Thomas & January

Page 18

“You’re pulling my leg!”
“No, I’m definitely not.” My hands would tremble anywhere near her legs.
“That’s amazing! Why’d we even bother at Ronnie Scott’s?”
“Ah, that reason is twofold. You see, Jonah needed to know we were here and that we were only attending The Mark’s performance to appease the label and that we had better things hidden up our sleeves.”
“That’s three reasons.”
“No, I lumped the last two in as one.”
“Oh, I see. Well, lead the way, my diabolical master.”
“This way,” I told her. “Next week’s lesson? How to execute a fiendish cackle while drumming the fingers.”
“Will I need any supplies for the lesson?”
“No, just be sure to rest your voice the night before.”
“Done.”
The Garage was packed beyond belief and I wondered if Jonah was going to show up after all, seeming as it must have been advertised well or perhaps it was word of mouth. I was hoping the latter.
Performances:
Georgia Asher - Unique in her songs and performance. Highly entertaining.
Influences: Janelle Monae, Fun.
My take: Great musician, contract immediately.
 January’s take: “Awesome musician, contract immediately.”
One Lump Or Two - No Doubt rip off. Great live performance.
My take: No way.
January’s take: “Sorry, two thumbs down.”
Compass - Strange instrumentals. Live performance lacking.
My take: Could be good if they added a few more traditional pieces.
January’s take: “No way, Jose.”
Let Them Eat Cake - Female vocalist. An actual decent female vocalist. Possibility of going commercial.
My take: Yeah, they could clean up their sound and go commercial, but they’re so damn good why bother? Suppose we should let them decide.
January’s take. “Tom, if you have Jason offer it to them, let them know they probably won’t sound the same. Plus, there’s no guarantee they’ll be accepted commercially still.”
“If they went commercial, January, they would be accepted and well.”
“I disagree.”
“I know a little of what I’m talking about. They’d be a massive hit.”
“You’re going to poison the one thing that gives them their edge, though.”
“I’m not so sure. I think it can transcend. Only time will tell.”
“Fine. Call Jason. Ruin them,” she joked with a smile.
“Do you even remember who signs your paychecks?” I teased.
“Shit. I forgot that for a second. Yes, call Jason but let him know that he needs to replace their keyboardist.”
“Really?” I asked her. “Why?”
“Because he’s terrible,” she said, laughing.
“Egad. I couldn’t tell from their set. Well, I suppose that instrument is your forte. You would know.”
“Thomas Eriksson is conceding a point? Just a moment.” She picked up an imaginary cell. “Yes. Oh, it has? Well then, I see.” She hung up. “It’s official, hell’s frozen over.”
“What are you talking about? I’m a reasonable person,” I told her as we headed toward the Tube.
“Oh, yes, extremely reasonable. You forget you treated me like crap the first time we met,” she admitted, the teasing leaving her tone.
“That’s not fair, January. I apologized for that already.”
“Sure,” she smirked disbelievingly with a twist at her lips.
“Hey,” I said softly, turning her toward me. “I don’t think you understand what was going on with me.”
“I knew what happened. I’m just saying I find it utter bull that you used that as an excuse to shit on everyone around you.”
“January, I don’t think you understand what you do to me.”
“Explain it.”
“Let’s get to the hotel first. It’s cold and late and I want you safe.”
We traveled in silence, all the way to our hotel, I still wrapped my arm around her shoulder and she didn’t shrug it off which made me think she just wanted to work through what was going on. I understood it. I was a confusing bastard. One minute, I was a complete asshole, the next I was practically confessing an undying infatuation. Emotional whiplash.
The ride up the elevator stirred the heat I’d let go dormant. The memory of how her soft flesh felt pressed to mine sent waves of pleasure up my spine. I glanced her direction and her eyes were as dark as mine with the same recollection.
“No,” I laughed. “Don’t look at me like that, January. This is hard enough without you looking like a bowl of ice cream.”
“I’ve a spoon, Tom.”
“Shut up. Seriously, I’m not joking. I need to get this off my chest. I need parameters.”
“Parameters? Attraction doesn’t have parameters.”
“No, attraction doesn’t but potential does.”
That shut her right up and I nearly laughed at her wide-eyed expression. I let us into the room and we kind of roamed around, pretending to do things, avoiding the inevitable conversation. Finally, I sat on the side of one of the beds and slid to the carpet below. She followed suit and sat opposite me on the floor, our legs touching. I fiddled with the zipper of my hoodie, afraid to look her way. Jeez, dude, grow a pair and talk to her.
