This Same Earth
Page 23
You know my friends Carwyn and Gio? They’re vampires who drink blood and manipulate elements. Oh, and your accident was probably caused by a bad vampire who once kidnapped me because he’s trying to get to my father…who’s a vampire, too. But don’t worry, the good vampires rescued me. Then I stole a whole bunch of money from the bad guy, which is why he’s now trying to kill you.
And Gio says he’s in love with me.
“Nothing’s going on. I told you, you just gave me a scare. It’s fine. We’re fine. Nothing is going on.”
She sat up and saw a bitter smile curling his lips. “You’re a bad liar, you know that?”
Beatrice wanted to protest, to defend herself, but she couldn’t think of anything that wouldn’t be another lie, so she simply leaned forward, holding him closer and listening to the steady beat of his heart. Mano gently stroked her dark hair, and she felt his chest rise as he sighed.
“Lately, baby, I feel like being with you is like watching the tide go out.”
“What?” She cleared her throat. “What are you talking about?”
“You don’t notice the ebb at first, you’re still listening to those waves go back and forth. They keep coming in, but…never quite as high as the last one.”
“Mano—”
“And you know there’s nothing you can do.” He kept running his hands through her hair in long, soothing strokes. “You could try to hold on, to chase the waves, but the water’s still going to slip away.”
Beatrice bit her lip and felt tears slip come to her eyes as a portion of her heart began to crumble. “I don’t...I don’t—”
“I’d say it was this guy, but I think the tide started going out months ago. Otherwise, we’d be living together now, you know?” She heard him choke a little. “And I wouldn’t be worried about your answer when I asked you to marry me.”
She shook her head, still wishing she could deny the words coming out of his mouth as she turned her face and stained his shirt with her tears. Mano placed a warm hand on her cheek.
“I feel like you’re on this wave, baby. And you’re slipping away from me a little more every day. Slipping away somewhere you don’t want me to go. Someplace I just—I can’t quite see.” He leaned down and whispered in her ear. “I want to catch you, but I don’t think you want to be caught.”
Beatrice cried, and her mind screamed, ‘No,’ but she couldn’t form the words.
“And I’ve been chasing the waves, thinking if I could just catch you, I could hold you back, and maybe you’d finally love me the way I love you.”
She curled her fingers in his shirt. “I do love you, Mano,” she whispered, wishing desperately that it was enough.
“But not—not the way you love him.” He cleared his throat. “I wish it wasn’t the truth, but it is.”
He tilted her chin up and wiped her cheeks with the sleeve of his shirt, but Beatrice couldn’t stop crying.
“Mano,” she choked out, reaching up to touch his face with shaking hands. He stared at her with sad eyes.
“There’s this huge thing you two hold between each other. I don’t think you even realize how much I can see it. It’s like all the dark places in you, the ones you never let me into, are open to him. And I’d chase away the dark for you—I’ve been trying for years—but I don’t think you really want me to.”
He cupped her cheeks with his warm, callused hands and pulled her tear stained face to his so he could lay a soft kiss on her mouth.
“I love you so much,” Beatrice said as her tears rolled into his hands.
“But it’s not enough, is it?”
She met his dark eyes and whispered in surrender, “No.”
His face fell in pain, and his grip tightened on her jaw for only a second before his hands went lax and his arms fell to the side.
“You need to go now, B.”
She choked on her tears but managed to nod as she climbed off his lap. Beatrice silently gathered the few things she kept at Mano’s apartment and walked back to him. She leaned down to kiss his cheek but he turned away from her.
“Please, don’t.”
“Okay,” she whispered. “Okay.”
She was shaking by the time she made it to the door, and she heard his low voice for the last time. “Don’t disappear completely. I want to know you’re okay.”
“Bye, Mano,” Beatrice whispered before she opened the door, stumbling down the stairs as the tears ran down her face and the sun blinded her. She walked to the shade of the small carport and pulled out her phone to dial with trembling hands.
“Dez? Can you come get me?” She paused to wipe her eyes with her sleeve. “I think I need to stay with you for a while.”
Beatrice stayed in Dez’s guest room for three nights, ignoring the calls Giovanni made to her mobile phone and crying more than she had since her father died. Giovanni came to Dez’s door every night, but she always sent him away.
She cried for days.
She cried for the guilt of not being able to love Mano the way he deserved. She cried for the lies she had told him and herself for so many years. And she cried because she already missed him.
