The Unidentified Redhead
Page 2
“So, you played that real smooth, Nick. Is that the hottie you’ve been raving about all night?”
“Don’t act like you didn’t think he was cute. I saw the way you checked him out,” he said, leaning back against the counter and fanning himself. “I made such an ass of myself! I wanted to play it much cooler when I saw him, but I couldn’t make myself shut up! Did I actually tell him he was pretty?” he asked, a blush staining his cheeks as he reenacted the encounter in his mind.
“Yeah, you did. But don’t worry about it. When I first moved out here, I was convinced I recognized an actor from Baywatch. I stalked him from produce all the way to the bakery and when he finally looked at me, I muttered the word
“Hasselhoff” and then ran and hid in the soup aisle. I still get embarrassed when I see a box of Cup O’ Noodles,” I assured him.
“You should be embarrassed because you’re still buying Cup O’ Noodles, but whatever. Let’s get plowed and flirt with pretty boys!” he said, refilling my martini glass, making it extra dirty. I laughed and ignored the fluttering in my tummy when I heard a British accent floating in from the other room.
Later that night, Holly and I were out on the terrace overlooking the city, working our way through our fourth cocktail and toasting her success. Nick came out to say his goodnights and slipped his arm around my waist.
“OK, bitches, I’m taking off. Be good, and make sure no one goes home with my pretty boy. I need to make sure he stays pure until I can convince him to switch teams,” he teased, wagging his finger at Holly.
“How do you know he doesn’t already play on your team, Nick?” I asked.
Holly laughed and said, “Oh, sweetie, Jack is the hottest thing to hit this town in a while. He’s got girls throwing themselves at him every night. He’s discreet, but he is hittin’ that shit.”
“Oh, God, I can’t hear any more. It’ll make me too sad. I’m going home to weep over some Manilow,” Nick cried, throwing a sad look at the both of us as he made his way back into the house. He passed Jack on his way, who was talking to two girls over by the piano, and he winked at Nick. I heard Nick mutter “tease” as he walked by, and I could see Jack chuckling.
“So, I get that he’s cute,” I said, “and what girl doesn’t like an accent? But why is he the next big thing? Nick mentioned something about a movie coming out … Time or something?” I asked Holly, scooting closer to her as we watched Jack talk to the two girls that couldn’t stop giggling at everything he said. I noticed he bit down on his lower lip constantly.
Was he nervous?
“Grace, are you serious? You can’t be serious. Time?” She stopped short and looked at me incredulously.
“What? Is this something I would know about?” I racked my brain trying to remember if I had heard anything about this movie, but was drawing a blank.
“So, you have never read the short stories Time is based on? You really don’t know anything about them?” she asked, still looking shocked
“Hey, I’ve had a lot going on lately. I haven’t had a lot of time to read much.
Besides, you know I read mostly nonfiction,” I answered, looking back at Jack through the clear glass of the French doors.
“It’s a series of short stories that were written for a women’s magazine.
How the hell did you miss these?” she cried. She was still looking at me like she couldn’t believe what I was telling her.
“What are they about? Is that why Nick is so excited for this movie to come out?” I noted.
“Grace, shut up and listen to me. These stories and this movie will have everything you have ever wanted: passion, love, adventure, sex, humor. Practical y every woman I know is in love with them! The main character, Joshua—holy hel , girl. He’s like a sexy scientist man traveling through time, and in each story he’s in a different period. Joshua, hell, he is such a jackass, but an adorable jackass, and from story to story he’s with a different woman. This movie is going to be huge!” she squealed. She was getting very excited.
“Hmm, I don’t know. I’m not usually a romance fan. Too schmaltzy, ya know? Not really a fan of science fiction either. Not my thing. Gimme a good historical nonfiction, like, did you see there’s a new book out about Lincoln?
