The Upside of Unrequited
Page 47
Will and Max start laughing so hard I think they both might choke. But Olivia looks reflective. “That’s sort of beautiful,” she says.
“Olivia, that’s not what it’s like. Orgasms are not like video games,” Max says.
“Oh, okay. You’re the expert. I’m sure you’re the only person in the world who’s ever had one.” Cassie rolls her eyes.
So, I’m a little freaked out. This whole conversation is making me unravel. Sometimes I think I’m the last virgin left in the entire universe. Everyone else is having incomprehensible amounts of sex. Everyone’s naked and touching and kissing. Except me. I know it’s not true. But that’s how it feels.
Will chugs his drink with a giant gulp, and immediately refills it. “Don’t you dare get sloppy drunk,” Cassie warns him.
“I’m not drunk.”
She narrows her eyes at him.
“Look,” he says, pulling up onto his feet. “Want me to walk in a straight line?”
He walks in a straight line, directly toward me.
“See. Perfectly sober.” And then he slides down the wall next to me. Right beside me—one entire side of his body is pressed against mine. And Reid’s on my other side. Honestly, it’s kind of thrilling, being sandwiched between two boys. Even though I don’t like Will. Not like I like Reid.
Will asks if Cassie can turn on some music, and then he leans in to ask me what I want to listen to. It feels like a test.
“Florence and the Machine,” I say uncertainly.
“Ah.” He nods, and it’s impossible to read his expression. This is a little overwhelming. Cassie puts on the Florence + the Machine album, and then everyone starts talking about sex again.
“Okay. I have a theory,” Reid says, leaning toward me.
“A theory.”
“Yes.” He pauses, and lowers his voice to a whisper. “I think they’re all virgins. I think everyone is full of it.”
I turn to smile at him. “Oh, really?”
He nods emphatically. “It’s a huge conspiracy. I think everyone insinuates they’re having sex, but really they’re just at home on the internet.”
“Telling all their internet friends how much sex they’re having,” I add.
“Exactly.” He smiles.
“Okay, but how do we explain pregnancy?”
“Immaculate conceptions.”
“Hey.” Will nudges me. “What are you whispering about?” And then he gently grabs my wrist and cradles it in the palm of his hand. He seems strangely intrigued by the texture of my friendship bracelets, tracing his fingertips along their knots and ridges. I feel suddenly short of breath.
“Who are these from?” Will asks.
“My cousin.” I swallow. “Abby. She’s my best friend.”
“Let me guess. She has matching ones.”
“Maybe. Definitely.”
I feel Reid watching me, watching Will, and I almost think he might be jealous. I mean, I could be imagining it. But I just have that feeling. And it’s not a bad feeling.
I am definitely, definitely a shitty person.
Later, when we settle into our sleeping bags, I’m in between Reid and Will again. And Will scoots up extra close beside me—so close that I don’t know how I’ll get up to go to the bathroom without jostling him. That thought alone makes me have to pee, urgently, but I don’t want to move.
I’m lying next to Hipster Will.
And Reid.
I don’t think my heart wants to stay in my chest.
I wake to the sound of rustling fabric—Will rolling over. Though he’s still passed out and snoring softly, his lips slightly parted, and Max is curled up in a ball next to him. Cassie and Mina are tangled up in blankets on the top bunk.
But the bottom bunk is crisply made. I guess Olivia’s up. And Reid’s sleeping bag is empty, too.
I have this sudden jolt of fear, but I try to shake it off.
I slip out of my sleeping bag and stop by the bathroom—and then I walk quietly past Xavier’s room and down the stairs. The living room light is on, but only dimly. When I look through the doorway, I see two heads of rumpled hair over the back of the couch. Sitting very close.
“Hi.” I step into the room. My brain is buzzing.
“Oh, hi!” Reid says. And I could be imagining this, but I swear he looks startled. Maybe even guilty.
Olivia smiles up at me. And she’s practically tucked into him.
I feel numb.
“Have you guys been up for long?” I ask slowly. I perch on the armrest of the couch.
“Maybe an hour?” Reid says. “We’ve just been hanging out.”
I’m trying not to stare at them. I’m trying. But I have to take inventory. Olivia’s under a blanket, and I can’t see her hands. I can’t see his either.
Numb. Or maybe the opposite of numb.
They’re holding hands under the blanket. I’m almost sure they are. Which is bullshit and extremely uncool. Not that I care who Reid likes. I should not fucking care. And I don’t. I don’t care.
Except, then Olivia stretches, her hands clasped together, and I almost sigh with relief.
They’re not holding hands.
That’s good.
I need to catch my breath.
“I was just telling Reid about the different types of lenses,” Olivia says.
“Yes. Apparently there are lenses. And you can pop them off the camera.”
“Apparently, cameras exist outside of iPhones.” Olivia grins.
Reid’s dimple flickers. “So you claim.”
I can’t stay here. I can’t watch this.
“I should get dressed,” I say.
Imagine if getting dressed took five hours. Because that’s how long I spend in my bedroom. If I could stay in there forever, I would.
But eventually, Patty appears in the doorway. “Do you have a minute?”
I’m in bed. And I do not have a minute. Today’s schedule is devoted entirely to Facebook—Reid Wertheim became friends with Olivia Lambert—and checking my phone for missed texts. Of which there are none. Of fucking course.
But I shrug. And when Patty pushes my door all the way open, I see that Nadine and Cassie are behind her.
