The Virgin
Page 106
Once dressed, she stood by the bed and looked down at John asleep on his stomach, his hands to either side of his head. He had a beautiful body and she’d spent every night of the past six months underneath it. She ached to touch him but he always slept lightly, something he blamed on his military training. She couldn’t speak either lest she wake him. So in the temple of her mind, she spoke one silent prayer to him.
“I can’t do this anymore, John. I’m sorry. I got a letter that I’ve been accepted to UC. So I’m going there today. You don’t know that. No one knows that. I wanted to tell you but I know you and you’d find a way to talk me into staying. You’d find a way to keep me here. It wouldn’t be hard. You’d only have to say ‘Stay’ and I would stay. That’s why I couldn’t tell you. I couldn’t give you the chance to talk me out of this, because you would. I don’t know if this helps or makes it worse but you’re the only man who’s ever protected me. You need to stay a cop so you can protect other people. And someone would have found out about us eventually and you’d never be a cop again. I couldn’t live with that, knowing I’d taken you from the life you love. So this is the only way. I promised you once I’d never run away from you again. There’s two things you should know. I love you. But I lied.”
Daphne turned around, picked up her car keys, walked out the back door and got into her car.
She started it, she backed out of the driveway and she drove.
She drove to the end of the street and stopped at the stoplight.
There was no one else on the road. She was alone, all alone.
The light turned green.
But Daphne didn’t go.
She had to go.
The light turned red again.
Daphne waited. If she went back, she could slip into his bed and he’d never know she’d gone.
Or she could drive away and start a new life without him.
Stay? Go? Stay? Go?
The light turned green.
* * *
“So what happened?” Kyrie asked, flipping over onto her side to face Elle. “Does Daphne go back to him right then? Or does she drive away?”
“That’s for you to decide,” Elle said. “I left it open-ended. What do you think she did when the light turned green again?”
“I don’t know,” Kyrie said, smiling. “I kind of want her to go back to him. But then again, she’s only seventeen. Can you really find your true love in high school?”
“I thought I did.”
Kyrie met Elle’s eyes and she braced herself for a question. But Kyrie didn’t ask it and Elle thanked God she didn’t have to answer it.
“What would you have done in her shoes?” Elle asked. “When the light turned green, would you go back or go forward?”
“I think...” Kyrie paused. “I don’t know. Let me think about it.”
“You think about it and get back to me.” She loved that Kyrie wanted to think about it, wanted to mull it over. That’s what Elle intended with the ending. It would be something different for every reader. The romantics at heart would say Daphne went back to him. The realists would say she left him.
“So it’s done?” Kyrie asked, putting the pages of the book in order. “The whole thing is done? Beginning, middle and end?”
Elle nodded. “The end,” she said. “Now I just have to find a computer, type it up, clean it up and email it to your sister’s agent.”
“So it’s time?” Kyrie asked. Elle saw a flash of fear in her eyes. Elle didn’t blame her.
“Yeah, time to go. Are you ready?”
“I’m...” It was as far as Kyrie got with her answer. A sob escaped her throat. Elle held her close and tight, rocking her as if Kyrie was a child in her arms.
“I know,” Elle said. “I’m scared, too. But the longer we stay the harder it will be to leave. You do want to leave, don’t you?”
“I want...” Kyrie began and stopped. She seemed to be debating her answer, weighing her words, searching for something to say, the right thing to say. Then she nodded and when she spoke again her voice was clear and steady. “Yes, I want to go.”
Elle pulled her close and Kyrie cried quietly in her arms. They did everything quietly—laughed, talked, fucked. They hadn’t been caught yet, but it was only a matter of time. And Elle was tired of being quiet all the time. She needed to raise her voice; she needed to laugh as loudly as she could. She needed to tie Kyrie to a real bed and make her come until she screamed.
“When are we going?” Kyrie asked, looking up at Elle.
“Tomorrow night,” she said. “We’ll wait for tomorrow night when everyone is asleep and just go. We can go out the back door of the oratory and walk to the road. We’ll have to walk all the way to Guilford but when we’re there, we can get a hotel room for the night and figure out where to go from there.”
“I know it’s really far away, but we could go to California,” Kyrie said. “My brother would let us stay with him.”
“Are you sure?” Elle asked.
“He left the Church after Bethany died. He didn’t want me to be a nun.”
“Does he know—”
Kyrie shook her head.