They now think that he—”
“Oh, would you shut up about your historical nonfiction?” Holly interrupted. “Honestly, it’s like you’re sprinting toward the retirement home. And Time isn’t romance, it’s just … Gah, I can’t describe it! That’s why this movie is such a big deal—and why Jack is such a hot commodity right now. Jack is Joshua. Women are losing their minds across this entire country waiting for it to come out. Oh man, I can’t wait for you to read them! You swear to me right now you’ll read them!” she pleaded with me, her voice getting steadily higher. I had only ever seen her this worked up when Donnie Wahlberg was involved.
“Jesus, fine. Calm down,” I said. “Did you just squeal? Yes, I will freaking read them,” I placated, noticing that Jack was coming toward us.
“Jack, listen to this,” Holly started. “Grace hasn’t read the Time short stories.
She has never even heard of the movie! ” she called out as he walked onto the terrace, leaving the two girls giggling in his wake. He stared at me dramatically and then swept me into a close hug.
“Run away with me,” he said quietly, pulling back to look at me, placing a hand on each side of my face. Holly laughed behind us. I chuckled nervously and then got control.
“Are you asking random women to run away with you, Jack?” Holly asked, and he dropped his hands from my face, looking at me in mock adoration
“Random? I meant it this time!” he said. “I told you, the next female I meet that hasn’t heard of this silly little film I will run off with, have a tasty little tryst to satisfy the gossip magazines. How lucky am I that she seems normal?” he joked back.
“I really wouldn’t rush to judgment on that yet. You don’t know how abnormal I am,” I stated, placing my hands on my hips.
“I have to tell you, Jack, she’s not right in the head,” Holly warned. “You don’t want any of this. Believe me, I know. I’ve known Grace since college, and she’s insane,” Holly agreed, knocking back the last of her cocktail.
“Wait, is this Grace, your best friend Grace? The one who leaves piles of Chex Mix around the house?” he asked, looking back and forth between us.
“Yep, this is my Gracie. Now ask her why she leaves piles of Chex Mix around the house,” Holly teased while Jack looked at me questioningly.
I gave her a look. “First of all, thanks for telling my tales all over town, ass.
And to clarify, it is not piles all over the house. I happen to not care for the little Melba toasts, so whenever I eat Chex Mix, I set aside the toasts so that I don’t have to eat them. That way, if anyone else wants them, they can have them,” I finished, showing Holly my middle finger.
“I happen to love the Melba toasts,” he confessed, laughing at Holly’s face when she realized that this seemed to make perfect sense to him.
“Well, next time I have a pile, I’ll save them for you. This way if you’re ever in some kind of toast emergency …” I offered.
“… I’ll have some on standby. I feel good about this plan,” he continued.
Holly shook her head at both of us. I noticed the two girls Jack had been talking to inside coming out to join us on the terrace. They approached from both sides as Holly winked at Jack and began pulling me into the house.
“I’ll see you later, dear. Make sure you come and say goodbye to me before you leave,” Holly said over her shoulder as we walked back across the slate tiles.
“Let me know when you’re ready for that tryst,” I shot over my shoulder, winking at the girls who looked a little stunned. I couldn’t resist.
“You, me, Melba toasts.” He grinned back at me.
“Since when do you invite groupies to your house?” I asked once we were inside.
“Groupies? Oh, those two? Sweetie, the blonde is an entertainment lawyer and the brunette is a PR exec. But Brit Boy over there turns them al into giggling idiots.” She smiled knowingly as I looked back over my shoulder at the three of them on the terrace. Jack was standing between them as they jostled to get closer. He caught my eye and smiled that same sheepish grin.
Wow, really, a lawyer … those stories must be damn good.
About an hour later, with the party finally winding down, I was in the kitchen getting some crackers to begin sucking up the five dirty martinis I had sucked down. I was leaning on my elbows on the granite counter top, thinking about how my head was going to hurt tomorrow, when I heard someone come in.
“Hello, again,” I heard a musical voice say.
I looked up with my eyes, not even bothering to push myself back up off the counter where I was now half-laying. It was Jack … and the Giggle Girls were nowhere in sight.
