The Woods Out Back

Chapter 18 Smorgasbord

"We have come too far to the south," Kelsey explained when they entered a valley that allowed them to look out beyond Penllyn's peaks. The elf pointed back to the north, to the distant towering mountains of Dvergamal. "But we are closer to Giant's Thumb now than before the trolls captured us, and the ground between here and the mountain should be easier traveling once we have broken free of these mountains."
"Not so easy in the Crahgs," Geno remarked, but no one seemed to hear.
"Giant's Thumb?" Gary asked Mickey.
"That's where Robert makes his lair," the leprechaun explained. "Not too big a mountain - not as big as those in Dvergamal - but flat-topped and big enough to keep the dragon comfortable."
"Robert?" Gary asked. "Who is this Robert?" It was the second time Gary had heard the leprechaun speak the name, but he thought it wise not to mention his previous eavesdropping.
Mickey gave him an incredulous stare. "The dragon," he answered. "Have ye not been listening?"
"A dragon named Robert?" Gary had to remind himself of the gravity of their situation, of all that they had come through and could expect to yet face, to keep from bursting out in laughter.
"Robert the Righteous, he calls himself," Kelsey put in.
"Though most others peg him as 'Robert the Wretched,'" Mickey added witha snicker. "It's not his real name, of course, not a name for a dragon. But that's a hard one, harder than Kelsenellelll... oh, well, ye get me meaning."
"Only thing harder to pronounce than the name of an elf is the true name of a dragon," Geno clarified grumpily. He gave Kelsey a derisive stare. "At least dragons have the courtesy to give themselves an easier title that people can use when addressing them."
"Afore they're eaten," Mickey had to add.
Gary looked from one of his companions to the other, as lost in the conversation, and all the innuendo he instinctively knew was flying about, as he was in this strange world. For the first time, Gary gave careful consideration to this upcoming beast. When Mickey had first mentioned the quest, and the dragon, Gary had thought this whole adventure a dream and had not given it too much thought. Between then and now, the young man had simply been too busy just keeping himself out of trouble to think about what lay at the end of his road. Now, though, with Ceridwen's island behind them and Kelsey promising a clear road to Giant's Thumb, the dragon - Robert the Righteous, or Wretched, or whatever title best fit the beast - inevitably hovered about Gary's thoughts.
"How big is this dragon?" Gary asked a short while later. Mickey was back on his shoulder, the leprechaun having no chance of matching the elf's eager pace with his tiny legs.
"Read your Mr. Tolkien, lad," the leprechaun replied. "Seems he got the dragon part right, at least. Aye, he's been to Faerie, that one. Not a secondhand account o' that Smaug creature. I'm just a bit surprised that since he seen it, he got back to yer own world to write about it!"
Gary started to say, "You're kidding," but changed his mind, realizing that the leprechaun spoke with all seriousness. And given his own unbelievable situation, how could Gary say with certainty that Tolkien had not visited Faerie? Or so many other of the fantasy writers he loved to read? And what about the common folktales of a dozen different countries, particularly Ireland and Scotland? Might those legends of elfs and sprites, dragons and bandy-legged dwarfs, be based on the actual experiences of simple farmers?
"What're ye thinking?" the leprechaun asked him, seeing his face crinkled in confusion.
"I don't even know," Gary replied honestly, for the notion had overwhelmed him.
"Well, if ye're thinking of old Robert, then don't ye bother," Mickey said, and Gary couldn't help but notice that the leprechaun's tone had taken on a grim edge. "Ye cannot imagine a dragon, lad. Nothing yer mind'd conjure could come close to the truth.
"Read yer Mr. Tolkien again, lad," Mickey went on. "Read and be afraid. Ceridwen's made the day dark for us, but Robert will make it darker still!"
Gary took outThe Hobbit and considered opening to Bilbo's first encounter with the dreaded dragon. Then he thought the better of it and put the book back into his pocket. No sense in scaring himself, he figured.
Robert would do it for him.
"I telled ye they'd come walkin' back from the witch's island," one troll boasted to another, seeing the companions crossing the lower trails near to the edge of Penllyn. "We gots to go tell Earl!"
"Meat fer the table," the other agreed. "Them bunnies was good, but a dwarf pie'll taste better!"
