Tied with Me
Page 73
“No, don’t be sorry. I’ll be here all week. We’ll catch up another day.”
I lean in and kiss his cheek. “Thank you.”
I grab my purse and hurry out of the restaurant to find Matt parked in front of the entrance, the engine running, and waiting for me.
I climb into the passenger seat and watch him warily. “I’m here.”
“That’s a good start,” he replies and pulls away from the restaurant toward his own apartment.
“Where are we going?”
“Home.”
“Why?”
The look he sends me is hurt and angry, making me sink back into the seat. “You and I have some things to work out. The first of which being you don’t go out on dates with anyone but me.”
“We broke up, Matt. I can see whomever I choose.”
“Bullshit.” His voice is low and hard, and the usual calm that Matt exudes has settled back around him.
“Excuse me?”
“You heard me.”
He parks in his space and pulls himself out of the car and around to my side, opens the door and waits for me to climb out of the car.
I hold my hand out for his. He takes it, raises it to his lips and kisses my knuckles tenderly before leading me into the elevator. He’s quiet as the elevator climbs to his floor, then he leads me down the hall to his door.
Once inside, I’m at a loss. I’m not sure where to take it from here.
Do I just blurt out I’m sorry?
“Let’s start with who was he,” Matt begins and sits on the edge of a chair in his living room. He gestures to the couch opposite him, and I sit, remembering our last night together here on this sofa.
“Ben,” I begin and clear my throat, “he’s a good friend.”
Matt raises an eyebrow, waiting for more of an explanation.
“He’s from my hometown, and he was my boyfriend until I moved here to go to culinary school.”
Matt’s eyes darken, and his hands clench into fists.
“There’s been nothing sexual happening with him in years, and frankly, right before you walked up and interrupted, we were talking about you.” I raise an eyebrow and then keep talking, “And how I was going to clean up this mess I caused.”
“Dating other men isn’t the answer,” Matt mutters.
“He’s in town for the week and invited me to dinner and wanted to know why I look sad.” The last few words are a whisper as I look down at my feet.
“Why are you sad, little one?”
I feel tears gather, so I cover my face with my hands and take a deep breath. “Because I miss you,” I murmur. “Matt, I owe you a big apology.”
“Lower your hands and look me in the eye.”
I comply and am shocked to see tears in his eyes when my gaze finds his. “I’m so sorry, for not being more open with you, for assuming instead of discussing. Hell, for just being an idiot in general.”
“You’re not an idiot, but I accept the apology for the rest of it.” He wipes his hand over his mouth, watching me. God, he looks amazing. His hair is a riotous mess, and his eyes look tired, but the T-shirt he’s wearing molds to his upper body, showing off every line of every muscle, and his jeans are just delicious.
I can’t stop looking at him, soaking in the sight of him.
Oh, how I’ve missed him.
“I can’t stand this.” Matt stands and pulls me to my feet then lifts me into his arms, sits on the couch and settles me in his lap. “This is better.”
I loop my arms around his neck and cling, just hugging him tightly, breathing him in.
“Talk to me, baby.”
I lean back to look into his face, gliding my fingertips down his cheeks. “I’m afraid.”
“Of what?”
I swallow and let a tear fall on my cheek.
“Ah, baby, don’t cry. It kills me.”
“I’m sorry,” I whisper. “I’m afraid that one day you’ll decide that I’m not really what you need.”
“Why would I ever decide that?” He frowns at me in confusion.
“I know it’s early, and we have a lot of time ahead of us, but when I saw you with your pregnant sisters, and all the kids in your family, it occurred to me that if we continue on the path we’re on, I’d have to admit to you sooner or later that I can’t give you those things. I don’t want you to make the decision to be with me now and then a couple years from now regret it because you want to start a family.”
“I’m not going to lie, baby. I do want a family someday. But there are other ways of having children. I would never want you to put your body through something that it’s not capable of. At the heart of it, we are you and me. This”—he wags his index finger back and forth, pointing to both of us—“doesn’t work without you. So, when we come to a place where we’re ready to add more people to this life, we’ll work together to decide how that’s going to work.”
“I know that now,” I admit shyly.
“What changed your mind?” he asks.
“Your mom came to see me today.”
“Oh God,” he groans and then chuckles. “What did she say?”
“She reminded me that family is about love, and the rest is details. She’s a smart woman.”
“Yes, she is.”
“I don’t want to lose you,” I whisper. “I love that you’re so supportive and proud of me. You encourage me to be better, and you don’t try to control every aspect of my life.
