The Struggle
Page 62
I was fucking blessed.
But gods, what I felt almost knocked me on my ass again. Closing my eyes, I exhaled roughly as I leaned over, pressing my palms into my thighs.
I was never a praying man.
I didn’t believe the gods answered prayers. Knew for a fucking fact that they didn’t care enough to do so, but in that moment, I wanted to pray. I want to pray that this was real, that this was really happening.
It seemed too good, too beautiful.
Gods, it didn’t seem like I’d deserve not only Josie but a child as well.
And that was terrifying for a whole shit-ton of reasons.
Because there was fear. Fear that something would happen to her, happen to the baby—to both of them. Fear that I would somehow fuck up, because I had no idea how to do the whole parenting thing.
Not to mention I was seriously probably the last person on this earth anyone would trust a small child with. Less than an hour before I found out I was going to be a father, I sort of melted a guy from the inside out, so . . .
But that was my baby, in my girl.
That changed everything in a manner of seconds.
Straightening, I let out a shaky laugh and found myself smiling at . . . at fucking nothing.
I need to get my shit together.
One way to avoid fucking this up was making the world safe for Josie and for our child.
Walking out of the room, I looked down the hall, and a totally different smile appeared. Sensing out Aiden, I zeroed in on his presence. A heartbeat later, I was in another sitting area, in a room several doors down.
“Hello,” I said.
Aiden flew up from where he was sitting on the couch.
“Dammit!” Alex shrieked as she nearly slid off the arm of the couch. “Oh my gods! Now you’re going to do that too?”
“Not cool.” Aiden’s eyes were like thunderclouds. “Not cool.”
“I thought it was pretty cool.”
Alex gaped at me, and then she spun around, picked up a small throw pillow, and threw it at me.
I snatched the pillow out of the air and tossed it back to the couch. “I hope I wasn’t interrupting.”
“We were just talking,” Alex answered, glaring at me. “If not, you’d be missing two eyeballs.”
“That’s not the only thing he’d be missing,” Aiden muttered.
I winked at him. “I’m actually here with some important news. Josie remembered something about the warehouse.”
“And here I thought you were just popping in because you missed us.” Alex sat back down on the couch. “What did she remember?”
“She saw a delivery truck of some sort outside the warehouse where she was kept,” I told them. “She remembered that the truck had writing on it. MILLS AND SON.”
“Hell. That’s big. If that truck belonged to the warehouse, we should be able to look it up.” Aiden glanced around the room, frowning. “I’ll grab Deacon’s laptop and see what I can find.”
“Let me know.”
“If it turns out to be the place, are you leaving right away?” he asked.
Odd question. “Gods know if Josie finds out, she’s going to want all of us to go there, but I need to get some food in her and . . . and yeah. We’ll see what happens from there.”
Aiden eyed me as he nodded. “Sounds good.”
I started to say something, but my gaze slid to Alex. She was staring at the wall over my shoulder, her lips pressed together and her cheeks expanded like a puffer fish. My eyes narrowed. Her gaze flickered to me and then quickly darted away.
Sighing heavily, I folded my arms. “Something you want to say, Alex?”
Oddly mute, she shook her head.
“Really?”
Gaze still trained on the wall, she nodded.
I looked over at Aiden. What was the likelihood of her not saying something to him? Probably somewhere around next to impossible.
Aiden dropped his gaze, and then I saw it—the twitch of his lips as if he was trying not to smile.
“You told him,” I stated.
The air Alex was holding in her mouth popped out as her gaze swung around to mine. “I didn’t mean to! I just sort of blurted it out, but it’s Aiden. I had to tell Aiden.”
“She had to tell me,” he agreed.
Actually, she didn’t.
“I will not tell anyone else. I swear, and I do feel bad for saying something to Aiden, because I told Josie I wouldn’t. I hope she’s not mad at me.” Alex squirmed on the couch, her forehead creased. “I’m sorry for saying something, but . . .”
I couldn’t find an ounce of anger in me. And then it hit me with the force of a hurricane. I wanted people to know. What the hell? I didn’t even know what to do with that.
“But you’re . . . you’re going to be a father,” she finished in a whisper that sounded so awed.
I blinked slowly, unfolding my arms. “Yeah. Yeah, I am.”
Alex clasped her hands together. “I am made of questions right now.”
“You and me both,” I replied dryly.
“Are you . . . are you happy—?”
“I’m fucking thrilled,” I cut in, and then I sat down in the chair. “I’m shocked.” My gaze flitted from Alex to Aiden. “I’d never been more shocked in my life. I actually fell flat on my ass when she told me.” I felt warmth hit my cheeks. “It’s . . . it’s crazy timing with everything going on. But how could I not be happy? I love Josie. I already . . . I already love this child.”
Alex’s smile raced across her face. “I think I might cry.”
