This Man Confessed
Page 124
‘Yes!’ She screams. ‘You married me, and then left me!’
I gasp and swing my eyes to Jesse. He’s chewing his lip, his eyes darting constantly between me and… his ex-wife? He was married? I’m choking on nothing, my mind racing in circles and failing to comprehend what I’ve just heard.
Ruth looks at me, snapping instantly from her angry outburst and smiling. ‘You didn’t know? Well, there’s a surprise. It might also explain why you’ve stuck around.’
Her smugness teamed with Jesse’s despair cripples me completely. ‘Nothing can break us.’ My words travel through the air and wipe the smile from her face, but they also make Jesse noticeably tense. I hold his wary gaze and determine from the emptiness in them that he disagrees. My head starts shaking mildly, my bottom lip trembling. The feeling of my palm sliding across my stomach is comforting, but the look on his face isn’t. His eyes fall from mine to my navel and a wave of desperation travels slowly across his face.
‘I’m so sorry,’ he murmurs. ‘I should have told you.’
He really has saved the best shocker till last, but I don’t care. I mean it. Nothing can break us. ‘It doesn’t matter.’ I try to assure him, but I can see defeatism swallowing him up.
‘It does matter.’ Ruth spits, pulling both of our attention away from each other and back to the knife wielding, psychotic bitch who has invaded our lives. ‘She knows nothing, does she?’
I hope she’s mistaken. I hope Jesse nods and explains that I know everything. The Manor, the drinking, now her… everything, But his head starts to shake, quadrupling my uncertainties.
‘She doesn’t know about our daughter?’ The room starts to spin, and Jesse’s goes to move. ‘Stay where you are!’ Ruth shouts, flicking the knife to him.
‘Ava…’ He desperately needs to get to me. I know I’m swaying on the spot as I try to let that information sink in. He has a daughter? My life is ending here and now. That tips the iceberg of shocks from this man. He’s trying to compensate for his lack of involvement in her life.
‘Yes, we were married and he left me when I was pregnant.’ she spits.
‘I was forced to marry you because you were pregnant. I didn’t want to and you knew it. We were seventeen years old, Lauren. We fooled around one time.’ His voice is broken and unsure, like he’s trying to reassure himself that he did the right thing.
‘Don’t blame your decision on your parents!’ She’s burning with fury again, her hand shaking uncontrollably. ‘
‘I was trying to right my wrongs. I was trying to make them happy.’
The room is still spinning wildly, while I try to piece together what I’m hearing. I can’t make any sense of it, especially now when I’m in such a hazardous situation. Through my confusion and alarm, I do, however, realise the importance of keeping myself safe. I need to get out of here. I start to back away, hoping her attention and anger will remain on Jesse as I quietly attempt my escape. I know this is going to end with her gunning for me, not Jesse. She wants to punish him, and she’s going to do that by making him live without me. She’s got it all worked out and so have I.
‘Don’t move!’ She screams, halting me dead in my tracks. ‘Don’t even THINK about trying to leave because this knife will be in him before you make it out the door.’ That threat foils my plan completely. ‘You’ve not even heard the best part, so it would be nice if you stick around to hear me out.’
‘Lauren,’ he grates in warning.
She laughs, a sly, delighted laugh. ‘What? You don’t want me to tell your young, pregnant wife that you killed our daughter?’
He’s moving fast now, nothing will stop him, and I know it’s because I’m swaying, set on free-falling to the ground. My world has just exploded, splintering into a million pieces along with my overloaded mind. But I register her moving too. I register the knife coursing towards me fast and with absolute intent. And I also register Jesse coming between me and the blade. He manages to break my fall before tackling Ruth to the floor and punching her straight in the face on an infuriated roar. She laughs. The psychotic bitch just laughs, goading him, pushing him on with her hysterical fit of amusement.
‘I didn’t kill our daughter!’ he punches her again, the sound of his fist colliding with her joyful face sending shockwaves through me.
‘You did. The moment she got in that car you sent her to her death.’
‘It wasn’t my fault!’ He’s straddling her, trying to control her flailing hands.
‘Carmichael should never have taken our daughter. You should’ve been watching her! I spent five years in a padded cell. I’ve spent twenty years wishing I’d never let you see her. You left me without you, then you killed the only piece of you that I had left! I’ll never let you replace her! No one else gets a piece of you!’
