Thirty and a Half Excuses
Page 59
“You are.” I kissed him softly, moving my hands up into his hair and holding his face close to mine. “I love you.”
He closed his eyes, resting his forehead on mine. “I don’t deserve you.”
“Stop that nonsense, right now. You’re a good man.”
“You make me feel like I can be one.” His lips found mine and he clung to me, kissing me desperately, as though I might disappear, and he had to make every moment count. “That’s one of the reasons I want to quit the state police. My job makes me cynical. But I’m worried that moving to the sheriff’s department won’t be enough of a change.”
“You’re not cynical with me. You know I want you with me all the time. But I don’t expect you to quit your job either.”
He looked into my eyes, incredulous. “You still want me, even after everything I’ve told you?”
“You know I love you, Joe. My feelings aren’t that shallow.”
“If knowing what happened changed how you felt about me, it wouldn’t make you shallow, Rose. It would probably make you smart.”
Was that his plan? That he could make me send him away? “My love for you isn’t like a light switch I can turn off and on.”
He pushed me against the wall, his hands sliding under my shirt as his mouth claimed mine. He found the button on my jeans, unfastened it, then unzipped them and pushed them to the floor. I stepped out of them, and his hands cupped my butt, pulling me against him.
I twined my fingers into his short hair, surprised at his intensity. We had an active and healthy sex life, but Joe had never been this possessive before, and we always ended up in a bed. Clearly that was about to change. Joe tugged his own jeans down and kicked them off, then pushed me back against the wall, lifting me so my legs straddled his waist. I wrapped my arms around his shoulders as he claimed me then and there.
I felt wicked and wanton. Good girls didn’t have sex against a wall, but right or wrong, the way Joe wanted me so intensely made me want him even more.
Our libidos kicked into overdrive, and it didn’t take long until we leaned into each other, breathing heavily and feeling sated.
His face lifted and guilt was etched across his features.
I grabbed his cheeks and kissed him passionately. As he kissed me back, matching my eagerness, I knew our relationship had just crossed a threshold.
The threshold to what remained a mystery.
Chapter Eighteen
We took a shower together, touching each other as though we were never going to see each another again. We were usually playful after sex, but this time we were reverent. Joe hardly spoke, watching me with a seriousness that both scared me and turned me on.
After we dressed, we sat on my sofa, my legs draped across Joe’s lap. We didn’t speak, just held each other. I was worried about Joe going back to his assignment, but his news still swirled around in my head, all the pieces trying to sort themselves out. What he was thinking seemed obvious—he was scared I’d change my mind.
He reached up and caressed my cheek, leaning in to kiss me. “Since you haven’t kicked me out yet, there’s one more thing I’ve been worried to bring up.”
My heart pounded against my chest. I wasn’t sure how much more I could take. “Okay.”
“My mother has demanded that I bring you to meet my family.”
“Oh.”
“I told you they keep pestering me about it, but they’ve become insistent. I think the best thing to do is to get it over with. If you’re willing.”
Meeting Joe’s family was the last thing I wanted to do, particularly given what little I knew about them, but Mason’s mother had been nice. Perhaps Joe’s family would surprise me. Besides, Joe put up with Violet on a regular basis. Meeting his family only seemed fair. “Okay.”
“Really?”
“Yeah, how bad can it be?”
His mouth pursed, and he didn’t answer.
Crappy doodles.
“When?”
He sighed. “As soon as possible. This case is moving along faster than expected, so I should finish this job in a day or two, and then I’ll have a few days off. Maybe we could go to El Dorado then. We’ll just go for dinner. Will that work with the nursery?”
That soon? I swallowed the fear lodged in my throat. “Yeah.”
“Thank you.”
I waited for him to say not to worry or they’ll love you, but nothing came. Only silence.
He closed his eyes and tightened his embrace. “I need to be leaving. I don’t want to go with us like this.”
“I know.” Our relationship felt like we were in a snow globe we’d just shaken and were waiting for the dust to settle to see where we ended up. We hadn’t landed yet.
“I’ll be back as soon as I can.”
“I know.”
He kissed me gently. “Thank you for still being here.”
“It’s my house, silly,” I tried to joke.
He didn’t smile. “You know what I mean.”
My smile fell. “I’ll be here when you come back. Take care of yourself. I couldn’t stand it if something happened to you.”
He stood and pulled me to my feet. “You’re the one I’m worried about. Leave the investigating to the police. I mean it, Rose.”
“You know I don’t purposely look for this stuff.”
“That’s not true, and you know it.”
