This is Who I Am
Page 60
“I was.” After living with a woman who was downright stupid, he valued one who was not. He stroked a finger across the curve of her cheek. Damn, he liked touching her. “Wanted you to catch on to what you’re doing.”
“But you’re a Dom. You’re supposed to like obedience.” She handed him her chocolate, and he set it on the table.
“I do. But surrender should come from the heart, not from habit, especially at first.” Hell, how could he explain this? “You went straight from your preacher family to a conservative marriage. Skipped the rebellion when most kids question—and dump—what their parents taught.”
She nodded. “True.”
“Then you had the Overseer’s slave training beat into you. Lot of programming there, baby.”
“Yes.” Her mouth tightened.
“Here’s your homework. Think about what you’re doing. Are you offering your submission or just being a good girl? Who do you submit to and why? Who controls your behavior, you or your past?”
He closed his eyes as his own words hit home with even more impact than Z’s directive. His past controlled him. Had programmed him.
To hell with that. No more.
“Homework, huh?” A tiny dimple appeared in her cheek. “Thank you for the lesson, Master Sam. And the reward.”
He combed his fingers through her hair. Damp at the temples. Silky smooth. “Linda.” The words wouldn’t come. He couldn’t even say the damn phrase in his head.
His teeth ground together. He damn well would. This battle he’d win. For her. For them. “I…” He sucked in air.
“I. Love. You.” Each word was hard-won. But audible. He’d said it.
Her eyes widened, then filled with tears. Her hand opened and pressed to his cheek. “I love you, Sam.”
He felt as if he’d been dragged behind the plow. For years. Her palm was still on his face; he put his hand over hers. “I’m sorry. About last week.”
“I think I understand.” She asked gently, “Nicole. Did she…? Why didn’t you…?”
Get a divorce sooner. He filled in the rest of the sentence. Little mama with her big heart, worrying about his daughter. “I’d told Nancy I was a sadist. We never played, but she knew. Because of that, I wouldn’t have been able to get sole custody.” He felt the frustration flood his system. “I couldn’t leave Nicole with her—not even part-time—so we…hung on until my lawyer had enough to sway the judge and Nicole was old enough they’d listen to her wishes.”
“I’m sorry, honey.” She had the softest velvety-brown eyes he’d ever seen.
“She’s still around. Takes me a while to get past the memories when I see her. Give me time if it happens again.”
Her head cocked, and her eyebrows rose. “I will. As long as you realize that I’ll bitch slap you if you give me that ‘you’re better off without me’ bullshit.”
His laugh eased a knot in his chest he hadn’t realized was there.
A flicker of movement caught his attention. Uzuri stood in almost the same place as Rainie had.
“Uzuri,” Sam acknowledged with a sigh. He’d actually forgotten he was in charge of the trainees.
“Sally wants permission to play with Jake, and I’d like help negotiating with a new Dom.”
He shifted Linda in his arms and pulled his mind back to reality. They were good girls to remember to check in with him first. But… He studied Uzuri long enough to make her shift her weight nervously.
She needed to learn to negotiate on her own—to ask for what she wanted. “I’ll meet you both at the bar in a couple of minutes. Then you’ll practice telling me what you want out of a scene before you discuss it with the Dom.”
“B-but—”
After giving her a warning look that sent her hastening back to the bar, he grinned. The girl was shy, timid with strangers—especially strange Doms—but once she knew someone, all bets were off.
He’d smacked her ass a couple of times for saucy talk. The next night, in the Master’s area, he’d opened his toy bag and found it had been emptied and filled with real toys. A miniature whip. Plastic handcuffs. A six-inch flogger made of fluffy yarn. A teddy bear in rope bondage. Its ball gag made of string and a grape had set off the entire roomful of Doms. Probably heard their laughter in Tampa.
After Nolan tied her to a bar stool as punishment for something, she’d filled all the Dos Equis bottles with cranberry juice and somehow put the tops back on. Nolan had spit the sweet stuff all over the well-polished bar, and Cullen had cursed up a blue streak.
