Thirty and a Half Excuses
Page 34
“I know,” I finally said. “I just don’t have the first clue how to go about it.”
“I can only share my own personal experience, but at first, I tried to pretend the bad thing in my life had never happened. Eventually I realized that I could ignore it all I wanted, but it didn’t make it any less true. All it did was leave a festering wound that would never heal. I started letting myself absorb it in bits and pieces. And after a while, once I got used to it, it was easier to deal with. I can never accept it, but I’m learning to live with it.”
I couldn’t believe he was sharing so much of himself with me. Sure, he still hadn’t told me what exactly had happened, but this was just as important. “Thank you.”
His eyes widened in surprise. “For what?”
“For sharing something so personal with me.”
He was silent for a moment, and then he offered me a soft smile. “I hadn’t intended to, but then you never intended to share something so personal with me either. It felt right.” He paused. “Would you ever have told me about your visions on your own?”
“Don’t take it personally, Mason. You have to understand that I’ve told very few people, and most people haven’t responded very well. I didn’t want to lose you as a friend.”
“Joe knows?”
“Of course. I told him during the whole Crocker mess. And Neely Kate guessed after I told her that her flower girl was gonna come down with chicken pox.”
“You’ve been friends with Neely Kate for years, and you just told her recently?”
“No. Neely Kate and I only met on the jury.”
“You two are so close… I just assumed you’d known each other forever.”
I shrugged. “I know, but sometimes you meet someone and you just know they’re perfect for you, you know?”
“Yeah, I do.” A wistful look crossed his face before he turned to look out the passenger window. He was silent for a moment. “So the visions really just come to you?”
I squirmed in my seat. “Yeah.”
Mason sat up straighter. “If you don’t want to talk about—”
I shook my head. “No, it’s fine. I’m just not used to talking about it.”
“How often do you get them?”
“Several times a day.”
“And you can’t control it?”
“I wish to God I could. Especially since I automatically blurt out what I’ve seen.”
“Do you ever try to have a vision?”
I resisted the urge to sigh. “I’ve only tried twice. The first time Joe asked me to, and I saw him dead. But that was good because I knew what to do to stop it from happening.”
“And the second?”
“Neely Kate’s wedding. It was a good vision. I don’t have many of those. But it was the best vision I ever had.”
“Why was it so special?”
“I don’t know.” I paused. “Maybe because I just let it happen without being anxious about it, so it was longer than usual. And it was filled with happiness. Neely Kate walked down the aisle, and she was bursting with joy.” I turned to him. “That was the first time I ever felt overwhelming emotion in a vision. I’m glad it was a good one.”
“Do you have bad ones very often?”
The worry in his voice caught me by surprise. “No, not really. When I was younger, I saw upsetting things, but nothing really bad, like someone cheating on his wife or my momma losing the blue ribbon at the county fair for her pie. The first time I ever saw something really bad was when Daniel Crocker came into the DMV last May. And that was the first time I saw a vision about myself. I was sitting on my momma’s sofa with my head bashed in and blood everywhere. When I saw it, I passed out at my desk from shock.”
“I can’t even imagine how frightening that must have been.”
My throat burned at the memory of that day, but I swallowed to clear it. “I didn’t know what to do or who to tell. I just waited for it to happen. And then it happened to Momma instead.”
“You just waited for Daniel Crocker to murder you? Why didn’t you tell the police?”
“What was I going to tell them? They would have never believed me.”
We were silent for several moments before Mason spoke. “Do you ever talk about what happened? With Joe or your sister?”
I tensed, feeling defensive. Violet didn’t want to hear it, and I didn’t want to worry Joe. “No.”
Mason sighed. “Rose, you can’t let these scary things happen to you without talking about it.”
“There’s no one to talk to about it, Mason. I’ll just upset or worry everyone, and a psychologist would think I was crazy.”
“You can tell me.”
I pinched my mouth, unsure of whether it was a good idea.
“Why don’t you tell Joe?”
I turned to him for a moment. “I don’t want you to get the wrong idea. It’s not that Joe doesn’t want to hear it.”
“But does he ever ask?”
I hesitated. “No.”
“I’m not judging him or you. That’s exactly how a lot of people handle traumatic situations, but we’re friends, and as your friend, I think you should talk about it. And I’m volunteering to listen whenever you’re ready.”
