Thoughtless
Page 52
That surprised me a little. "You asked him about...that?"
She laughed again. "Noooooo... Kellan's love life is not something I want to talk with him about." She laughed again at my confused face. "Evan asked him once and I overheard his answer. Evan...he's always looking out for Kellan." She smiled at the thought.
"Oh," I said quietly. I couldn't help but think of the times that Kellan and I had been together. He hadn't been careful at all. The first time we were too drunk to think about being safe. The second time we were...overcome...by it. Every time was so intense that safety kind of went out the window. It hurt me a little, that he hadn't cared enough to be safe with me. That thought increased my anger at how many girls he was being "safe" with.
I kept my head down and purposefully away from the living room for the rest of the party. Not too much later, people started heading out; it was pretty late for a weeknight. Jenny gave me a hug and said she'd call me tomorrow. I watched her give Denny a hug and looking into the living room, smile at Kellan and wave goodbye to him. I resisted the urge to see if Kellan's harlots had left yet. Eventually, everyone else filed out.
After everyone had left the kitchen, Denny yawned and looked over at me. "Ready for bed?"
I stood and stretched. "Yeah." Instinctively, I stretched to my side and glanced into the living room. I stopped moving. The two girls were both still there. In fact, they were the only two "friends" still there with Kellan. They were sitting on the couch, on either side of him, and both had their hands on his chest. The dark-haired girl was kissing his neck, while the blonde entertained his lips. She pulled back breathlessly and Kellan smiled over at the other girl. The dark-haired girl stopped sucking on his neck and looked up at the blonde, and then she leaned over and kissed the blonde, while Kellan bit his lip and watched them with hungry eyes.
I forced my gaze away and back to Denny, my stomach full of fire. Denny was grinning like an idiot at them, which increased my anger. "Come on." I grabbed his hand and pulled him roughly through the kitchen and up the stairs. He was laughing at my reaction, and pulled me in for a kiss as we reached our bed. I pushed him down moodily and changed into my pajamas. The thought of what was going on downstairs burned me with the intensity of my anger.
Denny noticed my mood. "What, Kiera?"
"Nothing," I spat back at him.
"Hey...are you mad at me?"
I spun around to face him. "I don't know? You seemed to really enjoy seeing that. Should we invite the girls up here when Kellan's done with them...into our bed?" I knew he wouldn't do anything with any of them, but I was really mad, and needed an outlet.
He blanched. "No, babe. I wouldn't touch them. That's not me, you know that."
"Oh? And what were you doing at this little orgy before I got here? Did you sneak a couple up here for a quickie?"
He looked at me with blank shock. "I sat on the couch and talked to Kellan. That's all, Kiera." His voice got a little irritated. "I didn't do anything."
"Whatever." I angrily got into bed, shoving him out of my way, and pulled the covers around me. "I have a headache. I just want to go to sleep now."
He sighed. "Kiera..."
"Goodnight, Denny."
He rolled over to his side, then undressed and crawled under the covers with me. "Okay...goodnight." He tenderly kissed my head and I pulled away a bit. I knew I wasn't being fair, Denny hadn't done anything wrong, but my anger was swelling not decreasing. My imagination was going crazy, picturing Kellan with his whores. Denny sighed and rolled over.
I lay there, fuming, and listening for sounds from downstairs. Eventually, Denny's breathing slowed and evened...he was asleep. A little while later, light laughter and footsteps, three sets of them, made their way upstairs, and I heard Kellan's door lightly close and music being turned on.
I sat up. I couldn't take it. I couldn't listen to it. I hurried as quietly as I could out of the room and down the stairs. I considered leaving...but had no idea where to go, or how to explain that to Denny in the morning. Instead, I went to the kitchen and poured a glass of water. I gulped it, leaning against the counter, begging my body to calm down. Kellan had every right...
My head was down, both hands on the counter and tears starting to form, when I felt a body join me in the kitchen. I couldn't turn to look. Either way, I was screwed. Denny wouldn't understand my being so upset. Kellan...well, I just didn't want him to see how much he bothered me.
"Kiera?" Kellan's voice broke through my dark thoughts.
Of course. Of course it would be him. "What, Kellan?"
"Are you okay?" His voice was soft, concerned.