“Please don’t,” I said, glancing at Aiden.
Staring at the floor, he dragged his hands down his face. I tensed. Every muscle locking up as I waited for Aiden to go into a lecture about how I needed to really think about things, be a better person. Like, “stop melting people” kind of shit and wanting to kill the Titans.
Alex leaned into him, placing her hand on his leg. For a moment I didn’t get it. Then I remembered. Fuck. I’d forgotten. Alex had once believed she’d been pregnant and, knowing Aiden, knowing how I felt upon hearing the news, he would’ve felt like me.
Holy shit.
Alex hadn’t been pregnant. It had been Ares’s doing. He had his sons invade her to mess with her head. I hadn’t known he’d planned to do that, but that didn’t change a damn thing in the end.
I couldn’t even imagine how I’d feel if that turned out to be the case after feeling all of this.
I couldn’t even imagine what he was feeling—what Alex was feeling.
“I’m sorry,” I said roughly.
Aiden’s chin jerked up. Our gazes met, and he knew. Yeah, he knew what I was apologizing for. His throat worked on a hard swallow.
Beside him, Alex cleared her throat. “I really am happy for you, Seth. I know it’s crazy timing and you weren’t planning for this, but you’re happy with it, and so is Josie, and that’s all that matters.”
But it really wasn’t all that mattered, because what Josie had said earlier was right. The world wasn’t going to stop turning. Not at all.
“I can’t believe I’m saying this, but you’re going to do good.” Aiden smiled slightly as he nodded like he just realized he’d agreed with himself. “You’re going to do more than good, Seth.”
I stared at him, unsure if he was having some kind of medical emergency.
“He’s right. That kid will want for nothing.” Alex leaned back, her lips pursed. “Wait. Does this mean your kid is a god? I have no idea. I need to find some books on this.”
“Not sure if there are books on this, Alex.” Aiden turned his grin on her.
“All right,” I said, standing. “This convo is over.”
Aiden rose. “We really are happy for you, Seth. I still want to punch you in the throat, but I am happy for you.”
“Uh-huh.” So, knocked off-kilter by their words, I actually walked out of the door instead of taking the cool way out.
~
After ensuring Josie about a hundred times that Aiden was looking into the name on the delivery truck, we grabbed food from the cafeteria. She wanted to go outside, and I had no problem with that. Who knew if the whole sitting in the sun thing was helping with the bands and the pregnancy, but it couldn’t hurt. There was at least an hour or so before the sun went down.
But gods, what I felt almost knocked me on my ass again. Closing my eyes, I exhaled roughly as I leaned over, pressing my palms into my thighs.
I was never a praying man.
I didn’t believe the gods answered prayers. Knew for a fucking fact that they didn’t care enough to do so, but in that moment, I wanted to pray. I want to pray that this was real, that this was really happening.
It seemed too good, too beautiful.
Gods, it didn’t seem like I’d deserve not only Josie but a child as well.
And that was terrifying for a whole shit-ton of reasons.
Because there was fear. Fear that something would happen to her, happen to the baby—to both of them. Fear that I would somehow fuck up, because I had no idea how to do the whole parenting thing.
Not to mention I was seriously probably the last person on this earth anyone would trust a small child with. Less than an hour before I found out I was going to be a father, I sort of melted a guy from the inside out, so . . .
But that was my baby, in my girl.
That changed everything in a manner of seconds.
Straightening, I let out a shaky laugh and found myself smiling at . . . at fucking nothing.
I need to get my shit together.
One way to avoid fucking this up was making the world safe for Josie and for our child.
Walking out of the room, I looked down the hall, and a totally different smile appeared. Sensing out Aiden, I zeroed in on his presence. A heartbeat later, I was in another sitting area, in a room several doors down.
“Hello,” I said.
Aiden flew up from where he was sitting on the couch.
“Dammit!” Alex shrieked as she nearly slid off the arm of the couch. “Oh my gods! Now you’re going to do that too?”
“Not cool.” Aiden’s eyes were like thunderclouds. “Not cool.”
“I thought it was pretty cool.”
Alex gaped at me, and then she spun around, picked up a small throw pillow, and threw it at me.
I snatched the pillow out of the air and tossed it back to the couch. “I hope I wasn’t interrupting.”
“We were just talking,” Alex answered, glaring at me. “If not, you’d be missing two eyeballs.”
“That’s not the only thing he’d be missing,” Aiden muttered.
I winked at him. “I’m actually here with some important news. Josie remembered something about the warehouse.”
“And here I thought you were just popping in because you missed us.” Alex sat back down on the couch. “What did she remember?”
“She saw a delivery truck of some sort outside the warehouse where she was kept,” I told them. “She remembered that the truck had writing on it. MILLS AND SON.”
“Hell. That’s big. If that truck belonged to the warehouse, we should be able to look it up.” Aiden glanced around the room, frowning. “I’ll grab Deacon’s laptop and see what I can find.”