"An' manflesh and elf-on-a-stick!" said the first. "And the little trickster's goin' in me mouth before Earl gets 'is fat paws on 'im!"
The other troll punched him in the eye. "Inme mouth, ye ogre baby," the troll protested. "I seen 'im first."
"Iseen him first!" the first troll argued back, but he didn't move to retaliate physically, more concerned with dinner than with fighting at that moment. "But I'll split the trickster with ye - right down the middle!"
The other troll smacked his lips with his big fat tongue and rubbed his greedy hands together. "Let's go get Earl," he offered. "Me belly's growlin' awrful."
The companions ran on long past sunset, none of them complaining about putting the miles between them and Ceridwen's island and all of them anxious to be out of the dark mountains. When they finally set camp, on a high flat rock with the empty plain in sight and the scattered bumps that were the Crahgs beyond it, they agreed, again without protest (except a squeak from Mickey - and Kelsey said that didn't count because Mickey was always complaining), that they wouldn't start a fire. The night was chilly for the season, with a cold wind blowing down across the empty miles from Dvergamal - the last remnants of the Cailleac Bheur's summer storm, Mickey reasoned. A full moon made its way up above them, bathing all the land in silvery light.
Gary got up often, rubbing his arms and walking briskly in circles to keep his circulation going. He knew that he would get little sleep that night, but he didn't care. They had come to the last stage of their journey, for better or worse, and he knew that a little weariness wouldn't slow him down.
He felt better, too, about having the sentient spear back on his belt. He sensed that the weapon was communicating with him almost constantly, though not on a level that he could consciously respond to. It was just a feeling he got, a subconscious bonding. Whatever was happening, Gary carried his normal spear with growing confidence, thinking that if it came to blows again, he would know what to do.
Still, he wasn't pleased to find out if his instincts were correct quite so soon.
Kelsey saw the dark silhouettes shortly after midnight, circling the camp at a wide radius, cutting in and out of the shadows of jagged boulders and rocky outcroppings. The elf and dwarf agreed that the big shapes were trolls, and the fact that there were four of them led them all to believe that they had met this particular band before.
"Four against four," Gary whispered, crouching beside Kelsey and Mickey and popping his loose-fitting helmet onto his head. Even odds."
"Anyone who's ever fought trolls'd tell ye that even numbers don't make for even odds," Mickey was quick to point out.
"We nearly beat them before!" Geno growled. "And there were seven of them then!" As if to further his point, the dwarf sent a hammer spinning out into the darkness, heard a thump, and grunted in pleasure as a troll groaned.
"You see?" the beaming dwarf asked, looking so much again like a disreputable youngster with his one tooth missing and his cat-ate-the-canary smile.
Things didn't follow the exact course that Geno expected. Kelsey cocked back his bow, Geno readied another hammer, but before they began their assaults, several large rocks came bouncing into the small camp. One caught Gary in the chest and blew the air from his lungs, sending him flying over backwards. Kelsey managed to dive around a second throw, but his evasive action took him right into the path of a third. He twisted and rolled, but the rock caught him squarely in the knee and sent him spiraling down to the ground.
Mickey threw up one of his umbrellas. Lying next to the leprechaun, Gary wondered what good it would do, but amazingly a rock heading straight for the sprite hit the umbrella and bounced harmlessly away.
"You got one of those for me?" Gary asked weakly, struggling to get back to his feet.
Geno launched a hammer and scored another hit (at least, another troll groaned as though it had been hit), but a second volley of rocks thundered in. The dwarf was the main target this time, and he was struck twice, though the missiles appeared to do little damage and hardly moved him. One soared past Geno, though, and scored another hit on Kelsey, knocking him flat.
And then the trolls were upon them.
Mickey lit up the area with an eye-stinging flash of light.
"Go to Kelsey!" Gary instructed Mickey. The leprechaun seemed hesitant to leave the inexperienced human, but Kelsey, out cold on the ground, seemed in more dire peril. Mickey leaped over to the prone elf and conjured an illusion to make Kelsey appear as a part of the flat rock. Then the leprechaun prudently faded into invisibility, hoping that no trolls had noticed his actions.
Geno went into his customary troll-battle maneuvers, darting between legs, stomping his hammers down on troll toes, and generally making life miserable for the two attacking him.
