mama, silently begging her to say something, but she didn’t speak up. She watched her love walk away again.
“What was that?” I asked her. “You need to go after him!”
“What? No. We are separated. We’re both exactly where we want to be,” Mama said.
“Lies!” Cheryl shouted. “Lies! When was the last time you showered, Mom?”
Mama paused, really thinking about her last shower. “I shower!” she claimed.
“Yeah,” Cheryl huffed. “In Ben and Jerry’s.”
“Your father’s happy, though. He seems happy.”
I gave her a knowing look. Of course he wasn’t happy. Part of his heart still beat inside of her chest. How could anyone be happy with a missing piece of their soul? “You should call him.”
Her eyes watered over, and she gave me a tight smile. “Oh no. No, I couldn’t. I…” Her voice shook, and her hands landed on her hips. “I wouldn’t even know what to say.”
“Do you miss him?”
She started crying, tears free falling down her cheeks. “More than words.”
“Then tell him.”
“I don’t know how. I don’t know what to say, or how to say it.”
I walked over to her and wiped her tears away. “Come on. Brooks will drive us over to Dad’s apartment. I’ll help you find the words to say on the way. You can have shotgun.”
Her body started to tremble, and I wrapped her into a tight hug, holding her close to me. As we approached the foyer, Mama froze. “I can’t.”
“You can. Here’s what we’re going to do. We’re going to walk out of the front door toward the car. When those thoughts of worry and doubt start coming in your mind, you keep walking, okay? Even when you’re scared, you keep going. When the doubts get louder, you run. You run, Mama. You run until you’re back in his arms.”
“Why are you helping me? Maggie May, I’ve been awful to you. All those years I held you back from your life. Why are you being so helpful? So forgiving?”
I bit my bottom lip. “When I was younger a woman always told me that family looks out for each other no matter what, even on the hard days. Especially on the hard days.”
She took a deep breath.
“You’re scared?” I asked.
“Yes.”
“Okay.” I nodded. “So let’s go.”
Once we made it to the car, and Brooks helped Mama into the passenger seat, she let out a breath of air. “Thanks for driving, Brooks,” Mama said, giving him a tiny smile.
“Anytime.” Brooks smiled and took Mama’s hand into his. “You okay today, Mrs. Riley?”
She squeezed his hand twice.
A quiet, but meaningful reply.
Yes.
As we drove over to Dad’s apartment building, I pulled out my dry-erase board and began writing. When Brooks drove into the parking lot and parked, I hopped out of the car with the board in my hand, and Mama followed.
“Wait, Maggie. You didn’t tell me what I was supposed to say to him.” Her body shook with nerves, panic, worry that somehow the man she loved didn’t love her anymore. “I don’t know what to do.”
I held the board out to her. As she read it, she stopped shaking. A wave of peace ran over her, and she took in a short inhale and released an eased exhale. “Okay,” she said. “Okay.”
She walked up to the front porch, dinged Daddy’s apartment number, and waited for him to come downstairs. I climbed into the passenger seat of the car and shut the door. Brooks bent forward to watch the interaction between my parents. When Daddy opened the door, I could see it—the love that came with no guidelines.
He placed his glasses on top of his head and didn’t say a word. Mama didn’t either. When it came time, she flipped the sign around for him to see, and Dad’s eyes watered over as he pounded his fist against his mouth. Tears fell from his eyes before he pulled Mama into a tight hug. As the board dropped to the ground, they hugged one another tighter and tighter. Their bodies become one. Then, they kissed. Their kiss was messy, and funny, and sad, and whole. So, so whole.
If kisses were able to fix the broken pieces of hearts, I believed my parents’ hearts were slowly falling back together.
“Wow,” Brooks whispered.
Yes, wow. “We can probably leave now,” I said.
“Maggie May, can you pass me the egg rolls?” Daddy asked.
Mama looked up at me and nodded once.
I cleared my throat, picked up the egg rolls, and held them out in his direction. “Here you go, Daddy.”
“Thank you, sweet—” His words faltered. He looked up at me, his eyes locking with mine. Disbelief filled his tone. “No.”
I nodded and knocked on the table twice. “Yes.”
“Oh…oh my…” His hands flew to his chest as tears began to fall. He took off his glasses then covered his mouth with his hands. As his tears fell, more rolled down Mama’s cheeks. Daddy stood up, and I followed his stance. He walked over to me and combed my hair behind my ears. He rested his hands against my cheeks, the same way Mama had. “Say something else.” He laughed nervously. “Anything, really. Say anything, say everything, say the word nothing. Anything. Just say something else.”
