Thief of Hearts
Page 69
“Thank you,” he breathed but I shifted back and moved away from him, my fingers slipping out of his and his lips meeting nothing but air. A confused expression crossed his face.
“Andrea?”
“I forgive you, Stu, but that doesn’t mean our relationship can continue. It was wrong of me to let things get this far in the first place.”
“But, luv, I need you—”
I held up a hand to stop him from saying anymore, because if he did my strength was in danger of breaking.
“I care about you, I always will, and I hope you’ll continue with your studies because I honestly want you to graduate and go on to university. But we can’t be together anymore. I’m sorry.”
Stu’s features hardened. “Why not?”
“Because I can’t trust you.”
His anger was palpable. I could see it in the way his jaw tensed. “For fuck’s sake, you can trust me, Andrea. You know I didn’t have a choice. If you were in my position you’d have done the exact same thing.”
“I know.”
His anger turned to frustration. “Then why the hell are you still holding it against me?”
“I’m not holding it against you. I’m doing this to protect the people I love. I’m sure you know a lot more men like Alfie’s dad, Stu. What if one of them decides to blackmail you like Raymond did? I can’t take that chance.”
“Now you’re not even making sense. Nobody’s going to blackmail me. This job was my last. I’m going straight.”
“You can’t know that.”
“Yes, I bloody well can. I’ll never break the law again; you have my word.”
My lip trembled. I hated confrontation but I had to stay strong. Taking a deep breath, I spoke again. “Tell me this, and answer honestly. If someone you knew from prison, or from before you were sent away, came along and said they’d hurt your family if you didn’t do their bidding, what would you do?”
Stu raked a hand through his hair, gritting his teeth. “That’s not fair, Andrea.”
“Answer the question,” I whispered.
His body sagged and he stared at the floor. “I’d do whatever I had to.”
“Exactly.”
And there it was. I’d do whatever I had to. Stu may have only spent two years behind bars, but the prison cell provided more than just a place of seclusion. It was a place he had to survive, and thank God he did. But that could never bode well for him and me. I wasn’t his family. And as much as that actually pained my aching heart, I knew it was now for the best. Alfie needed me, so I would be strong. I would mourn the loss of Stu’s care, attention, and focus. But we couldn’t survive. I wouldn’t survive always living in that shadow of fear.
I moved by him and out of the bathroom, my stomach doing a queasy flip-flop as I returned to class. Everyone was engrossed in the film. I folded my arms and stood by the door, watching Sue and Jude.
Sue was too kind. She was going to get her heart broken.
But Jude wasn’t the villain, and his heart would be broken just as badly.
As though to punctuate my inner thoughts the door opened and Stu stalked inside. I swallowed tightly and watched as he returned to his desk. He sat completely still for a few minutes, his posture stiff. When he moved it was to pull a pen and a piece of paper from his bag. He bent over it and started to scribble something down. When he was done he folded the paper up and shoved it in his pocket.
What had he written?
Almost two hours later the movie was over and the class broke up for lunch. I couldn’t bring myself to look at Stu so I busied myself sorting through some folders in the filing cabinet behind my desk. I didn’t turn back around until the room had grown silent. I just hoped Stu hadn’t decided to wait, hoping to hash things out again.
I turned.
The room was empty.
When I glanced at my desk I found a small piece of paper sitting on the keys of my laptop. Without even reading it I knew it was from him. My hand was shaky as I picked it up and carefully unfolded the paper. It contained just one sentence. The words were misspelled but that didn’t stop me from understanding the question.
Did you ever stop to wonder if maybe you were my family now, too?
Twenty-Five
My sandwich was left uneaten, my appetite vanished, as I considered Stu’s question over and over. I couldn’t make sense of my emotions, couldn’t decide if I adored him or hated him for making me feel even more mixed up than I was before. I planned to confront him about the note after lunch but he never showed. In fact, he was absent from class for the entire rest of the week. I didn’t realise how much I could miss someone I’d determined to cut from my life. Every morning I stared at his empty desk, forlorn.
Then, after a couple of days, my missing him turned to anger. Because everything else aside, he shouldn’t be letting his attendance slip. I couldn’t tell if I was hurt more by the fact that he was cutting class or that he’d deceived Alfie and me.
Every day I tried to initiate conversation with my cousin, but it was like trying to talk to a brick wall. All I got from him were one- or two-word answers. On Saturday I called Jamie and asked him to come over. I didn’t tell him the whole story, only that Alfie wasn’t talking to me and I needed him to try and get through to my cousin.
“Where is the moody little bastard?” Jamie asked as he stepped inside the flat. He had a stack of books under his arm, all tied together with a length of brown string.
“He’s in his room. He’s barely come out all week.”
“Care to tell me why?”
I scratched at my arm in agitation. “His dad got out of prison recently. He showed up here and I can’t tell you why but it’s my fault. Now Alfie’s completely closed himself off.”
Jamie hitched the books higher up under his arm. He didn’t ask any further questions. “Righteo. I’ll see what I can do.”
Striding down the hallway, he stopped outside Alfie’s door and knocked twice before stepping inside and closing it behind him. I heard muffled voices and was relieved that at least Alfie wasn’t giving him the silent treatment as well. I let out a sigh just as my phone rang from where I’d left it on the kitchen counter. Hurrying inside, I saw my dad’s name on the screen.