One of the trolls - Gary recognized him as Earl - went over towards where Kelsey had been lying, sniffing the air and prodding the ground suspiciously. Out of the illusion came Kelsey, sword leading, and Earl got a good cut on the arm for his efforts.
Gary squared off against the fourth of the group. He held his spear and shield in front of him, feeling their balance. The troll came straight in, unafraid, swinging its heavy club for Gary's head.
Gary went down low beneath the blow and countered with a sharp spear jab that poked the troll in the belly and sent it hopping back onto its tiptoes. Gary used the break to circle to the side opposite the troll's weapon hand. The monster turned with him, more apprehensive now.
A second swing from the troll fell harmlessly short. Gary started to counter, then thought the better of it, for the troll was recovering much more quickly this time.
The monster tensed; Gary knew another swing was coming. As the troll's arm came about, Gary dropped forward to his knees, braced his shield against his shoulder, and angled it to deflect the club harmlessly high. At the same time, he got his spear in line with the troll's hand, angled so that the weapon's butt end remained tight against the ground.
The troll howled in pain and its club went flying as it drove its hand deep onto Gary's spear tip. Gary's own clever actions amazed him, but he knew that this was not the time to gloat, nor to pause and consider his fortunes. He came up from his knees, bowling straight ahead, and got two or three good spear pokes in on the troll before it recovered enough so that he was forced to back off.
The creature stood staring at Gary dumbfounded, clutching its wounded hand, and with several trickles of blood running down its filthy shirt.
The two trolls fighting Geno were growing dizzy indeed as the dwarf, slapping and cursing every step of the way, continued his wild darting. Always, the trolls' counters seemed one step behind Geno, coming crashing down onto the hard rock at the dwarf's heels as he slipped between the monsters or between their widespread legs.
"'Ere, watch where ye're swingin'!" one of the trolls warned the other, having had the misfortune to have battled the cunning dwarf in the previous fight as well. "He's lookin' to get ye to hit me!"
The dwarf charged in on it as it spoke, and the troll, thinking it had its diminutive opponent's tactics figured out, quickly pulled its legs together. Geno's hammer led the way, smashing the inside of the troll's left knee. The legs went back apart and the dwarf darted through, smacking the inside of the right knee as he passed.
The other troll had come around to intercept, and the dwarf spun about, but slipped on the flat stone and skidded down.
Two trolls hovered over him, clubs raised and yellow-toothed smiles wide.
Kelsey fought valiantly for many seconds, spinning his sword about and in too quickly for Earl to launch any counterstrikes. The elf was hurt, though, bleeding from the side of his head and unable to use his legs to keep him out of Earl's reach.
Earl recognized this advantage immediately and tossed the club to the ground, reaching in with both hands. Kelsey nicked one, then the other, then cut a third time at the first arm. Earl seemed not to notice, and wrapped a huge hand about Kelsey's waist.
A dart appeared from nowhere, arcing through the air to find a resting place on Earl's big nose. Kelsey was free again as Earl tried to pull the stinger out.
"Won me championships three years in a row," Mickey boasted, coming visible again and putting another dart into Earl's face. Kelsey smiled and joined in the fun, more than willing to take advantage of the distraction. He stepped right in and drove his sword in and down above Earl's kneecap.
"Ye cut me hand," the monster whined.
"More than that," Gary promised. He pumped his arm as if to throw, then leaped ahead instead, dropping his heavy and pointy-tipped shield onto the troll's toe. He knew that he was vulnerable right beneath the towering giant, but knew, too, that quickness was on his side. The troll, after a howl, had just begun to bend low to grab at him, when the spear came rushing up, blasting out a troll tooth and widening the creature's smile.
The troll fell back, staggered, and for some reason, Gary had no doubt at all that he would win this fight. Still, he was surprised when the troll's eyes went wide and the creature turned suddenly and sped away.
If he had not been so self-congratulatory at that point, Gary might have realized that the suddenly terrified troll had looked right past him.
Geno hoped that one of the trolls would pick him up and try to put him in a sack. At least that way, he'd have the satisfaction of getting a few more good strikes in before going out of the fight.
The trolls weren't intent on capturing the companions this time, the dwarf soon realized, and he realized, too, that he had no way of getting away from the great clubs.
