Thirty-Six and a Half Motives
Page 82
He nodded as he walked over and sat in a chair. “I have to say I was surprised to get your text.”
“We’ve had so many ups and downs lately—more downs than I’d like—I thought it might be nice to clear the air . . . but over dinner. And without our usual yelling.”
He unpacked the two containers and set the bowl in front of me. “Why do I think there’s an ulterior motive here?”
I opened the lid to my soup and sighed. “Given the last few months, I can see why you would think that.” I reached for a plastic spoon.
He opened the lid to his container and grinned. “Meatloaf and Merilee’s garlic mashed potatoes. Exactly what I needed right now.” He scooped a forkful of potatoes and shoved it into his mouth.
“How’s the search for your father going?”
He stopped his fork midair and then scowled as he cut off a piece of his meatloaf. “Is that why you asked me here? You could have asked about my father on the phone.”
“No, that’s definitely not why I asked to see you. I assumed you’d tell me what you can when you can.”
His eyes widened. “I’m surprised to hear you say that.”
I nodded. “Which is why I thought we should talk.”
A wary look filled his eyes. “I’m listening.”
After taking a couple of slurps of soup, I put my spoon down, suddenly unsure where to start or what to say. “I hate that we’ve come to this—the fighting and distrust. We’ve both said we want to be friends, but it seems like we’re adversaries more than anything else.”
“Rose.” He set his fork down.
I put my hand on his. “Joe, just listen to me first. I want to be your friend. We’re business partners, and now that Violet’s goin’ to Texas for who knows how long . . . well, I’m going to need you more than ever. But I need you to respect me. I need you to see me as a grown woman and not the scared girl you met on your front porch last May. I know you think I’m foolhardy, but I know what I’m doin’. You wouldn’t even begin to imagine the things I’ve done the last several months.”
He looked me in the eye. “Like the Lady in Black?”
“Do you think the woman you met last year could actually be the Lady?”
He shook his head. “No.” I tried to curb my disappointment, but he continued. “Because you’re not the woman you were last year. You’ve changed. While you made quite an impression on Crocker in that warehouse last summer, that woman was nowhere close to the woman who faced my father last week. I barely recognized you.”
I cocked an eyebrow. “Is that good or bad?”
He gave me a sad smile. “It’s neither. It just is.”
We ate in silence for another half-minute before Joe said, “I loved you, Rose. It’s important you believe that.”
I put my spoon down and searched his eyes. “I’ve never doubted that for a minute.”
He grinned, but there was something sad about it. “I believe you’ve said a few things to contradict that.”
“I think we’ve both said a few things we regret.”
We were silent for a moment before Joe said, “I’ve thinking about last week, that night in your barn. Everything you said . . .”
“I was angry, Joe.”
“But you meant every word.”
I couldn’t deny it.
“When I thought you died, I kept replaying that conversation over and over in my head. And I realized you were right. I was so desperate to hold onto you that I lost sight of everything.”
“I know you loved me, Joe, but I can’t help thinkin’ you loved the idea of you with me. Joe McAllister living in a small town and living a simple life.”
“No, Rose,” he said quietly. “I loved you.”
I looked into his eyes. “Loved? Past tense?”
“You’re not the woman I met and fell in love with. That woman is gone. I think my desperation to hold onto you has been part of my grief over that.”
While part of me was relieved to hear him say that, it was also like a knife to the heart.
“Rose, when I lost you, I thought I had nothing left.”
“That’s not true, Joe.”
He shook his head. “No, it actually was. I’d made you my entire world. But right after Thanksgiving, Maeve said something to me that left an impression. She told me I had to find peace and strength in myself before I could find happiness with someone else. It took awhile for that to really sink in, but after our conversation in the barn . . . well, I think I get it now.”
“So what about Hilary?”
“I don’t want to get back together with her, but like I said on the phone, I’m making an effort to get along. We’re having a baby, and I want to be a part of his or her life. The problem is that Hilary can’t see the possibility of us being friends. For her, it’s an all or nothing deal, and she got it into her head that you were the reason we weren’t together. But now that I’ve started making more of an effort, she’s acting less paranoid and seems to have leveled out.”
“How do you feel about the baby now?”
“To say I was unhappy about the baby is an understatement, but now that I’ve gotten used to the idea . . .” He frowned. “Neely Kate’s miscarriage really shook me up, and after I found out about Savannah, I realized I do want the baby. I want a family, Rose. I’ve never made a secret of that. And while it’s true that I’ll never have a traditional family with Hilary, I think I’ll be a damn good dad.”
I smiled. “I know you will, Joe. You’re nothing like your father.”
He grimaced.
“I talked to Kate about an hour ago.”
Joe momentarily froze, then stabbed his meatloaf. “How did that go?”
“It was rocky, but she confided a few things.”
“Are you sure we’re talking about my sister?”
“Yeah,” I said, chuckling. But then I sobered, reminded that he had another sister. I hoped he wouldn’t reject her when he discovered the truth. I wasn’t sure Neely Kate could handle any more rejection.
Joe leaned forward, resting his elbow on the table. “And what did Kate confide?”
