'Til Death: Volume One
Page 42
My gaze runs down the pages, detailing the distribution of his assets. There’s business about his house, his finances, but nothing that jumps out.
It’s on the fourth page that I read something that changes my entire world. As I stare down at the words, my entire body goes numb. The hairs on the back of my neck stand up as some words flash out at me.
Business.
Needs a wife.
Within twelve months.
Loses everything if he doesn’t stay married.
My vision blurs and I know Candy is yelling something at me, but I can’t make out the words. The chair beneath my bottom moves out as I stand, numbly.
The papers are still in my hand as I stumble towards the house. My mind is swirling, my heart is pounding, but everything seems to be going in slow motion.
I reach the kitchen where I find him.
I’m still in some sort of hazy state, because my hand moves of its own accord and it connects with his cheek. It’s not a slap, but a deep, treacherous hit with the heel of my hand that has him roaring in pain and taking two steps backwards. Then it happens. The emotion catches up and I lose it.
“You piece of fucking shit!” I scream so loudly I scare myself.
My body jolts out of its haze and reality sets in. My skin prickles, my heart aches, my stomach twists and my head pounds as rage and pure heartbreak mix and become lethal in my system. Marcus is holding his cheek, his eyes on the paper in my hand. His expression . . . blank.
Blank like I’ve seen so many times before.
Blank because he doesn’t . . . fucking . . . feel.
I’m a joke.
A contract.
I lift my eyes to him, and he finally meets my gaze. He’s not shocked. He’s not hurt. He’s just fucking blank. Empty fucking brown eyes. Empty fucking man.
“Is this real?”
“Katia . . .”
“God damn it, you piece of shit, is this fucking real?”
“Fuck it, Katia.”
“Don’t you fucking dare,” I scream, my entire body breaking out in trembles. “I fell in love with you, you sick bastard. Now tell me, you weak son-of-a-bitch. Grow some balls and fucking tell me.”
“Yes.”
One word crushes my soul.
I drop to the floor, the papers skidding across the tiles. My head falls into my hands and pain like I’ve never felt in my life rips through my body. I scream in pure agony. It hurts, so bad vomit rises in my throat. Every inch of my body feels like it’s being torn to pieces. Nothing. I mean nothing. It was all a lie. None of it was real.
He doesn’t love me.
I lift my head, and through trembling lips I hiss, “You sick, deranged . . .” My voice cracks, “. . . pathetic loser of a man. What the fuck is wrong with you? You destroyed me. You took my heart and you have shattered it.”
Something comes across his face, something horrific. I watch him suck any emotion he’s felt for me during the past few weeks back behind his wall of cold, heartless emotion. He’s gone. He’s fucking gone. He takes a step forward, leans down and hisses, “You didn’t think you ever fucking mattered, did you, Katia?”
And just like that, my world comes crashing down. I’m a joke. He never loved me. He never even liked me. I was just a way to keep his business. A loud, pained cry leaves my throat as I stare up at the man I gave my entire world to. That man just shattered it.
“Mattered?” I whisper. “Mattered? I never fucking mattered, I know that now, but there was a second . . . a fucking second . . . I thought something had changed.”
Something flickers across his face but he pushes it back. “You thought wrong. You’re just a name on a piece of paper to me. You stupid, stupid, naive little girl.”
Whack.
His words are like a blow to the face.
“I don’t even fuckin’ like you.”
Whack.
“You never meant a fuckin’ thing.”
Whack.
“It was all a fuckin’ act.”
Whack.
“The Whole. Fucking. Lot. A lie.”
I fall backwards, landing with my hands behind me. Intense, pure, raw heartbreak rips through my soul. My head spins, my body is numb and there’s a pain in my heart I know will never leave. He has torn a hole into my very existence, and he’s ripped me out of it, stomped on me and then tossed me back in, bloody and broken.
“Leave, Katia.”
His voice is like a whip.
“What?”
“Leave. I don’t want you here. I don’t need you here. Get the fuck out of my house.”
I see unadulterated rage in his eyes, and his jaw is so tight I know he’s clenching his teeth together. I stare at him, truly look. Such a beautiful, fucked-up man. Such a waste of perfection. I push to my feet, even though my entire body is shaking. He wants me gone. I’ll go.
“I hope it burns,” I say, taking a step back. “I hope you see my face every time you lose something in your life. I hope one day you have your heart ripped out and crushed just like you did to mine, but most of all, Marcus Tandem, I hope to God someone makes you pay.”
Then I turn, lifting my purse and walking out. I step out of his world, and in doing so I leave this Katia behind. My soul is crushed. My heart is broken. I’m pathetic, and stupid, and I don’t know if I’ll ever be the same again. Heartache is something I know will become a part of my life that I’ll never be able to shake.
He destroyed me.
Right now, I can’t even breathe. Marcus took everything I was, and he crushed it. Everything I believed in was a lie. He ruined my life. He took from me. He broke my heart. He left me this pathetic, pitiful mess. I may have made a vow before God, that I would love him and cherish him until death do we part.
