This Regret
Page 112
She gives me a frustrated look before squeezing my hand. "Call me as soon as you find out what's going on. Please. I need to know he's okay."
Looking her in the eyes, I get this sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. I hate to f**king leave her, but I have to. Kade! My little shit brother. Why would he do it? Is it because of Phoenix? The thought makes me sick, but he's had a thing for her since they were just kids. Love can make people do stupid things. I know that now. She doesn't want him so I've never felt bad. I never want to give her up, but if it means losing my brother's life, I'll have no choice. I've lost one brother, I will not lose two.
I kiss her one last time, my lips desperately taking her in while I can. I have to be prepared for whatever it is I'll find in that hospital bed.
"I'll call soon. I promise." I pull away and look her in the eyes. "I love you. You know that, right?"
Her face scrunches up and she almost looks as if she's about to cry. "Yeah, I love you too, but you're scaring me." She squeezes my arm. "I never want to lose you; ever."
I force a smile. "I know, baby. Neither do I. We'll talk soon."
I walk away, leaving her behind. Shit! Mother f**king f**k! This is not what I expected. This is beyond f**ked up. My little brother better be okay. I can't lose him too. I can't go through this shit again.
On the way to the hospital, I'm so panicked I end up running a couple of red lights, not able to think straight. Luckily, there were no cars when I did. After what happened the last time I was put in this situation, you would think I'd learned my lesson and just run my ass there. Clearly, I'm a dumbass when I'm put under pressure.
Pushing my way through the doors, I run up to the first counter I see, yelling Kade's name. "Kade Haze! Where is he?"
The lady behind the desk smiles at me as if everything is all fine and f**king dandy. Do I look like everything is fine and dandy? "Well!"
After a few seconds she finally nods her head and points around the corner, still calm as shit. This damn woman. "Room 112."
I take off running, almost knocking a nurse down in the process. My eyes scan the numbers on the doors, until finally, I'm standing right outside his door. My heart is pounding so fast I can barely breathe.
Pushing the door open, I step inside to see Kade clothed in a gown hooked up to some IVs. Dark circles sit around his eyes and his skin looks unusually pale while his hair is a crazy mess.
Upon noticing my sudden appearance, his eyes open wide before closing again. Pushing his head into his pillow, he slams it over and over then he growls under his breath, while trying to keep his eyes open. "Oh f**k! You played right into the f**king trap."
What is he talking about? He's obviously in better condition than what I first expected. Still, that doesn't tell me why he did it or if he'll try it again.
I rush to his bedside and look down at him, wanting to kick his ass but protect him at the same time. "Shit, Kade. What were you thinking?" I pull the chair behind me closer to the bed and take a seat as close to him as I can. If he had enough strength, he'd maybe punch me, but I don't give a shit. "Don't you ever do that to me again. I thought you were f**king dead."
A tear slides down my cheek as I take in his features; him lying there looking helpless. He still reminds me of that little boy I left behind; just a little bit older. Seeing the old Kade there breaks me apart, making me realize I hurt more than I thought. Shit, I love my family. How have I lived eight years without them?
I'm looking at him waiting on an answer, but he still seems pretty weak. My guess, he's been in here since late last night. Just enough time to start getting his strength back. "I'm sorry, bro. I'm sorry for everything I put you through. If there's anything I can do to make up for it and get you to promise to never do this shit again, I will do it; no questions asked." My heart breaks as I speak, because I know there's a possibility I might have to give the love of my life up. I don't know if I can do it and go on living.
"You're so much better than this. Fuck, man. Everyone loves you. There can't be anything bad enough that you can't get through it; you know this. You have mom, dad, Phoenix . . . me. I know I haven't been here and that I've been a shitty brother, but that's going to change."
His eyes open again and he takes a few deep breaths before attempting to speak again. "How the hell did you find out?" He stops to catch his strength. "I told them not to tell anyone I was here. You have to leave. You're not listening to me; it's a trap." He shakes his head, angry at something.
"I'm not going anywhere. Are you shitting me? Look at you. I can't let this happen again. I'm here to stay." I reach for his arm and squeeze it. "You can't make me walk away again."
He snatches his arm away. Well the best he can, and shakes his head again. "Dammit! I didn't put myself here, Kellan. Would you listen to me? It's Phoenix . . ." He shifts in the bed trying to get comfortable. "You have to f**king go. This was all a damn distraction for them to get you away from Phoenix. I tried to keep this from you so you wouldn't come here. They knew you wouldn't leave her willingly, so they had to come up with another plan to get to her."
My head is spinning so fast¸ I feel like f**king hurling. What the shit did he just say? "What!" I stand up and roar, fists clenched at my side. "What does that mean?" I yell angrily and I can feel my nostrils flare.
He looks up, his expression mirroring mine. "I know everything now. I saw Echo. I know their plan. They know you're back and instead of going after you, they are cutting you off at the heart by taking Phoenix. Now get the hell out of here and get back to Phoenix before they get there first. He has people watching her. They forced those pills down my throat knowing you'd come for me. Go!" He begins pulling at his hair in a panic.
"Fuck!" My legs move as fast as they can towards the door. As my hand grips the door Kade calls out my name.
I turn around. “What?”
“I'm sorry about what happened with Adric. I never meant for him to get hurt. I didn't know he was that bad off. It was easy money and I didn't think about the consequences. Will you not tell Phoenix? I'd rather her hear it from me. I don't want her to hate me. I can't live with that.” He seems sincere.
