This Man Confessed
Page 12
I turn my face to his and see green puddles of regret. ‘Then why did you see her? On our wedding day, when you vowed to have me by your side all day, why did you desert me to see her?’
‘I couldn’t leave her at the gates with guests arriving, Ava.’
‘So tell her to go away.’
‘And cause a scene?’
‘What did she want?’ I ask. She was here for a reason. ‘Did she know we were getting married today?’
His frown line crawls across his brow and sets firmly in place, his lip disappearing between his teeth. ‘Yes, she knew.’
So he’s spoken to her? ‘And she still came? Was she hoping to stop it? Was she going to barge through the summer room doors and declare that we shouldn’t be joined in holy matrimony?’ This is laughable.
‘I don’t know, Ava.’ He looks away.
‘When did you speak to her?’ He sighs. ‘She’s been calling and turning up at The Manor. I’ve told her repeatedly I’m not helping her. I’ve told her there are no feelings. I’m not sure what else I can do, Ava.’
‘What’s your definition of an affair?’ I ask.
His eyes swiftly return to mine, all confused by my question. ‘What do you mean?’
‘I mean, she’s in love with you, and you’ve said it was only sex. It was obviously more to her.’ I assess him, trying to gage his reaction.
‘Baby, I’ve told you before, just sex. They always wanted more, but I never gave them any reason to expect it. Never.’
I wince at the referral to they. He means many—many women who want him, many women who’ve had him, many women who have fallen in love with him. I want to tell him what Coral said about him making her need him, but then he’ll know that I intercepted her call. And after having him, who wouldn’t want him again, maybe even think they need him. I know that I did, but now my need is a lot deeper than his physical touch. Now I need him to breath. ‘I don’t want you to see her again.’ I insist.
He returns his eyes to mine. ‘I won’t. I’ve no need to.’
I take a deep breath and return to scanning the ground. ‘I’ve had enough of my wedding. I’d like to leave.’
‘Ava, look at me.’ he orders gently.
‘Jesse, don’t start making demands when I’m feeling like this.’
‘Perhaps you didn’t hear me right. I said, look at me.’ He’s not asking gently now, but my despondency prevents me from defying him. ‘What?’ I ask, following through on his unreasonable order.
He falls to his knees in front of me and takes my hands. ‘I’ve fucked up. I’m so sorry, but I was trying to keep her away from you. I panicked and thought I could talk some sense into her. I didn’t want her kicking up a stink on your special day.’
‘It’s your special day, too.’ I remind him quietly. ‘You should’ve just told me.’
‘I know.’ He leans up and wraps me in his arms. ‘Let me make it up to you. What do you want me do, baby? Name it.’
I relax into him. ‘Just take me to bed.’ I demand quietly.
‘Deal.’ He stands me up and reinforces his apology with a deep, meaningful kiss. ‘We’ll make friends properly later.’ He scoops me up and starts back towards The Manor.
We enter the summer room via the huge French doors, and we’re immediately attacked by my mother’s infuriated glare. ‘There you are!’ She scuttles towards us, still tipsy, but obviously annoyed. ‘You’ve not cut the cake and you need to have your first dance. Tell me, are we having a wedding?’
I want to do none of those things. Evening guests are here, and we should socialise, but I just can’t be bothered. ‘I’m taking Ava upstairs. She’s tired.’ He doesn’t stop for my mum, and he doesn’t put me down. I’m being carried through the summer room, through all of our guests, and he isn’t stopping for anyone.
‘But it’s only ten o’clock!’ She’s horrified, as I expected. ‘What about your guests?’
‘There’s a bar, a band, and plenty to eat, Elizabeth. I’m sure they’ll survive.’ His tolerance of my mum is lessening by the hour.
‘Ava, please. Talk some sense into him.’ She’s pleading now, and I suddenly feel bad for her. This is a special day for her, too, and my Lord has trampled all over it.
I clamp my palms around his cheeks as he continues with his long strides, and mum continues to flank us. I pull his face to mine. ‘A little longer.’ I say quietly, and he halts in his tracks. ‘We can give her longer.’
‘You’re tired.’ He’s frowning a little. Yes, I am tired, but not physically. I’m mentally exhausted. ‘Let me take you to bed, baby.’