“Hello, yourself. Did you have a good time tonight?’ I asked, before shoving a Saltine in my mouth.
“Oh, no. Crackers … that’s never a good sign. Too much?” he asked.
“Maybe, if you consider three more than I usually have too much.” I grimaced, remembering the last time I was hung over. I was really not looking forward to tomorrow.
“I find that the best cure for a hangover is to just keep drinking,” he said, smirking. He walked toward the other side of the counter, placing his hands on either side of me.
“Yes, well, that’s because you’re like seventeen and capable of shit like that,” I said. “I, on the other hand, will wake up tomorrow feeling like something died in my mouth, with my eyes puffed up like cabbages,” I said with a chuckle.
“Wow, that’s a really descriptive picture. I’m almost tempted to stick around and see that.” He laughed. “And I’m twenty-four, not seventeen, for future reference,” he added. I arched my eyebrow at him.
Young pup. I used to be able to drink and dance all night, get one hour of sleep, and go to work the next day, still looking fabulous. Ah, to be young and foolish again.
You’re still foolish …
I stretched my arms over my head and then back behind me, trying to work the kinks out. When I looked back at him, I realized that I had basically just thrust my chest in his face, and he was letting his eyes linger.
“Are you looking at my boobies?” I asked, doing a little shimmy shake. He froze, and then burst out laughing.
“Yes, yes, I guess I am looking at your boobies. They’re quite nice boobies,” he managed to choke out between laughs.
“They are quite nice, that’s true. And all mine. You probably don’t get to touch a lot of real bona fide natural boobies here in L.A., but there’s still a few of us rocking the real stuff.” I laughed along with him.
“I also think you like men looking at your boobies. Why else did you put sparkles on them?” he stated, finally looking me in the eyes again, still chuckling.
“Sparkles, what are you talking about?” I looked down at the girls and noticed that I did have a few sparkles on my cleavage. “Oh yeah, I guess I did.
I put on a little shimmer body lotion before I got dressed tonight.”
“Wow, girls sure do weird stuff. Especially you American girls. So much shimmer and sparkle. Who told you tits were supposed to sparkle? Sorry, boobies,” he corrected.
“You can say tits, although I prefer boobies. I also like Ta-Tas,” I said with a straight face.
“How about love pillows?” he countered.
“Breasticles?” I offered.
“Uhhh, how about Flap Jacks?” he asked, struggling not to laugh.
“Nice, but it doesn’t hold a candle to sweater meat,” I managed to get out before laughing so loud I sprayed Saltines all over the counter. He joined me, and I actually had tears streaming down my face as we started wiping up my cracker spittle. Holly walked in at that moment, took one look at us and started shaking her head.
“Oh boy, what the hell is going on in here? Never mind. Jack, your ladies are looking for you. They are salivating all over the entry-way. It’s time to take them back to your place. Grace, why are there cracker crumbs all over your cleavage?” she asked, staring at my Saltine-encrusted chest.
We both started laughing again as I extended my hand.
“Jack, it was very nice to meet you. I hope next time I can contain myself a little more. Enjoy your threesome,” I said with a wicked smile. This guy was great, and I was excited to have maybe made a new friend. He took my hand gently but enthusiastically.
“Grace, it has been interesting to say the least. And your sparkly boobies are beautiful. Enjoy your hangover.” He shook my hand and laughed again as he left the kitchen, giving Holly a kiss on the cheek as she walked him out.
I watched him leave with his blonde and his brunette, thinking about how much fun this evening had turned out to be. Holly came back after showing the last of her guests to the door, took one look at the party fouls all over the place and said, “Clean this shit up in the morning?”
“Or the afternoon?” I asked, holding my head.
“Deal. Let’s go to bed,” she answered, locking up as I turned out the lights.
We trudged upstairs, discussing the evening as we made our way down the hall toward our rooms.
“Holly, that was a great party. I’m really proud of you. You’ve done everything you set out to do, and nothing has stopped you. You kind of rock.” I smiled at her and gave her a hug at her door.