“That she was in love with a man named Nick Thorn.”
“We’ve had so many ups and downs lately—more downs than I’d like—I thought it might be nice to clear the air . . . but over dinner. And without our usual yelling.”
He unpacked the two containers and set the bowl in front of me. “Why do I think there’s an ulterior motive here?”
I opened the lid to my soup and sighed. “Given the last few months, I can see why you would think that.” I reached for a plastic spoon.
He opened the lid to his container and grinned. “Meatloaf and Merilee’s garlic mashed potatoes. Exactly what I needed right now.” He scooped a forkful of potatoes and shoved it into his mouth.
“How’s the search for your father going?”
He stopped his fork midair and then scowled as he cut off a piece of his meatloaf. “Is that why you asked me here? You could have asked about my father on the phone.”
“No, that’s definitely not why I asked to see you. I assumed you’d tell me what you can when you can.”
His eyes widened. “I’m surprised to hear you say that.”
I nodded. “Which is why I thought we should talk.”
A wary look filled his eyes. “I’m listening.”
After taking a couple of slurps of soup, I put my spoon down, suddenly unsure where to start or what to say. “I hate that we’ve come to this—the fighting and distrust. We’ve both said we want to be friends, but it seems like we’re adversaries more than anything else.”
“Rose.” He set his fork down.
I put my hand on his. “Joe, just listen to me first. I want to be your friend. We’re business partners, and now that Violet’s goin’ to Texas for who knows how long . . . well, I’m going to need you more than ever. But I need you to respect me. I need you to see me as a grown woman and not the scared girl you met on your front porch last May. I know you think I’m foolhardy, but I know what I’m doin’. You wouldn’t even begin to imagine the things I’ve done the last several months.”
He looked me in the eye. “Like the Lady in Black?”
“Do you think the woman you met last year could actually be the Lady?”
He shook his head. “No.” I tried to curb my disappointment, but he continued. “Because you’re not the woman you were last year. You’ve changed. While you made quite an impression on Crocker in that warehouse last summer, that woman was nowhere close to the woman who faced my father last week. I barely recognized you.”
I cocked an eyebrow. “Is that good or bad?”
He gave me a sad smile. “It’s neither. It just is.”
We ate in silence for another half-minute before Joe said, “I loved you, Rose. It’s important you believe that.”
I put my spoon down and searched his eyes. “I’ve never doubted that for a minute.”
He grinned, but there was something sad about it. “I believe you’ve said a few things to contradict that.”
“I think we’ve both said a few things we regret.”
We were silent for a moment before Joe said, “I’ve thinking about last week, that night in your barn. Everything you said . . .”
“I was angry, Joe.”
“But you meant every word.”
I couldn’t deny it.
“When I thought you died, I kept replaying that conversation over and over in my head. And I realized you were right. I was so desperate to hold onto you that I lost sight of everything.”
“I know you loved me, Joe, but I can’t help thinkin’ you loved the idea of you with me. Joe McAllister living in a small town and living a simple life.”
“No, Rose,” he said quietly. “I loved you.”
I looked into his eyes. “Loved? Past tense?”
“You’re not the woman I met and fell in love with. That woman is gone. I think my desperation to hold onto you has been part of my grief over that.”
While part of me was relieved to hear him say that, it was also like a knife to the heart.
“Rose, when I lost you, I thought I had nothing left.”
“That’s not true, Joe.”
He shook his head. “No, it actually was. I’d made you my entire world. But right after Thanksgiving, Maeve said something to me that left an impression. She told me I had to find peace and strength in myself before I could find happiness with someone else. It took awhile for that to really sink in, but after our conversation in the barn . . . well, I think I get it now.”
“So what about Hilary?”
“I don’t want to get back together with her, but like I said on the phone, I’m making an effort to get along. We’re having a baby, and I want to be a part of his or her life. The problem is that Hilary can’t see the possibility of us being friends. For her, it’s an all or nothing deal, and she got it into her head that you were the reason we weren’t together. But now that I’ve started making more of an effort, she’s acting less paranoid and seems to have leveled out.”
“How do you feel about the baby now?”
“To say I was unhappy about the baby is an understatement, but now that I’ve gotten used to the idea . . .” He frowned. “Neely Kate’s miscarriage really shook me up, and after I found out about Savannah, I realized I do want the baby. I want a family, Rose. I’ve never made a secret of that. And while it’s true that I’ll never have a traditional family with Hilary, I think I’ll be a damn good dad.”
I smiled. “I know you will, Joe. You’re nothing like your father.”
He grimaced.
“I talked to Kate about an hour ago.”
Joe momentarily froze, then stabbed his meatloaf. “How did that go?”
“It was rocky, but she confided a few things.”
“Are you sure we’re talking about my sister?”
“Yeah,” I said, chuckling. But then I sobered, reminded that he had another sister. I hoped he wouldn’t reject her when he discovered the truth. I wasn’t sure Neely Kate could handle any more rejection.
Joe leaned forward, resting his elbow on the table. “And what did Kate confide?”
“That she was in love with a man named Nick Thorn.”
