Thoughtless

Page 59

He cocked his head charmingly to the side. "I did quite a bit...can you be more specific?"
The corners of my mouth started to rise, and then true irritation made me scowl. "Oh...god...please." I smacked him on the arm. "How could you mock me like that in front of Evan and Jenny?" I smacked him repeatedly on the arm. "That was so embarrassing!"
He leaned away from me and laughed. "Ow! Sorry." He smiled wickedly. "I was making a point."
I smacked him a final time. "I think you made it, asshole!"
He laughed again. "I think I'm a bad influence, you're starting to swear as much as I do."
I smirked at him and snuggled up close to his side. He looked down at me. "You can mimic me sometime if you like?" He seemed entirely too excited by that prospect, and I couldn't help but laugh at him.
I blushed, remembering his...performance. "You were quite good at...that."
He laughed again. "Not my first time."
I gaped in disbelief at his answer and he chuckled at the look on my face. Then suddenly, he got an odd glint in his eyes. It made my heart quicken. "Hmmm..." He cocked his head to the side and smiled crookedly. "You are right...that wasn't very fair of me." He grinned fully and my heart skipped a beat. "Here, I'll do me..."
I was about to protest that it wasn't nearly the same thing, the two of us locked in a car with only me to hear him, when he snuck his arms around me and held me tight against his body, bringing his lips directly to my ear.
My argument left me. My conscious thought left me.
Increasing his breath in my ear, he groaned lightly. I shut my eyes, my own breath increasing. The warm air passing his lips tickled my neck, giving me shivers as he let those soft lips brush my ear.
"Oh..." He elongated the word enticingly, then inhaled noisily. I was shocked at my body's reaction - electricity shot through me instantly.
"God..." He strained his voice intimately and ran his hand up my thigh. I shifted on the seat, my breath embarrassingly fast.
"Yes..." He whispered the word, and added a noise on the end that made me lose all pretense of control.
I spun to face him, grabbing his neck and pulling him into me, kissing him hard. Excitement and surprise coursed through me as our kiss deepened. He smelled so good...he tasted so good...he would feel so good. Maybe a car wasn't as bad as a dirty floor?
Abruptly, he pulled away from me. "Can we do something?" he calmly asked, his eyes sparkling playfully.
"Yes..." I practically moaned the word. God, he could do anything he wanted to me...
He pulled back a little farther and grinned. "Do you need a minute?" The smile on his face turned a little smug, and he laughed as I smacked him on the arm again.
He started the car as I frowned at him, my face heating embarrassingly. Damn...he was good. "What did you have in mind?" I said a little grumpily.
He laughed at my look and shook his head a little. "Sorry, I didn't mean to get you all...riled up." I raised an eyebrow at him and he laughed enticingly. "Okay...yeah, maybe I did." He winked and I blushed even more. "But right now, I want to show you something." He smiled breathtakingly at me and I could only nod as we pulled away from the street.
I sighed contently and relaxed into him, his arm slung over my shoulders holding me tight. I was gazing into his amazing eyes, watching the streetlights alter the color, when I noticed that we were driving towards Seattle Center.
"Where are you taking me?" I asked him curiously.
"Well, I did promise you that we'd go up the Space Needle."
"Kellan...it's two in the morning, it's closed."
He smiled at me. "It's okay...I know people." He winked.
We parked and like the first time we came here, he grabbed my hand. A man, who obviously worked there, met us and let us in. I looked up at Kellan curiously. The man had been expecting us. What had Kellan been up to this evening? He handed the man more than a few large bills and smiling, the man led us to the elevators at the Needle. As the doors closed in front of us, I leaned over and whispered to him, "How much did you give him?"
He smiled and whispered back, "Don't worry about it. The house wasn't the only thing my parents left me."
He winked at me and I was going to ask him another question, but the elevators were rising and through the front of the glass doors I could see the city quickly dropping below us. I gasped and pressed against the far wall. Heights weren't my favorite, and the elevator suddenly felt tiny and very breakable.
Noticing my pallor, Kellan turned my chin, so I was looking at him. "You're completely safe, Kiera," he said, then he kissed me gently and I completely forgot about the fragile looking elevator.
We arrived at the top, just as my hands were coming up to tangle in his hair, his arms slipping around my waist, our kiss now quite intense. The man Kellan knew cleared his throat, quite loudly, and we both looked over at him. I blushed and Kellan laughed.
"I guess we're here," he chuckled, leading me out of the elevator.
He patted the man on the back and grabbing both of my hands, walked backwards, towards the edge of the inside observatory overlooking the city. It was dark in the building, since it was closed. Only a couple of emergency lights were on, and they did little to illuminate the room. But it seemed every light was on outside, and the city glowed beneath us.
"Kellan...wow...it's beautiful," I said softly, stopping to look out over all the sparkling lights.
"Yes, it is," he said, equally as soft, but he was leaning against the railing with his back to the view, staring at me, not the city below us. "Come here." He held his arms out to me.
We were on the inside of the needle, and a safe distance from the edge, so I felt okay enough to walk over to his embrace and lean against the railing with him. He turned his head to look outside at the city, but now all I could see was him. I studied his features in the half-light; he was more breathtaking than the view. I couldn't see why this perfect creature was enamored with me.