I placed my hands against his face, holding his as he held mine, and I whispered the words I’d always wished to say to the first man who ever loved me with his all. “The world keeps spinning because your heartbeats exist.”
My family sat talking late into the night, laughing, crying, and making me say every single word in the dictionary. We Skyped with Calvin, who was in New York for business, and when he saw Brooks smiling, and he saw me speaking, he too began to cry. There were so many moments throughout the night where Mama and Daddy laughed at the same moments and fell apart together, too, yet they didn’t speak to each other. Even though I noticed the trembles in their lips, the stolen glances that they took, the love that still lived in their hearts.
“Well,” Daddy said around one in the morning. “I better get going.”
He stood up, and I glanced over at Mama, silently begging her to say something, but she didn’t speak up. She watched her love walk away again.
“What was that?” I asked her. “You need to go after him!”
“What? No. We are separated. We’re both exactly where we want to be,” Mama said.
“Lies!” Cheryl shouted. “Lies! When was the last time you showered, Mom?”
Mama paused, really thinking about her last shower. “I shower!” she claimed.
“Yeah,” Cheryl huffed. “In Ben and Jerry’s.”
“Your father’s happy, though. He seems happy.”
I gave her a knowing look. Of course he wasn’t happy. Part of his heart still beat inside of her chest. How could anyone be happy with a missing piece of their soul? “You should call him.”
Her eyes watered over, and she gave me a tight smile. “Oh no. No, I couldn’t. I…” Her voice shook, and her hands landed on her hips. “I wouldn’t even know what to say.”
“Do you miss him?”
She started crying, tears free falling down her cheeks. “More than words.”
“Then tell him.”
“I don’t know how. I don’t know what to say, or how to say it.”
I walked over to her and wiped her tears away. “Come on. Brooks will drive us over to Dad’s apartment. I’ll help you find the words to say on the way. You can have shotgun.”
Her body started to tremble, and I wrapped her into a tight hug, holding her close to me. As we approached the foyer, Mama froze. “I can’t.”
“You can. Here’s what we’re going to do. We’re going to walk out of the front door toward the car. When those thoughts of worry and doubt start coming in your mind, you keep walking, okay? Even when you’re scared, you keep going. When the doubts get louder, you run. You run, Mama. You run until you’re back in his arms.”
“Why are you helping me? Maggie May, I’ve been awful to you. All those years I held you back from your life. Why are you being so helpful? So forgiving?”
I bit my bottom lip. “When I was younger a woman always told me that family looks out for each other no matter what, even on the hard days. Especially on the hard days.”
She took a deep breath.
“You’re scared?” I asked.
“Yes.”
“Okay.” I nodded. “So let’s go.”
Once we made it to the car, and Brooks helped Mama into the passenger seat, she let out a breath of air. “Thanks for driving, Brooks,” Mama said, giving him a tiny smile.
“Anytime.” Brooks smiled and took Mama’s hand into his. “You okay today, Mrs. Riley?”
She squeezed his hand twice.
A quiet, but meaningful reply.
Yes.
As we drove over to Dad’s apartment building, I pulled out my dry-erase board and began writing. When Brooks drove into the parking lot and parked, I hopped out of the car with the board in my hand, and Mama followed.
“Wait, Maggie. You didn’t tell me what I was supposed to say to him.” Her body shook with nerves, panic, worry that somehow the man she loved didn’t love her anymore. “I don’t know what to do.”
I held the board out to her. As she read it, she stopped shaking. A wave of peace ran over her, and she took in a short inhale and released an eased exhale. “Okay,” she said. “Okay.”
She walked up to the front porch, dinged Daddy’s apartment number, and waited for him to come downstairs. I climbed into the passenger seat of the car and shut the door. Brooks bent forward to watch the interaction between my parents. When Daddy opened the door, I could see it—the love that came with no guidelines.
He placed his glasses on top of his head and didn’t say a word. Mama didn’t either. When it came time, she flipped the sign around for him to see, and Dad’s eyes watered over as he pounded his fist against his mouth. Tears fell from his eyes before he pulled Mama into a tight hug. As the board dropped to the ground, they hugged one another tighter and tighter. Their bodies become one. Then, they kissed. Their kiss was messy, and funny, and sad, and whole. So, so whole.
If kisses were able to fix the broken pieces of hearts, I believed my parents’ hearts were slowly falling back together.
“Wow,” Brooks whispered.
Yes, wow. “We can probably leave now,” I said.
