This Man Confessed
Page 130
‘You look tired.’ he says, changing the subject and directing the concern onto me. ‘Are you eating?’
‘Yes,’ My traitor fingers dive into my messy hair, totally giving me away.
‘Ava,’ he moans. ‘Go now and get something to eat.’
‘My mum fed me a salad. I’m not hungry.’
His eyes widen at the mention of my mum. I know what’s coming. ‘What have you told them?’
‘Everything.’ I admit. I blubbered my way through it all while my mum soothed and hushed me. She was quietly tolerant. It was bizarre. ‘Except your four day absence.’
He nods thoughtfully, almost acceptingly. He must know I could never have avoided it. ‘Okay.’ he says quietly. ‘Go and get something to eat.’
‘I’m not hun…’
‘Don’t make me tell you again, lady,’ he snaps. ‘because piss bag or not, I’ll march you down to that fucking restaurant myself and shove some food down your throat!’
I wisely halt all further arguments. I’m really not hungry, but I know he absolutely would, so I drag my tired body from the chair and retrieve the twenty that my dad left for me in Jesse’s bedside cabinet. ‘I’ll get you something, too.’
‘I’m not hungry.’ He doesn’t even look at me. He’s lost in thought. He’s ashamed, but he shouldn’t be. I’m not, so neither should he.
I hide my look of astonishment at his curt reply. I’m not going to argue with him because it will get me absolutely nowhere and only stress him out. I’ll get him something and force feed him if he refuses to eat it.
His mood and my affronted state goes nowhere near to dampening down the elation dancing through me. The presence of his arrogance and challenging ways really is a sign that I have my Jesse back. I wouldn’t have him any other way.
Chapter 34
I’m munching my way through a Dairy Milk as I drag my feet down the hospital corridor. I feel so much better in myself, more alive and awake, but my body isn’t agreeing with my mind. It needs rest. Rounding the corner that leads back to Jesse’s room, I halt as soon as I see Sarah hovering outside Jesse’s door. She goes to take the handle, but pulls back again, then turns, deciding to leave. She spots me and freezes, looking out of place and awkward. I haven’t seen her here since Jesse was admitted, and I thought she had stayed away, but seeing her now, hanging around the corridor, I realise that she’s probably been here most days. I know if I’d have seen her before now, I might have lashed out in grief, but not now. Not knowing what I know now. I’ll never forgive her for what she’s done, but having learnt of her history, I’d be inhuman if I didn’t feel some compassion for the woman. She lost a child. It’s tragic and she’s put up a hard faced front to protect herself. She wanted Jesse. She saw a reason to unite and sooth each other’s grief, whereas he saw her as a reminder of what he lost because of a poor decision to fuck her. Two suffering souls who used each other in different ways, except Jesse found his salvation elsewhere. And Sarah still wants him to be hers.
‘Are you okay?’ I ask, not knowing what else to say to her. I’ve shocked her with my question. She looks tearful, but she’s trying to keep up a hard persona. I quickly realise that she doesn’t know he’s awake. I’m sure John has been keeping her informed, but he doesn’t know either. ‘He’s come round.’
Her eyes snap to mine. ‘He’s okay?’
‘He will be, if the stubborn idiot listens to the Doctor.’ I hold up a miniature jar of peanut butter that I found in the restaurant. ‘And eats.’
She smiles. It’s a nervous smile. ‘I hope you’ve got more than one of those.’
‘Ten.’ I lift my arm where a paper bag is dangling. ‘But it’s not Sun-Pat, so he’ll probably reject it.’
She actually laughs, but stops quickly, and I know that it’s because she thinks it’s inappropriate. It probably is, not because the situation isn’t funny, but because she’s laughing with me.
‘I know everything, Sarah.’ I need her to appreciate that my empathy is only because of my new knowledge. ‘I’ll never forget what you tried to do to us, but I think I understand why you did it.’
Her red lips part, her mouth falling open in shock. ‘He told you?’
‘About your little girl. About Rosie. About Carmichael, the car accident and why the girls were with Carmichael in the first place.’
‘Oh.’ Her eyes fall to the blue plastic floor. ‘It’s always been ours.’
She means their story and connection. And I’ve severed it. The woman standing in front of me has always exuded confidence and cockiness, and I have striped her down to the bare truth. I do feel sorry for her. I’m feeling sorry that I have everything she wants, and I’ve got it with the man who she wants it with. She tried to take her own life, but that will never make me stand down. Nothing will ever make me stand down. Not scorned ex-lovers, high-class sex clubs, drink problems, psychotic ex-wives, the shock of a lost daughter, or the desolation of Sarah. Neither will the madness that surrounds all of those reasons. This Man has thrown everything at me, and I still don’t plan on going anywhere. Unbreakable.
