This Man Confessed
Page 23
I try to soothe her. ‘Let’s start with Sam.’
‘I told you, it was only meant to be fun.’ Her words jerk with her fitful breathing.
‘Was?’ I ask. ‘So it’s more than fun?’
‘Yes… no… I don’t know!’ She sounds so confused, just like me. Sam and Kate’s relationship isn’t ideal, but even with The Manor in the equation, I can’t help but think that it’s healthier than anything she and Dan ever had together, crazy as it might seem.
‘I knew this would happen with Dan arriving.’ I sigh. If I was talking to my brother, then I’d currently be shouting down the phone at him. ‘Kate, you need to remember every reason why you and Dan called it quits.’
‘I know. We’re so bad for each other, but we connect, Ava. When we’re together, we connect so well.’
‘You mean the sex.’ I wince and screw my face up a little. I can’t think of my brother like that.
‘Yes, but everything else fails so horribly.’
‘It does,’ I agree. I’ve witnessed the violent rows, the incessant need to rile each other and the unhealthy flow of their doomed relationship. They had no respect for each other—not mentally or physically. It was all just about the sex. Mind-blowing sex does not make up for the relationship’s other failings, which in Dan and Kate’s case was on every other level. At the time, I ignored it all, simply because the thought of my best friend and my brother being in love was so ideal. That was the problem, though. They weren’t in love. It was just lust, and maturity has made that glaringly obvious to me.
She shifts in my embrace and sits herself up, taking a few calming breaths. ‘I hate men.’ she declares.
‘You shouldn’t, especially when there’s one who obviously thinks the world of you.’
She looks at me curiously. ‘Sam?’
I almost slap her for her blindness. ‘Yes, Sam.’
‘Ava,’ she laughs. ‘Sam doesn’t think the world of me. I make the world move for him, that’s all—in the bedroom.’
‘You mean you connect so well?’ I raise my eyebrows at her. ‘Except with Sam, you also get the mental connection.’
She scowls at me. She knows I’m right. ‘It was just fun.’
It’s me who flops back on the couch in irritation this time. ‘You’re unbelievable.’
‘No, I’m a realist.’ she argues. ‘It was sex.’
‘So why the hell were you blubbering like a baby?’
‘I don’t know.’ She stands up, ‘I feel like shit. It gets the emotions going. You want tea?’
‘Yes,’ I huff, standing to join her before following her out to the kitchen.
She reaches up to the cupboard and grabs a couple of mugs. ‘Why are you here, anyway?’
The question makes me falter mid-lowering of my butt to the chair. Should I tell her? I’ve walked out on my husband less than twenty four hours after we said our vows. A brush off here is not going to suffice, although given how she manages to shirk my questioning so well, I shouldn’t be too bothered about offending her. But I am in need of some help. She openly admits to her fondness of Jesse. This could change her opinion dramatically, and even though I’m seething with him, I hate divulging any information that’ll have my loved ones questioning him. And questioning me, for that matter. Questioning my sanity.
I decide that I do need my best friend on this. I bite the bullet. ‘You know my pills that mysteriously kept disappearing?’
She turns and frowns before stuffing a teabag in each of the mugs. ‘Yes, you and your ridiculously unorganised life.’
‘Hmm, that’s what I thought.’ I stare at her back, waiting for her to click, but she’s happily topping up the mugs with water, and then milk. ‘At first, anyway.’
She stirs the tea and brings it over to the table, plonking herself down into one of the mismatching chairs. ‘At first?’ Her confused face tells me that she really isn’t copping on. Maybe it’s the hangover.
‘Jesse has been taking them.’ I blurt it out quickly, before I can change my mind and withhold the information.
Now her confused face is frowning heavily over the rim of her mug. ‘He what?’
‘He’s been taking my pills. He wants me pregnant.’
Eyes wide and with a slightly gaped jaw, she puts her mug down very carefully. ‘He told you that?’
‘Yes,’ I breathe. ‘Although I kind of already knew.’
‘You knew he was taking them? When you replaced them that time and lost them again?’
‘I was distracted.’
‘Why the hell would he do that? And didn’t you use any protection?’
‘No, not always.’ I mutter indignantly, bracing myself for a lecture on carelessness. I was pretty careless, but I’m now blaming Jesse for the whole diabolical situation, not for just lifting my pills. Yes, I should’ve made him wear protection every time, but I forgot. Lame excuse, but I did, and that is because my crazy man distracts me far too well.
