'Til Death: Volume Two
Page 32
The room my daughter is in. The very thought of seeing her for the first time has my heart twisting painfully in my chest. What if I try with her, and fail? What if she falls in love with me, too, and I destroy her the way I destroyed Katia? What then? Where will that leave me? Where will that leave any of us?
When I reach the room, my heart is pounding and sweat is breaking out across my forehead. I close my eyes, taking a calming breath. Then I reach out and take the door handle, pushing it open.
The first thing I see is Katia. She’s leaning over the bed, singing softly. I feel like I’m going to vomit with nerves.
She shifts slightly and I suck in a broken gasp.
There, on the bed, is a tiny girl. My eyes burn as I step in closer and her face comes into view. I’ve never, I’ve never . . . I struggle to keep my breathing even. I’ve never seen something so beautiful in all my life. Dark, thick ringlets frame a soft, beautiful face. A face that’s so much like mine, yet so much like her mom’s.
I make a pained sound, and Katia turns, her eyes widening.
“Marcus,” she whispers.
I open my mouth, but nothing comes out. Katia drops our daughter’s hand and comes to me, taking mine. She slowly leads me over to where the tiny baby lies. She’s got her eyes open, and God, she’s precious. She smiles as we approach and my heart cracks open. It cracks . . .
“Marcus,” Katia whispers. “This is your daughter, Penny.”
I stare at her, unable to speak, emotions overtaking my tired, damaged body. My daughter. Mine. Ours. Perfect.
“Penny, this is your daddy.”
Daddy.
It’s as if someone has punched me in the chest.
Daddy.
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
KATIA
Marcus looks as if he’s going to pass out. He’s staring at Penny, his mouth opening and closing, his eyes red rimmed and glossy. He reaches up, running his fingers over his face, trying desperately to calm himself. Penny reaches over to the dangling gold bracelet hanging around his wrist as it passes her face.
When she catches it, he jerks and his eyes dart down to her.
She starts tugging it and he’s forced to take a step closer.
My heart breaks.
“Hi Penny,” he finally croaks, leaning down so she can pull him closer.
“You can touch her,” I whisper. “She won’t bite.”
He turns his pained brown eyes to me and we share something, something I haven’t felt since I first fell in love with him. We have a connection; something we’ve both desperately tried to fight. My heart aches to reach over and touch him, to take the pain out of his eyes. Pain I put there. Was this how he felt when I looked at him with the same pain in my eyes?
He slowly turns his face back to Penny and reaches over, stroking his fingers over her forehead. She stares up at him, still holding the chain on his wrist. He reaches up, touching her soft curls, and he makes an agonized sound deep in his throat. Tears prick my eyes and I have to try awful hard to swallow them down.
“She’s perfect,” he whispers.
“Yeah, she is.”
He leans down, brushing his lips across her forehead. She lets his bracelet go and reaches up for his hair. He smiles, showing that gorgeous dimple, and presses another kiss down, this time to her cheek. After a moment, he stands. He turns to me. “What’s going on with her?”
I gather myself and say, “The doctors thought she might have pneumonia, though since she’s been on that drip she’s perked right up. She’s smiling and showing life. They’ve done some tests, and she’s on antiviral medication, so we just have to see. They’re keeping her overnight, but it’s all looking good.”
He nods, pulling out his phone. “Ulio, yeah, I’m at the hospital. Need you to take my business dinner tonight. Can’t be there.”
I blink.
He’s staying?
“Thanks. Call me if you need.”
He hangs up, snapping back into Marcus mode and waving down a nurse. “Yes sir?” she asks.
“We’ll need two pullout beds. If you can’t fit them in here, you move us all to a bigger room. I’ll pay, no matter the cost.”
The nurse nods. “Of course, sir.”
Twenty minutes later we’re in a bigger room, with two fold-up beds laid out. Penny has fallen asleep, tucked up in her crib. She’s still coughing every half an hour, and every time she does Marcus is by her side, rubbing her chest, soothing her. My heart is breaking into a thousand tiny pieces.
“I’m just going to,” I start, but my voice wavers. “I need some fresh air.”
Marcus, who is standing by Penny’s side, looks up at me. “You doin’ okay?”
I smile weakly. “Sure.”
I’m not.
I turn and rush out of the room as the tears flood my eyes. I’m so sick of tears. So sick of crying. Why couldn’t I have found a wonderful, beautiful love that was easy? Not this. This is so fucking hard. Tears pour down my cheeks as I power down the halls, needing fresh air. The moment I burst outside, I collapse to my knees and I cry.
I cry for Penny.
I cry for Marcus.
I cry for my mom.
But most of all, I just cry for me.
~*~*~*~
It’s late, Marcus is asleep, and Penny is too. I get out of the uncomfortable hospital bed and walk over to the window, staring down at Marcus as I pass. He’s in the bed, arms up behind his head, sleeping rather soundly. I take in all his beauty and my heart aches to curl up in his arms and stay there. Fucking aches. I sit on the chair by the window and stare out at the city lights.