“Family meeting,” Nadine announces. “Mind if we sit?”
I shake my head. “Where’s Xav?”
“Olivia, that’s not what it’s like. Orgasms are not like video games,” Max says.
“Oh, okay. You’re the expert. I’m sure you’re the only person in the world who’s ever had one.” Cassie rolls her eyes.
So, I’m a little freaked out. This whole conversation is making me unravel. Sometimes I think I’m the last virgin left in the entire universe. Everyone else is having incomprehensible amounts of sex. Everyone’s naked and touching and kissing. Except me. I know it’s not true. But that’s how it feels.
Will chugs his drink with a giant gulp, and immediately refills it. “Don’t you dare get sloppy drunk,” Cassie warns him.
“I’m not drunk.”
She narrows her eyes at him.
“Look,” he says, pulling up onto his feet. “Want me to walk in a straight line?”
He walks in a straight line, directly toward me.
“See. Perfectly sober.” And then he slides down the wall next to me. Right beside me—one entire side of his body is pressed against mine. And Reid’s on my other side. Honestly, it’s kind of thrilling, being sandwiched between two boys. Even though I don’t like Will. Not like I like Reid.
Will asks if Cassie can turn on some music, and then he leans in to ask me what I want to listen to. It feels like a test.
“Florence and the Machine,” I say uncertainly.
“Ah.” He nods, and it’s impossible to read his expression. This is a little overwhelming. Cassie puts on the Florence + the Machine album, and then everyone starts talking about sex again.
“Okay. I have a theory,” Reid says, leaning toward me.
“A theory.”
“Yes.” He pauses, and lowers his voice to a whisper. “I think they’re all virgins. I think everyone is full of it.”
I turn to smile at him. “Oh, really?”
He nods emphatically. “It’s a huge conspiracy. I think everyone insinuates they’re having sex, but really they’re just at home on the internet.”
“Telling all their internet friends how much sex they’re having,” I add.
“Exactly.” He smiles.
“Okay, but how do we explain pregnancy?”
“Immaculate conceptions.”
“Hey.” Will nudges me. “What are you whispering about?” And then he gently grabs my wrist and cradles it in the palm of his hand. He seems strangely intrigued by the texture of my friendship bracelets, tracing his fingertips along their knots and ridges. I feel suddenly short of breath.
“Who are these from?” Will asks.
“My cousin.” I swallow. “Abby. She’s my best friend.”
“Let me guess. She has matching ones.”
“Maybe. Definitely.”
I feel Reid watching me, watching Will, and I almost think he might be jealous. I mean, I could be imagining it. But I just have that feeling. And it’s not a bad feeling.
I am definitely, definitely a shitty person.
Later, when we settle into our sleeping bags, I’m in between Reid and Will again. And Will scoots up extra close beside me—so close that I don’t know how I’ll get up to go to the bathroom without jostling him. That thought alone makes me have to pee, urgently, but I don’t want to move.
I’m lying next to Hipster Will.
And Reid.
I don’t think my heart wants to stay in my chest.
I wake to the sound of rustling fabric—Will rolling over. Though he’s still passed out and snoring softly, his lips slightly parted, and Max is curled up in a ball next to him. Cassie and Mina are tangled up in blankets on the top bunk.
But the bottom bunk is crisply made. I guess Olivia’s up. And Reid’s sleeping bag is empty, too.
I have this sudden jolt of fear, but I try to shake it off.
I slip out of my sleeping bag and stop by the bathroom—and then I walk quietly past Xavier’s room and down the stairs. The living room light is on, but only dimly. When I look through the doorway, I see two heads of rumpled hair over the back of the couch. Sitting very close.
“Hi.” I step into the room. My brain is buzzing.
“Oh, hi!” Reid says. And I could be imagining this, but I swear he looks startled. Maybe even guilty.
Olivia smiles up at me. And she’s practically tucked into him.
I feel numb.
“Have you guys been up for long?” I ask slowly. I perch on the armrest of the couch.
“Maybe an hour?” Reid says. “We’ve just been hanging out.”
I’m trying not to stare at them. I’m trying. But I have to take inventory. Olivia’s under a blanket, and I can’t see her hands. I can’t see his either.
Numb. Or maybe the opposite of numb.
They’re holding hands under the blanket. I’m almost sure they are. Which is bullshit and extremely uncool. Not that I care who Reid likes. I should not fucking care. And I don’t. I don’t care.
Except, then Olivia stretches, her hands clasped together, and I almost sigh with relief.
They’re not holding hands.
That’s good.
I need to catch my breath.
“I was just telling Reid about the different types of lenses,” Olivia says.
“Yes. Apparently there are lenses. And you can pop them off the camera.”
“Apparently, cameras exist outside of iPhones.” Olivia grins.
Reid’s dimple flickers. “So you claim.”
I can’t stay here. I can’t watch this.
“I should get dressed,” I say.
Imagine if getting dressed took five hours. Because that’s how long I spend in my bedroom. If I could stay in there forever, I would.
But eventually, Patty appears in the doorway. “Do you have a minute?”
I’m in bed. And I do not have a minute. Today’s schedule is devoted entirely to Facebook—Reid Wertheim became friends with Olivia Lambert—and checking my phone for missed texts. Of which there are none. Of fucking course.
But I shrug. And when Patty pushes my door all the way open, I see that Nadine and Cassie are behind her.
“Family meeting,” Nadine announces. “Mind if we sit?”
I shake my head. “Where’s Xav?”