“Don’t act like you didn’t think he was cute. I saw the way you checked him out,” he said, leaning back against the counter and fanning himself. “I made such an ass of myself! I wanted to play it much cooler when I saw him, but I couldn’t make myself shut up! Did I actually tell him he was pretty?” he asked, a blush staining his cheeks as he reenacted the encounter in his mind.
“Yeah, you did. But don’t worry about it. When I first moved out here, I was convinced I recognized an actor from Baywatch. I stalked him from produce all the way to the bakery and when he finally looked at me, I muttered the word
“Hasselhoff” and then ran and hid in the soup aisle. I still get embarrassed when I see a box of Cup O’ Noodles,” I assured him.
“You should be embarrassed because you’re still buying Cup O’ Noodles, but whatever. Let’s get plowed and flirt with pretty boys!” he said, refilling my martini glass, making it extra dirty. I laughed and ignored the fluttering in my tummy when I heard a British accent floating in from the other room.
Later that night, Holly and I were out on the terrace overlooking the city, working our way through our fourth cocktail and toasting her success. Nick came out to say his goodnights and slipped his arm around my waist.
“OK, bitches, I’m taking off. Be good, and make sure no one goes home with my pretty boy. I need to make sure he stays pure until I can convince him to switch teams,” he teased, wagging his finger at Holly.
“How do you know he doesn’t already play on your team, Nick?” I asked.
Holly laughed and said, “Oh, sweetie, Jack is the hottest thing to hit this town in a while. He’s got girls throwing themselves at him every night. He’s discreet, but he is hittin’ that shit.”
“Oh, God, I can’t hear any more. It’ll make me too sad. I’m going home to weep over some Manilow,” Nick cried, throwing a sad look at the both of us as he made his way back into the house. He passed Jack on his way, who was talking to two girls over by the piano, and he winked at Nick. I heard Nick mutter “tease” as he walked by, and I could see Jack chuckling.
“So, I get that he’s cute,” I said, “and what girl doesn’t like an accent? But why is he the next big thing? Nick mentioned something about a movie coming out … Time or something?” I asked Holly, scooting closer to her as we watched Jack talk to the two girls that couldn’t stop giggling at everything he said. I noticed he bit down on his lower lip constantly.
Was he nervous?
“Grace, are you serious? You can’t be serious. Time?” She stopped short and looked at me incredulously.
“What? Is this something I would know about?” I racked my brain trying to remember if I had heard anything about this movie, but was drawing a blank.
“So, you have never read the short stories Time is based on? You really don’t know anything about them?” she asked, still looking shocked
“Hey, I’ve had a lot going on lately. I haven’t had a lot of time to read much.
Besides, you know I read mostly nonfiction,” I answered, looking back at Jack through the clear glass of the French doors.
“It’s a series of short stories that were written for a women’s magazine.
How the hell did you miss these?” she cried. She was still looking at me like she couldn’t believe what I was telling her.
“What are they about? Is that why Nick is so excited for this movie to come out?” I noted.
“Grace, shut up and listen to me. These stories and this movie will have everything you have ever wanted: passion, love, adventure, sex, humor. Practical y every woman I know is in love with them! The main character, Joshua—holy hel , girl. He’s like a sexy scientist man traveling through time, and in each story he’s in a different period. Joshua, hell, he is such a jackass, but an adorable jackass, and from story to story he’s with a different woman. This movie is going to be huge!” she squealed. She was getting very excited.
“Hmm, I don’t know. I’m not usually a romance fan. Too schmaltzy, ya know? Not really a fan of science fiction either. Not my thing. Gimme a good historical nonfiction, like, did you see there’s a new book out about Lincoln?