“Okay, in this case it is. But the autopsy hasn’t even come back yet.”
He closed his eyes, resting his forehead on mine. “I don’t deserve you.”
“Stop that nonsense, right now. You’re a good man.”
“You make me feel like I can be one.” His lips found mine and he clung to me, kissing me desperately, as though I might disappear, and he had to make every moment count. “That’s one of the reasons I want to quit the state police. My job makes me cynical. But I’m worried that moving to the sheriff’s department won’t be enough of a change.”
“You’re not cynical with me. You know I want you with me all the time. But I don’t expect you to quit your job either.”
He looked into my eyes, incredulous. “You still want me, even after everything I’ve told you?”
“You know I love you, Joe. My feelings aren’t that shallow.”
“If knowing what happened changed how you felt about me, it wouldn’t make you shallow, Rose. It would probably make you smart.”
Was that his plan? That he could make me send him away? “My love for you isn’t like a light switch I can turn off and on.”
He pushed me against the wall, his hands sliding under my shirt as his mouth claimed mine. He found the button on my jeans, unfastened it, then unzipped them and pushed them to the floor. I stepped out of them, and his hands cupped my butt, pulling me against him.
I twined my fingers into his short hair, surprised at his intensity. We had an active and healthy sex life, but Joe had never been this possessive before, and we always ended up in a bed. Clearly that was about to change. Joe tugged his own jeans down and kicked them off, then pushed me back against the wall, lifting me so my legs straddled his waist. I wrapped my arms around his shoulders as he claimed me then and there.
I felt wicked and wanton. Good girls didn’t have sex against a wall, but right or wrong, the way Joe wanted me so intensely made me want him even more.
Our libidos kicked into overdrive, and it didn’t take long until we leaned into each other, breathing heavily and feeling sated.
His face lifted and guilt was etched across his features.
I grabbed his cheeks and kissed him passionately. As he kissed me back, matching my eagerness, I knew our relationship had just crossed a threshold.
The threshold to what remained a mystery.
Chapter Eighteen
We took a shower together, touching each other as though we were never going to see each another again. We were usually playful after sex, but this time we were reverent. Joe hardly spoke, watching me with a seriousness that both scared me and turned me on.
After we dressed, we sat on my sofa, my legs draped across Joe’s lap. We didn’t speak, just held each other. I was worried about Joe going back to his assignment, but his news still swirled around in my head, all the pieces trying to sort themselves out. What he was thinking seemed obvious—he was scared I’d change my mind.
He reached up and caressed my cheek, leaning in to kiss me. “Since you haven’t kicked me out yet, there’s one more thing I’ve been worried to bring up.”
My heart pounded against my chest. I wasn’t sure how much more I could take. “Okay.”
“My mother has demanded that I bring you to meet my family.”
“Oh.”
“I told you they keep pestering me about it, but they’ve become insistent. I think the best thing to do is to get it over with. If you’re willing.”
Meeting Joe’s family was the last thing I wanted to do, particularly given what little I knew about them, but Mason’s mother had been nice. Perhaps Joe’s family would surprise me. Besides, Joe put up with Violet on a regular basis. Meeting his family only seemed fair. “Okay.”
“Really?”
“Yeah, how bad can it be?”
His mouth pursed, and he didn’t answer.
Crappy doodles.
“When?”
He sighed. “As soon as possible. This case is moving along faster than expected, so I should finish this job in a day or two, and then I’ll have a few days off. Maybe we could go to El Dorado then. We’ll just go for dinner. Will that work with the nursery?”
That soon? I swallowed the fear lodged in my throat. “Yeah.”
“Thank you.”
I waited for him to say not to worry or they’ll love you, but nothing came. Only silence.
He closed his eyes and tightened his embrace. “I need to be leaving. I don’t want to go with us like this.”
“I know.” Our relationship felt like we were in a snow globe we’d just shaken and were waiting for the dust to settle to see where we ended up. We hadn’t landed yet.
“I’ll be back as soon as I can.”
“I know.”
He kissed me gently. “Thank you for still being here.”
“It’s my house, silly,” I tried to joke.
He didn’t smile. “You know what I mean.”
My smile fell. “I’ll be here when you come back. Take care of yourself. I couldn’t stand it if something happened to you.”
He stood and pulled me to my feet. “You’re the one I’m worried about. Leave the investigating to the police. I mean it, Rose.”
“You know I don’t purposely look for this stuff.”
“That’s not true, and you know it.”
“Okay, in this case it is. But the autopsy hasn’t even come back yet.”