Angry, I spun to face him, and stopped and stared. He was half-naked, bare-chested with his jeans unbuttoned. His hair looked freshly played with and distractingly sexy. I swallowed the lump in my throat at his gorgeousness, and who he was half-dressed for. "What are you doing down here? Shouldn't you be...entertaining?" I could feel the tears in my eyes, I prayed for them not to spill.
He smiled shyly. "The girls wanted..." He pointed to the fridge, then opened it, and grabbed a can of whipped cream. He shrugged and left it at that.
I rolled my eyes and exhaled loudly. Of course the hussies would want to make it as horrifying as possible for me. I closed my eyes and prayed that he would just leave me alone, and go back to his porn set.
"Kiera..." He said my name so tenderly, that I opened my eyes. He smiled sadly at me. "This is who I am. Before you got here...this is me." He pointed upstairs to where Denny was sleeping. "That, that is you. This is how it's supposed to be..."
He moved towards me, like he was going to hug me or kiss my forehead, but at the last minute he seemed to change his mind and turning, he started to leave the room. At the doorway, he turned and softly said, "Goodnight, Kiera."
He left then, without waiting for a response from me, and the tears brimming in my eyes finally fell. I spent that night on the couch, with the television turned up as loudly as I thought was possible without waking Denny.
Chapter 18
Man Whore
A few sleepless nights later, I came down the stairs in the morning with Denny. Lately, I always waited until Denny was ready for the day before I got my coffee. Denny insisted I could sleep in, that I didn't need to get up with him, but, honestly, weeks of getting up early to spend a little time with Kellan in the mornings had started a pattern in me that I couldn't quite shake.
The fact that Kellan had disrupted my physiology irritated me, but upon entering the kitchen with Denny, seeing Kellan irritated me even more. It wasn't his stupidly-perfect blue eyes, that turned to look at us when we entered, it wasn't his stupidly-perfect tousled hair, casual and messy, it wasn't his stupidly-perfect chiseled body, and it wasn't the stupidly-perfect crooked smile that he was giving us. It was his stupid shirt!
He was relaxing against the counter, waiting for the coffee to brew with both hands behind him, making the bold lettering on his basic red t-shirt stick out all the more. It very simply read - 'Will sing for sex'. It looked odd on him. It was something more in line with what Griffin would wear, which gave me a sneaking suspicion over where he got it. It was blatant. It was crude. It was pissing me off!
Denny cracked a smile when he saw it. "Ace! Do you-"
I immediately cut him off. "If you even ask him for one of those, you will be sleeping on the couch for a month." My tone was a little more seething than perhaps a crude t-shirt warranted, but I couldn't help it.
Denny found my reaction humorous however. He grinned goofily and cocked his head adorably. "I wasn't going to, babe." He gave me a swift kiss on the cheek and went over to Kellan, slapping him on the shoulder before grabbing mugs for my coffee and his tea from the cupboard. Glancing back at where I was still glaring at him, he chuckled and said, "You know I can't sing anyway."
Kellan, who had been silently watching the exchange with an amused grin on his face, sniggered and struggled to contain his laughter.
Steamed at both of them now, I frowned, and icily said, "I'll be upstairs, when the coffee's done." I turned and stormed out, their no-longer containable laughter following me up the stairs. Men!
Hours later, I was at work and still mired in irritation over the whole morning, when I was interrupted by a sweet voice. "You're doing it again, Kiera." Jenny leaned over a table and smiled at me.
"What?" I said coming out of my trance, shaking my head a little.
I was having trouble focusing. Kellan was doing something that he had never, in all the months Denny and I had lived with him, done. He was, as he put it, dating. Kellan had brought a different girl home every night, and every night, I had to listen to his "date" through our thin walls. I would have to use the term date loosely, as these women seemed very little interested in Kellan as a person. They were more enamored with his small slice of fame, and of course, how fabulously he was shaped. The same woman never entered our doors more than once, and there seemed to be a never-ending line of them. It made me ill. Sleep was impossible. Eventually, I passed out from exhaustion each night. But it, and the constant angry fire in my belly, was taking its toll.
"You're glaring at Kellan again. You guys fighting or something?" She eyed me curiously.
I startled, realizing that I had been glaring at him openly for the last several minutes while I had been lost in thought. I hope no one else had noticed that. I struggled to fix my face into a genuine looking smile. "No, we're fine...perfect."
