This Regret
Page 45
“Hey, girls. Hurry up. I’ve been waiting on you two.”
We both look over to see Luna step into the hallway with a smile. She’s decked out in an American flag mini dress, with blue stilettos. It looks as if she literally just wrapped a flag around her. Somehow, she even makes that look hot. Damn her! That lucky bitch.
“This moron with chewing tobacco shoved in his mouth, looking like a damn chipmunk won’t stop asking me on a date,” she complains. “I need your assistance.”
Jen must find this as her time to make an escape because she takes off, speed walking over to where Luna is. “That would be Travis. I would be glad to assist you.” She looks back at me and exhales. “I’ll be in here with Luna. She needs me. We all know how persistent Travis is. I might just have to knee him in the balls again. How can I resist that?”
Luna may be new to town, but she is pretty damn good at making friends and drawing people in. That girl has mad skills. Not that she needs them to draw Travis’ attention.
“We’ll continue our talk later,” I warn Jen. “It’s not over yet.”
“Sure sweetie,” she mutters. “We do have a lot to discuss.” She smirks as I join them. “Let’s just have fun for now. I’m starving.”
By things to discuss, I know she means the boys and me so I just let it go for now. We’ll have our time later and I will get it out of her.
I spend the first hour, making small chat with friends and family, everyone seeming to be in complete shock that I decided to make an appearance at the party. I don’t blame them. I’m surprised myself, so I can only imagine how they feel.
I make it a point to speak to Nancy, to show her I kept my word and showed up. When I find her alone, I approach her. “Hi, Nancy. Thanks for having me. Everything is great. I love the band.” It's a band of some kids around town just out of high school. They've played at the bar a few times.
“It’s so nice of you to show up.” She wraps her arms around me, squeezing me in a hug. “Just remember that you’re still welcome here as often as you like. Some things have changed.” She looks sad now as she squeezes my shoulder and gives me a sympathetic smile. “Not all of them. You’re still like family to us.”
I nod and look into her blue eyes. They’re just like Kade’s and I remember them so well. This woman had always been like a second mom to me growing up, but over the last eight years, I have only seen her at gatherings and occasionally at the bar. Looking into them know, makes me feel horrible for shutting her out. It wasn’t intentional. “Thank you, Mrs. Haze. I’m glad to be here.”
From the smile that spreads across her face, I can tell I really did make her day just by showing up. Somehow, that makes me smile a real smile for the first time today. “You can still call me Nancy.” She laughs. “Mrs. makes me feel old. I have a lot of guest to tend to, but just know that I’m happy you can be a part of our party this year. I’ve missed you dear. Now go and have a good time.”
Watching her walk away, I get the feeling I’ve made myself present for as long as I needed to and maybe now is a safe time to escape. I don't think I can bring myself to see the fireworks. Jen has been busy keeping up with the kids and Kade seems to be keeping occupied with a group of older women that can’t seem to keep their hands to themselves. I’m kind of thankful for them keeping him busy. I really don’t know how to act around him right now.
I walk back inside, away from the party guests, into the huge hallway and press my back against the burgundy painted walls in relief. The loud chattering that once filled my ears dies down and my heart has finally slowed down enough for me to calm down. For a moment, I almost thought I was going to break down into some kind of anxiety attack in the presence of so many people, while waiting for the moment to speak with Nancy. Luckily, it came just in time.
Taking a deep breath, I push myself away from the wall and get ready to make my move towards the door, when out of nowhere, it swings open to none other than Kellan Haze.
He steps through the door, his eyes instantly landing on mine. They show no emotion as he closes the door behind him and shakes his hair out of his face. He looks a little stunned, but hides his emotions well.
My heart races against my chest as my eyes move from head to toe, taking in the perfection of all that is Kellan. He’s dressed in a black tank, revealing his sleeve tattoos, with a pair of dark denims that hang to his slender waistline, topped off with a studded belt. He’s even wearing his Converse shoes tonight and matched with his tattoos, that makes him even sexier. I should turn away, but I can’t. I’m drawn to him like a moth to a flame.
His full lips slightly part and his chest moves up and down as his eyes take in my body, demanding every bit of my attention as he makes his way towards the staircase, that leads up to his father’s office. His stare has me in some kind of daze, as if his eyes are telling me something he isn’t.
I stand there, breathing heavily, watching him as he makes his way up the stairs, his eyes still glued to mine. I’m not sure why, but my body finally moves, making its way to the stairs as he rounds the corner, leaving my body wanting more of him.
My fingers brush the polished wood of the railing, as I slowly make my way up to the top. The door to his father’s office is open and when I take the step that has me standing in the opening, I see Kellan standing with his back facing me. I can see the muscles in his back tense as he leans over the desk and grips the edge in his hands.
“Kellan.” I take a step inside and watch him, waiting for his next move. My heart is going crazy and my breathing is becoming uncontrollable. I have no idea why I followed him up here or if he even wanted me to. Maybe he wants to be alone.
He stands up straight and turns around to face me. “I’m surprised you’re here,” he says, breaking the silence. “I have spent the last two hours trying to decide if I should come here. I don’t want to be here, you know. I don’t want to celebrate this day, but . . .” he breathes heavily as he turns to face the window. Then as quickly as he turned away, he turns to face me again, making my heart stop. “I was hoping to get to see you.”
His words shock me and as he pulls his eyes down to meet mine, there’s a look in his eyes I’ve never seen before. It makes me wish I had a lifetime to stand here and figure it out, without him running away. “Don’t you think it’s time we both make a new memory for this day? Sometimes, if a good memory is almost as powerful as the bad, then it can ease the pain of the bad. That’s what I want to do with you. For you.”
