The Young and the Submissive

Page 14

Pushing aside dread of the unknown she’d face once she left, Raine grabbed a suitcase from her closet. She had a little money in the bank. She’d find a new place and a new job. After all, she had a college degree and some accounting skills. She was good with people. She’d been an office manager…of sorts. Somehow, someway, she’d figure it out.
Blotting her face with a tissue, Raine sniffled back tears. They were useless. Liam and Hammer couldn’t change what they needed, and she couldn’t change who she was. It had been destined to end this way, she supposed.
Desolation hollowed her as she tossed most of her belongings into the suitcase. She packed some of her favorite pictures: Hammer dressed as the devil, opposite her angel, last Halloween. She and Liam at their collaring ceremony. One she’d taken of the two men clinking beer mugs the night Liam had first arrived from New York. All happy times. All smiles. So unlike now.
Raine sighed and zipped her suitcase, scanning her room. Sad that she’d packed up most of her life in fifteen minutes. All she had to do was load her car and drive off.
Wait, it wasn’t her car. Hammer had bought it for her. The title was in his name. And she’d accepted the gift because it made her feel special to him. Stupid. The smarter move would have been to stand on her own two feet. She sure as hell refused to steal from him now.
She fished her car keys from her purse, along with the keys to Shadows, and left them on her dresser. He’d find them at some point.
Dismissing the thought, she dug out her phone, Googled a quick number, and made the saddest phone call of her life. The voice on the other end said she had ten minutes left, but why wait? Why take a chance that Liam or Hammer would come looking for her? It was probably cowardly to just disappear. But so much easier. She’d make sure they knew she was all right and make them promise to let her go.
She backed out of the room, taking one last sweeping look around. Not that it mattered; this place was permanently imprinted in her memories. On her heart. Just like the men who lived here.
No one walked the hall as she slipped out of her room. No one confronted her as she made her way past Liam’s door, past Hammer’s. She shoved her way into the alley, peering out at the overcast day. Raine couldn’t believe this was the last time she’d be at Shadows. Everything had happened so fast. The moment felt so surreal. But she wasn’t going to wake up, rub her eyes, and realize this had all been a dream.
Standing in the alley, the wind tugged at her clothes and made her nose cold. It was almost December. Her wet hair filled her with a chill. She probably should have packed a coat, but the mild discomfort was nothing compared to the torment dismembering her heart.
Right on schedule, her taxi arrived. She turned off her phone and shoved it into her purse, approaching the vehicle. This was it. She swiped fresh tears from her face.
“Where to?” the gruff cabbie asked.
Good question. Someplace familiar—for now. She’d figure out where to head from there.
Raine rattled off the name of a drugstore a few blocks from where she’d grown up. It was in the center of town. Once there, she could begin to settle everything else. The town was relatively quiet, growing so she could find a job and easy to navigate if it took her a while to buy another car. She wouldn’t feel safe there—she only truly did under Hammer’s roof—but she’d closed that chapter of her life, so moving on…
The taxi driver put his foot on the gas, and the car lurched forward. The scarred dumpster Hammer had once found her hiding behind and the familiar building where she’d learned about love from the two amazing men who had forever changed her life rolled out of sight.
Twenty minutes later, she’d done nothing but stare out the window. She almost felt…numb. It was kind of nice. Raine didn’t expect the reprieve to last because the pain lurked just under the surface. But she’d take the daze for now. The minute she found some privacy, it was bound to get ugly.
The cab stopped in the little strip shopping center. She thought about asking him to wait, but he got a call for another fare. And honestly, she didn’t know where to tell him to take her. She paid him, grabbed her suitcase, then climbed out.
It started to rain.
Damn it, if that didn’t just add to the day. Sighing, Raine dashed into the shelter of the store. She pretended to browse the cosmetics and self-care products. She walked past greeting cards, toys, snacks—and came to something she could really use.
She grabbed the first one on the shelf, paid a goth girl for it, and peered out, hoping for a break in the storm, which probably wouldn’t last. But all she had to do was find a place to hang her head for the night. Then the skies could pour down buckets for all she fucking cared.
Except no one was going to rent her a room at ten thirty in the morning.
Crap, she couldn’t even plan a departure without fucking it up.
At the end of the road, the sign of a low-budget chain of motels caught her attention. It wasn’t fancy, but it was clean and probably pimp-free. Those were her only requirements now.
Fifteen minutes later, she juggled her purchase under her arm and, fingers aching, transferred her suitcase to her other hand as she strolled through the automatic double doors. Securing a room for the night would be no problem. Their computers were down currently, and none of the rooms would be clean for a few hours. The desk clerk agreed to store her suitcase for her, handed her a claim ticket, then told her she could check in officially as soon as the touchy machines all came back online.
Now what? She could hang out in the lobby, but she’d have nothing to do except to think of all she’d lost. Since she was no longer focused on the details of getting from Point A to Point B, the gouging sadness was begging to dig at her again, emptying her of any desire to put one foot in front of the other. It would get better, she knew. In time. A few months, if she was lucky. Maybe a few years.
Maybe never.
Raine shoved the thought aside. “What’s the nearest restaurant?”
She’d known once upon a time, but she hadn’t lived here in years.
The desk clerk referred her to a pancake house a few blocks away, closer to the freeway. Not that it mattered, really. She wasn’t hungry, but pretending to eat would kill time.
As she started for the door, the hotel’s little shuttle pulled up.
“The bus will take you anywhere within a two-mile radius for free,” the clerk offered helpfully, eyeing her.
“Thanks.” Raine didn’t glance back, just walked out.