"You're not still mad about the women at the party, are you?" Fire wrenched my gut as she brought up that horrible memory. I wanted to bend over and clench my stomach, it hurt so badly. But I stood there and took it, trying to maintain my fake smile. "You know, that's just how he is. Always has been, always will be." She shrugged her shoulders.
"No...I don't care 'what' he does." I stressed the word "what" more than would pass for casualness, and Jenny noticed. She started to say something, and I blurted out the first thing in my head to stop her. "Have you and Kellan ever..." I stopped my tongue when I realized where my question was heading. I really did not want to know that.
She understood though and grinning, she shook her head. "No, no way." She glanced over at him at his table, where he had some adorably cute little Asian girl sitting on the edge of it and was whispering to her in-between nibbling on her ear, much to the girl's delight. Kellan had worn that damn shirt to the bar and it had been effective. Earlier, he'd had a small group of adoring women clustered around him at his table and had obliged them with a few verses. He seemed to have narrowed his choices down to one. My face heated, knowing I would see...or hear...her later.
Jenny looked back at me, still smiling. "Not for his lack of trying though."
I blinked, surprised, and then realized I shouldn't be. Jenny was a beautiful girl. "He hit on you?"
She nodded, coming around to my side of the table. "Hmmmm...relentlessly, for the first week I worked here." She crossed her arms over her chest and stood beside me, watching him with his bimbo. "One day, I just had to tell him flat out, no, but we could be friends, if he stopped trying to get into my pants." She laughed and looked over at me. "He had found that pretty hilarious and he stopped, and we've been fine ever since."
I struggled to keep the incredulity from my face. She turned him down...repeatedly? I had been so bad at it, that it was a wonder to me that someone could. "Why didn't you...?"
She looked at me thoughtfully. "I knew what he was like, even from the beginning. I'm not interested in a one-nighter, and I don't think he's capable of anything more." She shook her head. "At least, not yet. Maybe one day he'll grow up, but..." she shrugged again, "it wasn't worth it for me."
I blushed and looked away, feeling really stupid. She was right. That was what Kellan was - a seducer. But he wasn't relationship material. Never had been, never would be. I watched him with his woman sadly. Jenny looked over at me curiously.
She laughed again. "Noooooo... Kellan's love life is not something I want to talk with him about." She laughed again at my confused face. "Evan asked him once and I overheard his answer. Evan...he's always looking out for Kellan." She smiled at the thought.
"Oh," I said quietly. I couldn't help but think of the times that Kellan and I had been together. He hadn't been careful at all. The first time we were too drunk to think about being safe. The second time we were...overcome...by it. Every time was so intense that safety kind of went out the window. It hurt me a little, that he hadn't cared enough to be safe with me. That thought increased my anger at how many girls he was being "safe" with.
I kept my head down and purposefully away from the living room for the rest of the party. Not too much later, people started heading out; it was pretty late for a weeknight. Jenny gave me a hug and said she'd call me tomorrow. I watched her give Denny a hug and looking into the living room, smile at Kellan and wave goodbye to him. I resisted the urge to see if Kellan's harlots had left yet. Eventually, everyone else filed out.
After everyone had left the kitchen, Denny yawned and looked over at me. "Ready for bed?"
I stood and stretched. "Yeah." Instinctively, I stretched to my side and glanced into the living room. I stopped moving. The two girls were both still there. In fact, they were the only two "friends" still there with Kellan. They were sitting on the couch, on either side of him, and both had their hands on his chest. The dark-haired girl was kissing his neck, while the blonde entertained his lips. She pulled back breathlessly and Kellan smiled over at the other girl. The dark-haired girl stopped sucking on his neck and looked up at the blonde, and then she leaned over and kissed the blonde, while Kellan bit his lip and watched them with hungry eyes.
I forced my gaze away and back to Denny, my stomach full of fire. Denny was grinning like an idiot at them, which increased my anger. "Come on." I grabbed his hand and pulled him roughly through the kitchen and up the stairs. He was laughing at my reaction, and pulled me in for a kiss as we reached our bed. I pushed him down moodily and changed into my pajamas. The thought of what was going on downstairs burned me with the intensity of my anger.
Denny noticed my mood. "What, Kiera?"
"Nothing," I spat back at him.
"Hey...are you mad at me?"
