Their Virgin's Secret

Page 20

Cole absorbed her words, but he was calmer now. Thinking. Watching. She was after something, and he didn’t think it was simply the means to let out her anger. If that was all she sought, he’d take her rage. But there was something about the way she sidled closer and stared at him that made him question the reason behind her tirade.
“Yes. I’m very sick, baby.” He gentled his tone. If he could calm her down by agreeing with her, then he would. But his guess was that his composure would only piss her off more. If so…he’d know exactly what she needed. “I’m damaged. I’m not good for you.”
“Goddamn it, Cole.” Burke’s anger came off him in waves, blasting at his brother who had always been able to sense his strong emotions.
Jessa stiffened, her rage seeming to escalate, not dissipate. “Do you spank all your stupid little conquests? Poor Cole, can’t get it up without a little kink. He has to tie up women or they might run away.”
Jessa wasn’t just spewing anger. She was painting him a picture with her words. If all she wanted was for him to admit his sins against her, he’d done that. But she kept poking.
“What? You don’t have anything to say? You just don’t care, Cole. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised. Under all that aggressive attitude, you give up. You back down, don’t you? You’re just going to stand there and let a girl tell you off.” She shrugged like it didn’t matter.
But it did, and he was beginning to get the picture.
Burke opened his mouth to start defending Cole’s honor, but he stopped his brother with a shake of his head. Burke didn’t need to waste his breath. All this bullshit of Jessa’s wasn’t really about him.
“Big, bad Dom, huh?” She scoffed, baiting Cole even more.
The pieces slid together, unmistakable. She’d clung to him in the night, and for part of it, she hadn’t been asleep. He’d been able to feel her breath take on an uneven rhythm as she’d awakened, restlessly moving until he’d wrapped his arms around her to force her to be still. He’d felt her stiffen for a moment and worried she would reject him, but she’d simply melted back into him and fallen back to sleep, their arms and legs entangled. She’d woken this morning wrapped around Burke. She’d wanted comfort, but she wouldn’t ask for it.
This argument was no different. She was fighting, battling against him when he’d laid down his arms and given her the victory. Yet she still poked him, as though picking a scab she couldn’t let heal over. Because she didn’t want it to. Fuck. If he was right, then she was in a corner, wanting something from them, but having no idea how to fight past her pride to simply ask for it.
So she’d maneuvered him into taking it. She might need him far more than he’d expected.
“Not so tough without handcuffs and a ball gag, are you?” She glared with disdain.
Cole tested the waters, crossing the room to tower over her. He laced his arms over his chest and got in her personal space, leveled a dark, heavy stare at her. A thousand dirty thoughts of Jessa naked and under him, between him and Burke, crossed his mind. He let every one of them show in his eyes. Relief and arousal flared across her face. She should be backing away, but she wasn’t, because Cole could clearly see that she didn’t merely want to stir his ire. She’d been looking to rouse his dick, maybe even his heart. She wanted them. Needed them? The next few hours would tell.
This might not solve anything, but he wasn’t giving up his forever without a fight. He hoped that his uncle rotting in hell was gnashing his teeth. He was done stewing on all the swill the old man had shoved down his throat. Jessa might not love him, but she cared. That would be enough for now. It was a start.
“Jessa, turn off your mouth, or we’re going to have some serious punishment.”
Though he’d spoken quietly, both Jessa and Burke shut up immediately. The air froze.
“You don’t have the right to punish me.” Her breathing picked up pace. Her cheeks flushed.
Stubborn little sub. “I’ll take it if I have to. You don’t top me, baby.”
“You don’t touch me.”
“Oh, but you want me to.” He edged closer, satisfied with her sharp intake of breath.
Then her shoulders relaxed, and her eyes softened, as though she knew she was going to get what she wanted. “You’re wrong.”
Oh, she was so digging her own grave with those breathless words. He smiled.
“You won’t admit the truth. I suspect you’re going to fight me, even though we both know you want this. You want me to take you, Jessa. I showed you a whole world, then I left you alone to suffer. You haven’t been with anyone since that night, have you? Don’t you dare lie to me.”
“I’ll lie to you all I like, Cole. Our whole relationship has been a lie.”
“That’s bullshit, but I understand why you feel that way. Now, we have a few hours before we can leave. Do you want to sit down and rationally figure out how to deal with this or do you want to play this game out to its inevitable conclusion?” He felt so much calmer now. The guilt was still there, but now he could see plainly that she needed what only he could give her.
Burke stood silently beside his brother, allowing Cole to take the lead. He stared at Jessa, his eyes hooding. Yeah, his twin was finally in the know and on board.
“What game is it that you think I’m playing?”
“You’re topping from the bottom, baby.” And normally, he wouldn’t rise to the bait, but if this was his only way back to her, he’d bend his rules this once. “You’re doing your damndest to manipulate me to a place where I simply take you and you don’t have to consent. You want us both, but you’re too hurt to ask for what you need. There’s only one problem with that scenario. This has to be consensual. I won’t rape you, not even to pretend.”
“I don’t want to make love with you.”
“No, you want me to fuck you. If I took that robe off you right now, would I find your nipples hard? Would they be standing up straight, all peaked for me? If I slid my hands down your body and buried my fingers in your pussy, would I find you wet and ready for me?”
She swallowed, then tried to pass off a shrug. “If I was, it doesn’t mean I love you. It just means I haven’t had some in a long time.”