We both look over to see Luna step into the hallway with a smile. She’s decked out in an American flag mini dress, with blue stilettos. It looks as if she literally just wrapped a flag around her. Somehow, she even makes that look hot. Damn her! That lucky bitch.
“This moron with chewing tobacco shoved in his mouth, looking like a damn chipmunk won’t stop asking me on a date,” she complains. “I need your assistance.”
Jen must find this as her time to make an escape because she takes off, speed walking over to where Luna is. “That would be Travis. I would be glad to assist you.” She looks back at me and exhales. “I’ll be in here with Luna. She needs me. We all know how persistent Travis is. I might just have to knee him in the balls again. How can I resist that?”
Luna may be new to town, but she is pretty damn good at making friends and drawing people in. That girl has mad skills. Not that she needs them to draw Travis’ attention.
“We’ll continue our talk later,” I warn Jen. “It’s not over yet.”
“Sure sweetie,” she mutters. “We do have a lot to discuss.” She smirks as I join them. “Let’s just have fun for now. I’m starving.”
By things to discuss, I know she means the boys and me so I just let it go for now. We’ll have our time later and I will get it out of her.
I spend the first hour, making small chat with friends and family, everyone seeming to be in complete shock that I decided to make an appearance at the party. I don’t blame them. I’m surprised myself, so I can only imagine how they feel.
I make it a point to speak to Nancy, to show her I kept my word and showed up. When I find her alone, I approach her. “Hi, Nancy. Thanks for having me. Everything is great. I love the band.” It's a band of some kids around town just out of high school. They've played at the bar a few times.
“It’s so nice of you to show up.” She wraps her arms around me, squeezing me in a hug. “Just remember that you’re still welcome here as often as you like. Some things have changed.” She looks sad now as she squeezes my shoulder and gives me a sympathetic smile. “Not all of them. You’re still like family to us.”
I nod and look into her blue eyes. They’re just like Kade’s and I remember them so well. This woman had always been like a second mom to me growing up, but over the last eight years, I have only seen her at gatherings and occasionally at the bar. Looking into them know, makes me feel horrible for shutting her out. It wasn’t intentional. “Thank you, Mrs. Haze. I’m glad to be here.”
From the smile that spreads across her face, I can tell I really did make her day just by showing up. Somehow, that makes me smile a real smile for the first time today. “You can still call me Nancy.” She laughs. “Mrs. makes me feel old. I have a lot of guest to tend to, but just know that I’m happy you can be a part of our party this year. I’ve missed you dear. Now go and have a good time.”
Watching her walk away, I get the feeling I’ve made myself present for as long as I needed to and maybe now is a safe time to escape. I don't think I can bring myself to see the fireworks. Jen has been busy keeping up with the kids and Kade seems to be keeping occupied with a group of older women that can’t seem to keep their hands to themselves. I’m kind of thankful for them keeping him busy. I really don’t know how to act around him right now.
I walk back inside, away from the party guests, into the huge hallway and press my back against the burgundy painted walls in relief. The loud chattering that once filled my ears dies down and my heart has finally slowed down enough for me to calm down. For a moment, I almost thought I was going to break down into some kind of anxiety attack in the presence of so many people, while waiting for the moment to speak with Nancy. Luckily, it came just in time.
Taking a deep breath, I push myself away from the wall and get ready to make my move towards the door, when out of nowhere, it swings open to none other than Kellan Haze.
He steps through the door, his eyes instantly landing on mine. They show no emotion as he closes the door behind him and shakes his hair out of his face. He looks a little stunned, but hides his emotions well.
My heart races against my chest as my eyes move from head to toe, taking in the perfection of all that is Kellan. He’s dressed in a black tank, revealing his sleeve tattoos, with a pair of dark denims that hang to his slender waistline, topped off with a studded belt. He’s even wearing his Converse shoes tonight and matched with his tattoos, that makes him even sexier. I should turn away, but I can’t. I’m drawn to him like a moth to a flame.
His full lips slightly part and his chest moves up and down as his eyes take in my body, demanding every bit of my attention as he makes his way towards the staircase, that leads up to his father’s office. His stare has me in some kind of daze, as if his eyes are telling me something he isn’t.
I stand there, breathing heavily, watching him as he makes his way up the stairs, his eyes still glued to mine. I’m not sure why, but my body finally moves, making its way to the stairs as he rounds the corner, leaving my body wanting more of him.
My fingers brush the polished wood of the railing, as I slowly make my way up to the top. The door to his father’s office is open and when I take the step that has me standing in the opening, I see Kellan standing with his back facing me. I can see the muscles in his back tense as he leans over the desk and grips the edge in his hands.
“Kellan.” I take a step inside and watch him, waiting for his next move. My heart is going crazy and my breathing is becoming uncontrollable. I have no idea why I followed him up here or if he even wanted me to. Maybe he wants to be alone.
He stands up straight and turns around to face me. “I’m surprised you’re here,” he says, breaking the silence. “I have spent the last two hours trying to decide if I should come here. I don’t want to be here, you know. I don’t want to celebrate this day, but . . .” he breathes heavily as he turns to face the window. Then as quickly as he turned away, he turns to face me again, making my heart stop. “I was hoping to get to see you.”
His words shock me and as he pulls his eyes down to meet mine, there’s a look in his eyes I’ve never seen before. It makes me wish I had a lifetime to stand here and figure it out, without him running away. “Don’t you think it’s time we both make a new memory for this day? Sometimes, if a good memory is almost as powerful as the bad, then it can ease the pain of the bad. That’s what I want to do with you. For you.”