I spun around to face him. "I don't know? You seemed to really enjoy seeing that. Should we invite the girls up here when Kellan's done with them...into our bed?" I knew he wouldn't do anything with any of them, but I was really mad, and needed an outlet.
He blanched. "No, babe. I wouldn't touch them. That's not me, you know that."
"Oh? And what were you doing at this little orgy before I got here? Did you sneak a couple up here for a quickie?"
He looked at me with blank shock. "I sat on the couch and talked to Kellan. That's all, Kiera." His voice got a little irritated. "I didn't do anything."
"Whatever." I angrily got into bed, shoving him out of my way, and pulled the covers around me. "I have a headache. I just want to go to sleep now."
He sighed. "Kiera..."
"Goodnight, Denny."
He rolled over to his side, then undressed and crawled under the covers with me. "Okay...goodnight." He tenderly kissed my head and I pulled away a bit. I knew I wasn't being fair, Denny hadn't done anything wrong, but my anger was swelling not decreasing. My imagination was going crazy, picturing Kellan with his whores. Denny sighed and rolled over.
I lay there, fuming, and listening for sounds from downstairs. Eventually, Denny's breathing slowed and evened...he was asleep. A little while later, light laughter and footsteps, three sets of them, made their way upstairs, and I heard Kellan's door lightly close and music being turned on.
I sat up. I couldn't take it. I couldn't listen to it. I hurried as quietly as I could out of the room and down the stairs. I considered leaving...but had no idea where to go, or how to explain that to Denny in the morning. Instead, I went to the kitchen and poured a glass of water. I gulped it, leaning against the counter, begging my body to calm down. Kellan had every right...
My head was down, both hands on the counter and tears starting to form, when I felt a body join me in the kitchen. I couldn't turn to look. Either way, I was screwed. Denny wouldn't understand my being so upset. Kellan...well, I just didn't want him to see how much he bothered me.
"Kiera?" Kellan's voice broke through my dark thoughts.
Of course. Of course it would be him. "What, Kellan?"
"Are you okay?" His voice was soft, concerned.
Angry, I spun to face him, and stopped and stared. He was half-naked, bare-chested with his jeans unbuttoned. His hair looked freshly played with and distractingly sexy. I swallowed the lump in my throat at his gorgeousness, and who he was half-dressed for. "What are you doing down here? Shouldn't you be...entertaining?" I could feel the tears in my eyes, I prayed for them not to spill.
He smiled shyly. "The girls wanted..." He pointed to the fridge, then opened it, and grabbed a can of whipped cream. He shrugged and left it at that.
I rolled my eyes and exhaled loudly. Of course the hussies would want to make it as horrifying as possible for me. I closed my eyes and prayed that he would just leave me alone, and go back to his porn set.
"Kiera..." He said my name so tenderly, that I opened my eyes. He smiled sadly at me. "This is who I am. Before you got here...this is me." He pointed upstairs to where Denny was sleeping. "That, that is you. This is how it's supposed to be..."
He moved towards me, like he was going to hug me or kiss my forehead, but at the last minute he seemed to change his mind and turning, he started to leave the room. At the doorway, he turned and softly said, "Goodnight, Kiera."
He left then, without waiting for a response from me, and the tears brimming in my eyes finally fell. I spent that night on the couch, with the television turned up as loudly as I thought was possible without waking Denny.
Chapter 18
Man Whore
A few sleepless nights later, I came down the stairs in the morning with Denny. Lately, I always waited until Denny was ready for the day before I got my coffee. Denny insisted I could sleep in, that I didn't need to get up with him, but, honestly, weeks of getting up early to spend a little time with Kellan in the mornings had started a pattern in me that I couldn't quite shake.
The fact that Kellan had disrupted my physiology irritated me, but upon entering the kitchen with Denny, seeing Kellan irritated me even more. It wasn't his stupidly-perfect blue eyes, that turned to look at us when we entered, it wasn't his stupidly-perfect tousled hair, casual and messy, it wasn't his stupidly-perfect chiseled body, and it wasn't the stupidly-perfect crooked smile that he was giving us. It was his stupid shirt!
He was relaxing against the counter, waiting for the coffee to brew with both hands behind him, making the bold lettering on his basic red t-shirt stick out all the more. It very simply read - 'Will sing for sex'. It looked odd on him. It was something more in line with what Griffin would wear, which gave me a sneaking suspicion over where he got it. It was blatant. It was crude. It was pissing me off!
