The Singer
Page 53
Bruno looked around, more than a little bleary-eyed himself. “Wasn’t there a game on tonight?”
“Want me to look?” Damien stood up, as if to turn on the television in the corner of the room. Damien never watched television. Ever. Not even football.
“That’s it.” Ava stood too. She pointed to Astrid and Damien. “What’s up with you guys? Why are you being weird and why are you trying to keep me awake?”
Damien’s eyes never wavered. He crossed his ink-covered arms over his chest, reminding her too much of Malachi’s disapproving stance. The pain was quick, like a knife jab. “You sleep too much.”
“What?”
“You do,” Astrid said. “I’ve noticed it, too. Other than the night of the sing, you’re in bed almost right after dinner. You don’t come to the house to play games or read in the library. We hardly see you at all before you go to your room.”
Ava shrank back. “I like privacy.”
Renata was watching with quick, assessing eyes. “I think, Ava, that your friends are worried about you.”
“Well, I’m fine.”
Silence fell over the previously boisterous table.
Astrid finally said, “Yes, we are worried about you. The sleep. The lack of appetite. You barely eat anything except for a few of Karen’s cakes.”
“You think I’m depressed.”
Once again, no one said anything, but Ava recognized the signs of awkward concern. She’d lived with them her whole life. From her mother to her stepfather to every friend or boyfriend she’d ever attempted to retain.
Her throat tightened. “I’m not depressed.”
Of course she was depressed.
“You’re not?” Renata asked. “I thought you just lost your mate.”
Karen winced visibly, and Bruno put a hand on Renata’s arm.
“Rennie,” he said, “we’re trying—”
“What?” Renata said. “It’s not like she’s forgotten. Of course she’s depressed.”
Damien said, “We just want Ava to know we’re worried about her.”
“We want her to know she’s not alone,” Karen said. “That we’re here to listen if—”
“Let her be depressed for a while if she wants, damn it. It happened just months ago. And they’d barely met.” Unexpected tears shone in Renata’s eyes. “She had a glimpse of happiness, then it was taken away.” Her voice was hoarse, matching the lump that had risen in Ava’s throat. “If she wants to sleep, let her sleep.”
“I’m fine,” Ava managed to choke out. “I appreciate you’re all worried about me, but really, I’m fine.”
Renata’s eyes cut to her. “Of course you’re not fine. What a ridiculous thing to say.”
This time it was Astrid who put her hand on Ava’s arm before she opened her mouth in anger. “The important thing is everyone grieves in different ways. I think Ava knows we’re worried about her. She knows we care. And she can take as much time as she wants to come to terms with the loss of her mate.”
“Malachi,” she whispered.
“Hmm?”
“His name was Malachi.” She blinked back tears. “You don’t have to avoid his name or pretend he was just some faceless guy.” Her eyes met Damien’s. “He was your friend. Your brother. And you never say his name. I know you miss him, too.”
Damien’s eyes burned into hers. “I’m sorry, Ava.”
“And I sleep…” Ava cleared her throat and decided to just tell them. “I sleep because, in my dreams, he’s there. And for a little while, I’m happy.”
Astrid said, “That’s very normal, Ava.”
“So if I want to sleep a little more, then it’s my own business. I had nightmares for months, and now they’re gone.”
“Good.” Astrid squeezed her arm. “That’s good. I’m glad you’re sleeping better.”
“Thank you.” She paused and took a deep breath, trying to see their interference for what it was. Concern. Caring. Even love. Part of her acknowledged that the pattern she’d developed wasn’t healthy. But most of her didn’t care a bit. Still, she decided to throw a line to the people she’d come to know as friends.
“I guess… since you’re all here, I’ll stay up a little later.”
She didn’t want to. She wanted to sleep. Wanted to feel Malachi’s arms, even if it was only a dream. Ava sat down again, but there was silence for a few moments until Bruno spoke.
“I could eat more cake.”
Karen said, “You can always eat more cake.”
“Then I was smart to fall in love with a baker.”
A knock came at the door. Ava took the opportunity to distract herself and walked to answer it. She cracked open the door and saw the unexpected sight of Sari on the other side. Sari never came to the cottage, and she certainly never did it looking nervous. But there she was. And she was definitely nervous.
“Um…” Ava blinked and opened the door wider. “Hi.”
“May I come in?”
Ava felt Damien behind her. She backed away and let him hold the door.
“Sari?”