But then one of the trolls rose up from the ground and went flying away into the darkness. The other troll stared ahead blankly, its eyes going up, up, up, until it met the gaze of Tommy One-Thumb.
On a troll's list of things to avoid, giants ranked just below dragons, and the terror was obvious in this troll's scream as it whipped its club across at Tommy.
The giant did wince, a little bit, as the club rebounded off his massive chest, but he did not fall back. Tommy came with a backhand response that caught the troll on the side of the head and sent it flying head over heels.
Gary had seen many wondrous things since coming to Faerie, but none of them outdid the spectacle of a twelve-foot-tall troll spinning through the air. He heard the resounding thump as the creature landed, and then heavy footsteps pounding away into the night.
"He's got me darts!" Gary heard Mickey yell, and then Earl loped past him. Strictly on instinct, Gary dropped to the ground, hooking his foot in front of Earl's huge ankle. Without even considering the move, Gary came across with a vicious spear swipe that caught the fleeing troll in the back on the knee (his one remaining good knee) and sent him crashing facedown to the stone. Without the slightest hesitation, Gary ran up the monster's back and dove headlong. His spear caught Earl on the back of the neck and drove up under the troll's thick skull bone.
Earl slumped back to the ground, shuddered once or twice, and expired.
Gary lay on the troll's back for a long time, holding tightly to his spear, hardly believing he had so efficiently dispatched such a powerful creature. When he finally looked back over his shoulder, he saw that Mickey and Kelsey shared his disbelief.
"When did ye learn to fight like that?" the leprechaun asked.
Gary had no answers for him - until a voice rang out in his mind."Thou has done well."
"You taught me," Gary replied out loud, looking down to the broken weapon on his belt.
"I did no such a thing," Mickey replied.
"Not you," Gary explained.
"The spear led ye through the fight?" Mickey asked.
Gary thought for a moment, then shrugged, unsure of exactly what had happened. In the previous fights, the spear's communications had been obvious, but if the spear had instructed him during this battle, he had not noticed. Still, Gary realized that he could not have fought so well on his own instincts. He wondered how closely he and the sentient spear had bonded, and which one had been in charge during the battle.
"Whatever it was, lad, ye did a fine job," Mickey went on, and Kelsey, wincing in pain again, nodded his head slowly in agreement.
"And Tommy saved us," Gary replied, speaking directly at Geno. The dwarf said nothing, just walked by Gary and spat on his sneaker.
"I'll take that as a thank-you," Gary said, a smile finding his face. He moved quickly (wisely) away from the dwarf and over to Tommy.
"You have our thanks, Tommy," he offered, reaching up to grab ahold of the giant's huge hand. "But why did you follow us?"
"He probably means to take us back to that stupid witch," Geno fumed.
"Tommy had nowhere else to go," the giant answered simply.
An idea came to Gary, but Mickey, seeing his face light up, was quick to squelch it.
"The giant's not coming to Robert's lair," the leprechaun insisted. "And better off he is for not coming!"
"He's a great fighter," Gary replied, confident that he would win this debate. "We might need..."
"Not so great against the likes o' Robert," Mickey was fast to interrupt. "If it comes to a fight, lad, he'd go down as quick as the rest."
"What are you talking about?" Gary yelled in reply. "We're going off happily to battle some dragon and you refuse allies? If it's that hopeless, they why are we going? How can we think that we might win?"
"You'll not be fighting the dragon," Kelsey replied evenly. "I will."
"You can hardly stand up," Gary shot back, more harshly than he had intended.
"I must fight the dragon in single combat," Kelsey explained. "And subdue the creature. If we brought the giant - if we brought an army - and killed the beast, what good would it be to us? No, we must get Robert's cooperation, and that can only be achieved in a challenge of honor."
"Then why can't Tommy go along?" Gary asked.
"Because dragons fear giants," Kelsey replied. "And if Robert is afraid, then he will fight us all and kill us before I ever offer my challenge." The elf turned to Tommy. "You do indeed have our thanks, noble giant. And you may come with us across the brown plain and the Crahgs as far as the Giant's Thumb, if you are not afraid. But when we go up to the dragon's lair, we go alone."
Tommy just looked at Gary and shrugged again. When they broke camp the next dawn and began their run across the rolling hills, they were five, not four.