‘Can I see him?’ she asks quietly. ‘I’ll understand if you refuse.’
I should refuse, but compassion refuses to let me. I need closure on this, and she does, too. ‘Sure. I’ll wait here.’ I sit myself down on a hard plastic chair and watch her disappear into his room.
I don’t need to hear what will be said. I have a good idea, anyway, so instead I finish my chocolate bar, my body thanking me for the instant sugar hit.
‘Ava?’
I look up and see Jesse’s mum and sister hurrying down the corridor. ‘Hi,’ I speak around a mouthful of chocolate and hold my hand up to signal my inability to say any more.
‘The nurse said he’s awake. Jesse’s awake.’ Beatrice looks over at the door, then back to me.
I nod and chew fast, swallowing so I can give her the information she needs. ‘He’s fine. Grumpy but fine.’
‘Oh, thank you, Jesus!’ She turns and throws her arms around Amalie. ‘He’s going to be okay.’
I watch as Amalie smiles over her mum’s shoulder at me. ‘Grumpy?’
‘Or stubborn—whichever.’ I shrug on a smile, and her green eyes glimmer in understanding.’
‘The latter, for sure.’ she confirms, holding her sobbing mother in her arms. ‘It’s good to see you eating.’
I look down at the wrapper of the chocolate bar I’ve just demolished and smile, thinking how good it feels to eat. I could easily tuck away another. ‘Where’s Henry?’ I ask.
‘Just parking the car. Would you mind if we see him?’ Amalie asks.
I’m very abruptly hit with the hard realisation that Jesse doesn’t know they’re here. And I have no idea how to handle it. After our last encounter with his parents, I should avoid subjecting him to the potentially stressful situation, but my conniving mind is jumping all over the fact that he can’t escape. And whilst I might be taking a huge risk, I know it will be my only opportunity to get them in the same room together. He will have to listen. If he doesn’t like what her hears, then so be it, but I’ve watched his family grieving. I saw it clearly, even through my own grief. Now is the time to put all wrongs right, no matter who is to blame. This is what I hope, but it’s his choice, and I’ll stick by whatever he decides.
‘Yes,’ My traitor fingers dive into my messy hair, totally giving me away.
‘Ava,’ he moans. ‘Go now and get something to eat.’
‘My mum fed me a salad. I’m not hungry.’
His eyes widen at the mention of my mum. I know what’s coming. ‘What have you told them?’
‘Everything.’ I admit. I blubbered my way through it all while my mum soothed and hushed me. She was quietly tolerant. It was bizarre. ‘Except your four day absence.’
He nods thoughtfully, almost acceptingly. He must know I could never have avoided it. ‘Okay.’ he says quietly. ‘Go and get something to eat.’
‘I’m not hun…’
‘Don’t make me tell you again, lady,’ he snaps. ‘because piss bag or not, I’ll march you down to that fucking restaurant myself and shove some food down your throat!’
I wisely halt all further arguments. I’m really not hungry, but I know he absolutely would, so I drag my tired body from the chair and retrieve the twenty that my dad left for me in Jesse’s bedside cabinet. ‘I’ll get you something, too.’
‘I’m not hungry.’ He doesn’t even look at me. He’s lost in thought. He’s ashamed, but he shouldn’t be. I’m not, so neither should he.
I hide my look of astonishment at his curt reply. I’m not going to argue with him because it will get me absolutely nowhere and only stress him out. I’ll get him something and force feed him if he refuses to eat it.
His mood and my affronted state goes nowhere near to dampening down the elation dancing through me. The presence of his arrogance and challenging ways really is a sign that I have my Jesse back. I wouldn’t have him any other way.
Chapter 34
I’m munching my way through a Dairy Milk as I drag my feet down the hospital corridor. I feel so much better in myself, more alive and awake, but my body isn’t agreeing with my mind. It needs rest. Rounding the corner that leads back to Jesse’s room, I halt as soon as I see Sarah hovering outside Jesse’s door. She goes to take the handle, but pulls back again, then turns, deciding to leave. She spots me and freezes, looking out of place and awkward. I haven’t seen her here since Jesse was admitted, and I thought she had stayed away, but seeing her now, hanging around the corridor, I realise that she’s probably been here most days. I know if I’d have seen her before now, I might have lashed out in grief, but not now. Not knowing what I know now. I’ll never forgive her for what she’s done, but having learnt of her history, I’d be inhuman if I didn’t feel some compassion for the woman. She lost a child. It’s tragic and she’s put up a hard faced front to protect herself. She wanted Jesse. She saw a reason to unite and sooth each other’s grief, whereas he saw her as a reminder of what he lost because of a poor decision to fuck her. Two suffering souls who used each other in different ways, except Jesse found his salvation elsewhere. And Sarah still wants him to be hers.
