This Regret
Page 13
My heart stops at the mention of Adric and Zoe and I have to fight with everything in me to keep from losing my head. This woman is pushing my buttons right now and as much as I want to strangle her, someone has to be an example for poor Zoe and it definitely won’t be either of them.
“How dare you!” My mother stands up and gets in my grandmother’s face. “Don’t you ever speak of my children that way again, you old bitch.”
Zoe jumps up from her chair and throws her plate of spaghetti across the room before gripping the edge of the table, her nails digging into the wood. “Ugh!”
My mother jumps as the plate shatters against the wall behind her and it looks as if she’s about to scream, but doesn’t. She just closes her eyes and flinches.
“I hate you, Claire. You’re just a drunk old woman that no one likes. You’re the worst grandmother ever and-“
“Zoe!” My mother screams while pounding her fist against the table. “Shut up and sit down.”
Throwing my hands up, I shout loud enough to get everyone’s attention. “You all just shut up!” I take a deep breath and attempt to keep my composure. It sure as hell sucks trying to be the big one all of the time. I’m sick of it. These people drive me insane.
“No!” Zoe screams. “I will not shut up.” She starts crying, while gripping the table tighter. “The only time you jerks want to mention my brother is in hatred. I don’t even know anything about him, but I do know one thing, right?” Her eyes are bulging out and her red curls are matted to her pale face. “He was a drug addict and I can see why. You people are unbearable to even be around and you make me wish I was dead.”
She turns around to leave and I reach out and try to catch her arm. “Zoe.”
It’s no use, though. She storms away from the table and yanks the sliding door open, slamming her fist into it before closing it with so much force both my grandmother and mother jump.
I can’t believe this is even happening right now. Our family has always been a bit dysfunctional, but this is just crazy, even for them.
Looking around the kitchen table, I can’t help but to feel this heaviness in my chest at my grandmother’s words and suddenly, I don’t care if I snap out. How dare she talk that way about Adric and Zoe? Adric, my dead brother that I didn’t even get to say bye to. Screw that shit. I could kick this woman’s ass right now. She can say whatever she wants about me, but not them. I will not allow it.
I turn my eyes to meet my grandmother’s. Her eyes almost look regretful, but that would be too much emotion to expect from that vile woman.
“Don’t you ever say anything bad about Zoe or Adric again.” I push my chair out of the way and get in her face. “You have no right to say what you did. If you have anything bad to say, then say it about me and me only,” I say, jabbing a finger in my chest. “How can you even speak about Adric that way? You evil-“
“Phoenix,” my mother calls out. “Let’s just calm down.”
I shake my head and back away before I can really lose control and hurt someone. “I really don’t want to hear anything that either one of you have to say. I have to go find Zoe now and pick up the pieces you two shattered.”
I walk around the side of the house to find Zoe sitting on the ground with her knees to her chest and her back pressed against the side of the garage. From the looks of the half-smoked cigarette dangling between her lips, she doesn’t even notice me walking her way.
The wet grass tickles my toes as I approach her and the sky is filled with clouds, looking as if it’s about to rain again. Perfect weather for a crappy moment like this.
“Zoe.”
The cigarette falls to the ground by her feet as she looks up at me, her face moist with fresh tears. As much as I’d like to yell at her for having a cigarette, I can’t. Not after looking into those broken eyes full of pain. It hurts my heart.
“What do you want? Can’t you see I’m out here being stupid? You know like everyone thinks that I am,” she mumbles.
I crouch down in front of her and pull her in for a hug, but she pushes me away. “Zoe, stop it.” I pull her in again and this time I am successful enough to at least wrap my arms around her, with her arms pinned in between us. “That’s not true, Zoe. No one thinks you’re stupid.” I run my hand over the back of her curls as she leans into my shoulder. “You’re a hell of a lot smarter than me when it comes to certain things. Don’t listen to her. Don’t let her win, Zoe. She doesn’t know shit about you.”
She falls farther into me, finally giving in, as a sob escapes her throat. When is does, it is filled with so much pain that I can almost feel my heart shattering into a million pieces. I hate seeing her this way. If Adric were here, then he could fix this. Just as he always did for me. He’s not, so I have to do my best, even if it’s not enough.
“It’s so hard for me. I don’t know if I can do it anymore,” she whispers in a raspy voice. “I just want to run away from everyone and everything. You have no idea how it feels. Why did I get stuck with this family?”
Tears sting my eyelids as I pull her tighter against my chest and run my hands through her hair. “I do,” I whisper, holding back the tears. “More than you will ever know, Zoe.”
“Then how did you do it?” She pulls away, resting her head against the garage, while running her fingers through the wet grass. “How did you deal with being around our family after . . . you know, Adric?” She swallows hard while wiping at her face.
My eyes are burning, my throat is dry, and now I’m the one that feels like running. I can’t talk about that. I just can’t.
Losing Adric was the worst moment of my entire life and there will never be any words to describe the pain that I felt and still do. Not only was he my brother, but he was my best friend, my protector and the person I knew would always be there for me. He did everything for me. When I was scared, he was the one that crawled into my bed until I fell asleep. When I fell off my bike, he was the one that made me laugh and forget everything. When I got my first heartbreak, he was the one telling me I was too good for that loser. It was always him.