“Baby, I haven’t touched anyone since I walked out of that hotel room. I won’t touch anyone else for the rest of my life. I love you. I love you with every ounce of my being, and I’ll die before I ever take another woman.”
Her eyes flared with hope. He watched her squash it quickly with pain and fear. “I don’t believe you.”
“He hasn’t, Jessa,” Burke murmured. “I haven’t touched anyone in a year, either, sweetheart. In my head, in my heart, it would have been cheating. Even after we thought you had gotten married, we couldn’t look at another woman. You’re it for us. We fucked up. We let our work and our own misery and guilt defeat us. If I could do it again, I would have told you everything.”
“You can’t fix this, Burke.” She crossed her arms over her chest and fought tears. “Not now.”
“No, he can’t. I can’t fix the past either, Jessa. I can only promise that the future is going to be different. Now, you need to decide how this is going to go. We can talk. I can be gentle. Or I can give you what all three of us need.”
“If I sleep with you, it’s only because I want to fuck you out of my system.”
The words hurt, but he wasn’t going to stop. “And if I sleep with you, it’s only because I love you and I want to imprint myself on you. We want to fuck you so hard, you’ll never be rid of us. You’ll always feel us deep inside you.”
Burke took up the declaration. “You won’t ever be able to forget how it feels to be in between us, to be surrounded and loved. If we fuck you, it’s because we need you. I love you, Jessa. I want to marry you and have more kids, build a real family with you. But if you need to call this sex, then I’ll take that, too.”
There were tears in her eyes. “I don’t believe you. I’ll never believe you. I hate you both.”
Cole closed his eyes briefly. There was a part of himself that wondered if he should let her go and let her find someone who didn’t come with baggage. She deserved a lifestyle that wouldn’t isolate her. But he silenced that voice. She’d loved them once; she could do it again. Now that he knew she needed them, he couldn’t walk away. No matter what the cost. He reached for her hand and swept her up into his arms, her weight reminding him of everything he’d missed for the last year. “Hate me all you like. We’ll love you enough for all of us.”
“This doesn’t mean anything,” she said, but she was already softening in his arms.
Cole scoffed. “Whatever. You remember your safe word?”
“Fuck you, Cole.” She spat the words out. She’d apparently gotten comfortable with cussing. She’d likely cursed them every day they had been apart.
Cole didn’t let it bother him. He knew the game now, and he intended to win. “Oh, we’ll get to that. But you’d better spit out your safe word first, or we’re going to stand here all afternoon and wait until you do.”
“You bastard,” she mumbled. “Resolution.”
He smiled. “Good. Now I definitely think our little sub requires some discipline. Burke, we’re going to need the clamps. All of them.”
He tossed her on the bed. Her robe gaped open showing off the breasts he’d dreamed of every night since he’d met her. They were beautiful and a bit rounder after having their son, with skin so soft he’d never been able to forget the feel of it. Just like he’d thought, her nipples were hard little nubs. And for the first time, there was just a bit of fear in those green eyes.
Yeah, he liked that, too. His cock throbbed in his jeans when he considered all the nasty, explicit things he could do to her.
Every muscle in his body was on full alert. He’d dreamed of this, of having her again. Of sinking into her body and never leaving. “Pull the robe wide open. Let me see every fucking inch of you.”
Her mouth firmed, and he watched as she undoubtedly decided whether or not to defy him. Her hands finally went to the tie of her robe, and she pulled it open quickly, without a hint of seduction.
If she thought that was going to deter him, she had another thing coming.
As Jessa revealed her body to him, Cole noted the differences. She carried a few more curves. She had a few stretch marks and a straight scar across her lower abdomen.
“I had a C-section. If it bothers you, I can get dressed.” She started to pull the robe on again, but Cole pushed her hands away.
“You’re beautiful.” His whole body responded to her. Every cell inside him felt like it was coming to life after a long period of hibernation. He’d been surviving since the moment he’d walked away from her. Just existing. Now he felt alive again.
This woman in front of him was all that mattered. Jessa, his brother, and the son they had made together. If they were the only people in his world, he would be fine with that. He shoved aside everything else. No more guilt. No more doubt. No more hiding away. He had a new mission. To make Jessa love him again.
And Cole Lennox never failed a mission.
* * * *
Jessa held her breath. He’d said she was beautiful, but she knew she looked different than the last time he’d seen her naked. Her breasts weren’t as perky. They had fed a child for nearly three months. She had scars from her surgery and stretch marks. She wasn’t some perfect little virgin anymore. She was a woman, and she had the marks to prove it.
Was this a huge mistake? Probably, but it was hers to make. She wanted Cole and Burke. She wanted to remember what it felt like to be wanted one last time.
Oh, she wasn’t going to take them back. She couldn’t trust them. They could talk a good game, but she didn’t dare open her heart up to them again. She just wanted tonight. Well, maybe a few nights. A few kisses and caresses and memories to keep her warm when they were gone again. That probably made her an idiot, but she’d never wanted anyone but them. They’d used her, and she still wanted them. This was her last chance to get over them.
“Baby, you’re so fucking gorgeous.” Cole stared down at her.
“Fuck. I didn’t think I would get to see you this way again.” Burke breathed the words out. He stood beside his brother, his previous anger seemingly spent. Burke had been willing to fight. Cole hadn’t. He’d closed in on himself. The walls he’d seemingly placed between them had enraged Jessa. But he’d still seen her, read her need. That was all that mattered now.
“I haven’t lost all my baby weight.” Now she was nervous. Without the anger raging through her system, she felt vulnerable, a little worried.