Thomas's Choice
Page 76
“Mind if I steal your brother for a moment, Nina? We’ve got some training stuff to discuss.”
“No prob,” Nina said quickly.
Thomas put his hand on Eddie’s elbow and pulled him through the crowd and into the kitchen in the back of the house without saying a word.
The kitchen was empty. Thomas shut the door behind them, releasing his grip. “What the fuck was that?”
Becoming defensive, Eddie lifted his chin. “What was what?”
“Don’t pretend you don’t know what just happened out there. First you shrink back from me when I touch your hair, and then you lie to your sister. So there’s nobody special in your life, is there? Because I’m nobody to you.”
Eddie felt his heartbeat kick up. “I didn’t say that!”
“That’s exactly what you said! So what is this between us? You just want to live out some gay fantasies you’re having? But you don’t want to commit to it, because you’re ashamed of it.
Just like you’re ashamed of me.”
“I’m not! But I can’t do this. I can’t tell Nina. Not now. Not yet.”
“Then when? When will there ever be the right time to tell your sister and your friends that we’re lovers?”
Eddie shrunk back, his back hitting the kitchen counter behind him.
“Yes, lovers. We’ve been lovers from the moment you kissed me on that construction site, since the moment you let me touch you. But you can’t admit that, can you?”
Eddie tried to evade Thomas’s intense gaze, but he couldn’t make himself turn his head.
“You’re asking too much from me.”
“Too much? Eddie, the only thing I’m asking is for you to be honest about who you are.”
“I can’t disappoint Nina.”
“Disappoint? Is that what you feel? That admitting that you’re with me will be a disappointment for your sister?” Thomas’s nostrils flared and his eyes suddenly started glaring red. “So you won’t stand up and be a man, but you’ll continue to use me, is that it? Because that’s what you’re doing. You come to my bed and let me suck you, kiss you and touch you. And I let you fuck me, because I wanna give you everything you desire. How does it make you feel to fuck a gay man?” Thomas tossed him a hurt glare. “You’re using me for sex, because you know I can’t turn you down. You know that I’m irrevocably in love with you, and that’s why you think you can string me along until maybe one day you’re ready to man up? Until one day you’re ready to admit that you’re gay too. It doesn’t work that way!”
Irrevocably in love? Eddie’s heart raced. Thomas had never before talked about love. Lust and desire, yes, but love. No, he’d never said those words before.
“Didn’t you just hear what Nina said? She wants me to find a nice girl and have children. She has no idea.” How could he burst her bubble like that? He’d promised himself never to disappoint her again. Never to hurt her again. But it seemed he had to hurt somebody: either Nina or Thomas.
“God forbid your sister found out that you sucked my cock and liked it!” Thomas hissed. “I’d never figured you for a coward, Eddie.”
“I’m no coward!” he ground out, fury rising from his gut, his fangs itching now.
“Then make a fucking decision. Now! If what happened between us was more to you than just fucking and experimenting, then you have to come out of the closet and admit what you are.”
Eddie hesitated. Admit that he was gay? He shuddered at the thought, remembering the words of his foster mother when she’d caught him with the other boy, the taunts in high school, and his sister’s face. Would she understand? Would she love him the same way? She was all he had. His family.
“I guess I have my answer,” Thomas said, his voice flat and emotionless. “It meant nothing to you.” He turned to the side door leading out of the house and turned the knob.
“Please give me time. Please, Thomas. I need to think on it.”
Without a word, Thomas exited and pulled the door shut behind him.
Eddie let out a heavy sigh. “Shit!” He hadn’t been prepared for this. He’d hurt Thomas with his inability to commit to their relationship. Because that was what they were having: a relationship. Thomas was his boyfriend. And by the looks of it, they’d just broken up.
35
Thomas stormed out of the house, Eddie’s words chasing him. What was there to think on?
Eddie wanted to have his cake and eat it too. He clearly enjoyed the sex they’d been having, but he wanted to continue leading a straight life on the surface, so he wouldn’t rock the boat with his sister and his friends. Because deep down, Eddie was still ashamed of his desires, even though when they were alone, he’d surrendered in all ways but one. Thomas had hoped that tonight they would breach that last barrier too, because he’d been almost certain that Eddie would have surrendered to him tonight and allowed him to take his virgin ass. But their fight had changed all that.