It’s on the fourth page that I read something that changes my entire world. As I stare down at the words, my entire body goes numb. The hairs on the back of my neck stand up as some words flash out at me.
Business.
Needs a wife.
Within twelve months.
Loses everything if he doesn’t stay married.
My vision blurs and I know Candy is yelling something at me, but I can’t make out the words. The chair beneath my bottom moves out as I stand, numbly.
The papers are still in my hand as I stumble towards the house. My mind is swirling, my heart is pounding, but everything seems to be going in slow motion.
I reach the kitchen where I find him.
I’m still in some sort of hazy state, because my hand moves of its own accord and it connects with his cheek. It’s not a slap, but a deep, treacherous hit with the heel of my hand that has him roaring in pain and taking two steps backwards. Then it happens. The emotion catches up and I lose it.
“You piece of fucking shit!” I scream so loudly I scare myself.
My body jolts out of its haze and reality sets in. My skin prickles, my heart aches, my stomach twists and my head pounds as rage and pure heartbreak mix and become lethal in my system. Marcus is holding his cheek, his eyes on the paper in my hand. His expression . . . blank.
Blank like I’ve seen so many times before.
Blank because he doesn’t . . . fucking . . . feel.
I’m a joke.
A contract.
I lift my eyes to him, and he finally meets my gaze. He’s not shocked. He’s not hurt. He’s just fucking blank. Empty fucking brown eyes. Empty fucking man.
“Is this real?”
“Katia . . .”
“God damn it, you piece of shit, is this fucking real?”
“Fuck it, Katia.”
“Don’t you fucking dare,” I scream, my entire body breaking out in trembles. “I fell in love with you, you sick bastard. Now tell me, you weak son-of-a-bitch. Grow some balls and fucking tell me.”
“Yes.”
One word crushes my soul.
I drop to the floor, the papers skidding across the tiles. My head falls into my hands and pain like I’ve never felt in my life rips through my body. I scream in pure agony. It hurts, so bad vomit rises in my throat. Every inch of my body feels like it’s being torn to pieces. Nothing. I mean nothing. It was all a lie. None of it was real.
He doesn’t love me.
I lift my head, and through trembling lips I hiss, “You sick, deranged . . .” My voice cracks, “. . . pathetic loser of a man. What the fuck is wrong with you? You destroyed me. You took my heart and you have shattered it.”
Something comes across his face, something horrific. I watch him suck any emotion he’s felt for me during the past few weeks back behind his wall of cold, heartless emotion. He’s gone. He’s fucking gone. He takes a step forward, leans down and hisses, “You didn’t think you ever fucking mattered, did you, Katia?”
And just like that, my world comes crashing down. I’m a joke. He never loved me. He never even liked me. I was just a way to keep his business. A loud, pained cry leaves my throat as I stare up at the man I gave my entire world to. That man just shattered it.
“Mattered?” I whisper. “Mattered? I never fucking mattered, I know that now, but there was a second . . . a fucking second . . . I thought something had changed.”
Something flickers across his face but he pushes it back. “You thought wrong. You’re just a name on a piece of paper to me. You stupid, stupid, naive little girl.”
Whack.
His words are like a blow to the face.
“I don’t even fuckin’ like you.”
Whack.
“You never meant a fuckin’ thing.”
Whack.
“It was all a fuckin’ act.”
Whack.
“The Whole. Fucking. Lot. A lie.”
I fall backwards, landing with my hands behind me. Intense, pure, raw heartbreak rips through my soul. My head spins, my body is numb and there’s a pain in my heart I know will never leave. He has torn a hole into my very existence, and he’s ripped me out of it, stomped on me and then tossed me back in, bloody and broken.
“Leave, Katia.”
His voice is like a whip.
“What?”
“Leave. I don’t want you here. I don’t need you here. Get the fuck out of my house.”
I see unadulterated rage in his eyes, and his jaw is so tight I know he’s clenching his teeth together. I stare at him, truly look. Such a beautiful, fucked-up man. Such a waste of perfection. I push to my feet, even though my entire body is shaking. He wants me gone. I’ll go.
“I hope it burns,” I say, taking a step back. “I hope you see my face every time you lose something in your life. I hope one day you have your heart ripped out and crushed just like you did to mine, but most of all, Marcus Tandem, I hope to God someone makes you pay.”
Then I turn, lifting my purse and walking out. I step out of his world, and in doing so I leave this Katia behind. My soul is crushed. My heart is broken. I’m pathetic, and stupid, and I don’t know if I’ll ever be the same again. Heartache is something I know will become a part of my life that I’ll never be able to shake.
He destroyed me.
Right now, I can’t even breathe. Marcus took everything I was, and he crushed it. Everything I believed in was a lie. He ruined my life. He took from me. He broke my heart. He left me this pathetic, pitiful mess. I may have made a vow before God, that I would love him and cherish him until death do we part.