Looking her in the eyes, I get this sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. I hate to f**king leave her, but I have to. Kade! My little shit brother. Why would he do it? Is it because of Phoenix? The thought makes me sick, but he's had a thing for her since they were just kids. Love can make people do stupid things. I know that now. She doesn't want him so I've never felt bad. I never want to give her up, but if it means losing my brother's life, I'll have no choice. I've lost one brother, I will not lose two.
I kiss her one last time, my lips desperately taking her in while I can. I have to be prepared for whatever it is I'll find in that hospital bed.
"I'll call soon. I promise." I pull away and look her in the eyes. "I love you. You know that, right?"
Her face scrunches up and she almost looks as if she's about to cry. "Yeah, I love you too, but you're scaring me." She squeezes my arm. "I never want to lose you; ever."
I force a smile. "I know, baby. Neither do I. We'll talk soon."
I walk away, leaving her behind. Shit! Mother f**king f**k! This is not what I expected. This is beyond f**ked up. My little brother better be okay. I can't lose him too. I can't go through this shit again.
On the way to the hospital, I'm so panicked I end up running a couple of red lights, not able to think straight. Luckily, there were no cars when I did. After what happened the last time I was put in this situation, you would think I'd learned my lesson and just run my ass there. Clearly, I'm a dumbass when I'm put under pressure.
Pushing my way through the doors, I run up to the first counter I see, yelling Kade's name. "Kade Haze! Where is he?"
The lady behind the desk smiles at me as if everything is all fine and f**king dandy. Do I look like everything is fine and dandy? "Well!"
After a few seconds she finally nods her head and points around the corner, still calm as shit. This damn woman. "Room 112."
I take off running, almost knocking a nurse down in the process. My eyes scan the numbers on the doors, until finally, I'm standing right outside his door. My heart is pounding so fast I can barely breathe.
Pushing the door open, I step inside to see Kade clothed in a gown hooked up to some IVs. Dark circles sit around his eyes and his skin looks unusually pale while his hair is a crazy mess.
Upon noticing my sudden appearance, his eyes open wide before closing again. Pushing his head into his pillow, he slams it over and over then he growls under his breath, while trying to keep his eyes open. "Oh f**k! You played right into the f**king trap."
What is he talking about? He's obviously in better condition than what I first expected. Still, that doesn't tell me why he did it or if he'll try it again.
I rush to his bedside and look down at him, wanting to kick his ass but protect him at the same time. "Shit, Kade. What were you thinking?" I pull the chair behind me closer to the bed and take a seat as close to him as I can. If he had enough strength, he'd maybe punch me, but I don't give a shit. "Don't you ever do that to me again. I thought you were f**king dead."
A tear slides down my cheek as I take in his features; him lying there looking helpless. He still reminds me of that little boy I left behind; just a little bit older. Seeing the old Kade there breaks me apart, making me realize I hurt more than I thought. Shit, I love my family. How have I lived eight years without them?
I'm looking at him waiting on an answer, but he still seems pretty weak. My guess, he's been in here since late last night. Just enough time to start getting his strength back. "I'm sorry, bro. I'm sorry for everything I put you through. If there's anything I can do to make up for it and get you to promise to never do this shit again, I will do it; no questions asked." My heart breaks as I speak, because I know there's a possibility I might have to give the love of my life up. I don't know if I can do it and go on living.
"You're so much better than this. Fuck, man. Everyone loves you. There can't be anything bad enough that you can't get through it; you know this. You have mom, dad, Phoenix . . . me. I know I haven't been here and that I've been a shitty brother, but that's going to change."
His eyes open again and he takes a few deep breaths before attempting to speak again. "How the hell did you find out?" He stops to catch his strength. "I told them not to tell anyone I was here. You have to leave. You're not listening to me; it's a trap." He shakes his head, angry at something.
"I'm not going anywhere. Are you shitting me? Look at you. I can't let this happen again. I'm here to stay." I reach for his arm and squeeze it. "You can't make me walk away again."
He snatches his arm away. Well the best he can, and shakes his head again. "Dammit! I didn't put myself here, Kellan. Would you listen to me? It's Phoenix . . ." He shifts in the bed trying to get comfortable. "You have to f**king go. This was all a damn distraction for them to get you away from Phoenix. I tried to keep this from you so you wouldn't come here. They knew you wouldn't leave her willingly, so they had to come up with another plan to get to her."
My head is spinning so fast¸ I feel like f**king hurling. What the shit did he just say? "What!" I stand up and roar, fists clenched at my side. "What does that mean?" I yell angrily and I can feel my nostrils flare.
He looks up, his expression mirroring mine. "I know everything now. I saw Echo. I know their plan. They know you're back and instead of going after you, they are cutting you off at the heart by taking Phoenix. Now get the hell out of here and get back to Phoenix before they get there first. He has people watching her. They forced those pills down my throat knowing you'd come for me. Go!" He begins pulling at his hair in a panic.
"Fuck!" My legs move as fast as they can towards the door. As my hand grips the door Kade calls out my name.
I turn around. “What?”
“I'm sorry about what happened with Adric. I never meant for him to get hurt. I didn't know he was that bad off. It was easy money and I didn't think about the consequences. Will you not tell Phoenix? I'd rather her hear it from me. I don't want her to hate me. I can't live with that.” He seems sincere.