I lean in and kiss his cheek. “Thank you.”
I grab my purse and hurry out of the restaurant to find Matt parked in front of the entrance, the engine running, and waiting for me.
I climb into the passenger seat and watch him warily. “I’m here.”
“That’s a good start,” he replies and pulls away from the restaurant toward his own apartment.
“Where are we going?”
“Home.”
“Why?”
The look he sends me is hurt and angry, making me sink back into the seat. “You and I have some things to work out. The first of which being you don’t go out on dates with anyone but me.”
“We broke up, Matt. I can see whomever I choose.”
“Bullshit.” His voice is low and hard, and the usual calm that Matt exudes has settled back around him.
“Excuse me?”
“You heard me.”
He parks in his space and pulls himself out of the car and around to my side, opens the door and waits for me to climb out of the car.
I hold my hand out for his. He takes it, raises it to his lips and kisses my knuckles tenderly before leading me into the elevator. He’s quiet as the elevator climbs to his floor, then he leads me down the hall to his door.
Once inside, I’m at a loss. I’m not sure where to take it from here.
Do I just blurt out I’m sorry?
“Let’s start with who was he,” Matt begins and sits on the edge of a chair in his living room. He gestures to the couch opposite him, and I sit, remembering our last night together here on this sofa.
“Ben,” I begin and clear my throat, “he’s a good friend.”
Matt raises an eyebrow, waiting for more of an explanation.
“He’s from my hometown, and he was my boyfriend until I moved here to go to culinary school.”
Matt’s eyes darken, and his hands clench into fists.
“There’s been nothing sexual happening with him in years, and frankly, right before you walked up and interrupted, we were talking about you.” I raise an eyebrow and then keep talking, “And how I was going to clean up this mess I caused.”
“Dating other men isn’t the answer,” Matt mutters.
“He’s in town for the week and invited me to dinner and wanted to know why I look sad.” The last few words are a whisper as I look down at my feet.
“Why are you sad, little one?”
I feel tears gather, so I cover my face with my hands and take a deep breath. “Because I miss you,” I murmur. “Matt, I owe you a big apology.”
“Lower your hands and look me in the eye.”
I comply and am shocked to see tears in his eyes when my gaze finds his. “I’m so sorry, for not being more open with you, for assuming instead of discussing. Hell, for just being an idiot in general.”
“You’re not an idiot, but I accept the apology for the rest of it.” He wipes his hand over his mouth, watching me. God, he looks amazing. His hair is a riotous mess, and his eyes look tired, but the T-shirt he’s wearing molds to his upper body, showing off every line of every muscle, and his jeans are just delicious.
I can’t stop looking at him, soaking in the sight of him.
Oh, how I’ve missed him.
“I can’t stand this.” Matt stands and pulls me to my feet then lifts me into his arms, sits on the couch and settles me in his lap. “This is better.”
I loop my arms around his neck and cling, just hugging him tightly, breathing him in.
“Talk to me, baby.”
I lean back to look into his face, gliding my fingertips down his cheeks. “I’m afraid.”
“Of what?”
I swallow and let a tear fall on my cheek.
“Ah, baby, don’t cry. It kills me.”
“I’m sorry,” I whisper. “I’m afraid that one day you’ll decide that I’m not really what you need.”
“Why would I ever decide that?” He frowns at me in confusion.
“I know it’s early, and we have a lot of time ahead of us, but when I saw you with your pregnant sisters, and all the kids in your family, it occurred to me that if we continue on the path we’re on, I’d have to admit to you sooner or later that I can’t give you those things. I don’t want you to make the decision to be with me now and then a couple years from now regret it because you want to start a family.”
“I’m not going to lie, baby. I do want a family someday. But there are other ways of having children. I would never want you to put your body through something that it’s not capable of. At the heart of it, we are you and me. This”—he wags his index finger back and forth, pointing to both of us—“doesn’t work without you. So, when we come to a place where we’re ready to add more people to this life, we’ll work together to decide how that’s going to work.”
“I know that now,” I admit shyly.
“What changed your mind?” he asks.
“Your mom came to see me today.”
“Oh God,” he groans and then chuckles. “What did she say?”
“She reminded me that family is about love, and the rest is details. She’s a smart woman.”
“Yes, she is.”
“I don’t want to lose you,” I whisper. “I love that you’re so supportive and proud of me. You encourage me to be better, and you don’t try to control every aspect of my life.