"Why me?" I whispered to him.
He turned to look back at me and as expected, my breath caught when he smiled. "You have no idea how attractive you are to me. I kind of like that." He cocked his head to the side as he watched me blush. He was thoughtful for a second, then added quietly, "It was you and Denny...your relationship."
I ran my fingers through his hair above his ear and frowned. "What do you mean?" He looked back over the city, but didn't say anything. I grabbed his cheek and made him look back at me. "What do you mean, Kellan?" I repeated.
He sighed and looked down. "I can't explain this properly, without...without clarifying something Evan said."
I frowned again and thought back over our earlier fight, it seemed a lifetime ago, so much had changed. "When you told him, quite rudely by the way, to back off?"
He looked back up at me, looking like he'd rather not talk about it. "Yeah."
"I don't understand...what does that have to do with me?"
He smiled and shook his head. "Nothing...everything."
I half-smiled at him. "Eventually, you're going to start making sense, right?"
He laughed and looked over the city again. "Yeah...just give me a minute."
I embraced him tightly, putting my head on his shoulder. He could have all the time in the world, if I could keep holding him like this. The city twinkled mesmerizingly and I inhaled his intoxicating scent deeply, as I snuggled further into his leather jacket.
He held me back just as tight, lightly rubbing my back with one hand, the other holding the back of my head. Finally, he slowly said, "You and Evan were right about the women. I've been...using them...for years."
I pulled back a little to look at him. "For years? Not just because of me?" I felt oddly hurt by that.
He tucked some hair behind my ear. "No...although, that certainly made it worse."
I frowned, slightly uncomfortable by the conversation. "You shouldn't use people, Kellan...for any reason."
He raised an eyebrow at me and smiled slightly. "You didn't use me, to block out Denny our first time?" I blushed horribly and looked away. Of course I had used him. He grabbed my chin and made me look back at him. "It's okay, Kiera. I suspected that." He sighed and looked out over the water on our other side. "It didn't stop me from believing we might have had a chance though. I spent that whole damn day, wandering around the city, trying to figure out how to tell you...how much I loved you, without sounding like an idiot."
"Kellan..." I had always wondered where he went that day.
He looked back at me. "God...when you went right back to him, like we were nothing at all, that killed me. I knew it..." He shook his head, almost angrily. "The minute I finally came home, and heard you two upstairs, I knew we didn't have a chance."
I blinked in surprise. "You heard us?" I was confused. Kellan had come home much later...and drunker.
He looked down, like he hadn't meant to mention that. "Oh...yeah. I came back and heard you guys in your room, getting...reacquainted. That...pretty much sucked. I grabbed a fifth, headed to Sam's and, well, you know how that turned out."
An odd guilt washed through me. "Kellan, god, I'm sorry. I didn't know."
He faced me again. "You didn't do anything wrong, Kiera..." He looked away for a second. "I was such a dick to you afterwards. I'm sorry about that." He grinned sheepishly at me and I grimaced at the memory; he had been a jerk. "I'm sorry, I tend to lose the filter on my mouth when I'm angry...and no one seems to be able to make me angrier than you." He smiled apologetically at me.
I laughed once and raised an eyebrow at him. "I've noticed that." I thought back over some of our more colorful fights. He laughed softly and guilt washed through me. "You were always right though. And I did kind of deserve your...harshness."
He stopped laughing and grabbed my cheek. "No you didn't. You never deserved the things I said to you."
"I was...horribly misleading to you."
"You didn't know I loved you," he said softly, stroking my cheek.
I looked up into his loving blue eyes and knew I didn't deserve his kindness. "I knew you cared for me. I was...callous."
He half-smiled and kissed me softly. "True," he whispered. "But we seemed to have gotten off track." He smiled warmly, changing where our conversation had been going. "I believe we were talking about my messed up psyche."
I laughed and looked over his shoulder, shaking off my bad mood. "Right, your...whoring."
He laughed. "Ouch." I laughed and ran a hand over his chest while he gazed at me for a moment. "I suppose I should start with the whole tortured childhood speech."
"We've already talked about that, you don't have to bring it up again." I gazed at him sadly, not wanting him to bring up that painful subject unnecessarily.
"Kiera...we only scratched the very tip, of that very deep wound," he said softly. "There is so much more that I don't talk about...to anyone."
"You don't have to tell me, Kellan. I don't want to hurt you by-"
He looked past me, his eyes haunted. "I want to...in a weird way. I want you to understand. I want you to know me." Feeling melancholy sweep over him, I met his eye and suggestively raised an eyebrow at that. It worked, he laughed. "Not just...biblically," he muttered playfully.
I twirled my fingers around the hair brushing his neck. "Okay, if you want to...I'll listen to whatever you want to tell me, and I'll respect anything you don't want to tell me." I smiled encouragingly, hoping this wasn't going to hurt him even more.
But he surprised me by laughing softly. "You're going to find it funny."
I froze and gaped at him, nothing about his childhood that he had told me so far was even remotely funny. "I don't see how that's possible," I whispered, searching his eyes.
He sighed. "Well, okay, maybe not funny...coincidental then." He half-smiled at me sadly as I scrunched my face in confusion. "It seems that my mother was...enamored with my father's best friend."