“Let me know.”
“If it turns out to be the place, are you leaving right away?” he asked.
Odd question. “Gods know if Josie finds out, she’s going to want all of us to go there, but I need to get some food in her and . . . and yeah. We’ll see what happens from there.”
Aiden eyed me as he nodded. “Sounds good.”
I started to say something, but my gaze slid to Alex. She was staring at the wall over my shoulder, her lips pressed together and her cheeks expanded like a puffer fish. My eyes narrowed. Her gaze flickered to me and then quickly darted away.
Sighing heavily, I folded my arms. “Something you want to say, Alex?”
Oddly mute, she shook her head.
“Really?”
Gaze still trained on the wall, she nodded.
I looked over at Aiden. What was the likelihood of her not saying something to him? Probably somewhere around next to impossible.
Aiden dropped his gaze, and then I saw it—the twitch of his lips as if he was trying not to smile.
“You told him,” I stated.
The air Alex was holding in her mouth popped out as her gaze swung around to mine. “I didn’t mean to! I just sort of blurted it out, but it’s Aiden. I had to tell Aiden.”
“She had to tell me,” he agreed.
Actually, she didn’t.
“I will not tell anyone else. I swear, and I do feel bad for saying something to Aiden, because I told Josie I wouldn’t. I hope she’s not mad at me.” Alex squirmed on the couch, her forehead creased. “I’m sorry for saying something, but . . .”
I couldn’t find an ounce of anger in me. And then it hit me with the force of a hurricane. I wanted people to know. What the hell? I didn’t even know what to do with that.
“But you’re . . . you’re going to be a father,” she finished in a whisper that sounded so awed.
I blinked slowly, unfolding my arms. “Yeah. Yeah, I am.”
Alex clasped her hands together. “I am made of questions right now.”
“You and me both,” I replied dryly.
“Are you . . . are you happy—?”
“I’m fucking thrilled,” I cut in, and then I sat down in the chair. “I’m shocked.” My gaze flitted from Alex to Aiden. “I’d never been more shocked in my life. I actually fell flat on my ass when she told me.” I felt warmth hit my cheeks. “It’s . . . it’s crazy timing with everything going on. But how could I not be happy? I love Josie. I already . . . I already love this child.”
Alex’s smile raced across her face. “I think I might cry.”
“Please don’t,” I said, glancing at Aiden.
Staring at the floor, he dragged his hands down his face. I tensed. Every muscle locking up as I waited for Aiden to go into a lecture about how I needed to really think about things, be a better person. Like, “stop melting people” kind of shit and wanting to kill the Titans.
Alex leaned into him, placing her hand on his leg. For a moment I didn’t get it. Then I remembered. Fuck. I’d forgotten. Alex had once believed she’d been pregnant and, knowing Aiden, knowing how I felt upon hearing the news, he would’ve felt like me.
Holy shit.
Alex hadn’t been pregnant. It had been Ares’s doing. He had his sons invade her to mess with her head. I hadn’t known he’d planned to do that, but that didn’t change a damn thing in the end.
I couldn’t even imagine how I’d feel if that turned out to be the case after feeling all of this.
I couldn’t even imagine what he was feeling—what Alex was feeling.
“I’m sorry,” I said roughly.
Aiden’s chin jerked up. Our gazes met, and he knew. Yeah, he knew what I was apologizing for. His throat worked on a hard swallow.
Beside him, Alex cleared her throat. “I really am happy for you, Seth. I know it’s crazy timing and you weren’t planning for this, but you’re happy with it, and so is Josie, and that’s all that matters.”
But it really wasn’t all that mattered, because what Josie had said earlier was right. The world wasn’t going to stop turning. Not at all.
“I can’t believe I’m saying this, but you’re going to do good.” Aiden smiled slightly as he nodded like he just realized he’d agreed with himself. “You’re going to do more than good, Seth.”
I stared at him, unsure if he was having some kind of medical emergency.
“He’s right. That kid will want for nothing.” Alex leaned back, her lips pursed. “Wait. Does this mean your kid is a god? I have no idea. I need to find some books on this.”
“Not sure if there are books on this, Alex.” Aiden turned his grin on her.
“All right,” I said, standing. “This convo is over.”
Aiden rose. “We really are happy for you, Seth. I still want to punch you in the throat, but I am happy for you.”
“Uh-huh.” So, knocked off-kilter by their words, I actually walked out of the door instead of taking the cool way out.
~
After ensuring Josie about a hundred times that Aiden was looking into the name on the delivery truck, we grabbed food from the cafeteria. She wanted to go outside, and I had no problem with that. Who knew if the whole sitting in the sun thing was helping with the bands and the pregnancy, but it couldn’t hurt. There was at least an hour or so before the sun went down.