With only being fifteen, getting over his death and the feeling of abandonment was a tough struggle. I felt as if the whole world was falling in on me and everyday was a fight to keep breathing. It crushed my world.
“How dare you!” My mother stands up and gets in my grandmother’s face. “Don’t you ever speak of my children that way again, you old bitch.”
Zoe jumps up from her chair and throws her plate of spaghetti across the room before gripping the edge of the table, her nails digging into the wood. “Ugh!”
My mother jumps as the plate shatters against the wall behind her and it looks as if she’s about to scream, but doesn’t. She just closes her eyes and flinches.
“I hate you, Claire. You’re just a drunk old woman that no one likes. You’re the worst grandmother ever and-“
“Zoe!” My mother screams while pounding her fist against the table. “Shut up and sit down.”
Throwing my hands up, I shout loud enough to get everyone’s attention. “You all just shut up!” I take a deep breath and attempt to keep my composure. It sure as hell sucks trying to be the big one all of the time. I’m sick of it. These people drive me insane.
“No!” Zoe screams. “I will not shut up.” She starts crying, while gripping the table tighter. “The only time you jerks want to mention my brother is in hatred. I don’t even know anything about him, but I do know one thing, right?” Her eyes are bulging out and her red curls are matted to her pale face. “He was a drug addict and I can see why. You people are unbearable to even be around and you make me wish I was dead.”
She turns around to leave and I reach out and try to catch her arm. “Zoe.”
It’s no use, though. She storms away from the table and yanks the sliding door open, slamming her fist into it before closing it with so much force both my grandmother and mother jump.
I can’t believe this is even happening right now. Our family has always been a bit dysfunctional, but this is just crazy, even for them.
Looking around the kitchen table, I can’t help but to feel this heaviness in my chest at my grandmother’s words and suddenly, I don’t care if I snap out. How dare she talk that way about Adric and Zoe? Adric, my dead brother that I didn’t even get to say bye to. Screw that shit. I could kick this woman’s ass right now. She can say whatever she wants about me, but not them. I will not allow it.
I turn my eyes to meet my grandmother’s. Her eyes almost look regretful, but that would be too much emotion to expect from that vile woman.
“Don’t you ever say anything bad about Zoe or Adric again.” I push my chair out of the way and get in her face. “You have no right to say what you did. If you have anything bad to say, then say it about me and me only,” I say, jabbing a finger in my chest. “How can you even speak about Adric that way? You evil-“
“Phoenix,” my mother calls out. “Let’s just calm down.”
I shake my head and back away before I can really lose control and hurt someone. “I really don’t want to hear anything that either one of you have to say. I have to go find Zoe now and pick up the pieces you two shattered.”
I walk around the side of the house to find Zoe sitting on the ground with her knees to her chest and her back pressed against the side of the garage. From the looks of the half-smoked cigarette dangling between her lips, she doesn’t even notice me walking her way.
The wet grass tickles my toes as I approach her and the sky is filled with clouds, looking as if it’s about to rain again. Perfect weather for a crappy moment like this.
“Zoe.”
The cigarette falls to the ground by her feet as she looks up at me, her face moist with fresh tears. As much as I’d like to yell at her for having a cigarette, I can’t. Not after looking into those broken eyes full of pain. It hurts my heart.
“What do you want? Can’t you see I’m out here being stupid? You know like everyone thinks that I am,” she mumbles.
I crouch down in front of her and pull her in for a hug, but she pushes me away. “Zoe, stop it.” I pull her in again and this time I am successful enough to at least wrap my arms around her, with her arms pinned in between us. “That’s not true, Zoe. No one thinks you’re stupid.” I run my hand over the back of her curls as she leans into my shoulder. “You’re a hell of a lot smarter than me when it comes to certain things. Don’t listen to her. Don’t let her win, Zoe. She doesn’t know shit about you.”
She falls farther into me, finally giving in, as a sob escapes her throat. When is does, it is filled with so much pain that I can almost feel my heart shattering into a million pieces. I hate seeing her this way. If Adric were here, then he could fix this. Just as he always did for me. He’s not, so I have to do my best, even if it’s not enough.
“It’s so hard for me. I don’t know if I can do it anymore,” she whispers in a raspy voice. “I just want to run away from everyone and everything. You have no idea how it feels. Why did I get stuck with this family?”
Tears sting my eyelids as I pull her tighter against my chest and run my hands through her hair. “I do,” I whisper, holding back the tears. “More than you will ever know, Zoe.”
“Then how did you do it?” She pulls away, resting her head against the garage, while running her fingers through the wet grass. “How did you deal with being around our family after . . . you know, Adric?” She swallows hard while wiping at her face.
My eyes are burning, my throat is dry, and now I’m the one that feels like running. I can’t talk about that. I just can’t.
Losing Adric was the worst moment of my entire life and there will never be any words to describe the pain that I felt and still do. Not only was he my brother, but he was my best friend, my protector and the person I knew would always be there for me. He did everything for me. When I was scared, he was the one that crawled into my bed until I fell asleep. When I fell off my bike, he was the one that made me laugh and forget everything. When I got my first heartbreak, he was the one telling me I was too good for that loser. It was always him.
With only being fifteen, getting over his death and the feeling of abandonment was a tough struggle. I felt as if the whole world was falling in on me and everyday was a fight to keep breathing. It crushed my world.