Jesse roars and with a last reinforced swing of his fist, he knocks her out cold. I’m scrambling into a sitting position, watching his whole body convulsing with exhaustion and anger. I heard and fully comprehended every single word that they just shouted at each other, and I’m shocked, but I’m more sad than anything else. Every tiny little piece of pure craziness I have endured since meeting this man has just been justified. All of his overprotectiveness, unreasonable worry, and neurotic behaviour have just been explained. He doesn’t think he deserves happiness, and he has been protecting me. But he’s been protecting me from himself and the darkness of his history. It wasn’t him in that car with Carmichael. It was his daughter. All of the people he has truly loved throughout his life have died tragically, and he thinks he is responsible for each and every one of them. My heart bleeds for this man.
‘Nothing will break us.’ I sob, trying to stand, but not making it past my knees. He thought this would but it won’t. I’m relieved. In fact, every little thing is making perfect sense to me now.
He heaves his tall body up from the floor and turns foggy green, tormented eyes on me. ‘I’m so so sorry.’ His chin is trembling as he starts to walk towards me.
‘It doesn’t matter.’ I assure him. ‘Nothing matters,’ I hold my arms out to him, desperate for him to know that I accept him and his history, no matter how shocking and dark it might be. A sense of serenity travels between our bodies, like a silent, mutual understanding as I wait for him to get to me.
My impatience is growing. He’s taking too long, seeming to get slower and slower with each step he takes until he collapses to his knee on a strangled gasp and clenches his stomach on a hiss. My confused eyes search his face for some clue of what is wrong, but then he pulls his jacket back, revealing a blood soaked shirt and the knife submerged in his side.
‘NO!’ I scream, finding my feet and rushing to his side. My hand hovers over the handle of the knife, not knowing what to do. ‘Oh God! Jesse!’ He falls back, choking, his palm patting at his wound around the blade. ‘Oh God, no no no no no. please no!’
I collapse to my knees, all searing pain in my stomach and across my face being shifted straight to my chest. I’m struggling to breathe. I pull his head up onto my lap and madly stroke his face. His greens are getting heavy. ‘Don’t close your eyes, Jesse.’ I shout, frenzied. ‘Baby, keep your eyes open. Look at me.’
I gasp and swing my eyes to Jesse. He’s chewing his lip, his eyes darting constantly between me and… his ex-wife? He was married? I’m choking on nothing, my mind racing in circles and failing to comprehend what I’ve just heard.
Ruth looks at me, snapping instantly from her angry outburst and smiling. ‘You didn’t know? Well, there’s a surprise. It might also explain why you’ve stuck around.’
Her smugness teamed with Jesse’s despair cripples me completely. ‘Nothing can break us.’ My words travel through the air and wipe the smile from her face, but they also make Jesse noticeably tense. I hold his wary gaze and determine from the emptiness in them that he disagrees. My head starts shaking mildly, my bottom lip trembling. The feeling of my palm sliding across my stomach is comforting, but the look on his face isn’t. His eyes fall from mine to my navel and a wave of desperation travels slowly across his face.
‘I’m so sorry,’ he murmurs. ‘I should have told you.’
He really has saved the best shocker till last, but I don’t care. I mean it. Nothing can break us. ‘It doesn’t matter.’ I try to assure him, but I can see defeatism swallowing him up.
‘It does matter.’ Ruth spits, pulling both of our attention away from each other and back to the knife wielding, psychotic bitch who has invaded our lives. ‘She knows nothing, does she?’
I hope she’s mistaken. I hope Jesse nods and explains that I know everything. The Manor, the drinking, now her… everything, But his head starts to shake, quadrupling my uncertainties.
‘She doesn’t know about our daughter?’ The room starts to spin, and Jesse’s goes to move. ‘Stay where you are!’ Ruth shouts, flicking the knife to him.
‘Ava…’ He desperately needs to get to me. I know I’m swaying on the spot as I try to let that information sink in. He has a daughter? My life is ending here and now. That tips the iceberg of shocks from this man. He’s trying to compensate for his lack of involvement in her life.
‘Yes, we were married and he left me when I was pregnant.’ she spits.
‘I was forced to marry you because you were pregnant. I didn’t want to and you knew it. We were seventeen years old, Lauren. We fooled around one time.’ His voice is broken and unsure, like he’s trying to reassure himself that he did the right thing.