Cullen’s misstep with the little trainee had resulted in a naked Barbie doll tied to one of his “bar ornament” rings.
Yep, the Dom who won the little brat’s surrender would be in for a surprise.
Seemed that life was full of surprises. Sam looked down at the submissive in his lap, feeling as if he’d been in a battle and returned home, safe and sound. “How are you doing, girl?”
“I’m good.” She slid off his lap and onto her feet. Her legs were steady, but he regretted the loss of her sweet body already. “I need to get to work. Listening.” Her face scrunched up. “I’m so, so glad I didn’t hear anything while…”
During their scene? Did she think he’d chosen a closed theme room and shut the windows by accident? Damn, he hated having her at risk. “Be careful. As trainer, I say no more scenes for you tonight. Spend the rest of it waiting on tables. If someone wants you, you tell them just that.”
“Yes, Sir.”
“And did I mention that you’re coming home with me tonight?”
Chapter Twenty-Five
Linda sipped a root beer and studied the papers Marcus had spread over the coffee table in his living room.
In the kitchen, Gabi and Beth were rattling dishes and laughing as they carried lunch out to the patio. “Hurry up, you two. It’s time to eat,” Gabi called.
Better stop worrying and make a decision. Kicking off her flip-flops, Linda rubbed her feet against the cool tile floor. Decide. “So you think the newspaper will settle?”
“Definitely, darlin’.” Sprawled in a chair beside the couch, Marcus gave her a flashing smile. “They won’t risk the negative publicity of a lawsuit.”
“Well.” She pulled in a breath. Decision made. She tapped the name of the lawyer Marcus had recommended. “I’ll call the lawyer on Monday and get things started.” She didn’t want publicity any more than the paper did, but it wasn’t right what Dwayne had done, and she wasn’t the only one who’d suffered. Her anger roused, remembering the tears her babies had shed. “Thank you, Marcus. I really wasn’t sure how to handle any of that.”
“I do wish I could take them on for you, but I’m glad I could help.” He rose and pulled her to her feet. “Let’s go get us some food.”
He guided her through the kitchen door to a screen-caged pool-and-patio area. Linda took a deep breath of the warm, flower-scented air.
Beth and Gabi sat at the large marble-topped table. Beside Beth, Nolan was drinking a beer and watching a giant inflatable swan that floated in the pool.
Marcus pulled out a chair for Linda and seated himself beside Gabi. “The food looks good, sugar,” he said. “Best you eat up, since you’ll need energy for tonight.”
Gabi grinned. “Yes, Sir.” She glanced up at the sky where clouds were filming over the blue. “I was hoping Master Z would open the Capture Gardens, but doesn’t look like that’ll happen.”
Nolan shook his head. “Forecast is for rain and wind starting around sunset.”
“Well, damn.” Gabi wrinkled her nose. “So what are we going to do?”
Marcus gave her long, slow stare. “I might could figure something out that’ll keep you occupied.” The lazy power in his voice gave Linda a twinge—made her wish for Sam.
“I just bet you could.” Gabi leaned against his arm and gave him a look of such trust that Linda’s heart squeezed.
Marcus jerked his chin up at Nolan. “You’re not working today.”
“No point in being boss if I can’t take a day off now and then,” the rough contractor said, and his grin flashed briefly. “Never thought I’d have more time off than a fancy lawyer.”
“That just doesn’t seem right, does it?” Marcus snagged himself one of the sandwiches.
Beth frowned. “He took the time off because I have a landscaping job downtown, and he won’t let me be there without him.”
“Not with that half-pint crew of yours.” Nolan looked at Marcus. “Dan told me about those murdered prostitutes. Not comfortable with her being near downtown.”
“Probably wise,” Marcus agreed.
Linda frowned. The papers had reported something about the murderer. Sounded bad.
“Is the district attorney’s office getting any information?” Nolan asked.