‘Dance with me.’ I run my nose up his cheek and take a full-on hit of fresh water loveliness. ‘Let’s dance.’ I feel him turning, while pushing his cheek into my nuzzle. I knew that would get him.
‘Thank God!’ Mum cries, following keenly behind.
I’m placed on my feet in the middle of the dance floor before he makes his way over to the band and speaks into the lead singer’s ear. He nods and smiles, then everyone clears the floor and it’s just me, feeling conspicuous and exposed. And then the singer removes himself from the stage, along with all of the other band members, and Snow Patrol breaks the silence with Chasing Cars. He turns to face me and just stands there, watching me for the longest time. I’m tearing up, and I know that if I look at my mother she’ll be blubbering, so I don’t. I keep my eyes on my husband and watch as he slowly walks towards me and takes me in his hold, pulling me close to his chest. My cheek rests on his shoulder, and he starts swaying us, holding me firmly in his big, strong arms. My hands slide around his back and my eyes close, my body naturally following his slow, soft movements.
‘I’m sorry, baby.’ he says quietly into my hair. ‘I’m sorry I left you earlier.’
I sigh. I know he’s sorry, but I just wish he would think before he does these things. I squeeze him a little, a silent indication of my forgiveness. ‘Let’s leave it there.’
He exhales and pushes his lips to the back of my head. ‘The harder I try not to hurt you, the more I do. I’m hopeless.’
‘Be quiet.’
‘Okay, but I’m still sorry.’ He holds me firmer still. ‘I can’t wait to crawl into bed with you.’
‘Me either.’ I agree. Once again, everyone is in our way. ‘Tomorrow, we stay in bed all day.’ I affirm.
‘We need to go home first.’
I sag a little in disappointment at his reminder. We’re staying here tonight. All of the rooms have been prepared for guests, mainly for my family. ‘We go home first thing in the morning, then.’ I demand quietly. I know it’s rude, leaving our guests, but I don’t want to face Kate, and I definitely don’t want to face Dan.
‘We do,’ he agrees, ‘after we’ve soaked in the bath and had breakfast with your parents.’
I let him gently rock me, my eyes closing again and my mind relaxing a little, letting Jesse draw all of my stress away. ‘I wish you’d have taken me away. Somewhere quiet, just us.’
‘I couldn’t leave her at the gates with guests arriving, Ava.’
‘So tell her to go away.’
‘And cause a scene?’
‘What did she want?’ I ask. She was here for a reason. ‘Did she know we were getting married today?’
His frown line crawls across his brow and sets firmly in place, his lip disappearing between his teeth. ‘Yes, she knew.’
So he’s spoken to her? ‘And she still came? Was she hoping to stop it? Was she going to barge through the summer room doors and declare that we shouldn’t be joined in holy matrimony?’ This is laughable.
‘I don’t know, Ava.’ He looks away.
‘When did you speak to her?’ He sighs. ‘She’s been calling and turning up at The Manor. I’ve told her repeatedly I’m not helping her. I’ve told her there are no feelings. I’m not sure what else I can do, Ava.’
‘What’s your definition of an affair?’ I ask.
His eyes swiftly return to mine, all confused by my question. ‘What do you mean?’
‘I mean, she’s in love with you, and you’ve said it was only sex. It was obviously more to her.’ I assess him, trying to gage his reaction.
‘Baby, I’ve told you before, just sex. They always wanted more, but I never gave them any reason to expect it. Never.’
I wince at the referral to they. He means many—many women who want him, many women who’ve had him, many women who have fallen in love with him. I want to tell him what Coral said about him making her need him, but then he’ll know that I intercepted her call. And after having him, who wouldn’t want him again, maybe even think they need him. I know that I did, but now my need is a lot deeper than his physical touch. Now I need him to breath. ‘I don’t want you to see her again.’ I insist.
He returns his eyes to mine. ‘I won’t. I’ve no need to.’
I take a deep breath and return to scanning the ground. ‘I’ve had enough of my wedding. I’d like to leave.’
‘Ava, look at me.’ he orders gently.
‘Jesse, don’t start making demands when I’m feeling like this.’
‘Perhaps you didn’t hear me right. I said, look at me.’ He’s not asking gently now, but my despondency prevents me from defying him. ‘What?’ I ask, following through on his unreasonable order.