He looked as shocked as Ava felt. Even after the sing, when they seemed to stop antagonizing each other, she never visited.
“Want me to look?” Damien stood up, as if to turn on the television in the corner of the room. Damien never watched television. Ever. Not even football.
“That’s it.” Ava stood too. She pointed to Astrid and Damien. “What’s up with you guys? Why are you being weird and why are you trying to keep me awake?”
Damien’s eyes never wavered. He crossed his ink-covered arms over his chest, reminding her too much of Malachi’s disapproving stance. The pain was quick, like a knife jab. “You sleep too much.”
“What?”
“You do,” Astrid said. “I’ve noticed it, too. Other than the night of the sing, you’re in bed almost right after dinner. You don’t come to the house to play games or read in the library. We hardly see you at all before you go to your room.”
Ava shrank back. “I like privacy.”
Renata was watching with quick, assessing eyes. “I think, Ava, that your friends are worried about you.”
“Well, I’m fine.”
Silence fell over the previously boisterous table.
Astrid finally said, “Yes, we are worried about you. The sleep. The lack of appetite. You barely eat anything except for a few of Karen’s cakes.”
“You think I’m depressed.”
Once again, no one said anything, but Ava recognized the signs of awkward concern. She’d lived with them her whole life. From her mother to her stepfather to every friend or boyfriend she’d ever attempted to retain.
Her throat tightened. “I’m not depressed.”
Of course she was depressed.
“You’re not?” Renata asked. “I thought you just lost your mate.”
Karen winced visibly, and Bruno put a hand on Renata’s arm.
“Rennie,” he said, “we’re trying—”
“What?” Renata said. “It’s not like she’s forgotten. Of course she’s depressed.”
Damien said, “We just want Ava to know we’re worried about her.”
“We want her to know she’s not alone,” Karen said. “That we’re here to listen if—”
“Let her be depressed for a while if she wants, damn it. It happened just months ago. And they’d barely met.” Unexpected tears shone in Renata’s eyes. “She had a glimpse of happiness, then it was taken away.” Her voice was hoarse, matching the lump that had risen in Ava’s throat. “If she wants to sleep, let her sleep.”
“I’m fine,” Ava managed to choke out. “I appreciate you’re all worried about me, but really, I’m fine.”
Renata’s eyes cut to her. “Of course you’re not fine. What a ridiculous thing to say.”
This time it was Astrid who put her hand on Ava’s arm before she opened her mouth in anger. “The important thing is everyone grieves in different ways. I think Ava knows we’re worried about her. She knows we care. And she can take as much time as she wants to come to terms with the loss of her mate.”
“Malachi,” she whispered.
“Hmm?”
“His name was Malachi.” She blinked back tears. “You don’t have to avoid his name or pretend he was just some faceless guy.” Her eyes met Damien’s. “He was your friend. Your brother. And you never say his name. I know you miss him, too.”
Damien’s eyes burned into hers. “I’m sorry, Ava.”
“And I sleep…” Ava cleared her throat and decided to just tell them. “I sleep because, in my dreams, he’s there. And for a little while, I’m happy.”
Astrid said, “That’s very normal, Ava.”
“So if I want to sleep a little more, then it’s my own business. I had nightmares for months, and now they’re gone.”
“Good.” Astrid squeezed her arm. “That’s good. I’m glad you’re sleeping better.”
“Thank you.” She paused and took a deep breath, trying to see their interference for what it was. Concern. Caring. Even love. Part of her acknowledged that the pattern she’d developed wasn’t healthy. But most of her didn’t care a bit. Still, she decided to throw a line to the people she’d come to know as friends.
“I guess… since you’re all here, I’ll stay up a little later.”
She didn’t want to. She wanted to sleep. Wanted to feel Malachi’s arms, even if it was only a dream. Ava sat down again, but there was silence for a few moments until Bruno spoke.
“I could eat more cake.”
Karen said, “You can always eat more cake.”
“Then I was smart to fall in love with a baker.”
A knock came at the door. Ava took the opportunity to distract herself and walked to answer it. She cracked open the door and saw the unexpected sight of Sari on the other side. Sari never came to the cottage, and she certainly never did it looking nervous. But there she was. And she was definitely nervous.
“Um…” Ava blinked and opened the door wider. “Hi.”
“May I come in?”
Ava felt Damien behind her. She backed away and let him hold the door.
“Sari?”
He looked as shocked as Ava felt. Even after the sing, when they seemed to stop antagonizing each other, she never visited.