When I reach the room, my heart is pounding and sweat is breaking out across my forehead. I close my eyes, taking a calming breath. Then I reach out and take the door handle, pushing it open.
The first thing I see is Katia. She’s leaning over the bed, singing softly. I feel like I’m going to vomit with nerves.
She shifts slightly and I suck in a broken gasp.
There, on the bed, is a tiny girl. My eyes burn as I step in closer and her face comes into view. I’ve never, I’ve never . . . I struggle to keep my breathing even. I’ve never seen something so beautiful in all my life. Dark, thick ringlets frame a soft, beautiful face. A face that’s so much like mine, yet so much like her mom’s.
I make a pained sound, and Katia turns, her eyes widening.
“Marcus,” she whispers.
I open my mouth, but nothing comes out. Katia drops our daughter’s hand and comes to me, taking mine. She slowly leads me over to where the tiny baby lies. She’s got her eyes open, and God, she’s precious. She smiles as we approach and my heart cracks open. It cracks . . .
“Marcus,” Katia whispers. “This is your daughter, Penny.”
I stare at her, unable to speak, emotions overtaking my tired, damaged body. My daughter. Mine. Ours. Perfect.
“Penny, this is your daddy.”
Daddy.
It’s as if someone has punched me in the chest.
Daddy.
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
KATIA
Marcus looks as if he’s going to pass out. He’s staring at Penny, his mouth opening and closing, his eyes red rimmed and glossy. He reaches up, running his fingers over his face, trying desperately to calm himself. Penny reaches over to the dangling gold bracelet hanging around his wrist as it passes her face.
When she catches it, he jerks and his eyes dart down to her.
She starts tugging it and he’s forced to take a step closer.
My heart breaks.
“Hi Penny,” he finally croaks, leaning down so she can pull him closer.
“You can touch her,” I whisper. “She won’t bite.”
He turns his pained brown eyes to me and we share something, something I haven’t felt since I first fell in love with him. We have a connection; something we’ve both desperately tried to fight. My heart aches to reach over and touch him, to take the pain out of his eyes. Pain I put there. Was this how he felt when I looked at him with the same pain in my eyes?
He slowly turns his face back to Penny and reaches over, stroking his fingers over her forehead. She stares up at him, still holding the chain on his wrist. He reaches up, touching her soft curls, and he makes an agonized sound deep in his throat. Tears prick my eyes and I have to try awful hard to swallow them down.
“She’s perfect,” he whispers.
“Yeah, she is.”
He leans down, brushing his lips across her forehead. She lets his bracelet go and reaches up for his hair. He smiles, showing that gorgeous dimple, and presses another kiss down, this time to her cheek. After a moment, he stands. He turns to me. “What’s going on with her?”
I gather myself and say, “The doctors thought she might have pneumonia, though since she’s been on that drip she’s perked right up. She’s smiling and showing life. They’ve done some tests, and she’s on antiviral medication, so we just have to see. They’re keeping her overnight, but it’s all looking good.”
He nods, pulling out his phone. “Ulio, yeah, I’m at the hospital. Need you to take my business dinner tonight. Can’t be there.”
I blink.
He’s staying?
“Thanks. Call me if you need.”
He hangs up, snapping back into Marcus mode and waving down a nurse. “Yes sir?” she asks.
“We’ll need two pullout beds. If you can’t fit them in here, you move us all to a bigger room. I’ll pay, no matter the cost.”
The nurse nods. “Of course, sir.”
Twenty minutes later we’re in a bigger room, with two fold-up beds laid out. Penny has fallen asleep, tucked up in her crib. She’s still coughing every half an hour, and every time she does Marcus is by her side, rubbing her chest, soothing her. My heart is breaking into a thousand tiny pieces.
“I’m just going to,” I start, but my voice wavers. “I need some fresh air.”
Marcus, who is standing by Penny’s side, looks up at me. “You doin’ okay?”
I smile weakly. “Sure.”
I’m not.
I turn and rush out of the room as the tears flood my eyes. I’m so sick of tears. So sick of crying. Why couldn’t I have found a wonderful, beautiful love that was easy? Not this. This is so fucking hard. Tears pour down my cheeks as I power down the halls, needing fresh air. The moment I burst outside, I collapse to my knees and I cry.
I cry for Penny.
I cry for Marcus.
I cry for my mom.
But most of all, I just cry for me.
~*~*~*~
It’s late, Marcus is asleep, and Penny is too. I get out of the uncomfortable hospital bed and walk over to the window, staring down at Marcus as I pass. He’s in the bed, arms up behind his head, sleeping rather soundly. I take in all his beauty and my heart aches to curl up in his arms and stay there. Fucking aches. I sit on the chair by the window and stare out at the city lights.