Kate still looks shocked. I’m not surprised, it’s shocking. ‘So if you knew all along, then why didn’t you take him to task on it?’
‘He would never have admitted it, Kate. He’s a madcap.’ I claim, thinking it’s probably me who’s the insane one—insane for being so damn stupid.
‘But only with you.’ Kate says.
‘Yes, only with me.’ I take a sip of my tea. She’s watching me, but not expressing her thoughts. She must have some.
‘Why would you ignore it?’ she asks.
I was dreading that question, but completely expecting it, and I’m wondering the same thing myself. ‘I have no idea.’ I feel so frustrated. I have no decent excuse.
Kate shakes her head, making me feel smaller. ‘I don’t understand you, and I certainly don’t understand him.’
‘He was as scared I’d run away.’ I mumble quietly. What’s my excuse for being so dim?
‘You’ve married him!’ She laughs. ‘Fuck me, Ava. What is wrong with that man? Hey, I know he’s a bit crazy but –’
‘A bit?’ I scoff.
‘Yeah, okay, understatement of the fucking century, but his way with you has always been so endearing to me. How much he loves you, frets, and protects you. We all know his behaviour is way past unreasonable, but it’s common knowledge that he’s never cared before. But stealing your pills? I didn’t think that man could shock me, but he’s outdone himself this time.’
‘He has,’ I muse, swirling my tea in slow, careful circling motions.
‘So if you knew, and he knew you knew, then why the big bust up now?’
‘He may have succeeded in his attempts.’
Kate chokes on her tea. ‘You’re pregnant?’ she coughs.
The words spike the dormant lump in my throat to swell, and before I can even think about controlling them, tears start streaming down my cheeks. I drop my tea to the table and cover my face with my palms… and I sob.
‘Oh, fuck! Oh shit!’ Kate’s chair scrapes across the kitchen floor and the next thing I know, she’s standing behind me with her arms wrapped around my shoulders. She actually hushes me quietly in my ear, like I’m a child who’s just fell and grazed their knee. I feel so stupid all of a sudden. Really, really stupid. Stupid for ignoring my suspicions for so long, stupid for not allowing the pieces to click sooner, and stupid for letting Jesse distract me from the enormity of his actions.
‘I told you, it was only meant to be fun.’ Her words jerk with her fitful breathing.
‘Was?’ I ask. ‘So it’s more than fun?’
‘Yes… no… I don’t know!’ She sounds so confused, just like me. Sam and Kate’s relationship isn’t ideal, but even with The Manor in the equation, I can’t help but think that it’s healthier than anything she and Dan ever had together, crazy as it might seem.
‘I knew this would happen with Dan arriving.’ I sigh. If I was talking to my brother, then I’d currently be shouting down the phone at him. ‘Kate, you need to remember every reason why you and Dan called it quits.’
‘I know. We’re so bad for each other, but we connect, Ava. When we’re together, we connect so well.’
‘You mean the sex.’ I wince and screw my face up a little. I can’t think of my brother like that.
‘Yes, but everything else fails so horribly.’
‘It does,’ I agree. I’ve witnessed the violent rows, the incessant need to rile each other and the unhealthy flow of their doomed relationship. They had no respect for each other—not mentally or physically. It was all just about the sex. Mind-blowing sex does not make up for the relationship’s other failings, which in Dan and Kate’s case was on every other level. At the time, I ignored it all, simply because the thought of my best friend and my brother being in love was so ideal. That was the problem, though. They weren’t in love. It was just lust, and maturity has made that glaringly obvious to me.
She shifts in my embrace and sits herself up, taking a few calming breaths. ‘I hate men.’ she declares.
‘You shouldn’t, especially when there’s one who obviously thinks the world of you.’
She looks at me curiously. ‘Sam?’
I almost slap her for her blindness. ‘Yes, Sam.’
‘Ava,’ she laughs. ‘Sam doesn’t think the world of me. I make the world move for him, that’s all—in the bedroom.’
‘You mean you connect so well?’ I raise my eyebrows at her. ‘Except with Sam, you also get the mental connection.’
She scowls at me. She knows I’m right. ‘It was just fun.’
It’s me who flops back on the couch in irritation this time. ‘You’re unbelievable.’
‘No, I’m a realist.’ she argues. ‘It was sex.’
‘So why the hell were you blubbering like a baby?’