‘Don’t blame your decision on your parents!’ She’s burning with fury again, her hand shaking uncontrollably. ‘
‘I was trying to right my wrongs. I was trying to make them happy.’
The room is still spinning wildly, while I try to piece together what I’m hearing. I can’t make any sense of it, especially now when I’m in such a hazardous situation. Through my confusion and alarm, I do, however, realise the importance of keeping myself safe. I need to get out of here. I start to back away, hoping her attention and anger will remain on Jesse as I quietly attempt my escape. I know this is going to end with her gunning for me, not Jesse. She wants to punish him, and she’s going to do that by making him live without me. She’s got it all worked out and so have I.
‘Don’t move!’ She screams, halting me dead in my tracks. ‘Don’t even THINK about trying to leave because this knife will be in him before you make it out the door.’ That threat foils my plan completely. ‘You’ve not even heard the best part, so it would be nice if you stick around to hear me out.’
‘Lauren,’ he grates in warning.
She laughs, a sly, delighted laugh. ‘What? You don’t want me to tell your young, pregnant wife that you killed our daughter?’
He’s moving fast now, nothing will stop him, and I know it’s because I’m swaying, set on free-falling to the ground. My world has just exploded, splintering into a million pieces along with my overloaded mind. But I register her moving too. I register the knife coursing towards me fast and with absolute intent. And I also register Jesse coming between me and the blade. He manages to break my fall before tackling Ruth to the floor and punching her straight in the face on an infuriated roar. She laughs. The psychotic bitch just laughs, goading him, pushing him on with her hysterical fit of amusement.
‘I didn’t kill our daughter!’ he punches her again, the sound of his fist colliding with her joyful face sending shockwaves through me.
‘You did. The moment she got in that car you sent her to her death.’
‘It wasn’t my fault!’ He’s straddling her, trying to control her flailing hands.
‘Carmichael should never have taken our daughter. You should’ve been watching her! I spent five years in a padded cell. I’ve spent twenty years wishing I’d never let you see her. You left me without you, then you killed the only piece of you that I had left! I’ll never let you replace her! No one else gets a piece of you!’
Jesse roars and with a last reinforced swing of his fist, he knocks her out cold. I’m scrambling into a sitting position, watching his whole body convulsing with exhaustion and anger. I heard and fully comprehended every single word that they just shouted at each other, and I’m shocked, but I’m more sad than anything else. Every tiny little piece of pure craziness I have endured since meeting this man has just been justified. All of his overprotectiveness, unreasonable worry, and neurotic behaviour have just been explained. He doesn’t think he deserves happiness, and he has been protecting me. But he’s been protecting me from himself and the darkness of his history. It wasn’t him in that car with Carmichael. It was his daughter. All of the people he has truly loved throughout his life have died tragically, and he thinks he is responsible for each and every one of them. My heart bleeds for this man.
‘Nothing will break us.’ I sob, trying to stand, but not making it past my knees. He thought this would but it won’t. I’m relieved. In fact, every little thing is making perfect sense to me now.
He heaves his tall body up from the floor and turns foggy green, tormented eyes on me. ‘I’m so so sorry.’ His chin is trembling as he starts to walk towards me.
‘It doesn’t matter.’ I assure him. ‘Nothing matters,’ I hold my arms out to him, desperate for him to know that I accept him and his history, no matter how shocking and dark it might be. A sense of serenity travels between our bodies, like a silent, mutual understanding as I wait for him to get to me.
My impatience is growing. He’s taking too long, seeming to get slower and slower with each step he takes until he collapses to his knee on a strangled gasp and clenches his stomach on a hiss. My confused eyes search his face for some clue of what is wrong, but then he pulls his jacket back, revealing a blood soaked shirt and the knife submerged in his side.
‘NO!’ I scream, finding my feet and rushing to his side. My hand hovers over the handle of the knife, not knowing what to do. ‘Oh God! Jesse!’ He falls back, choking, his palm patting at his wound around the blade. ‘Oh God, no no no no no. please no!’
I collapse to my knees, all searing pain in my stomach and across my face being shifted straight to my chest. I’m struggling to breathe. I pull his head up onto my lap and madly stroke his face. His greens are getting heavy. ‘Don’t close your eyes, Jesse.’ I shout, frenzied. ‘Baby, keep your eyes open. Look at me.’