They now think that he—”
“Oh, would you shut up about your historical nonfiction?” Holly interrupted. “Honestly, it’s like you’re sprinting toward the retirement home. And Time isn’t romance, it’s just … Gah, I can’t describe it! That’s why this movie is such a big deal—and why Jack is such a hot commodity right now. Jack is Joshua. Women are losing their minds across this entire country waiting for it to come out. Oh man, I can’t wait for you to read them! You swear to me right now you’ll read them!” she pleaded with me, her voice getting steadily higher. I had only ever seen her this worked up when Donnie Wahlberg was involved.
“Jesus, fine. Calm down,” I said. “Did you just squeal? Yes, I will freaking read them,” I placated, noticing that Jack was coming toward us.
“Jack, listen to this,” Holly started. “Grace hasn’t read the Time short stories.
She has never even heard of the movie! ” she called out as he walked onto the terrace, leaving the two girls giggling in his wake. He stared at me dramatically and then swept me into a close hug.
“Run away with me,” he said quietly, pulling back to look at me, placing a hand on each side of my face. Holly laughed behind us. I chuckled nervously and then got control.
“Are you asking random women to run away with you, Jack?” Holly asked, and he dropped his hands from my face, looking at me in mock adoration
“Random? I meant it this time!” he said. “I told you, the next female I meet that hasn’t heard of this silly little film I will run off with, have a tasty little tryst to satisfy the gossip magazines. How lucky am I that she seems normal?” he joked back.
“I really wouldn’t rush to judgment on that yet. You don’t know how abnormal I am,” I stated, placing my hands on my hips.
“I have to tell you, Jack, she’s not right in the head,” Holly warned. “You don’t want any of this. Believe me, I know. I’ve known Grace since college, and she’s insane,” Holly agreed, knocking back the last of her cocktail.
“Wait, is this Grace, your best friend Grace? The one who leaves piles of Chex Mix around the house?” he asked, looking back and forth between us.
“Yep, this is my Gracie. Now ask her why she leaves piles of Chex Mix around the house,” Holly teased while Jack looked at me questioningly.
I gave her a look. “First of all, thanks for telling my tales all over town, ass.
And to clarify, it is not piles all over the house. I happen to not care for the little Melba toasts, so whenever I eat Chex Mix, I set aside the toasts so that I don’t have to eat them. That way, if anyone else wants them, they can have them,” I finished, showing Holly my middle finger.
“I happen to love the Melba toasts,” he confessed, laughing at Holly’s face when she realized that this seemed to make perfect sense to him.
“Well, next time I have a pile, I’ll save them for you. This way if you’re ever in some kind of toast emergency …” I offered.
“… I’ll have some on standby. I feel good about this plan,” he continued.
Holly shook her head at both of us. I noticed the two girls Jack had been talking to inside coming out to join us on the terrace. They approached from both sides as Holly winked at Jack and began pulling me into the house.
“I’ll see you later, dear. Make sure you come and say goodbye to me before you leave,” Holly said over her shoulder as we walked back across the slate tiles.
“Let me know when you’re ready for that tryst,” I shot over my shoulder, winking at the girls who looked a little stunned. I couldn’t resist.
“You, me, Melba toasts.” He grinned back at me.
“Since when do you invite groupies to your house?” I asked once we were inside.
“Groupies? Oh, those two? Sweetie, the blonde is an entertainment lawyer and the brunette is a PR exec. But Brit Boy over there turns them al into giggling idiots.” She smiled knowingly as I looked back over my shoulder at the three of them on the terrace. Jack was standing between them as they jostled to get closer. He caught my eye and smiled that same sheepish grin.
Wow, really, a lawyer … those stories must be damn good.
About an hour later, with the party finally winding down, I was in the kitchen getting some crackers to begin sucking up the five dirty martinis I had sucked down. I was leaning on my elbows on the granite counter top, thinking about how my head was going to hurt tomorrow, when I heard someone come in.
“Hello, again,” I heard a musical voice say.
I looked up with my eyes, not even bothering to push myself back up off the counter where I was now half-laying. It was Jack … and the Giggle Girls were nowhere in sight.
“Hello, yourself. Did you have a good time tonight?’ I asked, before shoving a Saltine in my mouth.