She didn’t allow herself to think about her argument with Giovanni the night of the “accident” or the stunning emotional revelations he had made. It was too much, and her heart, along with her head, felt like it would burst.
And Gio says he’s in love with me.
“Nothing’s going on. I told you, you just gave me a scare. It’s fine. We’re fine. Nothing is going on.”
She sat up and saw a bitter smile curling his lips. “You’re a bad liar, you know that?”
Beatrice wanted to protest, to defend herself, but she couldn’t think of anything that wouldn’t be another lie, so she simply leaned forward, holding him closer and listening to the steady beat of his heart. Mano gently stroked her dark hair, and she felt his chest rise as he sighed.
“Lately, baby, I feel like being with you is like watching the tide go out.”
“What?” She cleared her throat. “What are you talking about?”
“You don’t notice the ebb at first, you’re still listening to those waves go back and forth. They keep coming in, but…never quite as high as the last one.”
“Mano—”
“And you know there’s nothing you can do.” He kept running his hands through her hair in long, soothing strokes. “You could try to hold on, to chase the waves, but the water’s still going to slip away.”
Beatrice bit her lip and felt tears slip come to her eyes as a portion of her heart began to crumble. “I don’t...I don’t—”
“I’d say it was this guy, but I think the tide started going out months ago. Otherwise, we’d be living together now, you know?” She heard him choke a little. “And I wouldn’t be worried about your answer when I asked you to marry me.”
She shook her head, still wishing she could deny the words coming out of his mouth as she turned her face and stained his shirt with her tears. Mano placed a warm hand on her cheek.
“I feel like you’re on this wave, baby. And you’re slipping away from me a little more every day. Slipping away somewhere you don’t want me to go. Someplace I just—I can’t quite see.” He leaned down and whispered in her ear. “I want to catch you, but I don’t think you want to be caught.”
Beatrice cried, and her mind screamed, ‘No,’ but she couldn’t form the words.
“And I’ve been chasing the waves, thinking if I could just catch you, I could hold you back, and maybe you’d finally love me the way I love you.”
She curled her fingers in his shirt. “I do love you, Mano,” she whispered, wishing desperately that it was enough.
“But not—not the way you love him.” He cleared his throat. “I wish it wasn’t the truth, but it is.”
He tilted her chin up and wiped her cheeks with the sleeve of his shirt, but Beatrice couldn’t stop crying.
“Mano,” she choked out, reaching up to touch his face with shaking hands. He stared at her with sad eyes.
“There’s this huge thing you two hold between each other. I don’t think you even realize how much I can see it. It’s like all the dark places in you, the ones you never let me into, are open to him. And I’d chase away the dark for you—I’ve been trying for years—but I don’t think you really want me to.”
He cupped her cheeks with his warm, callused hands and pulled her tear stained face to his so he could lay a soft kiss on her mouth.
“I love you so much,” Beatrice said as her tears rolled into his hands.
“But it’s not enough, is it?”
She met his dark eyes and whispered in surrender, “No.”
His face fell in pain, and his grip tightened on her jaw for only a second before his hands went lax and his arms fell to the side.
“You need to go now, B.”
She choked on her tears but managed to nod as she climbed off his lap. Beatrice silently gathered the few things she kept at Mano’s apartment and walked back to him. She leaned down to kiss his cheek but he turned away from her.
“Please, don’t.”
“Okay,” she whispered. “Okay.”
She was shaking by the time she made it to the door, and she heard his low voice for the last time. “Don’t disappear completely. I want to know you’re okay.”
“Bye, Mano,” Beatrice whispered before she opened the door, stumbling down the stairs as the tears ran down her face and the sun blinded her. She walked to the shade of the small carport and pulled out her phone to dial with trembling hands.
“Dez? Can you come get me?” She paused to wipe her eyes with her sleeve. “I think I need to stay with you for a while.”
Beatrice stayed in Dez’s guest room for three nights, ignoring the calls Giovanni made to her mobile phone and crying more than she had since her father died. Giovanni came to Dez’s door every night, but she always sent him away.
She cried for days.
She cried for the guilt of not being able to love Mano the way he deserved. She cried for the lies she had told him and herself for so many years. And she cried because she already missed him.
She didn’t allow herself to think about her argument with Giovanni the night of the “accident” or the stunning emotional revelations he had made. It was too much, and her heart, along with her head, felt like it would burst.