He falls to his knees in front of me and takes my hands. ‘I’ve fucked up. I’m so sorry, but I was trying to keep her away from you. I panicked and thought I could talk some sense into her. I didn’t want her kicking up a stink on your special day.’
‘It’s your special day, too.’ I remind him quietly. ‘You should’ve just told me.’
‘I know.’ He leans up and wraps me in his arms. ‘Let me make it up to you. What do you want me do, baby? Name it.’
I relax into him. ‘Just take me to bed.’ I demand quietly.
‘Deal.’ He stands me up and reinforces his apology with a deep, meaningful kiss. ‘We’ll make friends properly later.’ He scoops me up and starts back towards The Manor.
We enter the summer room via the huge French doors, and we’re immediately attacked by my mother’s infuriated glare. ‘There you are!’ She scuttles towards us, still tipsy, but obviously annoyed. ‘You’ve not cut the cake and you need to have your first dance. Tell me, are we having a wedding?’
I want to do none of those things. Evening guests are here, and we should socialise, but I just can’t be bothered. ‘I’m taking Ava upstairs. She’s tired.’ He doesn’t stop for my mum, and he doesn’t put me down. I’m being carried through the summer room, through all of our guests, and he isn’t stopping for anyone.
‘But it’s only ten o’clock!’ She’s horrified, as I expected. ‘What about your guests?’
‘There’s a bar, a band, and plenty to eat, Elizabeth. I’m sure they’ll survive.’ His tolerance of my mum is lessening by the hour.
‘Ava, please. Talk some sense into him.’ She’s pleading now, and I suddenly feel bad for her. This is a special day for her, too, and my Lord has trampled all over it.
I clamp my palms around his cheeks as he continues with his long strides, and mum continues to flank us. I pull his face to mine. ‘A little longer.’ I say quietly, and he halts in his tracks. ‘We can give her longer.’
‘You’re tired.’ He’s frowning a little. Yes, I am tired, but not physically. I’m mentally exhausted. ‘Let me take you to bed, baby.’
‘Dance with me.’ I run my nose up his cheek and take a full-on hit of fresh water loveliness. ‘Let’s dance.’ I feel him turning, while pushing his cheek into my nuzzle. I knew that would get him.
‘Thank God!’ Mum cries, following keenly behind.
I’m placed on my feet in the middle of the dance floor before he makes his way over to the band and speaks into the lead singer’s ear. He nods and smiles, then everyone clears the floor and it’s just me, feeling conspicuous and exposed. And then the singer removes himself from the stage, along with all of the other band members, and Snow Patrol breaks the silence with Chasing Cars. He turns to face me and just stands there, watching me for the longest time. I’m tearing up, and I know that if I look at my mother she’ll be blubbering, so I don’t. I keep my eyes on my husband and watch as he slowly walks towards me and takes me in his hold, pulling me close to his chest. My cheek rests on his shoulder, and he starts swaying us, holding me firmly in his big, strong arms. My hands slide around his back and my eyes close, my body naturally following his slow, soft movements.
‘I’m sorry, baby.’ he says quietly into my hair. ‘I’m sorry I left you earlier.’
I sigh. I know he’s sorry, but I just wish he would think before he does these things. I squeeze him a little, a silent indication of my forgiveness. ‘Let’s leave it there.’
He exhales and pushes his lips to the back of my head. ‘The harder I try not to hurt you, the more I do. I’m hopeless.’
‘Be quiet.’
‘Okay, but I’m still sorry.’ He holds me firmer still. ‘I can’t wait to crawl into bed with you.’
‘Me either.’ I agree. Once again, everyone is in our way. ‘Tomorrow, we stay in bed all day.’ I affirm.
‘We need to go home first.’
I sag a little in disappointment at his reminder. We’re staying here tonight. All of the rooms have been prepared for guests, mainly for my family. ‘We go home first thing in the morning, then.’ I demand quietly. I know it’s rude, leaving our guests, but I don’t want to face Kate, and I definitely don’t want to face Dan.
‘We do,’ he agrees, ‘after we’ve soaked in the bath and had breakfast with your parents.’
I let him gently rock me, my eyes closing again and my mind relaxing a little, letting Jesse draw all of my stress away. ‘I wish you’d have taken me away. Somewhere quiet, just us.’