The old bus driver smiled brightly as she stepped inside. His jovial grin was contagious, and she did her best to smile back. He had kind eyes and looked on the brink of asking her what was wrong, but she was sure he’d never been in a BDSM love triangle, so she amped up her plastic expression and commented on the weather.
After handing her a business card with a number to call when she wanted him to retrieve her, the man dropped her off in front of the diner that was way too cheerful for her mood. The thought of eating alone depressed her more.
Shouldering her purse, she wandered up the road instead, crossing a busy intersection. What the hell was she doing? She had no idea where she was going—not just today, but tomorrow. Next week. Next month. For the rest of her life.
Raine rubbed at her forehead. She had to get off the pity pot. Give herself today and grieve, then figure her shit out. All this moping just wasn’t going to solve anything.
Vaguely, she wondered if Liam or Hammer had even realized she was gone yet. If they had, would they be searching? Probably. Liam might even feel guilty. Hammer might be ticked off. Maybe she should set them at ease before she did anything else. But if she called there…what if one of them answered?
Suddenly, she looked up and saw the new hospital in town. And she knew exactly what to do.
Hammer stepped from the shower, hearing the senseless droning of the morning talk show host interviewing the latest reality “celebrity” in the background. Exhaustion weighed on him. He yawned and stretched. Was his fatigue the result of another fitful night? The incessant replay of Raine’s cries of pleasure earlier this morning? Or the constant spooling in his head of the advice Beck had given him eight days ago that he still hadn’t taken?
While punching his pillow and tossing restlessly last night, he’d come to the conclusion that he needed to apologize to Liam. The speech he’d prepared in his head and practiced in the shower felt more stilted than he’d like. But he’d say it. Once that was behind him, he could move onto the second step necessary to take control of his life again. How would Raine react when he confessed that he loved her and always had?
Hammer mussed his hair and threw on some clothes, determined that today he would sit Raine down and utter the three words he’d carried in his heart for so long.
He shouldn’t be as nervous as a teenage boy asking his first girl out on a date, but his stomach was in knots. Once he’d told her how he felt, he hoped they could move forward together—just the two of them.
The possibility exhilarated him.
Dressed and ready to vanquish his demons, he strode to the room beside his and knocked on Liam’s door. The apology repeated through Hammer’s brain as he waited, then knocked again. No one answered.
Frowning, he made his way to the kitchen, wondering if his precious girl was baking. But it, too, was empty. The only sign of life was a freshly brewed pot of coffee that smelled more like tar than anything Raine would make. Still, he needed it.
Hammer poured himself a mug and took a sip as he left the kitchen, grimacing at the warm sludge sliding down his throat.
When he reached the dungeon, he skimmed a glance over the open space. He didn’t see Liam or Raine. Had they gone to the gym? Out for breakfast? Or had they just ignored his knock, too wrapped up in their cocoon of bliss to give a fuck about him?
Fighting impatience, Hammer climbed the stairs to the bar. To his surprise, Liam sat on a tall stool, stooped over and nursing a mug of the terrible coffee.
“Good morning,” Hammer said stiffly.
Liam barely glanced his way, just nodded and sipped more of the brew, hissing as it hit his tongue. “God, that’s shit.”
Hammer stared down into his own cup. “It is. Who made it?”
With a grunt, Liam shoved his away. “I did.”
It fucking sucked. Hammer abandoned his mug on the bar, too. Then he drew in a deep breath. “I need to say something to you.”
Liam glanced to the stool beside him, wordlessly inviting him to sit. Hammer slid onto the seat.
This speech had been ten times easier when he’d been dishing it out to his own reflection. But the fact that he hated apologies and this one felt fucking awkward didn’t matter.
Liam shrugged, stared at the steam rising from his cup, his expression heavy and guarded. Hammer couldn’t miss the deep furrow between his brows. Jesus, the guy looked desolate.
Another wave of guilt poured over Hammer. “I’m sorry for a lot of things I’ve said and done. You’ve always been a like a brother to me. Wallowing in my guilt about Juliet, then assigning it to you while withholding the truth was despicable. But not nearly as unfair as dumping everything on your shoulders years later. I apologize. You deserved better.”
He watched as Liam scrubbed a hand down his face. “I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you. And I’m more sorry than I can say for the hell you went through. I don’t pretend to understand what Juliet did or why you didn’t share your pain with me. Maybe you thought I was too young and stupid to get it.” Before Hammer could refute that, Liam went on. “Fuck if I know. Doesn’t matter now, does it?”
Liam stared straight ahead into the mirror, looking remote, resigned. Hammer bit back a sigh. Had his secretive bullshit irrevocably severed their friendship? Great. Wait until Liam realized he not only intended to work his way into Raine’s bed again, but claim her once and for all.
“I don’t know what to say to that, Liam. I lost a wife and a child in one day, and it eventually cost me my best friend. I might have been wrong to wait so long to vomit out the truth—”
Liam snorted. “Do you think so?”
“Look, I was wrong, but I came clean. Everything I said Thanksgiving night was honest.” Hammer stared into the mirror, trying to read Liam’s reaction. “I’m not even sure what you thought of the revelations about Juliet. You never said.”
“I didn’t think it mattered to you. Since she died, you shut down and pissed off. So I moved on. Am I supposed to be sorry for that?” Liam finally turned to him with a scowl. “What’s the point now? All this retrospective crap doesn’t change a thing.” Liam made to rise from the stool.
“Wait! I’m not done, damn it.”
Rolling his eyes, Liam settled back onto the barstool. “Hurry the fuck up.”
Hammer lost his temper. “You got a tampon to change?”
Liam stood. “That’s it. I’m done listening.”
He clenched his fists. “Damn it, this is not how my apology was supposed to go. Sorry. Just let me finish.”