“Andrea?”
“I forgive you, Stu, but that doesn’t mean our relationship can continue. It was wrong of me to let things get this far in the first place.”
“But, luv, I need you—”
I held up a hand to stop him from saying anymore, because if he did my strength was in danger of breaking.
“I care about you, I always will, and I hope you’ll continue with your studies because I honestly want you to graduate and go on to university. But we can’t be together anymore. I’m sorry.”
Stu’s features hardened. “Why not?”
“Because I can’t trust you.”
His anger was palpable. I could see it in the way his jaw tensed. “For fuck’s sake, you can trust me, Andrea. You know I didn’t have a choice. If you were in my position you’d have done the exact same thing.”
“I know.”
His anger turned to frustration. “Then why the hell are you still holding it against me?”
“I’m not holding it against you. I’m doing this to protect the people I love. I’m sure you know a lot more men like Alfie’s dad, Stu. What if one of them decides to blackmail you like Raymond did? I can’t take that chance.”
“Now you’re not even making sense. Nobody’s going to blackmail me. This job was my last. I’m going straight.”
“You can’t know that.”
“Yes, I bloody well can. I’ll never break the law again; you have my word.”
My lip trembled. I hated confrontation but I had to stay strong. Taking a deep breath, I spoke again. “Tell me this, and answer honestly. If someone you knew from prison, or from before you were sent away, came along and said they’d hurt your family if you didn’t do their bidding, what would you do?”
Stu raked a hand through his hair, gritting his teeth. “That’s not fair, Andrea.”
“Answer the question,” I whispered.
His body sagged and he stared at the floor. “I’d do whatever I had to.”
“Exactly.”
And there it was. I’d do whatever I had to. Stu may have only spent two years behind bars, but the prison cell provided more than just a place of seclusion. It was a place he had to survive, and thank God he did. But that could never bode well for him and me. I wasn’t his family. And as much as that actually pained my aching heart, I knew it was now for the best. Alfie needed me, so I would be strong. I would mourn the loss of Stu’s care, attention, and focus. But we couldn’t survive. I wouldn’t survive always living in that shadow of fear.
I moved by him and out of the bathroom, my stomach doing a queasy flip-flop as I returned to class. Everyone was engrossed in the film. I folded my arms and stood by the door, watching Sue and Jude.
Sue was too kind. She was going to get her heart broken.
But Jude wasn’t the villain, and his heart would be broken just as badly.
As though to punctuate my inner thoughts the door opened and Stu stalked inside. I swallowed tightly and watched as he returned to his desk. He sat completely still for a few minutes, his posture stiff. When he moved it was to pull a pen and a piece of paper from his bag. He bent over it and started to scribble something down. When he was done he folded the paper up and shoved it in his pocket.
What had he written?
Almost two hours later the movie was over and the class broke up for lunch. I couldn’t bring myself to look at Stu so I busied myself sorting through some folders in the filing cabinet behind my desk. I didn’t turn back around until the room had grown silent. I just hoped Stu hadn’t decided to wait, hoping to hash things out again.
I turned.
The room was empty.
When I glanced at my desk I found a small piece of paper sitting on the keys of my laptop. Without even reading it I knew it was from him. My hand was shaky as I picked it up and carefully unfolded the paper. It contained just one sentence. The words were misspelled but that didn’t stop me from understanding the question.
Did you ever stop to wonder if maybe you were my family now, too?
Twenty-Five
My sandwich was left uneaten, my appetite vanished, as I considered Stu’s question over and over. I couldn’t make sense of my emotions, couldn’t decide if I adored him or hated him for making me feel even more mixed up than I was before. I planned to confront him about the note after lunch but he never showed. In fact, he was absent from class for the entire rest of the week. I didn’t realise how much I could miss someone I’d determined to cut from my life. Every morning I stared at his empty desk, forlorn.
Then, after a couple of days, my missing him turned to anger. Because everything else aside, he shouldn’t be letting his attendance slip. I couldn’t tell if I was hurt more by the fact that he was cutting class or that he’d deceived Alfie and me.
Every day I tried to initiate conversation with my cousin, but it was like trying to talk to a brick wall. All I got from him were one- or two-word answers. On Saturday I called Jamie and asked him to come over. I didn’t tell him the whole story, only that Alfie wasn’t talking to me and I needed him to try and get through to my cousin.
“Where is the moody little bastard?” Jamie asked as he stepped inside the flat. He had a stack of books under his arm, all tied together with a length of brown string.
“He’s in his room. He’s barely come out all week.”
“Care to tell me why?”
I scratched at my arm in agitation. “His dad got out of prison recently. He showed up here and I can’t tell you why but it’s my fault. Now Alfie’s completely closed himself off.”
Jamie hitched the books higher up under his arm. He didn’t ask any further questions. “Righteo. I’ll see what I can do.”
Striding down the hallway, he stopped outside Alfie’s door and knocked twice before stepping inside and closing it behind him. I heard muffled voices and was relieved that at least Alfie wasn’t giving him the silent treatment as well. I let out a sigh just as my phone rang from where I’d left it on the kitchen counter. Hurrying inside, I saw my dad’s name on the screen.