“I’ll think about it.”
“I can only share my own personal experience, but at first, I tried to pretend the bad thing in my life had never happened. Eventually I realized that I could ignore it all I wanted, but it didn’t make it any less true. All it did was leave a festering wound that would never heal. I started letting myself absorb it in bits and pieces. And after a while, once I got used to it, it was easier to deal with. I can never accept it, but I’m learning to live with it.”
I couldn’t believe he was sharing so much of himself with me. Sure, he still hadn’t told me what exactly had happened, but this was just as important. “Thank you.”
His eyes widened in surprise. “For what?”
“For sharing something so personal with me.”
He was silent for a moment, and then he offered me a soft smile. “I hadn’t intended to, but then you never intended to share something so personal with me either. It felt right.” He paused. “Would you ever have told me about your visions on your own?”
“Don’t take it personally, Mason. You have to understand that I’ve told very few people, and most people haven’t responded very well. I didn’t want to lose you as a friend.”
“Joe knows?”
“Of course. I told him during the whole Crocker mess. And Neely Kate guessed after I told her that her flower girl was gonna come down with chicken pox.”
“You’ve been friends with Neely Kate for years, and you just told her recently?”
“No. Neely Kate and I only met on the jury.”
“You two are so close… I just assumed you’d known each other forever.”
I shrugged. “I know, but sometimes you meet someone and you just know they’re perfect for you, you know?”
“Yeah, I do.” A wistful look crossed his face before he turned to look out the passenger window. He was silent for a moment. “So the visions really just come to you?”
I squirmed in my seat. “Yeah.”
Mason sat up straighter. “If you don’t want to talk about—”
I shook my head. “No, it’s fine. I’m just not used to talking about it.”
“How often do you get them?”
“Several times a day.”
“And you can’t control it?”
“I wish to God I could. Especially since I automatically blurt out what I’ve seen.”
“Do you ever try to have a vision?”
I resisted the urge to sigh. “I’ve only tried twice. The first time Joe asked me to, and I saw him dead. But that was good because I knew what to do to stop it from happening.”
“And the second?”
“Neely Kate’s wedding. It was a good vision. I don’t have many of those. But it was the best vision I ever had.”
“Why was it so special?”
“I don’t know.” I paused. “Maybe because I just let it happen without being anxious about it, so it was longer than usual. And it was filled with happiness. Neely Kate walked down the aisle, and she was bursting with joy.” I turned to him. “That was the first time I ever felt overwhelming emotion in a vision. I’m glad it was a good one.”
“Do you have bad ones very often?”
The worry in his voice caught me by surprise. “No, not really. When I was younger, I saw upsetting things, but nothing really bad, like someone cheating on his wife or my momma losing the blue ribbon at the county fair for her pie. The first time I ever saw something really bad was when Daniel Crocker came into the DMV last May. And that was the first time I saw a vision about myself. I was sitting on my momma’s sofa with my head bashed in and blood everywhere. When I saw it, I passed out at my desk from shock.”
“I can’t even imagine how frightening that must have been.”
My throat burned at the memory of that day, but I swallowed to clear it. “I didn’t know what to do or who to tell. I just waited for it to happen. And then it happened to Momma instead.”
“You just waited for Daniel Crocker to murder you? Why didn’t you tell the police?”
“What was I going to tell them? They would have never believed me.”
We were silent for several moments before Mason spoke. “Do you ever talk about what happened? With Joe or your sister?”
I tensed, feeling defensive. Violet didn’t want to hear it, and I didn’t want to worry Joe. “No.”
Mason sighed. “Rose, you can’t let these scary things happen to you without talking about it.”
“There’s no one to talk to about it, Mason. I’ll just upset or worry everyone, and a psychologist would think I was crazy.”
“You can tell me.”
I pinched my mouth, unsure of whether it was a good idea.
“Why don’t you tell Joe?”
I turned to him for a moment. “I don’t want you to get the wrong idea. It’s not that Joe doesn’t want to hear it.”
“But does he ever ask?”
I hesitated. “No.”
“I’m not judging him or you. That’s exactly how a lot of people handle traumatic situations, but we’re friends, and as your friend, I think you should talk about it. And I’m volunteering to listen whenever you’re ready.”
“I’ll think about it.”