‘I don’t know.’ She stands up, ‘I feel like shit. It gets the emotions going. You want tea?’
‘Yes,’ I huff, standing to join her before following her out to the kitchen.
She reaches up to the cupboard and grabs a couple of mugs. ‘Why are you here, anyway?’
The question makes me falter mid-lowering of my butt to the chair. Should I tell her? I’ve walked out on my husband less than twenty four hours after we said our vows. A brush off here is not going to suffice, although given how she manages to shirk my questioning so well, I shouldn’t be too bothered about offending her. But I am in need of some help. She openly admits to her fondness of Jesse. This could change her opinion dramatically, and even though I’m seething with him, I hate divulging any information that’ll have my loved ones questioning him. And questioning me, for that matter. Questioning my sanity.
I decide that I do need my best friend on this. I bite the bullet. ‘You know my pills that mysteriously kept disappearing?’
She turns and frowns before stuffing a teabag in each of the mugs. ‘Yes, you and your ridiculously unorganised life.’
‘Hmm, that’s what I thought.’ I stare at her back, waiting for her to click, but she’s happily topping up the mugs with water, and then milk. ‘At first, anyway.’
She stirs the tea and brings it over to the table, plonking herself down into one of the mismatching chairs. ‘At first?’ Her confused face tells me that she really isn’t copping on. Maybe it’s the hangover.
‘Jesse has been taking them.’ I blurt it out quickly, before I can change my mind and withhold the information.
Now her confused face is frowning heavily over the rim of her mug. ‘He what?’
‘He’s been taking my pills. He wants me pregnant.’
Eyes wide and with a slightly gaped jaw, she puts her mug down very carefully. ‘He told you that?’
‘Yes,’ I breathe. ‘Although I kind of already knew.’
‘You knew he was taking them? When you replaced them that time and lost them again?’
‘I was distracted.’
‘Why the hell would he do that? And didn’t you use any protection?’
‘No, not always.’ I mutter indignantly, bracing myself for a lecture on carelessness. I was pretty careless, but I’m now blaming Jesse for the whole diabolical situation, not for just lifting my pills. Yes, I should’ve made him wear protection every time, but I forgot. Lame excuse, but I did, and that is because my crazy man distracts me far too well.
Kate still looks shocked. I’m not surprised, it’s shocking. ‘So if you knew all along, then why didn’t you take him to task on it?’
‘He would never have admitted it, Kate. He’s a madcap.’ I claim, thinking it’s probably me who’s the insane one—insane for being so damn stupid.
‘But only with you.’ Kate says.
‘Yes, only with me.’ I take a sip of my tea. She’s watching me, but not expressing her thoughts. She must have some.
‘Why would you ignore it?’ she asks.
I was dreading that question, but completely expecting it, and I’m wondering the same thing myself. ‘I have no idea.’ I feel so frustrated. I have no decent excuse.
Kate shakes her head, making me feel smaller. ‘I don’t understand you, and I certainly don’t understand him.’
‘He was as scared I’d run away.’ I mumble quietly. What’s my excuse for being so dim?
‘You’ve married him!’ She laughs. ‘Fuck me, Ava. What is wrong with that man? Hey, I know he’s a bit crazy but –’
‘A bit?’ I scoff.
‘Yeah, okay, understatement of the fucking century, but his way with you has always been so endearing to me. How much he loves you, frets, and protects you. We all know his behaviour is way past unreasonable, but it’s common knowledge that he’s never cared before. But stealing your pills? I didn’t think that man could shock me, but he’s outdone himself this time.’
‘He has,’ I muse, swirling my tea in slow, careful circling motions.
‘So if you knew, and he knew you knew, then why the big bust up now?’
‘He may have succeeded in his attempts.’
Kate chokes on her tea. ‘You’re pregnant?’ she coughs.
The words spike the dormant lump in my throat to swell, and before I can even think about controlling them, tears start streaming down my cheeks. I drop my tea to the table and cover my face with my palms… and I sob.
‘Oh, fuck! Oh shit!’ Kate’s chair scrapes across the kitchen floor and the next thing I know, she’s standing behind me with her arms wrapped around my shoulders. She actually hushes me quietly in my ear, like I’m a child who’s just fell and grazed their knee. I feel so stupid all of a sudden. Really, really stupid. Stupid for ignoring my suspicions for so long, stupid for not allowing the pieces to click sooner, and stupid for letting Jesse distract me from the enormity of his actions.