“Nobody does. You’ll have to say you’re my friend. Sorry.”
Elle shrugged. “Being lying about my love life ever since I had one. I guess I can keep doing it.”
“I can’t do this anymore, John. I’m sorry. I got a letter that I’ve been accepted to UC. So I’m going there today. You don’t know that. No one knows that. I wanted to tell you but I know you and you’d find a way to talk me into staying. You’d find a way to keep me here. It wouldn’t be hard. You’d only have to say ‘Stay’ and I would stay. That’s why I couldn’t tell you. I couldn’t give you the chance to talk me out of this, because you would. I don’t know if this helps or makes it worse but you’re the only man who’s ever protected me. You need to stay a cop so you can protect other people. And someone would have found out about us eventually and you’d never be a cop again. I couldn’t live with that, knowing I’d taken you from the life you love. So this is the only way. I promised you once I’d never run away from you again. There’s two things you should know. I love you. But I lied.”
Daphne turned around, picked up her car keys, walked out the back door and got into her car.
She started it, she backed out of the driveway and she drove.
She drove to the end of the street and stopped at the stoplight.
There was no one else on the road. She was alone, all alone.
The light turned green.
But Daphne didn’t go.
She had to go.
The light turned red again.
Daphne waited. If she went back, she could slip into his bed and he’d never know she’d gone.
Or she could drive away and start a new life without him.
Stay? Go? Stay? Go?
The light turned green.
* * *
“So what happened?” Kyrie asked, flipping over onto her side to face Elle. “Does Daphne go back to him right then? Or does she drive away?”
“That’s for you to decide,” Elle said. “I left it open-ended. What do you think she did when the light turned green again?”
“I don’t know,” Kyrie said, smiling. “I kind of want her to go back to him. But then again, she’s only seventeen. Can you really find your true love in high school?”
“I thought I did.”
Kyrie met Elle’s eyes and she braced herself for a question. But Kyrie didn’t ask it and Elle thanked God she didn’t have to answer it.
“What would you have done in her shoes?” Elle asked. “When the light turned green, would you go back or go forward?”
“I think...” Kyrie paused. “I don’t know. Let me think about it.”
“You think about it and get back to me.” She loved that Kyrie wanted to think about it, wanted to mull it over. That’s what Elle intended with the ending. It would be something different for every reader. The romantics at heart would say Daphne went back to him. The realists would say she left him.
“So it’s done?” Kyrie asked, putting the pages of the book in order. “The whole thing is done? Beginning, middle and end?”
Elle nodded. “The end,” she said. “Now I just have to find a computer, type it up, clean it up and email it to your sister’s agent.”
“So it’s time?” Kyrie asked. Elle saw a flash of fear in her eyes. Elle didn’t blame her.
“Yeah, time to go. Are you ready?”
“I’m...” It was as far as Kyrie got with her answer. A sob escaped her throat. Elle held her close and tight, rocking her as if Kyrie was a child in her arms.
“I know,” Elle said. “I’m scared, too. But the longer we stay the harder it will be to leave. You do want to leave, don’t you?”
“I want...” Kyrie began and stopped. She seemed to be debating her answer, weighing her words, searching for something to say, the right thing to say. Then she nodded and when she spoke again her voice was clear and steady. “Yes, I want to go.”
Elle pulled her close and Kyrie cried quietly in her arms. They did everything quietly—laughed, talked, fucked. They hadn’t been caught yet, but it was only a matter of time. And Elle was tired of being quiet all the time. She needed to raise her voice; she needed to laugh as loudly as she could. She needed to tie Kyrie to a real bed and make her come until she screamed.
“When are we going?” Kyrie asked, looking up at Elle.
“Tomorrow night,” she said. “We’ll wait for tomorrow night when everyone is asleep and just go. We can go out the back door of the oratory and walk to the road. We’ll have to walk all the way to Guilford but when we’re there, we can get a hotel room for the night and figure out where to go from there.”
“I know it’s really far away, but we could go to California,” Kyrie said. “My brother would let us stay with him.”
“Are you sure?” Elle asked.
“He left the Church after Bethany died. He didn’t want me to be a nun.”
“Does he know—”
Kyrie shook her head.
“Nobody does. You’ll have to say you’re my friend. Sorry.”
Elle shrugged. “Being lying about my love life ever since I had one. I guess I can keep doing it.”