“Oh, no. Crackers … that’s never a good sign. Too much?” he asked.
“Maybe, if you consider three more than I usually have too much.” I grimaced, remembering the last time I was hung over. I was really not looking forward to tomorrow.
“I find that the best cure for a hangover is to just keep drinking,” he said, smirking. He walked toward the other side of the counter, placing his hands on either side of me.
“Yes, well, that’s because you’re like seventeen and capable of shit like that,” I said. “I, on the other hand, will wake up tomorrow feeling like something died in my mouth, with my eyes puffed up like cabbages,” I said with a chuckle.
“Wow, that’s a really descriptive picture. I’m almost tempted to stick around and see that.” He laughed. “And I’m twenty-four, not seventeen, for future reference,” he added. I arched my eyebrow at him.
Young pup. I used to be able to drink and dance all night, get one hour of sleep, and go to work the next day, still looking fabulous. Ah, to be young and foolish again.
You’re still foolish …
I stretched my arms over my head and then back behind me, trying to work the kinks out. When I looked back at him, I realized that I had basically just thrust my chest in his face, and he was letting his eyes linger.
“Are you looking at my boobies?” I asked, doing a little shimmy shake. He froze, and then burst out laughing.
“Yes, yes, I guess I am looking at your boobies. They’re quite nice boobies,” he managed to choke out between laughs.
“They are quite nice, that’s true. And all mine. You probably don’t get to touch a lot of real bona fide natural boobies here in L.A., but there’s still a few of us rocking the real stuff.” I laughed along with him.
“I also think you like men looking at your boobies. Why else did you put sparkles on them?” he stated, finally looking me in the eyes again, still chuckling.
“Sparkles, what are you talking about?” I looked down at the girls and noticed that I did have a few sparkles on my cleavage. “Oh yeah, I guess I did.
I put on a little shimmer body lotion before I got dressed tonight.”
“Wow, girls sure do weird stuff. Especially you American girls. So much shimmer and sparkle. Who told you tits were supposed to sparkle? Sorry, boobies,” he corrected.
“You can say tits, although I prefer boobies. I also like Ta-Tas,” I said with a straight face.
“How about love pillows?” he countered.
“Breasticles?” I offered.
“Uhhh, how about Flap Jacks?” he asked, struggling not to laugh.
“Nice, but it doesn’t hold a candle to sweater meat,” I managed to get out before laughing so loud I sprayed Saltines all over the counter. He joined me, and I actually had tears streaming down my face as we started wiping up my cracker spittle. Holly walked in at that moment, took one look at us and started shaking her head.
“Oh boy, what the hell is going on in here? Never mind. Jack, your ladies are looking for you. They are salivating all over the entry-way. It’s time to take them back to your place. Grace, why are there cracker crumbs all over your cleavage?” she asked, staring at my Saltine-encrusted chest.
We both started laughing again as I extended my hand.
“Jack, it was very nice to meet you. I hope next time I can contain myself a little more. Enjoy your threesome,” I said with a wicked smile. This guy was great, and I was excited to have maybe made a new friend. He took my hand gently but enthusiastically.
“Grace, it has been interesting to say the least. And your sparkly boobies are beautiful. Enjoy your hangover.” He shook my hand and laughed again as he left the kitchen, giving Holly a kiss on the cheek as she walked him out.
I watched him leave with his blonde and his brunette, thinking about how much fun this evening had turned out to be. Holly came back after showing the last of her guests to the door, took one look at the party fouls all over the place and said, “Clean this shit up in the morning?”
“Or the afternoon?” I asked, holding my head.
“Deal. Let’s go to bed,” she answered, locking up as I turned out the lights.
We trudged upstairs, discussing the evening as we made our way down the hall toward our rooms.
“Holly, that was a great party. I’m really proud of you. You’ve done everything you set out to do, and nothing has stopped you. You kind of rock.” I smiled at her and gave her a hug at her door.