Marcus’s jaw tightened. Linda had never seen him so grim. “Not much evidence left behind. The murderer overpowers the victims and ties them up—far too competently. Then he takes his time. The deaths are ugly.”
“But you’re a Dom. You’re supposed to like obedience.” She handed him her chocolate, and he set it on the table.
“I do. But surrender should come from the heart, not from habit, especially at first.” Hell, how could he explain this? “You went straight from your preacher family to a conservative marriage. Skipped the rebellion when most kids question—and dump—what their parents taught.”
She nodded. “True.”
“Then you had the Overseer’s slave training beat into you. Lot of programming there, baby.”
“Yes.” Her mouth tightened.
“Here’s your homework. Think about what you’re doing. Are you offering your submission or just being a good girl? Who do you submit to and why? Who controls your behavior, you or your past?”
He closed his eyes as his own words hit home with even more impact than Z’s directive. His past controlled him. Had programmed him.
To hell with that. No more.
“Homework, huh?” A tiny dimple appeared in her cheek. “Thank you for the lesson, Master Sam. And the reward.”
He combed his fingers through her hair. Damp at the temples. Silky smooth. “Linda.” The words wouldn’t come. He couldn’t even say the damn phrase in his head.
His teeth ground together. He damn well would. This battle he’d win. For her. For them. “I…” He sucked in air.
“I. Love. You.” Each word was hard-won. But audible. He’d said it.
Her eyes widened, then filled with tears. Her hand opened and pressed to his cheek. “I love you, Sam.”
He felt as if he’d been dragged behind the plow. For years. Her palm was still on his face; he put his hand over hers. “I’m sorry. About last week.”
“I think I understand.” She asked gently, “Nicole. Did she…? Why didn’t you…?”
Get a divorce sooner. He filled in the rest of the sentence. Little mama with her big heart, worrying about his daughter. “I’d told Nancy I was a sadist. We never played, but she knew. Because of that, I wouldn’t have been able to get sole custody.” He felt the frustration flood his system. “I couldn’t leave Nicole with her—not even part-time—so we…hung on until my lawyer had enough to sway the judge and Nicole was old enough they’d listen to her wishes.”
“I’m sorry, honey.” She had the softest velvety-brown eyes he’d ever seen.
“She’s still around. Takes me a while to get past the memories when I see her. Give me time if it happens again.”
Her head cocked, and her eyebrows rose. “I will. As long as you realize that I’ll bitch slap you if you give me that ‘you’re better off without me’ bullshit.”
His laugh eased a knot in his chest he hadn’t realized was there.
A flicker of movement caught his attention. Uzuri stood in almost the same place as Rainie had.
“Uzuri,” Sam acknowledged with a sigh. He’d actually forgotten he was in charge of the trainees.
“Sally wants permission to play with Jake, and I’d like help negotiating with a new Dom.”
He shifted Linda in his arms and pulled his mind back to reality. They were good girls to remember to check in with him first. But… He studied Uzuri long enough to make her shift her weight nervously.
She needed to learn to negotiate on her own—to ask for what she wanted. “I’ll meet you both at the bar in a couple of minutes. Then you’ll practice telling me what you want out of a scene before you discuss it with the Dom.”
“B-but—”
After giving her a warning look that sent her hastening back to the bar, he grinned. The girl was shy, timid with strangers—especially strange Doms—but once she knew someone, all bets were off.
He’d smacked her ass a couple of times for saucy talk. The next night, in the Master’s area, he’d opened his toy bag and found it had been emptied and filled with real toys. A miniature whip. Plastic handcuffs. A six-inch flogger made of fluffy yarn. A teddy bear in rope bondage. Its ball gag made of string and a grape had set off the entire roomful of Doms. Probably heard their laughter in Tampa.
After Nolan tied her to a bar stool as punishment for something, she’d filled all the Dos Equis bottles with cranberry juice and somehow put the tops back on. Nolan had spit the sweet stuff all over the well-polished bar, and Cullen had cursed up a blue streak.
Cullen’s misstep with the little trainee had resulted in a naked Barbie doll tied to one of his “bar ornament” rings.