“January,” I began, looking directly in her eyes. “I’ve never regretted anything so much as the way I treated you the night we first kissed.” She was smiling at first but sucked in a breath at my proclamation. “I was, is, really, in a strange place. My chest ached perpetually and I unfairly and immaturely took that out on everyone I met, especially you.
“When we met, I was six months into a self-inflicted prison sentence.”
“What happened?” she asked timidly.
I breathed deeply, leaning my head on the side of the bed. “There was a girl. Kelly. She’d been a part of our group for years and years. We were best friends but I never looked at her that way. I mean, sure, she was hot as hell, but Kelly wasn’t someone I wanted to touch. She was Kelly. Get me?” I asked her.
She nodded gingerly.
“I was in a band and that meant all that it implies. I dated hundreds of girls. Kissed thousands. Did...other things.” I ran my hands over my face at the confession. “I’m not proud of who I was. I was young and stupid.” I peered her direction, her face held only anticipation. “Not exactly the best excuse, I know, but I thought I was doing everything right, getting tested regularly, being careful, blah, blah, blah, but a year and a half ago, I couldn’t pretend anymore that it was at all fulfilling.” I ran my hand through my hair, tucking the strands behind my ears. “I was disgusted with myself, to be honest. I’d seen everything that world could offer and I was only twenty-two. Suddenly, it was like a switch flipped and I saw Kelly for the real woman she was and my God was I ever in love with her.”
January’s chest panted, her face flushed and her eyes glassed, making me feel terrible. I didn’t want to make her uncomfortable, but she needed to know why I was the way I’d become...I wasn’t finished.
“Wait, January,” I told her, grabbing her hand.
“I’m listening,” she choked.
“But I was too late. She met and became engaged to someone else.”
“Oh dear,” January said, confusing me. I squeezed her hand to let me finish.
“And I hated every fiber of his being. He was wealthy, connected, educated, and, unfortunately, sincerely in love with her in return. It ate at me. At first, I’d indulged in women but that proved useless. My ache only got deeper. I was thoroughly ashamed of myself because I’d begun to subtly infiltrate their relationship, demanding she see films and go to restaurants with me. I figured, hell, she wasn’t married yet, she was fair game, but even I knew how wrong that was. It was all under the pretense of friendship. I was being dishonest with her.
“When her fiancé called our little meetings off for us, that’s when I fled to Austin.”
“And that’s where you met me.”
“That’s when I met you.”
“I see now,” she said sadly.
“No, you don’t, January. You really don’t.”
“Tell me then.”
“I just wanted to forget Kelly, wanted her out of my mind and chest and I wanted no one to ever be able to get within five feet of me for reasons I think obvious. Dude, I thought I could never hurt so badly as I did when I realized that I could never have Kelly...but...”
“But?” she asked, unknowingly inching forward.
I spoke quietly, almost too quietly, afraid to admit it out loud. I closed my eyes tightly. “But that hurt was nothing in comparison to how badly I’d begun to feel when a stranger kissed me in a dusty lot just six months ago.”
“Jesus, I’m so sorry, Tom,” she exclaimed, her back falling against the side of her bed.
“What the hell for?”
“I shouldn’t have done what I did,” she said, her eyes glassing over.
“Yes, you should have, January.”
“No, I shouldn’t have.” She dropped her eyes to her lap and I could actually feel the sadness radiate from her.
I sat up on my knees and brought her up with me, bringing her face inches from mine. “Don’t ever say that, January. You revived me. You saved me. You did what I’m convinced no other person could have done and believe me they’d tried. As badly as I hurt for Kelly, it was nothing, nothing in comparison to how I felt when I didn’t do right by that total stranger. January, you eclipse Kelly! I’m ashamed to say it, but this friend I was convinced I loved is nothing compared to you. I feel like a fool. I could have sworn when I lost Kelly that I lost my soul mate but I was so wrong. So, so wrong.”
She shook her head. She needed convincing? Fine.
“I didn’t know you from Adam, but God how I dreamt of you night after night after night. You were this ghost I carried along with me everywhere I went, overshadowing the hate I carried for what Kelly didn’t even really do to me. If Jason hadn’t called me to New York, I know I would have come searching you out. I was obsessed with you and I barely knew you.” I searched her face. “Doesn’t that scare you?”
“No,” she said calmly.
“Why the hell not?” I asked, bewildered. “This infatuation I have for you is borderline psychotic, even I recognize that.”
“Because,” she said, swallowing. “Because I’d be lying if I said I didn’t feel it too. I feel desperate when it comes to you. Desperate and a little bit insane. All I can think about around you is what you taste like.”
“Don’t tell me things like that,” I begged her. I squeezed my eyes closed and rested my forehead against hers, fighting control with every grit of my teeth.
“Why? It’s only the truth.”
“You don’t know me.”