“No prob,” Nina said quickly.
Thomas put his hand on Eddie’s elbow and pulled him through the crowd and into the kitchen in the back of the house without saying a word.
The kitchen was empty. Thomas shut the door behind them, releasing his grip. “What the fuck was that?”
Becoming defensive, Eddie lifted his chin. “What was what?”
“Don’t pretend you don’t know what just happened out there. First you shrink back from me when I touch your hair, and then you lie to your sister. So there’s nobody special in your life, is there? Because I’m nobody to you.”
Eddie felt his heartbeat kick up. “I didn’t say that!”
“That’s exactly what you said! So what is this between us? You just want to live out some gay fantasies you’re having? But you don’t want to commit to it, because you’re ashamed of it.
Just like you’re ashamed of me.”
“I’m not! But I can’t do this. I can’t tell Nina. Not now. Not yet.”
“Then when? When will there ever be the right time to tell your sister and your friends that we’re lovers?”
Eddie shrunk back, his back hitting the kitchen counter behind him.
“Yes, lovers. We’ve been lovers from the moment you kissed me on that construction site, since the moment you let me touch you. But you can’t admit that, can you?”
Eddie tried to evade Thomas’s intense gaze, but he couldn’t make himself turn his head.
“You’re asking too much from me.”
“Too much? Eddie, the only thing I’m asking is for you to be honest about who you are.”
“I can’t disappoint Nina.”
“Disappoint? Is that what you feel? That admitting that you’re with me will be a disappointment for your sister?” Thomas’s nostrils flared and his eyes suddenly started glaring red. “So you won’t stand up and be a man, but you’ll continue to use me, is that it? Because that’s what you’re doing. You come to my bed and let me suck you, kiss you and touch you. And I let you fuck me, because I wanna give you everything you desire. How does it make you feel to fuck a gay man?” Thomas tossed him a hurt glare. “You’re using me for sex, because you know I can’t turn you down. You know that I’m irrevocably in love with you, and that’s why you think you can string me along until maybe one day you’re ready to man up? Until one day you’re ready to admit that you’re gay too. It doesn’t work that way!”
Irrevocably in love? Eddie’s heart raced. Thomas had never before talked about love. Lust and desire, yes, but love. No, he’d never said those words before.
“Didn’t you just hear what Nina said? She wants me to find a nice girl and have children. She has no idea.” How could he burst her bubble like that? He’d promised himself never to disappoint her again. Never to hurt her again. But it seemed he had to hurt somebody: either Nina or Thomas.
“God forbid your sister found out that you sucked my cock and liked it!” Thomas hissed. “I’d never figured you for a coward, Eddie.”
“I’m no coward!” he ground out, fury rising from his gut, his fangs itching now.
“Then make a fucking decision. Now! If what happened between us was more to you than just fucking and experimenting, then you have to come out of the closet and admit what you are.”
Eddie hesitated. Admit that he was gay? He shuddered at the thought, remembering the words of his foster mother when she’d caught him with the other boy, the taunts in high school, and his sister’s face. Would she understand? Would she love him the same way? She was all he had. His family.
“I guess I have my answer,” Thomas said, his voice flat and emotionless. “It meant nothing to you.” He turned to the side door leading out of the house and turned the knob.
“Please give me time. Please, Thomas. I need to think on it.”
Without a word, Thomas exited and pulled the door shut behind him.
Eddie let out a heavy sigh. “Shit!” He hadn’t been prepared for this. He’d hurt Thomas with his inability to commit to their relationship. Because that was what they were having: a relationship. Thomas was his boyfriend. And by the looks of it, they’d just broken up.
35
Thomas stormed out of the house, Eddie’s words chasing him. What was there to think on?
Eddie wanted to have his cake and eat it too. He clearly enjoyed the sex they’d been having, but he wanted to continue leading a straight life on the surface, so he wouldn’t rock the boat with his sister and his friends. Because deep down, Eddie was still ashamed of his desires, even though when they were alone, he’d surrendered in all ways but one. Thomas had hoped that tonight they would breach that last barrier too, because he’d been almost certain that Eddie would have surrendered to him tonight and allowed him to take his virgin ass. But their fight had changed all that.