Yep, the Dom who won the little brat’s surrender would be in for a surprise.
Seemed that life was full of surprises. Sam looked down at the submissive in his lap, feeling as if he’d been in a battle and returned home, safe and sound. “How are you doing, girl?”
“I’m good.” She slid off his lap and onto her feet. Her legs were steady, but he regretted the loss of her sweet body already. “I need to get to work. Listening.” Her face scrunched up. “I’m so, so glad I didn’t hear anything while…”
During their scene? Did she think he’d chosen a closed theme room and shut the windows by accident? Damn, he hated having her at risk. “Be careful. As trainer, I say no more scenes for you tonight. Spend the rest of it waiting on tables. If someone wants you, you tell them just that.”
“Yes, Sir.”
“And did I mention that you’re coming home with me tonight?”
Chapter Twenty-Five
Linda sipped a root beer and studied the papers Marcus had spread over the coffee table in his living room.
In the kitchen, Gabi and Beth were rattling dishes and laughing as they carried lunch out to the patio. “Hurry up, you two. It’s time to eat,” Gabi called.
Better stop worrying and make a decision. Kicking off her flip-flops, Linda rubbed her feet against the cool tile floor. Decide. “So you think the newspaper will settle?”
“Definitely, darlin’.” Sprawled in a chair beside the couch, Marcus gave her a flashing smile. “They won’t risk the negative publicity of a lawsuit.”
“Well.” She pulled in a breath. Decision made. She tapped the name of the lawyer Marcus had recommended. “I’ll call the lawyer on Monday and get things started.” She didn’t want publicity any more than the paper did, but it wasn’t right what Dwayne had done, and she wasn’t the only one who’d suffered. Her anger roused, remembering the tears her babies had shed. “Thank you, Marcus. I really wasn’t sure how to handle any of that.”
“I do wish I could take them on for you, but I’m glad I could help.” He rose and pulled her to her feet. “Let’s go get us some food.”
He guided her through the kitchen door to a screen-caged pool-and-patio area. Linda took a deep breath of the warm, flower-scented air.
Beth and Gabi sat at the large marble-topped table. Beside Beth, Nolan was drinking a beer and watching a giant inflatable swan that floated in the pool.
Marcus pulled out a chair for Linda and seated himself beside Gabi. “The food looks good, sugar,” he said. “Best you eat up, since you’ll need energy for tonight.”
Gabi grinned. “Yes, Sir.” She glanced up at the sky where clouds were filming over the blue. “I was hoping Master Z would open the Capture Gardens, but doesn’t look like that’ll happen.”
Nolan shook his head. “Forecast is for rain and wind starting around sunset.”
“Well, damn.” Gabi wrinkled her nose. “So what are we going to do?”
Marcus gave her long, slow stare. “I might could figure something out that’ll keep you occupied.” The lazy power in his voice gave Linda a twinge—made her wish for Sam.
“I just bet you could.” Gabi leaned against his arm and gave him a look of such trust that Linda’s heart squeezed.
Marcus jerked his chin up at Nolan. “You’re not working today.”
“No point in being boss if I can’t take a day off now and then,” the rough contractor said, and his grin flashed briefly. “Never thought I’d have more time off than a fancy lawyer.”
“That just doesn’t seem right, does it?” Marcus snagged himself one of the sandwiches.
Beth frowned. “He took the time off because I have a landscaping job downtown, and he won’t let me be there without him.”
“Not with that half-pint crew of yours.” Nolan looked at Marcus. “Dan told me about those murdered prostitutes. Not comfortable with her being near downtown.”
“Probably wise,” Marcus agreed.
Linda frowned. The papers had reported something about the murderer. Sounded bad.
“Is the district attorney’s office getting any information?” Nolan asked.
Marcus’s jaw tightened. Linda had never seen him so grim. “Not much evidence left behind. The murderer overpowers the victims and ties them up—far too competently. Then he takes his time. The deaths are ugly.”