Denny cracked a smile when he saw it. "Ace! Do you-"
I immediately cut him off. "If you even ask him for one of those, you will be sleeping on the couch for a month." My tone was a little more seething than perhaps a crude t-shirt warranted, but I couldn't help it.
Denny found my reaction humorous however. He grinned goofily and cocked his head adorably. "I wasn't going to, babe." He gave me a swift kiss on the cheek and went over to Kellan, slapping him on the shoulder before grabbing mugs for my coffee and his tea from the cupboard. Glancing back at where I was still glaring at him, he chuckled and said, "You know I can't sing anyway."
Kellan, who had been silently watching the exchange with an amused grin on his face, sniggered and struggled to contain his laughter.
Steamed at both of them now, I frowned, and icily said, "I'll be upstairs, when the coffee's done." I turned and stormed out, their no-longer containable laughter following me up the stairs. Men!
Hours later, I was at work and still mired in irritation over the whole morning, when I was interrupted by a sweet voice. "You're doing it again, Kiera." Jenny leaned over a table and smiled at me.
"What?" I said coming out of my trance, shaking my head a little.
I was having trouble focusing. Kellan was doing something that he had never, in all the months Denny and I had lived with him, done. He was, as he put it, dating. Kellan had brought a different girl home every night, and every night, I had to listen to his "date" through our thin walls. I would have to use the term date loosely, as these women seemed very little interested in Kellan as a person. They were more enamored with his small slice of fame, and of course, how fabulously he was shaped. The same woman never entered our doors more than once, and there seemed to be a never-ending line of them. It made me ill. Sleep was impossible. Eventually, I passed out from exhaustion each night. But it, and the constant angry fire in my belly, was taking its toll.
"You're glaring at Kellan again. You guys fighting or something?" She eyed me curiously.
I startled, realizing that I had been glaring at him openly for the last several minutes while I had been lost in thought. I hope no one else had noticed that. I struggled to fix my face into a genuine looking smile. "No, we're fine...perfect."
"You're not still mad about the women at the party, are you?" Fire wrenched my gut as she brought up that horrible memory. I wanted to bend over and clench my stomach, it hurt so badly. But I stood there and took it, trying to maintain my fake smile. "You know, that's just how he is. Always has been, always will be." She shrugged her shoulders.
"No...I don't care 'what' he does." I stressed the word "what" more than would pass for casualness, and Jenny noticed. She started to say something, and I blurted out the first thing in my head to stop her. "Have you and Kellan ever..." I stopped my tongue when I realized where my question was heading. I really did not want to know that.
She understood though and grinning, she shook her head. "No, no way." She glanced over at him at his table, where he had some adorably cute little Asian girl sitting on the edge of it and was whispering to her in-between nibbling on her ear, much to the girl's delight. Kellan had worn that damn shirt to the bar and it had been effective. Earlier, he'd had a small group of adoring women clustered around him at his table and had obliged them with a few verses. He seemed to have narrowed his choices down to one. My face heated, knowing I would see...or hear...her later.
Jenny looked back at me, still smiling. "Not for his lack of trying though."
I blinked, surprised, and then realized I shouldn't be. Jenny was a beautiful girl. "He hit on you?"
She nodded, coming around to my side of the table. "Hmmmm...relentlessly, for the first week I worked here." She crossed her arms over her chest and stood beside me, watching him with his bimbo. "One day, I just had to tell him flat out, no, but we could be friends, if he stopped trying to get into my pants." She laughed and looked over at me. "He had found that pretty hilarious and he stopped, and we've been fine ever since."
I struggled to keep the incredulity from my face. She turned him down...repeatedly? I had been so bad at it, that it was a wonder to me that someone could. "Why didn't you...?"
She looked at me thoughtfully. "I knew what he was like, even from the beginning. I'm not interested in a one-nighter, and I don't think he's capable of anything more." She shook her head. "At least, not yet. Maybe one day he'll grow up, but..." she shrugged again, "it wasn't worth it for me."
I blushed and looked away, feeling really stupid. She was right. That was what Kellan was - a seducer. But he wasn't relationship material. Never had been, never would be. I watched him with his woman sadly. Jenny looked over at me curiously.