‘Are you okay?’ I ask, not knowing what else to say to her. I’ve shocked her with my question. She looks tearful, but she’s trying to keep up a hard persona. I quickly realise that she doesn’t know he’s awake. I’m sure John has been keeping her informed, but he doesn’t know either. ‘He’s come round.’
Her eyes snap to mine. ‘He’s okay?’
‘He will be, if the stubborn idiot listens to the Doctor.’ I hold up a miniature jar of peanut butter that I found in the restaurant. ‘And eats.’
She smiles. It’s a nervous smile. ‘I hope you’ve got more than one of those.’
‘Ten.’ I lift my arm where a paper bag is dangling. ‘But it’s not Sun-Pat, so he’ll probably reject it.’
She actually laughs, but stops quickly, and I know that it’s because she thinks it’s inappropriate. It probably is, not because the situation isn’t funny, but because she’s laughing with me.
‘I know everything, Sarah.’ I need her to appreciate that my empathy is only because of my new knowledge. ‘I’ll never forget what you tried to do to us, but I think I understand why you did it.’
Her red lips part, her mouth falling open in shock. ‘He told you?’
‘About your little girl. About Rosie. About Carmichael, the car accident and why the girls were with Carmichael in the first place.’
‘Oh.’ Her eyes fall to the blue plastic floor. ‘It’s always been ours.’
She means their story and connection. And I’ve severed it. The woman standing in front of me has always exuded confidence and cockiness, and I have striped her down to the bare truth. I do feel sorry for her. I’m feeling sorry that I have everything she wants, and I’ve got it with the man who she wants it with. She tried to take her own life, but that will never make me stand down. Nothing will ever make me stand down. Not scorned ex-lovers, high-class sex clubs, drink problems, psychotic ex-wives, the shock of a lost daughter, or the desolation of Sarah. Neither will the madness that surrounds all of those reasons. This Man has thrown everything at me, and I still don’t plan on going anywhere. Unbreakable.
‘Can I see him?’ she asks quietly. ‘I’ll understand if you refuse.’
I should refuse, but compassion refuses to let me. I need closure on this, and she does, too. ‘Sure. I’ll wait here.’ I sit myself down on a hard plastic chair and watch her disappear into his room.
I don’t need to hear what will be said. I have a good idea, anyway, so instead I finish my chocolate bar, my body thanking me for the instant sugar hit.
‘Ava?’
I look up and see Jesse’s mum and sister hurrying down the corridor. ‘Hi,’ I speak around a mouthful of chocolate and hold my hand up to signal my inability to say any more.
‘The nurse said he’s awake. Jesse’s awake.’ Beatrice looks over at the door, then back to me.
I nod and chew fast, swallowing so I can give her the information she needs. ‘He’s fine. Grumpy but fine.’
‘Oh, thank you, Jesus!’ She turns and throws her arms around Amalie. ‘He’s going to be okay.’
I watch as Amalie smiles over her mum’s shoulder at me. ‘Grumpy?’
‘Or stubborn—whichever.’ I shrug on a smile, and her green eyes glimmer in understanding.’
‘The latter, for sure.’ she confirms, holding her sobbing mother in her arms. ‘It’s good to see you eating.’
I look down at the wrapper of the chocolate bar I’ve just demolished and smile, thinking how good it feels to eat. I could easily tuck away another. ‘Where’s Henry?’ I ask.
‘Just parking the car. Would you mind if we see him?’ Amalie asks.
I’m very abruptly hit with the hard realisation that Jesse doesn’t know they’re here. And I have no idea how to handle it. After our last encounter with his parents, I should avoid subjecting him to the potentially stressful situation, but my conniving mind is jumping all over the fact that he can’t escape. And whilst I might be taking a huge risk, I know it will be my only opportunity to get them in the same room together. He will have to listen. If he doesn’t like what her hears, then so be it, but I’ve watched his family grieving. I saw it clearly, even through my own grief. Now is the time to put all wrongs right, no matter who is to blame. This is what I hope, but it’s his choice, and I’ll stick by whatever he decides.
